IT chanced that I, the other day,
Was sauntering up the Sacred Way,
And musing, as my habit is,
Some trivial random fantasies,
When there comes rushing up a wight
Whom only by his name I knew.
“Ha! my dear fellow, how d’ye do?”
Grasping my hand, he shouted. “Why,
As times go, pretty well,” said I;
“And you, I trust, can say the same.”
But after me as still he came,
“Sir, is there anything,” I cried,
“You want of me?” “Oh,” he replied,
“I’m just the man you ought to know:
A scholar, author!” “Is it so?
For this I’ll like you all the more!”
Then, writhing to escape the bore,
I’ll quicken now my pace, now stop,
And in my servant’s ear let drop
Some words; and all the while I feel
Bathed in cold sweat from head to heel.
“Oh, for a touch,” I moaned in pain,
“Bolanus, of the madcap vein,
To put this incubus to rout!”
As he went chattering on about
Whatever he describes or meets--
The city’s growth, its splendour, size.
“You’re dying to be off,” he cries
(For all the while I’d been stock dumb);
“I’ve seen it this half-hour. But come,
Let’s clearly understand each other;
It’s no use making all this pother.
My mind’s made up to stick by you;
So where you go, there I go too.”
“Don’t put yourself,” I answered, “pray,
So very far out of your way.
I’m on the road to see a friend
Whom you don’t know, that’s near his end,
Away beyond the Tiber far,
Close by where Cæsar’s gardens are.”
“I’ve nothing in the world to do,
And what’s a paltry mile or two?
I like it: so I’ll follow you!”
Down dropped my ears on hearing this,
Just like a vicious jackass’s,
That’s loaded heavier than he likes,
But off anew my torment strikes:
“If well I know myself, you’ll end
With making of me more a friend
Than Viscus, ay, or Varius; for,
Of verses, who can run off more,
Or run them off at such a pace?
Who dance with such distinguished grace?
And as for singing, zounds!” says he,
“Hermogenes might envy me!”
Here was an opening to break in:
“Have you a mother, father, kin,
To whom your life is precious?” “None;
I’ve closed the eyes of everyone.”
Oh, happy they, I inly groan;
Now I am left, and I alone.
Quick, quick despatch me where I stand;
Now is the direful doom at hand,
Which erst the Sabine beldam old,
Shaking her magic urn, foretold
In days when I was yet a boy:
“Him shall no poison fell destroy,
Nor hostile sword in shock of war,
Nor gout, nor colic, nor catarrh.
In fulness of time his thread
Shall by a prate-apace be shred;
So let him, when he’s twenty-one,
If he be wise, all babblers shun.”
_Quintus Horatius Flaccus Horace._