[Illustration]
Some talk of WAGNER chorus, of war's wild rataplan,
Or of the well thumped tom-tom of happy Hindustan;
But sweetest of all shindy to which man's ear may list,
Is the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
The swart-skinned Nubian's reed-pipe hath an ear-piercing note,
And you may hear mad music from 'ARRY in a boat;
But safest of all sounds to give the tympanum a twist,
Is the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
Who prates of calm Nirvana, of quietism's joys?
What are they to "Row's" Gospel, the Paradise of Noise?
Quakerian calm is obsolete, but oh! who can resist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist?
They muster in their thousands on market-place, or green,
With blatant brazen brayings, and thump of tambourine.
Are you at prayer, asleep or sick? What odds? You're forced to list
To the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
They throng with thunderous tramplings the city thoroughfare,
In rural nooks their shoutings are on the summer air;
Though sea-side peace be pleasant, its spell may not resist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
O Holy Noise! O latest and greatest of man's gods!
With common-sense at issue, with comfort at fierce odds;
Divine, of course, you _must_ be,--thrice lucky to enlist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
The Corybantic clangor was cheerful, in its way,
But Hallelujah Lasses the cymbals can outbray.
O raucous throat, O leathern lung, O big belabouring fist!
O tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
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[Illustration: SUCH AN UNEXPECTED PLEASURE!
THE GREAT ADVANTAGE OF HAVING THE ELECTRIC LIGHT "BROUGHT TO YOUR VERY
DOOR," WITHOUT ANY PREVIOUS NOTICE, ON THE IDENTICAL DAY, TOO, WHEN
YOU ARE GIVING A PARTY, AND YOUR FRIENDS WON'T BE ABLE TO GET WITHIN
SOME YARDS OF YOUR HOUSE. AND THEN, SO NICE FOR LADIES IF IT RAINS!]
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"A Nuisance! Nay, my children!" ('Tis Grandam Justice speaks.)
"Town butterflies may think so, and so may country 'beaks,'
The Oracle in Ermine declares you shan't resist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
"Traffic may he obstructed, and tympanums be rent,
The noise may torture sufferers with sickness well-nigh spent;
But these be merely trifles. Your anguish may assist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
"Our self-appointed saviours must work their noble will.
These shouters have small faith in the voice that's small and still
Blown brass and beaten parchment take heaven by storm. Then list
To the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
"The priests of Baal were noisy, but not so loud as BOOTH.
Charivari and clamour are vehicles of Truth.
At least that seems the notion on which these seers insist,
With the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
"Without such little worries the world could not get on!
That sweet thought tempts Dame Justice the bonnet brown to don,
And smite the clanging sheepskin, and aid with voice and fist
The tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
"That sick child in her chamber may press an aching head,
The mother, bowed and broken, bend deafened o'er her bed.
Regrettable, but needful, since freedom must exist
For the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!"
So Justice, in zeal's bonnet, so Jurymen in haste!
What _are_ the claims of comfort, health, common-sense or taste,
Compared with those of brainless Noise, our new evangelist,
And the tow-row, tow-row, tow-row of the loud Salvationist!
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DE LA PAST DE MLLE. SAINTE-NITOUCHE.--A demure Spinster says she is
quite against the Early Closing Movement, and hopes the shops will
keep open as late as possible. "'Early closing' means," she explains,
"'early shopping,' and I should blush to commence my rounds before the
windows are properly 'dressed.'"
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