called upon her that evening, to inquire after her health, and the
'names, ages, usual places of residence, and occupations' of her
boarders. For the best of all possible reasons, she was unable
to satisfy them on many of these points. The appearance of Mr.
Tompkins at the tavern, however, had produced a rëaction in the
opinions of the men, as that of his wife had in those of the ladies;
and he was supposed to be some greater character than a runaway
husband, a fraudulent insolvent, or a half-hanged malefactor. They
were determined to make an Æneas under a cloud out of him. One was
convinced that he was Sir Gregor McGregor; another that he was Baron
Von Hoffman, (a wandering High-Dutch adventurer, much in vogue at
that time,) and a third ventured the bold conjecture that he was
NAPOLEON himself. A rumor, then rife, that the most illustrious of
_dêtenus_ had effected his escape, gave greater accuracy to the last
surmise than to any other. Napoleon was then in ----!
The post-master advised the speculative crowd, whose imaginations
were perturbed and overwrought by this suggestion, to keep themselves
quiet and say nothing about it for the present. Letters and packages
must necessarily come to the mysterious visiter, which would be
subject to his inspection; and from the post-marks, directions, and
other indices, which long experience had taught him to understand,
he assured them that he should be able to read the riddle. By this
promise, the adult population were controlled into forbearance from
any public manifestation of astonishment. The little boys, however,
whose discretion was not so great, kept hurraing for Bonypart to a
late hour, around the widow's house; for which the biggest of them
suffered severely next morning at school; their master being what was
called an old tory.
'Days, weeks, and months, and generations (in the chronology of
curiosity) passed;' but the post-master was unable to fulfil his
promise. Nothing came to his department directed to _our_ Mr.
Tompkins; nor did that gentleman ever inquire for any letters. During
this period, which was about half a year, the daily occupations of
Mr. T. were almost uniformly the same with those mentioned in the
diary I have given. So punctual was he, that a sick lady, having
marked the precise minute at which he passed before her house, on
his return to dinner, set her watch regularly thereafter by his
appearance, and was persuaded that it kept better time than those of
her neighbors. One would have thought that she ought to have felt
grateful to the isolated stranger who thus saved her the trouble of
a solar observation; but whether it arose from the influence of the
genius of the place, the irritability of sickness, or her association
of Mr. Tompkins with ipecacuanha, certain it is, that her guesses
about his identity, and his motives for coming to that town, were of
all others the most unamiable.
I must mention, however, some of the other habits of Mr. Tompkins,
and some of the peculiarities of his character. For, though the
former were systematic, and the latter monotonous, he was yet not a
mere animated automaton; and was distinguished from other male bipeds
by certain traits, which his acutely observant neighbors of course
did not fail to note.
Neither he nor his wife ever bought any thing for which they did
not pay cash. Their purchases were few in number, and small in
amount; and they generally seemed to have exactly the requisite sum
about them, rarely requiring change, and never exhibiting any large
surplus of the circulating medium. On Sunday, unless the weather was
very bad, they attended at the Episcopal church regularly, sitting
in Mrs. Wilkins's pew; and regularly did Mr. Tompkins deposite a
sixpenny-piece in the plate which was handed round. They did not,
however, partake of the communion in that church; why, I know not.
It was in vain that Mrs. Tompkins was urged by the ladies with whom
she became acquainted, to attend religious meetings of different
kinds, held in the evening. It was also in vain that either her
husband or she was solicited to subscribe to any charity, of whatever
description. They severally answered, 'I cannot afford it,' so
naturally, that the ladies and gentlemen on the several committees
appointed by the several charitable meetings, gave them up in
despair. They rarely accepted invitations to tea-drinkings; and yet
there was nothing unsocial in their manner or conversation. They
could converse very agreeably, according to the opinions of many
of the people; and what was strange, was, that they neither talked
about scandal, religion, or politics. Sometimes they spoke of other
countries so familiarly, that the question, 'Have you ever been
there?' was naturally asked; and the answer was generally 'Yes.'
Avoiding, however, any communion other than what was inevitable,
with those who were decidedly gross and vulgar in intellect and
feeling, and forming no intimacies in the small social circle into
which they were thrown, the barrier was never passed by their
acquaintances, which precluded familiarity. The amusements of Mr.
Tompkins, other than those I have stated--to wit, walking and reading
the newspapers--were extremely limited in kind or degree, so far
as they were observed. Books of his own he had none. The widow's
collection was small: but he availed himself of it occasionally, when
smoking, or when the weather was bad. As it was more than a quarter
of a century since any of the volumes had been purchased, and they
were mostly odd ones, his studies could neither have been profound
nor extensive. He also very frequently played backgammon with an
old Danish gentleman, Mr. Hans Felburgh, who had brought his wife
from the West Indies, to reside in this village for the benefit of
her health, and had buried her there. It had been a subject of much
dispute why he remained; whether from regard to her memory, want of
funds, or because he was afraid or too lazy to go back. My readers,
I trust, are troubled with no such impertinent curiosity. No human
being can long move and live in the same society, without contracting
a preference for somebody or other; but the intercourse between these
two gentlemen arose very naturally, as they were near neighbors
and both strangers, and as the Dane was without kith or kin in the
country.
Thus, as I have said, six months passed away, and the mystery which
enshrouded Mr. Tompkins yet hung about him 'as a garment.' Curiosity,
'like the self-burning tree of Africa,' had almost consumed itself in
its own ardors; but the vital fire yet glowed under the embers. The
people had worn threadbare all the arguments on the questions who Mr.
Tompkins was, and why he did not publish to them his autobiography.
The all-absorbing topic of conversation now was, 'How did he live?
what were his resources?' He ran in debt to no one, borrowed from no
one, and kept no account in either of the four village banks; he paid
his board regularly, as was regularly ascertained from the widow,
who became indignant, however, at the frequent recurrence of the
question. The tax-gatherer in his rounds called upon him, and found
him only liable to be assessed at the same rate as those were who had
neither realty nor personalty subject to taxation.
It was now suggested, and became the current report, that Mr.
Tompkins and his wife were secretly connected with a gang of
counterfeiters, for whom they filled up bank notes, and with whom
they had means of holding clandestine intercourse. Often were they
both dogged, on their rambles, by gratuitous enthusiasts in the cause
of justice. Mrs. Tompkins was seen to stoop for some time, removing
a stone that lay under a hedge. The observer in his eagerness,
approached too incautiously, and trampled among the dry leaves. She
turned her head and saw him, and went onward, making a pretext of
pulling up a handful of violets. Nothing was to be found under the
stone, or near it; but there could have been but little doubt, it
was supposed, that she had intended to deposite counterfeit bank
notes, where her accomplices knew how to find them. Mr. Tompkins was
observed in his morning walks, to stop occasionally to talk to some
very poor people, who lived in the outskirts of the village, and even
occasionally to enter their ricketty and tumble-down habitations.
Many inquiries were of course made of them, both in an insinuating
and a fulminating tone, as to the object of Mr. Tompkins's visits,
and the purport of his communications. But these virtuous, though
impecunious democrats, made no other reply, than that Mr. Tompkins
was a good man, and a better man than those who came to examine them;
and, when threatened, they stood upon their integrity as individuals,
and their rights as free citizens, and contrived to empty their tubs
and kettles 'convenient,' as the Irish say, to the ankles of the
questioners.
But now an event occurred--or rather seemed likely to occur. One
afternoon, a horseman, dusty with travel, rode up to the tavern, and
having alighted, inquired if a Mr. Tompkins lived in that town. Now
there was also a shoe-maker of that name who had long dwelt there.
But when the stranger added, that the person he sought for could
not long have been a resident, all doubts vanished. Between their
impatience, however, to assure him he had come to the right place,
and uneasiness to get out of him the facts which were to explain the
mystery, the dusty traveller had much difficulty in obtaining answers
to his first question, and to his second, 'where Tompkins lived?'
All the information he gave, in exchange for that which he received,
was, that he had business with the gentleman. He also asked, where
he could find the nearest justice of the peace? A bandy-legged
individual, with a hump-back, and a strange obliquity in both his
eyes, who was drinking beer, came forward immediately, and said _he_
was the 'squire. The traveller looked as if he thought the people
had a strange taste in selecting their magistrates; but, telling the
crooked functionary that he might have occasion to call on him in a
short time, set forth in the direction indicated to him, to find the
person he was in search of.
He marched at a round pace; but not so fast that others were not on
the ground before him. Several persons who had heard what had passed,
scudded off in different ways for the same point, announcing as
they ran, in half-breathless accents, to every one they met, that a
sheriff had come for Mr. Tompkins. A party kept at no great distance
behind the stranger, among whom was the justice himself, who seemed
disposed not to be out of the way, should his services be demanded.
As Mr. Tompkins, who was sitting in the porch of the widow's house,
reading a volume of the Gentleman's Magazine for 1749, and had just
exhaled a cloud of many-colored smoke, was watching the delicate
spiral curve of sapphire hue, which did not intermingle with the
other vapor, but wound through it like the Jordan through the Dead
Sea, (to give the _coup de grace_ to a figure worn to tatters, and
beggarly tatters too,) I say, as Mr. Tompkins lifted up his eyes and
beheld the prospect before him, he was aware of a man in riding trim,
lifting the latch of the widow's little court-yard; behind whom a
small crowd, headed by the cross-eyed and cross-legged Coke of the
parish, advanced in a huddle, all earnestly gazing upon himself. And,
glancing around, through the rose-bushes, lilac-trees, and pales
which surrounded the modest enclosure in which he was ensconced, he
beheld, peeping and chuckling, the quaint and dirty faces of divers
boys and girls, with dishevelled hair and goblin expressions; and he
marvelled what in the world was the matter.
The stranger entered the court-yard, and touching his hat
respectfully, asked if Mr. Tompkins was at home?
'That is my name, Sir,' said the gentleman.
'I beg your pardon, Sir,' said the stranger. 'I have been mistaken. I
was looking for another gentleman.'
So saying, he again touched his hat, and retired, looking rather
surlily upon the people who gathered round him, and followed in a
cluster his retiring footsteps. My tale does not lead me to tell how
he got along with them, nor do I know more than what I have heard,
which was, that having proceeded a little distance, and feeling them
treading upon his heels, he got upon a stump, and looking around him,
asked if the place was a Sodom or Gomorrah, that a Christian man,
dressed like themselves, could not come into it without being mobbed
in that manner? Upon which he marched on at a quicker step, some of
the men shouting, and a few of the little boys following and throwing
stones after him, till he remounted his horse; and mingling with the
clatter of the charger's retiring hoofs was heard the rider's hoarse
and coarse malison upon the town, and all the people that lived in it!
----'But with Mr. Tompkins
Abides the minstrel tale.'
'Time rolled his ceaseless course,' as he does now while I write;
and I shall record but one more anecdote, being an incident which
happened several months after that last mentioned.
A fondness for getting up charitable societies had always prevailed,
to a greater or less extent, in this village. But at this particular
time it became a _rage_, in consequence of the organization in
larger towns of associations on a grand scale; the notices of whose
meetings, with the names of the several official dignitaries, as
published in the newspapers, inflamed the ambition of the country
folks. A society for the Suppression of Pauperism was immediately
formed. Under its auspices, at the same time, was organized a society
for the relief of the poor and destitute; and, subsidiary to the
latter, an auxiliary branch was instituted, for the purpose of
seeking out and examining the condition of such poor and destitute
people, with a view of reporting their cases to the parent society.
The executive committee of the auxiliary branch consisted of four
ladies and three gentlemen; who met twice a week regularly, with the
power of calling extra meetings, for the purpose of reporting and
consulting.
It was certainly most unfortunate that a system so complicated and so
admirable should be framed, without any subjects being found to try
it upon. It was like a fine new mill, with a double run of stones,
without any grist to be ground in it. The executive committee were
not inactive; but, strange to relate, unless they patronised some of
the members of one or all of the three societies, thus compacted like
Chinese boxes, there was never a soul in the place upon the causes
and actual extent of whose poverty and destitution they could report,
without going to the gentiles whom I have mentioned before, who lived
in the crazy and deciduous tenements in the outskirts.
To them, however, the three gentlemen, urged partly by their zeal in
the cause, and partly by some sly intimations from the four ladies,
that they were afraid of receiving injury to their clothes or to
their persons, were induced to repair. Their mission was fruitless
enough. While they were talking to some of the members of this small
Alsatia below, others from above contrived accidentally to administer
libations of ancient soap-suds and dish-water to the philanthropists,
which sent them back in no amiable mood, and in a pickle by no means
prepossessing, to report to the executive committee of the auxiliary
branch.
What was to be done? It was necessary that some report should be
made, which, having been approved by the branch and the parent
institution, and laid by them before the Pauperism Society of the
village, might be transmitted to the great Metropolitan Branch of the
General State Association. The grand anniversary was approaching;
and what a contemptible figure their returns would make. Under these
circumstances Miss Cross called an extra meeting of the executive
committee.
I do not intend to report the proceedings of this illustrious
delegation, but merely the upshot of them. They actually appointed
a sub-committee, consisting of Miss Cross, who was all of six feet
high, and a pot-bellied tinman who was only four feet eleven, to
wait upon Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins; and to inform them, in a delicate
way, that the auxiliary branch had viewed with satisfaction their
efforts to maintain a decent appearance, and had taken into very
particular consideration the causes of their poverty, and the mode
of applying suitable relief. It was well known, the committee were
instructed to say, that they were destitute people, because nobody
wrote to them, and it was a universal subject of wonder how they
lived. They were growing paler and thinner under the influence of
hope deferred, or more probably of no hope at all; and if they would
quit Mrs. Wilkins's, whose charge for board was too high, they might
yet have bright and pleasant days before them, under the patronage of
the society. They might lodge with the aunt of Miss Cross, who had
a nice room in her garret, and took as boarders half a dozen of the
cabinet-maker's apprentices. Mrs. Tompkins could improve her time by
washing and ironing; and something might be done for her husband, in
the way of getting him accounts to cast up for grocers, running about
to collect them, dunning, etc.
So Miss Cross and the tinman went the next afternoon; and, I believe,
that with all the importance they assumed or felt, as members of the
auxiliary branch, there was a little hesitation in their entrance
into the demesne of Mrs. Wilkins. At any rate, I know, that in
mounting the three steps before the door, Miss Cross, by a twitch of
her foot, either nervous or accidental, kicked her colleague, who was
behind her, on his back, or some other part; and set him a rolling
with such emphasis, that he found it troublesome to stand up again
fairly; or, indeed, to know the four points of the compass.
Mr. Tompkins was playing backgammon with his Danish friend, when his
wife opened the door suddenly, with her face flushed, and said, 'My
dear, here are a lady and gentleman, who wish to inquire into the
causes of our poverty, and the means of relieving it.' She laughed
as she spoke, but as she turned away and went up stairs, cried
hysterically.
Mr. Tompkins, who had a man taken up, as the phrase is, and had
just thrown doublets of the very point in which he could not enter,
rose, and issued forth to talk to the sub-committee. I believe, most
devoutly, that he was an amiable man; and as to the vulgar practice
of profane swearing, I do not think he ever had indulged in it before
in his life. But when he discharged this sub-committee, I am credibly
informed, that he availed himself of as round and overwhelming a
volley of blasphemy as ever was heard on board a man-of-war. I hope
it has been pardoned him, among his other transgressions.
Time rolled on, and five years had passed away since the arrival of
Mr. Tompkins and his wife at ----. Curiosity as to them had become
superstition; though the vulgar imaginations of the mechanical
_bourgeois_ of the village had not enabled them to conjure up any
spirit or demon, by whose assistance this inoffensive couple were
enabled to exist without getting into debt. No letters had come,
during all this period, through the hands of the conscientious and
intelligent post-master. No deposite had been made by Mr. Tompkins
in any one of the four banks; nor, to the best of my knowledge and
belief, had he ever seen the inside of either of them; for he never
went to a place where he had no business to transact, or was not
required by courtesy to go.
Death!--which we must all expect, and meet as we can--Death came, and
makes tragical the end of a narrative which I have written, perhaps,
in a strain of too much levity. A fever, occasioned probably by local
influences, seized Mrs. Tompkins, and after a few days' illness,
unexpectedly even to the doctor, she died. Such was the fact; and if
I had all the particulars, I know not why they should be given. It is
hard, however, to realize that any body is dead, with whom we have
long associated; still harder, if we have dearly loved the friend who
has gone before us. I suppose this was the case with Mr. Tompkins,
who did not long wear his widower's weeds. He died too, only eight
weeks afterward.
He followed his wife to the grave, leaning on the arm of his friend,
the Dane--for I may be allowed to call him his friend, as he had no
other--and shed no tears that any body saw. His habits of life were
ostensibly the same as before. He took his morning's walk, and his
afternoon's walk, although he had no wife to accompany him then. He
caused a plain white marble tomb-stone to be erected at the head of
her grave, on which was simply inscribed, 'SUSAN TOMPKINS: Died in
the 49th year of her age.' A fever of the same type with that which
carried off his wife, seized him, and he died as I have already
mentioned.
There is no difficulty in getting up a funeral procession in such
country places. Those who would have cheerfully consigned their own
blood connexions to Don Pedro or the Dey of Algiers, while living,
will make it a matter of business to follow any body's corpse to its
last home: and there is no religion, sentimentality, or poetical
superstition, in their so doing. It is a mere way they have.
Therefore there was no lack of people to make up a procession,
either at the funeral of Mrs. Tompkins or of her husband. There was
a group of rather ragged-looking people, men, women, and children,
who remained after the crowd had gone away, near the graves on both
occasions. They had reason to cry, as they honestly did, for the loss
of those who had been kind to them.
It was a strange circumstance, but it was actually true, that when
Mrs. Wilkins, under Mr. Felburgh's inspection, came to settle up what
was due for the funeral expenses of Mr. Tompkins, and to herself,
they found exactly the amount required, and neither a cent more nor
less. What papers he might have burned after his wife's death I know
not; but the lady and gentleman above-mentioned, who acted as his
legatees, did not find the smallest memorandum or scrap of paper left
by him. The wardrobe of both husband and wife was not extensive, and
the trunks containing their wearing apparel were preserved inviolate
by the respectable Mrs. Wilkins. She has since died. Mr. Felburgh
went shortly after Mr. Tompkins's death to Denmark. If any private
revelations were made to him, he has never divulged them, and I
know he never will. When I saw him in Copenhagen, in the summer of
1826, I did not think he looked like a man who was to stay much
longer in this world of care. He had not any thing to trouble him
particularly, that I know of; except that he had nobody to inherit
his property, and that was not much.
There was another strange circumstance, which I must not pass over. A
few weeks after Mr. Tompkins was buried, a plain tomb-stone, shaped
exactly like that which had been erected by his order over his wife,
appeared at the head of his grave; and on it was inscribed, 'HUGH
TOMPKINS: Died in the 58th year of his age.' Who put it up, no one
could tell, nor is it known to this day.
The burying-ground is as forlorn a place as can well be imagined.
There is only a ragged fence around it, and nothing but rank common
grass, dandelions, and white-weed grow in it. There is nothing
picturesque in or about it; and a Paris belle would rather never die
at all, than be stowed into such vile sepulchral accommodations.
These are all the facts in my knowledge, relating to my hero and
heroine, as to whom and whose resources curiosity is yet so lively,
in the village which I have referred to, but not named, in order to
avoid scandal.
'The annals of the human race,
Its records since the world began,
Of them afford no other trace
Than this--there lived a man'
and his wife, whose name was Tompkins.
I superscribe my story 'A Simple Tale,' and 'simply,' as Sir Andrew
Aguecheek has it, I believe it is such. It can possess no interest
save from the mystery which hangs over its subjects; no pathos,
except from their loneliness on the earth, into whose common bosom
they have been consigned, leaving only such frail memorials behind
them as their laconic epitaphs and this evanescent legend.
FOOTNOTE: