[109] _Apprehendens ipsum, revolvit super ejus genua; erat enim valdè
fortis. Elevatis itaque pannis, quia ille Minister contrà sanctum
Dei tabernaculum locutus fuerat, cœpit cum palmis percutere super
quadrata tabernacula, quæ erant nuda, non enim habebat femoralia vel
antiphonam; & quia ipse infamare voluerat beatam Virginem, allegando
forsitan Aristotelem in Libro Priorum, iste Prædicator illum
confutavit legendo in libro ejus Posteriorum: de hoc autem omnes qui
aderant, gaudebant. Tunc exclamavit quædam devota mulier, dicens,
Domine Prædicator, detis ei alias quatuor palmatas pro me; & alia
postmodum dixit, detis ei etiam quatuor; sicque multæ aliæ rogabant;
ità quòd si illarum petitionibus satisfacere voluisset, per totum
diem aliud facere non potuisset._----In Opere Mariali, _Serm. viii._
de Conceptione Beatæ Virginis, _circ. fin._
[110] There prevails, as may have been perceived, a kind of
competition between the Abbé Boileau and me, who shall find out
the best story, which is extremely for the benefit of the Reader.
However, the story above quoted from Bernardinus _de Bustis_, with
which we are supplied by the Abbé’s book, is so good in itself, so
full of Attic salt, so well in the true Monkish style, that I despair
of producing any thing that can match it. I will try, therefore, to
make up in number what I may want in point of intrinsic merit; and,
instead of one story, I will relate two; which, that I may keep as
near to my model as may be (for here it inspires me with uncommon
emulation) will both have Friars for their object, and be of the same
turn with the above.
The first is contained in the book of the _Apologie pour Hérodote_,
the Author of which says he heard it from a Gentlewoman of Lorrain,
who had been an eye-witness to it. A Monk, one day, preached in a
Country Church, upon the subject of Hell. He took much pains to
inspire his Congregation with a great aversion for the place, and
made as frightful a description of it as he could; but now and then,
pretending that proper expressions failed him, he stopped suddenly,
and then exclaimed,--In short, Hell is as horrid as the breech of the
Bell-ringer of the Parish; which saying, he uncovered the posteriors
of the latter, who had placed himself there for that purpose, and
had agreed with the Friar to act that farce with him.
The second story I propose to relate, which I do not remember where I
have read, perhaps in the same book above quoted, is that of another
jolly Predicant Friar, who laid a wager he would make one half of
his Congregation laugh, and the other cry. As for making his hearers
cry, it was what he had often succeeded in doing, being a very good
preacher. On the appointed day, he accordingly came to Church,
provided with an excellent Sermon, with that, of his stock, which he
knew was most likely to produce the desired effect, and he presently
after began reciting it; for they never read their Sermons. But,
before I proceed farther, I must inform the Reader that the pulpit in
which he preached, stood in the middle of the Church; and, besides
leaving the door behind him open, he had found means to adjust his
gown and breeches in such a manner, that he might let the latter
fall down whenever he pleased. When he had gone through the greater
part of his preaching, and his hearers were very near being in the
necessary disposition to make him win one half of the wager, he, on a
sudden, let his breeches drop upon his heels, and exhibited, to use
the expression of Bernardinus _de Bustis_, his square tabernacles to
the full view of that part of the Congregation who were seated behind
the pulpit. With respect to him, however, pretending to perceive
nothing of the matter, and to be wholly taken up with his Sermon,
he went on with it as before: and as he had now reached the latter
part of it, consequently that which contained his most interesting
descriptions as well as strongest arguments, he exerted so much
eloquence in it, and such a power of declamation, that that part of
the Congregation who were placed in front of the pulpit, were really
melting in tears, while those who sat behind, minding less what
they heard than what they saw, were in a situation of mind quite
different; and it is needless to say that the Friar won the wager.
To the above stories a number of others of the same kind might be
added; which, though it might be a hard matter to vouch for their
truth, yet are related by different Authors in a very serious manner,
and such as shews that they hoped their accounts would be believed.
Thus, the Author of the _Apologie pour Hérodote_, says he had heard
the story he mentions, from a person who had been an eye-witness
to it. And Bernardinus _de Bustis_, not only pretends he greatly
approves the fact he relates, which he represents as having been
peculiarly agreeable to the Virgin, but has moreover inserted it in a
Sermon which he published, and dedicated to a Pope.
From the above stories, as well as from many others related in the
same manner, we are therefore at least to conclude, that they bear
great resemblance to a number of facts which commonly happened in
the times of the Authors who relate them; and we may thence admire
the singular licence of manners which prevailed among Monks and the
Clergy in general, during a certain period of time: a licence which
we find to have especially obtained when, being the dominant, or
rather the sole Christian Church that existed, they were without
rivals or competitors; and it may really be said, that the event of
the Reformation proved, in several respects, as much a reformation
for them, as for those who expressly adopted it.