FORGIVENESS THE FIRST LESSON
"That kiss, sweetest," said Revere, gravely, as they walked up the
hill, "has made the ship immortal in my heart. It shall stand until it
falls away. I was sent here by the government to sell the ship. It was
to be destroyed."
"Oh, Richard!" she cried in sudden anxiety and alarm at his words.
"Nay, love; say nothing of it to any one. It shall not be."
"Who will prevent it?"
"I."
"You! But how?"
"I shall buy it myself and let it stand as long as it will."
"How good you are!" she exclaimed, greatly relieved. "But, Dick, are
you rich enough to buy a whole ship yourself?"
"My darling," he answered, "since you kissed me I think I have the
mines of Golconda at my command."
"Ah, but kisses won't buy ships," returned the wise maiden.
"Seriously, Richard?"
"Seriously, dearest, I suppose I am rich enough to buy anything I
want; that is, anything in reason that is buyable. No fortune could
put a price upon you, I am afraid."
"Nonsense, Dick!" said the girl. "Are you as rich as that?"
"I am of the opinion that I am," he said, somewhat reluctantly; he
could not exactly comprehend why. "Does it disappoint you?"
"No, I believe not," she answered, doubtfully. "I never dreamed of
such a thing, I'll admit. I always thought we would have a little
cottage somewhere----"
"We?" joyfully.
"Of course. We. I was waiting for you, you know."
"Well, dearest, I hope you will become accustomed to something larger
than a cottage. Money has some advantages, you know."
"I doubt not I shall if you will teach me. Oh, Dick, I am so happy! I
feel so sorry for that other girl."
"What other girl?" he asked, faintly conscience-smitten.
"Josephine, you know. The girl you saved."
Her words struck him like a blow. They brought him to himself. He had
to tell her the truth. They were by this time sitting side by side on
the gun-carriage on the little platform overlooking the brow of the
hill.
"Emily, dearest," said Revere, desperately. He hated to do it; he told
himself that he was a fool to say anything, yet her presence and her
trust compelled him. "I have something to confess to you. I cannot
allow a shadow of deceit to rest on our happiness this heavenly night,
and even though it hurts you----"
"Tell me, Dick," she said, as he lingered, reluctant to speak,
"whatever it may be. I think I have had happiness enough to last a
lifetime as it is; and you love me, don't you? It is not that you do
not?"
"Love you? I worship you!"
"Then nothing can matter much," she interrupted.
"But I must say it," he persevered; "I am--I was engaged to marry----"
"Josephine?" a note of terror in the exclamation.
"Yes," with great contrition.
There was a long silence. The girl shrank away from him. She hid her
face in her hands, but she did not weep. That would come later. Was
she not to be happy, after all?
He felt so guilty and conscience-stricken that he made no attempt to
restrain her movement of avoidance, although he longed to take her in
his arms again.
"Oh, Richard, how could you?" she said at last, the misery and
reproach in her voice cutting him to the heart.
"I could not help it."
It was the old answer that seems so weak, so futile, so foolish, and
yet the only answer that could be given; a vague reply, and yet she
comprehended.
"I've been a mean coward," he exclaimed. "But at least I love you, and
I could not help it."
"Yes, I believe that--that you love me, I mean,--but you could have
helped it," she answered, faintly.
"Well, I ought to have helped it," he admitted, in honest misery; "but
I love you, and before you it was hard to be silent."
"But you loved the other girl before?"
"No, never, I swear to you!"
"Look me in the face, Richard."
She turned him about in the moonlight and gazed at him keenly,
passionately, hungrily almost. He met her glance undaunted. The
incubus of the secret was lifted from him--he was another man, even
though still bound.
"Emily, I swear to you that my heart has never beat quicker at the
thought of her since I have known her. Believe that."
"Yes, I do believe," said the girl, trustingly, at last.
"It is true, and you may. It was an engagement entered into as a sort
of family affair, and I never cared anything about it one way or the
other. I thought it would be rather pleasant----"
"Is that all?"
"Yes, on my honor, until I met you; and then I knew it could never
be."
"You said you _were_ engaged to her, Richard. What do you mean by
that?"
"As soon as I could after I had spoken to you this afternoon I wrote
to her, telling her the truth about my love for you and giving her a
chance to break the engagement."
"Where is the letter?"
"It is gone."
"Suppose she will not break it?"
"She will, of course."
"Dick, I know that she loves you. I know she won't give you up. Oh, my
heart is breaking!"
"Nonsense; she doesn't love me at all!"
"No woman could help it who knew you as I do," decidedly.
"No one knows me as you do, dearest. To no one have I ever shown my
heart, myself, as I have shown them to you. She must give me up; she
shall! I tell you I will marry no woman but you, no matter what
happens!"
"And I, Dick, will marry no one but you. But, oh, the pity of it! Why
didn't I know you before?"
"But you believe me, don't you, that I love you, only you?"
"Yes, yes, I believe," mournfully.
"And you will trust me?"
"Yes, I suppose I will have to trust you," she answered.
"But you won't do that merely because you have to, will you?" pleaded
the young man, coming nearer to her.
"No," she said at last, faintly. "I will trust you because I--I love
you."
He suddenly swept her to his breast again and kissed her once more.
But she did not return his kiss, and immediately thrust him away from
her.
"Please do not do that again, Richard; at least not yet," she
murmured, as she resolutely disengaged herself from his embrace. "Poor
girl! you don't love her. And now good-night. I must think--it's all
so strange--I don't know. We will talk over what is best in the
morning."
"But you love me still? You won't let this make any difference, will
you?" he pleaded, in deadly anxiety, stretching out his hands to her.
"It won't make any difference in my love,--nothing will ever change
that," she answered, sadly; "but it makes a great difference in my
happiness."
Poor Emily! she was just learning that the beginning of a woman's love
is forgiveness.
In the oldest of Books is written, "It is not good that man should be
alone," and the saying is as true as it is ancient. The human being
who looks at things through but one pair of eyes--his own--is apt to
receive distorted impressions, to see strange visions, and to dream
fearful dreams.
To be solitary is to go mad. Society is the preserver and promoter of
intelligence and all the virtues; alas! of many of the vices as well.
Men--ay, and women, too--have tried to dispense with humanity, seeking
something higher. They have withdrawn themselves from the world a
while, and, far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife, in the vast
expanse of some limitless desert, or upon some rough-ribbed Sinai's
rocky crest, in seclusion from the sound of tongues and the war of
men, have sought to draw near to God.
And they have not found Him. Rather Satan has entered into them and
they have become victims of diabolic obsession. For God is in the
people. The human touch conveys the divine. The attrition of men is
the outward force that makes character. Life is to fit in and be a
part of daily duty among common men. So other and higher life is won.
Barry was a man, alone,--a madman now. Revere had added the finishing
touch by breaking in upon the man's solitude. The admiral was becoming
only a daily duty to the sailor. Habit had almost encysted his
affection for his superior. As Emily had approached womanhood she had
drawn away from Barry. He worshipped her from a greater and greater
distance, constantly increasing. And now that she loved one of her own
age and her own class, the old man felt that she had almost vanished
from his sight. The last link that held him in touch with humanity was
breaking. Should he not strike while there was time? Love was not for
him, but hate is everybody's. He should claim his portion.
The rotting ship was his mountain, his desert, his hermitage. Its
bare, gaunt timbers were his horizon. He looked, he listened, he read
again the letters, he agonized, he broke, and was lost. And when the
devil came to him, under the guise of good to be accomplished, he
found a place ready, swept and garnished for him.
Oh, poor, blind, possessed old sailor!