_How a Citizen went to a Bawdy-House for a Whore, and the Bawd helpt
him to his own Wife._
A Certain Citizen in _London_, in the late times had a very fine Woman to
his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she
might have deserved the first rank among Women: But Lust had so great an
Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong
desires to the Delights of _Venus_: And therefore having Communicated her
Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the
Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both Sexes, she told her that for a
Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she
might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both
receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first
Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten
Shillings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will
very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the
House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she
cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport
therewith.
To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:
_I have as genteel a House as most in _London_, with several Chambers very
well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a
Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a
mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as
in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and
every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in
the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they
please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to
her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this
means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the
Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd._
But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant
Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do,
that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied
the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and
so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have
their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he
knows her hour, he will come accordingly.--Now you your self can best judge
what hour will be fittest for you--That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says
she.--Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll
tell you what you shall do--Why, says she, many times I rise at five a
Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to
the Lecture at St. _Antholines_, which is done a little before Eight, and
then I return home; and at Ten--Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more;
There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and
therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the
only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at
home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a
Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's
contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and
Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time
went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very
well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than
she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one
morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he
follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she
going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a
mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame
himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.
All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the
Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person
that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she
not only satisfied her Lustful Desires, but was supplied with Money
likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him
more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought
himself as happy in her, as any Man in _London_ was in a Wife: So true is
that Proverb, Than _What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not_.
But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this,
tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since
this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty
having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with
an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was
absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the
Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and
she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon
which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her.
The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just
Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that
suffer'd most by this new _Interloper_; which rendered her so Malicious,
that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart
shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the
following Letter to her Husband.