_I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing
cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, to see so
much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to
make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet
with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married,
depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a
Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam,
we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as
it will, there's no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This,
Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to
the end of your Creation, if you don't find out ways to supply that defect
and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under.
I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the
Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and
all he has to serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that
compassion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to
bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction
which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too
impotent to give you._
The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she
was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she
acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make
use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and
Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of
his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him
any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to
manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to
Miscarry in the Attempts.
The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention'd the
Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much
insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which
gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the
Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, she could not think it was
any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which
he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore
if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily
forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of
your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old
men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others
should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie,
leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of
_Argus_, we'll deceive him.
The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And
therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who
told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion for
her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by the
door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out
of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert the
measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This
being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that
Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a
prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself to the
best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when
he should see her.
The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing
that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore
Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him,
and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her
part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those
Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place
would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to
quench their mutual Flames.
But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by
the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He
saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the
Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he passed by at his Ladies
Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something
more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which
gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the
Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd,
he seem'd more fond and good humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who
on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd
meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a
strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie:
Who the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of
Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate
his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it
ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his
Business wou'd permit him.
He cou'd not have said any thing to's Wife that wou'd have pleas'd her
better, and 'twas with some uneasiness that she conceal'd her Joy from
being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she told
him she shou'd think each day a year till his return, and then she kist him
with so much seeming Passion, that she was like to have spoil'd all, and
had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts of his
pretended Journey.
The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, who
was very well pleas'd therewith: and promis'd to give notice to her
_Inamorato_, who was equally pleas'd with the expectation he had of his
near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to their
hearts desire.
The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very Early in
the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses on both
sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two out of Town,
to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses and Servants,
and in the Evening return'd privately to his own House.
The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was gone
out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the Evening
to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, before the
Door, till such a time as he should be call'd in: Which he promis'd
faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly.
The Lady had made all things ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a
Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous
Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had been
concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected Gallant walk
to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and finding such a
Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to entertain him; and
therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the meaning of those
Preparations, and who that Banquet was design'd for? The young Lady,
surpriz'd and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, was at a Loss
what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as she could, told
him that she was resolv'd to surprize him, as well as he was to surprize
her; for being inform'd that he had chang'd his mind, and was returning
home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that banquet to surprize
him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible as it seem'd, he was
sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her by the Shoulder, he
with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou Disloyal Strumpet: it is
not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy Turn; I am not to be
deceiv'd; I saw that Lustful Leacher walking at the Door for whom this
Banquet was prepar'd; and had I but been Arm'd, I would have given him
another sort of Entertainment than that which you design'd him; But since
your Lust's so hot, I'll see if I can't cure it; and with that he dragg'd
her out of doors, and stripp'd her Naked, and so led her into a Pond he had
within his Yard; and there he ty'd her fast unto a Post which was plac'd in
the midst of it; telling her that by to morrow-morning he hop'd she wou'd
be something cooler; whilst she in vain protests her Innocency, and
intreats him to release her. And having left her in this cold Condition,
Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and taking all the Keys into his
own Possession, he repairs to Bed.
Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the Door, and
wondring that he wan't admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to know the reason
of it; She was as much concern'd at it as he; but having had a Key from the
young lady, by which she might at any time come in at the back-Door,
desir'd him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to see what was the
matter: And having open'd the back Gate which led into the Court where the
Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in the same Station as her
Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a low voice, enquired into
the cause of her Calamity.
O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin'd me for ever, your Cursed Counsel
has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and misery it has
already expos'd me; And what the end will be, I know not. Why, said the
Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some other than he
which I design'd to help you to.--No, no, reply'd the Lady, I had prepar'd
for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have call'd him in, my
Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris'd me. And seeing the Banquet I had
made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me thus
barbarously--Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; you shall
be even with him still, and if you'll but be ruled by me, the Jealous
Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your Spark is at
my House waiting for my Return. I'll take your place, and you shall put my
Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of Loves Enjoyments,
and then return again to me.
The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, and
her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was feizable,
she took the offer'd Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon stript herself,
and releas'd the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, whilst she went
forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her Gallant, who at first
by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well pleas'd to find himself
mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time;
and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance
they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went
more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the
old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife,
for her making him a Cuckold; resolved to punish her farther, and so rises
out of his Bed, and goes down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her
a thousand Whores and Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner
without a Smock to your Arse, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose
that you might be a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain'd you as well as
any Lady in the Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you
impudent Strumpet? Tell me, who was it that advis'd you to this wickedness?
The Old Bawd to whom all this was spoken (tho' he thought it had been to
his Wife) durst not reply one word; and resolv'd, whatever he said, she
wou'd not answer him; which so much enrag'd him, that he said, What! Am I
not worth an Answer then? I'll make you an Example to all Whores that abuse
their Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her,
and cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he,
take that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said
that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a
miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having
satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return'd to
the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen'd since
her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb'd than even the Bawd her
self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her bloody Husband:
But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, documents her thus: 'Tis true, says
she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but since that is now too
late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing could have fallen out
more happily for you, if you will follow my direction; which is, That as
soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low Voice of the Cruelty of your
Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste and Innocent Wife, in so
shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, & defacing your Beauty: And
then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above that are Protectors of Chastity,
that they wou'd miraculously restore your Nose and Beauty again; and soon
after, break out into Thanksgivings for having your Nose restored; and this
will pass for a Miracle, and so Vindicate your Innocency that you will
never more be suspected. And I hope you will make me amends for what I have
suffer'd for you. This the young Lady faithfully promis'd; and so the Bawd
went home to provide for her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty'd as she
was at first by her Husband.
The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, fetching a
great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful Lamentation,--_O unhappy Woman!
unhappy above all Women! Unhappy in having without cause lost the Love of a
Husband in whom I had plac'd all my Happiness! Unhappy in having my
Reputation taken away by him, and Unhappy in being us'd more barbarously
and Ignominiously by him, than if I were a Common Whore! To have my Nose
thus cut off, and my Beauty defac'd, and all this without Cause; what can
be more barbarously Cruel in him, or render me more miserable! But O ye
Heavenly Powers,_ (added she in a higher Tone, that her Husband might hear
her, which he also did) _if such Powers there be, that are the Protectors
of Chastity, and Vindicators of Innocence, Look down on me, whose Innocence
you know, and hear my Prayers; If I have deviated from the strictest Rules
of Vertue and of Honour, and Violated in the least the marriage Bond that I
have enter'd into; let all your Direful Vengeance fall upon me. But if I
have kept my Chastity inviolate, and never wrong'd my Husbands Bed so much
as in a thought, let my Disfigur'd Face be healed again, and my lost Beauty
and dismembered Nose, which has been taken from me so unjustly, be both
restored again, as a convincing Testimony of my Innocency._
Having ended her Prayer, she stood silent for about half a Quarter of an
Hour; and then, as tho' her Nose had been miraculously reunited to her Face
again, she with a loud Voice broke forth into these Expressions: _O ye
Immortal Powers that knew my spotless and Immaculate (tho Suffering)
Chastity, and have so eminently now rewarded it, accept my Hearty and my
Humble Thanks: For by this Miracle that you have wrought for me, my Husband
surely will believe my Innocency; and I am glad I shall be able at the
Expence of so much blood, and so much Pain and Misery, to let him know how
much he has wrong'd me, and how much I love him: Yes, O ye Powers above,
that have so wonderfully clear'd my Innocency, I do appeal to you how much
I love him, notwithstanding all his Cruelty; for which, O ye Immortal
Powers, I humbly invocate your gracious Pardon, because he did it through
an Excess of Rage, to one whom he Imagin'd had been false._--And then
raising her Voice much higher, she call'd out to her Husband, saying. _Come
down, my Dearest Love, and see and be convinc'd how much you've wronged
your Chaste and Loyal Wife._
The old Gentleman, that lay awake in his Bed and had hear'd all this, knew
not what to think of it: He was sure he had cut off her Nose, and flung it
at her Face, but had not faith enough to think it was set on again; and
therefore thought it was some Trick to be releas'd: However, since she
call'd to him to see and be convinc'd, he was resolv'd to know the Truth of
it, and therefore rising up, and lighting of a Candle, he came down stairs
and went straight to his Wife, and looking on her very earnestly, he sees
her Face was whole and sound; at which he was so much confounded and
amaz'd, that he began to fear lest Heaven, that had shew'd such a miracle
in healing her, shou'd pour its Vengeance down upon his Head, for his
detested rashness and his barbarous Cruelty; and therefore sets her loose
immediately, and presently conveying her to Bed, _O thou that art all
Goodness and all Innocence_ (said the transported Cuckold) _can'st thou
forgive one that has wronged thee at that rate that I have done?_ _Yes, my
dear Husband_ (answer'd the cunning Whore) _Since Heaven has heard my
Prayer and clear'd my Innocence, I forgive all the World, but thee
especially._ And thereupon her Husband made a solemn Protestation, That he
wou'd never more be Jealous of his Wife, let her do what she would.
Thus you see how by the Cunning Contrivance of an Old Bawd, a young Lady
was made a Whore, and an old Dotard a young Cuckold. And also how she can
manage all events to the carrying on of her Pernicious Design; answering
the Character the Wise-man gives of her, _Her ways are moveable that thou
canst not know 'em_.
* * * * *