_Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Whore,
a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about
Preheminence._
In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments
of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be the Person
that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other
Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and
Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Whores for
other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ'd abroad,
both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to
be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below
humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Whore for
other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a
House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the
Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to 'em, who quickly
let 'em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were
got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with
her; and found he might have any Kindness from her which he had a mind to,
for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to
Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the
House came up presently, and desir'd to know what was the matter? Why you
Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Whore in the House, that you
make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's
trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good
Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait
upon ye: Which he did accordingly.--Those that are called Pandars, are in a
strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of
matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores
together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.
These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a
hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their
several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards
shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as
being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her Cause.
_Whore._ That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without
Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your
Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and
all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. _Pimp_, for all your sneering, I
say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and
make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from.
And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my
Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer
nobody to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I
love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and
therefore I can't properly be said to be a Whore, for Whores are they that
trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And
therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the
cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that
runs in my Veins; for did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please
'em, you cou'dn't all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as
poor as so many Church-Mice.
To this the Pimp thus replyed.
_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For
tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation
to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so
all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that
I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person
of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and
genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the
House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the
Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I
wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use
of a _Dildo_, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me.
This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr'd up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a
great deal of heat made him this Answer.
_Pander._ Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an
Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly
try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens
Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure
then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such
Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em;
and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for
giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to
make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one
Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the
Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the
Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to
Preheminence.
Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all
their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and
after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.
_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence:
They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my
Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great
gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and
their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose
House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I
bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here;
whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you
into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you're a little handsome, you
begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the
Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing
and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into
the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I
put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were
at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you
by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can
get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you
a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have
regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a
good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant
ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I
do. Nay, there's your Brother _Pander_ too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell
when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he
fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice:
But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I
shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was
brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self;
but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade,
that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with
much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it
than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress
of you all, I'll make you.
The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts,
there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a
Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in
Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.
_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the
Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my
self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the
old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure
'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And
therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I
didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go
Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both
the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are,
your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor
Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he
that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that
it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master.
Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.
The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them
to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each
of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for
their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor.
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