Gaston sank back in his chair, and Joyce sat down opposite. The table
was between them, and the light of the fire and lamp flooded over the
girl.
She was wonderful in that gown, and with her splendid, pale hair framing
her face with its fair glory.
The shock of surprise was passing, but Gaston still looked at the girl
as if he had never seen her before.
"What is it, Joyce?" he asked presently; "what has changed you so?" Then
he smiled, for the question seemed crude and ill-advised.
"The dress--isn't that what you wanted?"
"I do not mean the dress--there is something else."
"So there is--but it came with the dress. Perhaps you--did not order
that--well, then, it must be _your_ part of the surprise. Don't you
remember that story you read to me once--about the mantle of Elijah? You
know it made the humble wearer--great. Well, these pretty things,"--she
touched them lightly--"they make me--a woman. The sort of woman who
must--ask questions--and get answers--true answers."
"Why, don't you trust--me?"
The pained question was wrung from Gaston's lips. The steady look from
the big eyes went strangely to his heart.
"I--do--not know--you--as you--are now," she said firmly.
"It is not I who am changed, Joyce, it is you. Everything is just the
same except that I see you are more--wonderful than I dreamed."
"Nothing is going to be the same again. I knew it while Mr. Drew was
talking the other day--I have thought it all out since."
"Curse him!" Gaston broke in; "what did he say? Why did you go to him
Joyce? How could you?"
There was pain in the words--pain and a dumb fear.
"It only happened to be Mr. Drew. Some one would have made me know in
time."
"Joyce;" he was actually pleading with her! The knowledge burnt into the
quickening soul. "Joyce, what did you trust in me, before you went to
Drew?"
"Your goodness--your--unselfishness. I knew the goodness--I have only
begun to see the--unselfishness."
"My unselfishness? Good heavens!" In spite of the strangeness of it all,
Gaston laughed. Then an impatience stifled him. A brute instinct drove
him on. Her beauty had captured his senses, and he meant to tear down
the pitiful wall he had upbuilded between her and him, and force her to
see the inevitable.
He had wondered if she could stir him--well he knew now. What idiots
they had both been!
He was through with the Past forever. The Past that had held him to a
false ideal. There should be no more imbecile philosophy in the North
Woods as far as he and she were concerned.
"See here," he began, and his voice was almost hard; "don't you know
when I shut you away from what you knew as danger--Jude and all the rest
of the hell that went with him--I shut you away from what people--people
like Drew and his set--know as mercy?"
Joyce's eyes widened, but she did not speak. Gaston rushed on--he wanted
the scene over. She was too heavenly beautiful sitting there, he must
bring her closer.
"They would call you--well, they wouldn't call you a good woman. They
are very particular about their women. In a way, you must have known
this, Joyce. You've played the game like a thoroughbred, and when one
considers _how_ you've played it, the wonder grows--but they'd never
believe that--even if we told them. Great heavens! how could they, if
they saw you?
"That there was no other way for me to help you then, that you had no
other shelter in God's world would not alter the case at all. And I've
been a fool, Joyce, a maudlin fool--all along!"
The woman opposite was looking at him through tears, but the sweet mouth
was quivering pitifully.
"Joyce"; the tone caused the tear-dimmed eyes to close; "let us face the
music--and--dance along to the tune."
Gaston leaned toward her and when she dared to look at him she saw that
the future was in her hands!
"You--you thought I knew this all along?"
"In a way--yes!"
Joyce's eyes dropped and a flush rose to her pale, still face.
"Then those--those people--the good people, what would they have thought
about you?"
"Oh! some would have thought me a--damned scoundrel; and they would have
been right had I ever intended to leave you to their mercy.
Others--well, others--"
"Please tell me, you see I want to understand everything and that world
is not mine--you know."
"The others,"--and now Gaston dropped his own eyes--"the others would
have forgotten all about it--had I chosen to go back!"
"But they--would not have forgotten about me?"
"No. That is their imbecile code."
"And--and men know that and yet--" Her eyes widened in a dumb
terror--"why, they are worse than--the people of St. Angé!"
Suddenly Gaston flung his head back and looked full at the beautiful
face. It was radiant, but the eyes were overflowing. It seemed to him as
if she, coming out from her shadows, were bringing all wronged womanhood
with her.
"You know Joyce, you must have known no matter what else you thought,
and you must know now, I never meant to leave you to their--mercy?"
He knew that he was speaking truth to her and it gave him courage.
"Yes; yes!" she cried. "I know that above all and everything."
Joyce saw that she was gaining power. She knew that, marvellous as it
seemed, she was to shape their future lives. But she must have the sky
clear. Gaston, she felt, recognized this as well as she. He expected but
one outcome; he saw her love, and was willing to show his own, now that
the barriers were down.
"We need ask nothing!" he said softly; "and there are deeper woods to
the north, dear."
"Can you--will you--tell me about yourself before--you came here?"
The question was asked simply and it was proof, if any were needed, that
the past false position was utterly annihilated.
Gaston accepted the changed conditions with no sense of surprise. He
acknowledged her right to all that she desired.
"When I said, a time back"; he began slowly; "that they--those good
people we were talking about--would let me into their world if I--left
you"; his fingers closed firmer over her hands; "I did not tell you that
there is another reason why they would _not_ let me in. They could
overlook some things--but not others. Suppose I should tell you that I
had done a wrong that was worse, in their eyes, than almost anything
else?"
"I would not believe it!"
"But that is God's truth."
She grew a little paler, but she did not withdraw her hands.
With smarting recollection Gaston remembered how, back there in the old
life, two small hands had slipped from his at a like confession.
"I've been a weak fellow from the start, Joyce. I haven't even had the
courage to do a big, bad thing for myself. I've let them I loved, use
me. I've lost my idea of right in my depraved craving for appreciation.
That sort of sin is the worst kind. It damns one's self and makes the
one you've tried to serve, hate you."
He saw that she was trying to follow him, but could not clearly, so he
dropped all but brutal facts.
"When I stepped off the train at St. Angé, a few years back, I took the
name of Gaston, because I dared not speak my own name, and I didn't
like to go by the number that I had been known by for--five years."
"Number?" she whispered, and her frightened eyes glanced about. She was
not afraid of him, but _for_ him. Gaston saw that.
"Never fear," he reassured her; "it was all worked out. I paid that
debt, but I wanted to forget the transaction. I thought I could, up
here--but I reckoned without you!"
"Go on," she said hoarsely. The clock struck eleven, the logs fell
apart--she was in a hurry.
"You know there is an odd little couplet that used to please me when I
was--paying up. It goes like this:
Two men looked out of the prison bars,
The one saw mud, the other, the stars.
"There were a lot of us who saw stars, for all the belief to the contrary;
and even the mud-seers had their moments of star-vision--behind the
prison bars.
"Birthdays and Christmases played the deuce with them." Gaston was off
the trail now that he dared voice the memories of the past. They had so
long haunted him. They might pass if he could tell them to another.
"Go on," Joyce said, impatiently glancing at the clock as if her time
were short. "Please go on. It doesn't matter about that. What was
before, and--and what must come, now?"
"It does matter," Gaston came back. "It was that determination of mine
not to be finished by that phase of my life, that left strength in me to
be halfway decent since. I only meant to regain my health up here. I
meant to go back to the life I had deserted and make good before them
all--but something happened."
"Yes." Gaston's face had clouded, and Joyce had to recall him.
"You see it was this way. There were a lot of people--but only four
mattered. My mother, my brother, the girl and her father."
The hands under Gaston's slipped away, but he did not notice.
"My mother had a heart trouble, she could not bear much--and she always
loved my brother best. He had the look and way with him that made it
easy for her to prefer him. I believed the--girl cared most for me--that
was what kept things going all right for a time--her father liked me
best, I knew.
"I had a position of trust, the control of much money, and my head got
turned, I suppose--for I felt sure of everything; myself included. Then
things happened all of a sudden.
"My brother found that the girl cared for me, not him; it broke him up,
and that brought on an attack of sickness for my mother. She never could
bear to see him suffer. My own happiness was twisted out of shape by
what I saw was to be the result of my gain over his loss.
"One night he came to me and told me that his investments had gone
wrong; our mother's fortune along with the rest. A certain sum of money,
right then, would tide over the critical situation.
"There was no chance but that all would come out right. He had private
information that a few days would change the current. He would come out
to the good--if only--"
"And you?" Joyce held him with her wide, terrified stare.
"Oh, yes! I didn't think there was any danger, and it seemed a chance to
help when everything was about to come clattering around our ears. I
helped. Good God, I helped!"
Gaston dropped his head on his folded arms.
"What happened when they all knew? When you explained--couldn't they
help you?" Gaston flung his head back and looked at her.
"But they didn't find out. At least, they found out that I took the
money--there wasn't anything else to tell. That damnable fact was
enough, wasn't it? No amount of whimpering as to why I'd done it would
have helped."
"But your brother?"
"He tried to get me to go away. He said in a few days all would be
right. He could then save everything. I could return and
repay--and--well! I wasn't made that way. I stayed."
"And--the girl?"
"She asked me if I had done it--she would believe no one else. I said
yes; and that ended it. Her father tried to get me to explain--he was
the Judge who was to have tried me--I refused and he begged to be
released from sentencing me--that's all he could do for either of us."
"And--your--mother?" A sob rose in Joyce's throat.
"I think, even in her misery, she thanked God, since it had to be, that
it was not my brother."
The room was growing cold. Joyce shivered.
"And then?" she faltered.
"Oh! then--" Gaston's face twitched, and his voice was bitter, "then
came the star-gazing through the bars--and all the rest, until I came up
here. Only one stuck to me through thick and thin."
"Your brother?" Joyce interrupted.
"My brother? No! Just a plain friend. I told him I did not want to hear
a thing while I was shut away. I knew it would hold me back from getting
what I could out of the experience. It's like hell to have the outside
troubles and joys brought to you while you are bound hand and foot. I
saw enough of that--it did more to keep men in the mud than anything
else. I just kept that space of my life clear for expiation. When the
gates opened for me one day--my friend was there with all the news in a
budget.
"You see the lash that had cut deepest when I went away was something my
mother said; 'You've broken the hearts of them who loved and trusted
you.'
"Nothing had mattered so much as those words--and out of the disgrace,
the loneliness, the misery and deadly labour, I had worked out a plan to
make up to them for the wrong I had done. It was going to be about the
biggest job a fellow ever undertook; but, do you know, I had hoped that
I could do it?
"Well, my friend's words drove me back upon myself. There was nothing
for me to do."
"Why?"
"The hearts were all mended--after a fashion, without my aid."
"Your mother?"
"She had died soon after I went away."
"And your--brother--he surely--"
"Oh! he had gone booming ahead like a rocket. The tide turned a bit too
late for me--but it carried him to a safe harbour. In a generous and
highly moral way he stood ready to repay me--but conditions had changed;
I must accept certain terms."
"The--the--girl?"
"She'd married my brother. She it was who changed the conditions, you
see. It had been a noble sacrifice for her to marry into _such_ a
family--so, of course, due consideration must be shown her. Would I live
abroad on an ample allowance?"
Joyce flinched before the tone. Gaston stood up and flung his arms out.
"No! by God, I would not live abroad. I chose my own place of hiding. He
paid, though--I saw to that--he named no allowance, it was I; but he
paid and paid and paid all that _I_ thought he should. He bought me off
at my price--not his. I left all in the hands of the only friend I had
on earth--I never wanted to hear of the others again until I was ready
to go back--and I haven't. I wanted time to think out my way. I wanted
strength to go back, take my name and fortune, ask nothing of the
world--but a chance to defy it. I got as far as that--" He dropped back
into the chair and bowed his head.
The hands of the clock were past midnight, the fire was nothing but
glowing embers; a chill was creeping through the room. Presently Gaston
was aware of a nearness--not merely bodily, but spiritually. He looked
up. He had forgotten Joyce and his thought of comfort in knowing that
she would stand by him. To see her close now, to gaze up into her
glorious face was like an awakening from a hideous dream to a safe
reality.
"You got as far as that," she said in the saddest, softest tone that a
woman's voice ever held; "and then I came into your life. Oh! how hard
you tried to set me aside with Jude--but again and again I returned
to--hold you back."
"Why, Joyce, what is the matter?"
A paralyzing fear drove anguish before it. Gaston strove to recall
passion, but that, too, had deserted. He and Joyce were standing in a
barren place alone--nothing behind, nothing before!
"Can't you see what is the matter?"
The coquetry had left the girl, she stood fair, cold and passive like
some wonderful goddess.
"Don't you think I see it all now?
"When I came out of that room I was a--bad woman! You were mistaken, I
never understood before--about us!
"You see when--when I came to you that night--after Jude--" she
struggled with her trembling--"I did not know such men as you--lived. I
was what Jude and St. Angé had made me. I was afraid of you--but," she
bent over him in divine pity pressing her wet cheek to his bowed head;
"but I grew to know! You were far, far above me, I soon saw how far. You
never thought about it, but it made it safe for you to help me. I can
see it all so plain now.
"Then the evil that was in me, the evil that some might have made so
vile, slipped away. I tried hard to be what you wanted me to be for my
own sake. You did not think of the past and I tried to forget it, too;
and so we came along to this night.
"In that room"--she looked quiveringly at the closed door--"for a
moment, I misunderstood again. I thought you were trifling with me. I
think I felt for the first time that perhaps I was _not_ what I had
been--when I came out of the old life! I wanted to make sure, and I
stooped to the meanest way."
Gaston drew her close. Vaguely he feared that she was slipping farther
and farther from him for all her sweetness and nearness.
"Joyce!" he cried wildly. "_You_ are not going to desert me--now?"
She dropped beside him and clasped her hands over his knee. There was no
need of reserve, she knew that better than he.
"Can you not see what sort of man you are?" she asked fiercely; while
the tears fell thick and fast.
"Oh! I love you many, many ways. I can tell you this now and you must
not stop me. I love you for them who left you alone to suffer. I love
you just for myself, and I love you as I would have loved my poor baby
had God let me keep him. And that is the best way of all, for it holds
all other loves.
"Oh, you must see! You shall see! The men out in your world--could any
of them have done what you have done--for me? Even Mr. Drew could not
understand. Even _he_ thought you must have harmed me--he felt sorry for
_me_! And knowing what _I_ know, do you, could any of those others,
think I would let you harm--yourself?
"You have made me a stronger woman than even you tried to make me, and I
thank God for that--for you need me so very, very much!"
The deep sobs choked her, and she buried her head against his arm. Out
of a desolation her words were creating, Gaston spoke desperately.
"I do need you, and by heaven, I mean to have you!"
"You're right. I did not know what you meant to me; I know now, and
since Fate has played us false, we'll--we'll turn our backs on her."
"Joyce, are you willing to--trust me?"
Almost roughly he raised her face and forced her to look at him.
"I--trust you! You could never be anything but good and noble. I know
that. You never have been--but, there are going to be other days and
nights--just plain days and long black nights--and--I think we have
almost forgotten--but there is always--Jude!"
Then like a bewildering flash the words lightened the dark place of
Gaston's character.
This woman whom--he saw the fearful truth--this woman whom he had helped
to form, had outgrown him and left him far behind!
Now that she understood; now that her womanhood could stand alone, she
rose pure and strong above his passion and the thing he called love.
She only thought he had forgotten, when God knew he did not even care
for the rough fellow who had all but strangled the life out of her.
"Besides"--he heard her as from a distance--"besides, you must go back!"
"Go back--good God! to what?"
"To all that you had to go back to--when you turned to help me!"
Then Gaston bent and raised the shrinking woman beside him. Face to face
they stood in the cold, still room. "Joyce," he said thickly, "what I am
going to say--you may never be able to forgive--but I must say it.
"It is quite true, I gave no thought to what I was doing when I shielded
you from Jude. St. Angé did not matter; there seemed no other way--and I
never considered others coming to complicate things.
"I was miserable and lonely; but I felt sure of myself and in helping
you I found an interest in life. Lately, almost unconsciously, I've felt
the change in you--the new meaning. I wanted to make sure and then be
guided, since others had entered this--this fool's paradise of mine. You
are very beautiful--the most beautiful woman, I think, that I have ever
seen--and I know now that you are--the best!
"Joyce--your beauty crazed me, and I had not forgotten Jude; I did not
care!"
"Stop!" The little cold hand was pressed against his lips, "you shall
not! It was I who tempted you--you would have remembered--everything. It
is you who must forgive me--I am going--now!"
The slow, pitiful words fell lingeringly.
"Going--where can you go?" Gaston stared dumbly at her.
"I think Mr. Drew will help me. I am going to tell him everything--and
he will--find a way."
"You shall not!" Gaston drew her to his breast. The primitive rose
within him.
"There is another way. The only way. Drew shall not meddle in my
affairs--nor yours. You will stay right here in your home until I
return. I'm going to Filmer; he's the only one we need, he'll act for us
both."
"But--what then?" Joyce felt her heart stand still.
"Then? why I'm going to find Jude. I'm going to buy him off--if
necessary. He shall free you--and then--then!"
Gaston held the pale face off from him and searched the wide, startled
eyes.
"And then?" The words fell into a question.
"But how"--Joyce panted; "how could I feel sure this great thing you
plan is not another--unselfish act? Suppose, oh! suppose--_she_,
that--that other girl--should come back--what then?"
"Hear me, Joyce. There is never going to be any one else. We are going
back together--into that other life. Why, the possibility almost blinds
me.
"They shall see what I've brought out of my experience. We'll make a
place for ourselves and redeem the past. They shall seek us, my darling,
and they shall see at last that I am master of my life!"
His enthusiasm and exaltation carried Joyce along with him.
"Dare I trust--not you--but myself?" she whispered. "After everything is
said--I am--what I am!"
"Yes--you are what you are!" Gaston pressed his lips against her
trembling mouth. "And now, good-bye!" he released her, and led her
toward her door. "I must make a few preparations--then get to Filmer.
It's all very wonderful, but it is more true than wonderful. Until I
come, then--and it may take time, dear--you will remember?"
"Always--until you come--and after!"
Gaston bent again, but this time he only pressed his lips to the soft,
pale hair.
When the door closed behind her; he stood for a moment dazed and
bewildered. Mechanically he turned to the first task that lay at hand.
He rebuilt the dead fire. It seemed symbolic, somehow, and he smiled.
Then holding to the fancy that touched him, he piled on log after log.
There should be no lack of warmth and glow in the new reincarnation.
An hour later he left the house, with the needful things for his
possible, long absence packed in a grip and flung across his shoulder.
He had attended to so many small comforts for Joyce--the fire, the
writing out of directions, where to find money, etc.--that he had been
hurried in the details of his own affairs; he had forgotten to take the
key from the lock of the chest!