MANNERS
'Not where others fail, or do, or leave undone--the wise should
notice what himself has done, or left undone.'--_Dammapada._
A remarkable trait of the Burmese character is their unwillingness to
interfere in other people's affairs. Whether it arises from their
religion of self-culture or no, I cannot say, but it is in full keeping
with it. Every man's acts and thoughts are his own affair, think the
Burmans; each man is free to go his own way, to think his own thoughts,
to act his own acts, as long as he does not too much annoy his
neighbours. Each man is responsible for himself and for himself alone,
and there is no need for him to try and be guardian also to his fellows.
And so the Burman likes to go his own way, to be a free man within
certain limits; and the freedom that he demands for himself, he will
extend also to his neighbours. He has a very great and wide tolerance
towards all his neighbours, not thinking it necessary to disapprove of
his neighbours' acts because they may not be the same as his own, never
thinking it necessary to interfere with his neighbours as long as the
laws are not broken. Our ideas that what habits are different to our
habits must be wrong, and being wrong, require correction at our hands,
is very far from his thoughts. He never desires to interfere with
anyone. Certain as he is that his own ideas are best, he is contented
with that knowledge, and is not ceaselessly desirous of proving it upon
other people. And so a foreigner may go and live in a Burman village,
may settle down there and live his own life and follow his own customs
in perfect freedom, may dress and eat and drink and pray and die as he
likes. No one will interfere. No one will try and correct him; no one
will be for ever insisting to him that he is an outcast, either from
civilization or from religion. The people will accept him for what he
is, and leave the matter there. If he likes to change his ways and
conform to Burmese habits and Buddhist forms, so much the better; but if
not, never mind.
It is, I think, a great deal owing to this habit of mind that the
manners of the Burmese are usually so good, children in civilization as
they are. There is amongst them no rude inquisitiveness and no desire to
in any way circumscribe your freedom, by either remark or act. Surely of
all things that cause trouble, nothing is so common amongst us as the
interference with each other's ways, as the needless giving of advice.
It seems to each of us that we are responsible, not only for ourselves,
but also for everyone else near us; and so if we disapprove of any act,
we are always in a hurry to express our disapproval and to try and
persuade the actor to our way of thinking. We are for ever thinking of
others and trying to improve them; as a nation we try to coerce weaker
nations and to convert stronger ones, and as individuals we do the same.
We are sure that other people cannot but be better and happier for being
brought into our ways of thinking, by force even, if necessary. We call
it philanthropy.
But the Buddhist does not believe this at all. Each man, each nation,
has, he thinks, enough to do managing his or its own affairs.
Interference, any sort of interference, he is sure can do nothing but
harm. _You_ cannot save a man. He can save himself; you can do nothing
for him. You may force or persuade him into an outer agreement with you,
but what is the value of that? All dispositions that are good, that are
of any value at all, must come spontaneously from the heart of man.
First, he must desire them, and then struggle to obtain them; by this
means alone can any virtue be reached. This, which is the key of his
religion, is the key also of his private life. Each man is a free man to
do what he likes, in a way that we have never understood.
Even under the rule of the Burmese kings there was the very widest
tolerance. You never heard of a foreigner being molested in any way,
being forbidden to live as he liked, being forbidden to erect his own
places of worship. He had the widest freedom, as long as he infringed no
law. The Burmese rule may not have been a good one in many ways, but it
was never guilty of persecution, of any attempt at forcible conversion,
of any desire to make such an attempt.
This tolerance, this inclination to let each man go his own way, is
conspicuous even down to the little events of life. It is very marked,
even in conversation, how little criticism is indulged in towards each
other, how there is an absolute absence of desire to proselytize each
other in any way. 'It is his way,' they will say, with a laugh, of any
peculiar act of any person; 'it is his way. What does it matter to us?'
Of all the lovable qualities of the Burmese, and they are many, there
are none greater than these--their light-heartedness and their
tolerance.
A Burman will always assume that you know your own business, and will
leave you alone to do it. How great a boon this is I think we hardly can
understand, for we have none of it. And he carries it to an extent that
sometimes surprises us.
Suppose you are walking along a road and there is a broken bridge on the
way, a bridge that you might fall through. No one will try and prevent
you going. Any Burman who saw you go will, if he think at all about it,
give you the credit for knowing what you are about. It will not enter
into his head to go out of his way to give you advice about that
bridge. If you ask him he will help you all he can, but he will not
volunteer; and so if you depend on volunteered advice, you may fall
through the bridge and break your neck, perhaps.
At first this sort of thing seems to us to spring from laziness or from
discourtesy. It is just the reverse of this latter; it is excess of
courtesy that assumes you to be aware of what you are about, and capable
of judging properly.
You may get yourself into all sorts of trouble, and unless you call out
no one will assist you. They will suppose that if you require help you
will soon ask for it. You could drift all the way from Bhamo to Rangoon
on a log, and I am sure no one would try to pick you up unless you
shouted for help. Let anyone try to drift down from Oxford to Richmond,
and he will be forcibly saved every mile of his journey, I am sure. The
Burman boatmen you passed would only laugh and ask how you were getting
on. The English boatman would have you out of that in a jiffy, saving
you despite yourself. You might commit suicide in Burma, and no one
would stop you. 'It is your own look-out,' they would say; 'if you want
to die why should we prevent you? What business is it of ours?'
Never believe for a moment that this is cold-heartedness. Nowhere is
there any man so kind-hearted as a Burman, so ready to help you, so
hospitable, so charitable both in act and thought.
It is only that he has another way of seeing these things to what we
have. He would resent as the worst discourtesy that which we call having
a friendly interest in each other's doings. Volunteered advice comes, so
he thinks, from pure self-conceit, and is intolerable; help that he has
not asked for conveys the assumption that he is a fool, and the helper
ever so much wiser than he. It is in his eyes simply a form of
self-assertion, an attempt at governing other people, an infringement of
good manners not to be borne.
Each man is responsible for himself, each man is the maker of himself.
Only he can do himself good by good thought, by good acts; only he can
hurt himself by evil intentions and deeds. Therefore in your intercourse
with others remember always yourself, remember that no one can injure
you but yourself; be careful, therefore, of your acts for your own sake.
For if you lose your temper, who is the sufferer? Yourself; no one but
yourself. If you are guilty of disgraceful acts, of discourteous words,
who suffers? Yourself. Remember that; remember that courtesy and good
temper are due from you to everyone. What does it matter who the other
person be? you should be courteous to him, not because he deserves it,
but because you deserve it. Courtesy is measured by the giver, not by
the receiver. We are apt sometimes to think that this continual care of
self is selfishness; it is the very reverse. Self-reverence is the
antipode of self-conceit, of selfishness. If you honour yourself, you
will be careful that nothing dishonourable shall come from you.
'Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control;' we, too, have had a poet
who taught this.
And so dignity of manner is very marked amongst this people. It is
cultivated as a gift, as the outward sign of a good heart.
'A rough diamond;' no Burman would understand this saying. The value of
a diamond is that it can be polished. As long as it remains in the
rough, it has no more beauty than a lump of mud. If your heart be good,
so, too, will be your manners. A good tree will bring forth good fruit.
If the fruit be rotten, can the tree be good? Not so. If your manners
are bad, so, too, is your heart. To be courteous, even tempered, to be
tolerant and full of sympathy, these are the proofs of an inward
goodness. You cannot have one without the other. Outward appearances are
not deceptive, but are true.
Therefore they strive after even temper. Hot-tempered as they are,
easily aroused to wrath, easily awakened to pleasure, men with the
passions of a child, they have very great command over themselves. They
are ashamed of losing their temper; they look upon it as a disgrace. We
are often proud of it; we think sometimes we do well to be angry.
So they are very patient, very long-suffering, accepting with
resignation the troubles of this world, the kicks and spurns of
fortune, secure in this, that each man's self is in his own keeping. If
there be trouble for to-day, what can it matter if you do but command
yourself? If others be discourteous to you, that cannot hurt you, if you
do not allow yourself to be discourteous in return. Take care of your
own soul, sure that in the end you will win, either in this life or in
some other, that which you deserve. What you have made your soul fit
for, that you will obtain, sooner or later, whether it be evil or
whether it be good. The law of righteousness is for ever this, that what
a man deserves that he will obtain. And in the end, if you cultivate
your soul with unwearying patience, striving always after what is good,
purifying yourself from the lust of life, you will come unto that lake
where all desire shall be washed away.