HALF-CONFIDENCES.
"You cannot surely be serious--you do not really mean it?" said James
Dugdale, in a pleading tone, to Margaret Hungerford, as, some hours
after he had discovered her presence at Chayleigh, they were talking
together in the drawing-room.
"I do mean it," she replied. "You never understood me, I think, and
you certainly do not understand me now, if you think I shall remain
here dependent on my father, having left his house as I did."
James Dugdale did not speak for some minutes. He was pondering upon
what she had said. He had never understood her! If not he, who ever
had? Unjust to him she had always been, and she was still unjust to
him. But that did not matter: it was of her he must think, not of
himself.
The first bewildering surprise of Margaret's arrival had passed away;
the mingled strangeness and familiarity of seeing her again, changed
as she was, in the old home so long forsaken, had taken its place, and
James Dugdale was looking at her, and listening to her, like a man in
a dream.
Their meeting had been very calm and emotionless. Margaret, in
addition to the hardness of manner which had grown upon her in her
hard life, had felt no pleasure in seeing James Dugdale again. She had
not quite forgiven him, even yet, and, though she was relieved by
finding that the first explanations were to be given to him, and not
to her father or Mrs. Carteret, she had made them ungraciously enough,
and with just sufficient formal acknowledgment of the service which
James Dugdale had rendered her, in securing to her the friendship and
aid of Hayes Meredith, as convinced her sensitive hearer that she
would rather have been indebted to the kindness of any other person.
On certain points he found her reserve invulnerable; and he was not
slow to suspect that she had made up her mind exactly as to how much
of her past life she would reveal, and how much should remain
concealed; and he did not doubt her power of adhering to such a
resolution. She had briefly alluded to her widowhood, acknowledged the
kindness she had experienced from Hayes Meredith, said a little about
the poverty in which he had found her, and had then left the subject
of herself and all concerning her, as if it wearied her, and with a
decision of manner which prevented James Dugdale from questioning her
further.
Her questions regarding her father, her brother, and all that had
occurred at Chayleigh during her absence, were numerous and minute,
and James answered them without reserve or hesitation. They chiefly
related to facts. Margaret dealt but slightly in sentiment; but when
she asked James if her father spoke of her sometimes, there was a
little change in the tone of her voice, a slight accession of paleness
which she could not disguise.
"At first, very seldom; in fact, hardly ever, Margaret, for I see you
wish the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; but more frequently
of late. Only the day before he and Mrs. Carteret went to Bath,
he--you remember his way--was showing me a peculiarly repulsive
specimen of some singularly hideous insect, and he said, 'How pleased
Margery would have been with _that_.' Quite a hallucination, if I
remember rightly, but still pleasant to hear him say it, and showed me
that he was thinking of you. You see this as I do?"
"O yes," she answered, with a smile that was a little hard and bitter,
"very pleasant; indeed, the pleasantest possible association of ideas
according to papa. And--and Mrs. Carteret?"
James Dugdale hesitated for a little, and then he said,
"You remember what Sibylla is, Margaret, and you know she never cared
much for you, or Haldane--"
"Particularly for _me_," she interrupted, in a tone whose assumed
lightness did not impose on James. "Well, she need not fear any
intrusion or importunity from me. I have come here because I must--I
must see my father once more, before I have for ever done with the old
life and begin with the new."
"Are you going away again, Margaret?" said James, astonished. "Going
away, after having come home through such suffering and difficulty!
Why is this?"
And then it was that Margaret asked him if he were really serious in
supposing she had any other intention.
The truth was, she had very vague notions of what she should do with
herself. The pride and self-will of her nature, which the suffering
she had undergone in Australia had somewhat tamed, had had time for
their reawakening during the long voyage; and it was not in the most
amiable of moods that Margaret reached her former home.
"Whatever my fault may have been, I have fully expiated it; and I must
have peace now, and forgetfulness, if it is to be had," was the form
her thoughts took.
She had not been recognised at the village inn, where she had left
Rose Moore and her scanty luggage, and the servant who had opened the
door of her father's house to her was a stranger. He might fairly have
hesitated to admit a lady whom he did not know; but Margaret's manner
of announcing herself permitted no hesitation within his courage. His
master and mistress were not at home, the man said, but she could see
Mr. Dugdale when he came in. So she walked into the drawing-room, and
James was sought for, but not found.
What agony of spirit the young widow underwent, when she found herself
once more in the scene of the vanished past, none but she ever knew.
The worst of it had passed away when James saw her leaning out of the
window, a picture framed in the branches of the passion-flower.
The hours of the evening went rapidly by, though the talk of the
strangely-assorted companions was constrained and bald. Margaret was
resolute in her refusal to remain at Chayleigh. James Dugdale, she
argued, might believe that her father would gladly receive her; but he
could not know that he would, and she would await that welcome before
she made her old home even a temporary abode. A few sentences sufficed
to show James that this determination was not to be overcome.
"At least you are not alone," he said; and then she explained to him
that Hayes Meredith had engaged an Irish girl, named Rose Moore, to
act as her maid during the voyage, and that the girl, having become
attached to her, was willing to defer her departure to Ireland for a
few days, until she, Margaret, had made some definite arrangement
about her own future.
"I got used to Irish people at Melbourne," said Margaret, "and I like
them. I have half a mind to go to Ireland with Rose. I suppose
people's children want governesses there, and people themselves want
companions as well as here; and I fancy they are kind and cordial
there."
"You must be very much altered, Margaret," returned James gravely, "if
you are fit to be either a governess or a _dame de compagnie_. I don't
think you had much in you to fit you for either function."
"I am very much altered," she said; "and what I am fit for, or not fit
for, neither you nor any one can tell. There is only one thing which
would come to me that would surprise or disconcert me _now_."
She rose as she spoke, and drew her heavy black cloak, which she had
only loosened, not laid aside, closely around her.
"And that is--" said James.
"Finding myself happy again, or being deceived into thinking myself
so," she said quickly and bitterly.
This was the first thoroughly unrestrained sentence she had spoken in
all their conversation, the first clear glimpse she had given James
Dugdale into the depths of her heart and experience.
They went out of the house together, and she walked by his side--he
did not offer his arm--to the village. The night was bright and
beautiful, and some of its calm came to the heart of Margaret, and
reflected itself in her pale steadfast face. The road which they took
wound past the well-kept fences and ornamental palings of a handsome
place, much larger than Chayleigh, which, in Margaret's time, had been
in the possession of Sir Richard Davyntry, whose good graces, and
those of Lady Davyntry, she remembered her stepmother to have been
particularly anxious to cultivate.
Mrs. Carteret had not succeeded remarkably well in this design, and
her failure was conspicuously due to her treatment of Margaret; for
Lady Davyntry was a motherly kind of woman, much younger than Mrs.
Carteret, and whose own childless condition was a deep and
unaffectedly-avowed grief to her.
As Margaret and her companion passed the gates of Davyntry, she
remembered these "childish things," as they seemed to her now, and she
paused to look at the stately trees, and the fine old Elizabethan
house, on whose gilded vane the moonlight was shining coldly.
She asked if Sir Richard and Lady Davyntry were staying there just
now, adding, "As I remember them, they were not people who, having a
country house and place combining everything any one can possibly wish
for, make a point of leaving it just when all is most beautiful."
"No," said James Dugdale, "they certainly are not; and Sir Richard
stuck to it, poor fellow, as long as he could; but he died nearly a
year ago, and not at Davyntry either--at his brother-in-law's place in
Scotland."
"Indeed!" said Margaret. "I am sorry for Sir Richard, and more sorry
still for Lady Davyntry; she is a widow indeed, I am sure. Perhaps she
wants a lady companion. I might offer myself: how pleased Mrs.
Carteret would be!"
"Margaret!" said James Dugdale reprovingly.
He spoke in the tone which had been familiar to him in the days when
he had been "the tutor" and Margaret his pupil; and she laughed for a
moment with something of the same saucy laugh with which she had been
used to meet a remonstrance from him in those old days. James
Dugdale's heart beat rapidly at the sound; for the first time, her
coming, her presence seemed real to him.
"Well, well, I won't be spiteful," said Margaret. "Is Lady Davyntry
here?"
"Yes; she has been more than a month at Davyntry. Her brother is with
her, and a remarkably nice fellow he is. I see a good deal of him."
"I don't remember him. I don't think I ever saw him," said Margaret
absently. "What is his name?"
James Dugdale did not note the question, but replied to the first part
of the sentence.
"I don't think you can have seen him. He was abroad for some years
after his sister's marriage; indeed, he never was here in Sir
Richard's lifetime--never saw him, I believe, until he and Lady
Davyntry went to Scotland, on a visit, and he died there."
"Is he here now?" Margaret asked in an indifferent manner.
"Yes," returned James; "I told you so. He comes to Chayleigh a
good deal. He is nearly as fond of natural history as your father,
and nearly as fond of drawing as I am; so we are a mutual
resource--Chayleigh and Davyntry I mean."
"And his name?" again asked Margaret quietly.
"Did I not tell you? Don't you remember it? Surely you must have heard
the name; it is not a common one--Fitzwilliam Meriton Baldwin."
"No, it is not common, and rather nice. I never heard it before, that
I remember. We have arrived, I see; and there is Rose Moore looking
out for me, like an impulsive Irish girl as she is, instead of
preserving the decorous indifference of the truly British domestic.
You will let me know when my father arrives. No, I shall not go to
Chayleigh again until his return. Good-night, Mr. Dugdale."
She had disappeared, followed by her attendant, whose frank handsome
face had candidly expressed an amount of disapprobation of James
Dugdale's personal appearance to which he was, fortunately, perfectly
accustomed and philosophically indifferent. Fate had done its worst
for him in that respect long before; and he had turned away from the
inn-door, and was walking rapidly down the road again, when a cheery
voice addressed him:
"Hallo, Dugdale! Where are you going at this time of night? and what
are you thinking of? I shouted at you in vain, and thought I should
never catch you. Are you going home? Yes?--then we shall be together
as far as Davyntry."
The speaker was a young man, perhaps six-and-twenty years old, a
little over middle height, and, though not remarkably handsome, he
presented as strong a contrast in personal appearance to James Dugdale
as could be desired. He had a fair complexion, bright-blue eyes, with
an expression of candour and happiness in them as rare as it was
attractive, light-brown hair, and a lithe alert figure, full of grace
and activity. In the few words which he had spoken there was something
winning and open, a tone of entire sincerity and gladness almost
boyish; and it had its charm for the older and careworn man, who
answered cheerily, as he linked his arm with his own:
"It is always pleasant to meet you, Baldwin; but to-night it's a
perfect godsend."