Let us leave the "egg flip" of the country dance, and take a bowl of
egg-nog at the banquet. It was a modern banquet for men only. Music
flowed; wine sparkled; the night was far spent--it was in the wee sma'
hours. The banquet was given by Col. Punk who was the promoter of a town
boom, and who had persuaded the banqueters that "there were millions
in it." He had purchased some old sedge fields on the outskirts of
creation, from an old squatter on the domain of Dixie, at three dollars
an acre; and had stocked them at three hundred dollars an acre. The old
squatter was a partner with the Colonel, and with his part of the boodle
nicely done up in his wallet, was present with bouyant hopes and
feelings high. Countless yarns were spun; numberless jokes passed 'round
the table until, in the ecstacy of their joy, the banqueters rose from
the table and clinked their glasses together, and sang to chorus:
"Landlord, fill the flowing bowl
Until it doth run over;
Landlord fill the flowing bowl
Until it doth run over;
For to-night we'll merry merry be,
For to-night we'll merry merry be,
For to-night we'll merry merry be;
And to-morrow we'll get sober."
The whole banquet was drunk (as banquets usually are), and the principal
stockholders finally succumbed to the music of "Old Kentucky Bourbon,"
and sank to sleep under the table. The last toast on the programme was
announced. It was a wonderful toast--"Our mineral resources:" The old
squatter rose in his glory, about three o'clock in the morning, to
respond to this toast, and thus he responded:
"Mizzer Churman and Gent-tul-men of the Banquet: I have never made
mineralogy a study, nor zoology, nor any other kind of 'ology,' but
if there haint m-i-n-e-r-l in the deestrick which you gent-tul-men
have jist purchased from me at sitch magnifercent figers, then the
imagernation of man is a deception an' a snare. But gent-tul-men, you
caint expect to find m-i-n-e-r-l without plenty uv diggin'. I have been
diggin' thar for the past forty year fur it, an' haint never struck it
yit, I hope you gen-tul-men will strike it some time endurin' the next
forty year." Here, with winks and blinks and clinched teeth, the old
Colonel pulled his coat tail; he was spoiling the town boom. But he
would not down. He continued in the same eloquent strain: "Gent-tul-men,
you caint expect to find m-i-n-e-r-l without plenty uv diggin.' You
caint expect to find nothin' in this world without plenty uv diggin'.
There is no excellence without labor gent-tul-men. If old Vanderbilt
hadn't a-been persevering in his pertickler kind uv dig-gin', whar would
he be to-day? He wouldn't now be a rich man, a-ridin' the billers of old
ocean in his magnifercent 'yatchet.' If I hadn't a-been perseverin',
an' hadn't a-kep on a-dig-gin' an' a-diggin, whar would I have been
to-day? I mout have been seated like you gent-tul-men, at this
stupenduous banquet, with my pockets full of watered stock, and some
other old American citizen mout have been deliverin' this eulogy on our
m-i-n-e-r-l resources. Gent-tul-men, my injunction to you is never to
stop diggin'. And while you're a-diggin', cultivate a love for the
beautiful, the true and the good. Speakin' of the beautiful, the true,
and the good, gent-tul-men, let us not forgit woman at this magnifercent
banquet--Oh! woman, woman, woman! when the mornin' stars sung together
for joy--an' woman--God bless 'er----Great God, feller citerzens, caint
you understand!!!!"
[Illustration: THE BANQUET.]
At the close of this great speech the curtain fell to slow music, and
there was a panic in land stocks.