_Answer to Mrs. Jones's Letter in Hood's Comic Annual_.[1]
Padinton third Janeary 1831.
Dr. Mrs. Jones,--I take Pin in hand to Scratch you a few Remarks in return
for your kind Pestle: it however gav me a sevear Blow to hear of my deer
frends Roofall Sitawayshun: keep up your Spirits, do my deer Frend, I dout
not in your next I shall hear you have taken to your Old Rum again down
stairs and find the Windy-Pains in a Hole condishun--Yet what can you
Relie on when the Country Gernals is filled with sheets of Flams of Steaks
and Bairns burnt to their foundhayshones. But let you and me Mrs. J. hop
that these evil Doors may be sicured. I have a bit of Noose for you--Swing
is taken and Lockt up--let us hop then that Steps may be taken for
capshining his Canfeedrats--You enquier what our King and Manystirs think
of Stuck Puggys I beleeve they think your Magasstearall Funkshunareas mite
have shone more Hacktivity and Incision again armed Poplars and
Incieders--but its all owing to the March of Intellx--instid of mindin
there work they are always runnin to heer some Seedishus Ourang or other
on the Harrastocrazy--they now call themselves the Industerious Classis,
formally they was called The Lore Ordurs. My Servint gal atends Love
Feasts and Missinarea Meetins and has the impidence to tell me she has a
Soal as valleyable as my own and actally askt if her minnyster mite be
aloud to come and prepair me for Heavn; but I told the uzzy to prepair
herself for another place and gav her a munths warnin to soot herself--but
about the parleymeant--Hurl Grey the Primer has a load on his sholders
wich I hop he will be able to discharg an all go off quiet: He has pledgd
himself for to the caws for Riform an says hell Redrench evry Place where
he has Grounds: and they all talk about Pooling Mesurs; but the Wetterun
Bishop Sincurers and Cloaths borrowers show pourfull Oppisishun and
perplix and embrace all his Plans--Pettyshuns come in from all Parts for
Necromancypassion, wich I take to be some new plan for washin the
Blackamer wite--also for the vote by Ballad which Mr. Hum supports and
likewis Mr. Oconl the Hireish mimber wich wants the Onion to be repeeled
and caws all Hireland Watery eyes; but I hop sich Cryses will niver
arrive----I supose youve herd Hunt is returnd for Prestun wherby Im sorry
to heer of a incindery sittin in the ows, for he not only first burnt the
Corn but sold it after to the pure Peeple--but is Blackin his good--Our
new lord Canceller Brewem gives us Hops that he will put a end to all the
Old Suits without making any New Breeches wich wrong incisions wold show
Shear hignoranc--but hes no Goos!--Mr. Grant wants to Mancypate the Jews--
Porkreetchers! my next Nabor Levy says they are a Pursycutish Race thogh
they hav Numbers of Genesis among them fit for Trusts on Securitys; but
let who will be in or out somethin must be done. Winters com and the ole
Country wants instand Releafing thoug I hop no Treesunable acts will be
manny fisted be the Peeple--Nobody now cant sell nothing Goods hangs on
hand and Malefactors are dropping in every line--Soverins is scars and
Peeples ready to tear each other to peeces for um--We want some
change----In the Naborhood of Manshister thirty thousn Wafers are in a
state of Risibility which is no laughin matter, havin struck for more Wags
tho' they get therty shillins a Weak and are always in Labor!--this
abolition of feelin shold be checkt, for if it is to go on it will most
likly continew----As you observe, the Rag for Chang is grate--as they say
The Scullmasters Abroad and the Scull all in confushon--Old Head devices
done away with and Hairy Cassles supplyin the place--Aspics on the
Continence seem very embracing--tho the Trials in France is over the
People are in Truble--I hope the Rising in the Low Kantrys is over--The
Poles seem to be makin head again the Rushons in great Armd Bodis--bent on
Deth or imprisonment to get Liberty--In short all Eurups in Harms; but
nothins so Barberus as Civil comoshins Hopin all is over with You, and
restin asshurd Stuck Puggys is not likely to rise again, I conclude
remaining Your sincer Frend and well wisher A HUMPHRIES.
[1] From the _Literary Gazette_. See Notice of the _Comic
Annual_--_Mirror_, No. 467.
* * * * *