QUACK DOCTORS.
Many years ago a sharp-witted scamp appeared in one of the European
countries, and offered for sale a pill, which he declared to be a sure
protection _against earthquakes_. Absurd as was the assertion, he sold
large quantities of his nostrum, and grew rich on the proceeds. The
credulity which enriched this man, is still a marked characteristic of
the human race, and often strikingly exhibits itself in this country.
The quack doctors, or medical impostors, to whom we shall devote this
chapter, live upon it and do all in their power to encourage it.
There are quite a number of such men in New York, and they offer to
cure all manner of diseases. Some offer their wares for a small sum,
others charge enormous prices. Frequently one of these men will
personate half a dozen different characters. The newspapers are full of
their advertisements, some of which are really unfit for the columns of
a respectable journal. Besides these, they send thousands of circulars,
through the mails, to persons in various parts of the country, setting
forth the horrors of certain diseases, and offering to cure them for a
fixed sum. The circular contains an elaborate description of the
symptoms or premonitory signs of these diseases. A very large number of
persons, reading these descriptions, really come to the conclusion that
they are affected in the manner stated by the quack. So great is the
power of the imagination in these cases, that sound healthy men are,
sometimes, absolutely led to fancy themselves in need of medical
attention. A short conversation with their regular physicians, would
soon undeceive them, but they foolishly send their money to the author
of the circular in question, and request a quantity of his medicine for
the purpose of trying it. The nostrum is received in due time, and is
accompanied by a second circular, in which the patient is coolly
informed that he must not expect to be cured by one bottle, box, or
package, as the case may be, but that five or six, or sometimes a dozen
will be necessary to complete the cure, especially if the case is as
desperate and stubborn as the letter applying for the medicine seems to
indicate. Many are foolish enough to take the whole half dozen bottles
or packages, and in the end are no better in health than they were at
first. Indeed they are fortunate if they are not seriously injured by
the doses they have taken. They are disheartened in nine cases out of
ten, and are, at length, really in need of good medical advice. They
have paid the quack more money than a good practitioner would demand
for his services, and have only been injured by their folly.
It may be safely said that no honest and competent physician will
undertake to treat cases by letter. _No one worthy of patronage will
guarantee a cure in any case_, for an educated practitioner understands
that cases are many and frequent where the best human skill may be
exerted in vain. Further than this, a physician of merit will not
advertise himself in the newspapers, except to announce the location of
his office or residence. Such physicians are jealous of their personal
and professional reputations, and are proud of their calling, which is
justly esteemed one of the noblest on earth. They are men of humanity
and learning, and they take, perhaps, more pleasure in relieving
suffering than in making money. If a patient cannot pay for their
services, they give them free in the name of the Great Healer of all
ills. They have no such things as private remedies. They use their
knowledge for the good of mankind, and are prompt to make known their
discoveries, so that all the world may enjoy the benefit, they
themselves being rewarded with the fame of their inventions.
Not so with the quacks. A few have some medical knowledge, and are even
graduates of regular colleges, but the majority have neither medical
knowledge nor skill. They know their remedies are worthless, and they
offer them only to make money. They know in many cases that their
nostrums will inflict positive injury upon their victims; but they are
careless of the harm they do. They live upon human misery.
We may safely assure the reader that not one single physician, so
called, who conducts his business by means of advertisements or
circulars, is really competent to treat the cases he professes to cure,
and that no one knows this better than himself. Do not answer any
advertisement you may see in the newspapers. They are worthless. Above
all do not take the medicines sent you by the advertisers. Some of them
are poisonous substances. If you doubt this assertion, take the
compound to any druggist of your acquaintance, and ask him to analyze
it, and tell you what it is worth as a healing agent. If you need
medical advice, go to some physician that you know and have confidence
in. Don't put yourself in the hands of a man you know nothing of, who
would just as soon poison you as heal you, and who pursues his calling,
in most cases, in violation of the laws of the land. Let quack doctors,
or, in other words, advertising doctors, alone_.
PATENT MEDICINES.
As a general rule, the various medicines advertised as "specifics," or
"panaceas," for various ills, are humbugs. They are worthless. Many of
them are made up of harmless drugs, which can do no harm, if, as is
very certain, they do no good; but others are composed of very
dangerous substances. The remedies advertised for "private diseases"
rarely fail to make the patient worse, either by aggravating the
disease itself, or by permanently injuring the constitution. The
"Elixirs of Life," "Life Rejuvenators," "Vital Fluids," etc., are
either dangerous poisons, or worthless draughts. They contain mercury
to a very large extent; and anyone acquainted with the properties of
this substance can easily understand how great is the danger of using
them. The certificates accompanying them, as testimonials of their
merits, are simply forgeries. Some rascally proprietors have not
hesitated to use the names of prominent public men, without either
their knowledge or consent, in this way. Some of these forgeries have
been discovered and exposed, but the majority pass unnoticed. Rest
assured, dear reader, that men of character are very chary of such use
of their names.
The various bitters which flood the country are only cheap whiskey, or
rum and water, made nauseous with drugs. They have no virtue whatever,
as medicinal agents, and merely injure the tone of the stomach. Their
chief result is to establish the habit of intemperance. They are more
fiery than ordinary liquors, and more destructive in their effects.
The various medicinal wines which are offered for sale, are decoctions
of elderberry juice and kindred substances, and are more hurtful than
beneficial.
The "washes," "lotions," "toilet fluids," etc., are generally apt to
produce skin diseases. They contain, in almost every instance,
substances which are either directly or indirectly poisonous to the
skin.
The "tooth washes," "powders," and "dentrifices," are hurtful. They
crack or wear away the enamel of the teeth, leave the nerve exposed,
and cause the teeth to decay. If you are wise, dear reader, you will
never use a dentrifice, unless you know what it is made of. The
principal constituent of these dentrifices is a powerful acid, and
there are some which contain large quantities of sulphuric acid, one
single application of which will destroy the best teeth in the world.
The "hair dyes," advertised under so many different names, contain such
poisons as nitrate of silver, oxide of lead, acetate of lead, and
sulphate of copper. These are fatal to the hair, and generally injure
the scalp.
The "ointments" and "onguents," for promoting the growth of whiskers
and moustaches, are either perfumed and colored lard, or poisonous
compounds, which contain quick lime, or corrosive sublimate, or some
kindred substance. If you have any acquaintance who has ever used this
means of covering his face with a manly down, ask him which came first,
the beard, or a troublesome eruption on the face.
RETIRED PHYSICIANS.
One of the popular "dodges" of the rogues who sell such compounds as we
have been describing, is to insert such an advertisement as the
following in the newspapers of the country.
"A RETIRED PHYSICIAN, of forty years' practice, discovered, while in
India, a sure remedy for consumption, bronchitis, colds, etc. Having
relinquished his practice, he has no further use for the remedy, and
will send it free on receipt of a three cent stamp to pay return
postage."
Sometimes the advertisement is that of a "retired clergyman," and
sometimes it is in the following form:
"A lady who has been cured of great nervous debility, after many years
of misery, desires to make known to all fellow sufferers, the sure
means of relief. Address, enclosing a stamp, Mrs.----, P. O. box--, New
York, and the prescription will be sent free by return mail."
A single moment's reflection ought to convince any sensible person that
the parties thus advertising are humbugs. It costs a great deal to
advertise, and as the announcements we refer to can be seen in every
paper in the land, it is safe to say that the "retired physician" and
"clergyman," or the "nervous lady," expend each from five to ten
thousand dollars per annum in advertising. The reader will see at a
glance, that, however benevolent such parties may be, they cannot
afford to give away so much money every year. The manner in which the
business is managed is as follows:
The "retired physician" and "clergyman," and the "nervous lady," are
one and the same individual. The man personating them is an ignorant
knave. He scatters his advertisements broadcast over the land. Letters
come, asking for his valuable recipe. He sends the prescription, and
notifies the party asking for it, that if the articles named in it
cannot be procured by him at any drug store convenient to him, he, the
"retired physician," "clergyman," or "nervous lady," will furnish them,
upon application, at a certain sum, (generally averaging five dollars,)
which he assures him is very cheap, as the drugs are rare and
expensive. The articles named in the prescription are utterly unknown
to any druggist in the world, and the names are the production of the
quack's own brains, and, as a matter of course, the patient is unable
to procure them at home, and sends an order for them with the price, to
the "retired physician," "clergyman," or "nervous lady," and in return
receives a nostrum compounded of drugs, which any apothecary could have
furnished at one half the expense. In this way the "benevolence" of the
quack is very profitable. Men have grown rich in this business, and it
is carried on to an amazing extent in this city. It is done in
violation of the law, and the benevolent individual not unfrequently
falls into the hands of the police, but, as soon as released, he opens
his business under a new name. As long as there are fools and dupes in
the world, so long will the "retired physician" find an extensive
practice.
Any one who chooses to do so, can verify our statement by a simple
application at the police headquarters of this city. The accomplished
and energetic Superintendent of the Metropolitan force is a stern foe
to swindlers of all kinds, and he can furnish any one who desires it
with more interesting details on this subject than we can possibly
give. One proof of our assertions is the fact that these quack doctors
and patent medicine proprietors rarely use their own names in their
business. They operate under a variety of _aliases_.