About five o'clock the Wife quieted down and I thought it was safe to
talk to her. "I've been readin' in the guide about a pretty river trip,"
I says. "We can start from here on the boat to-morrow mornin'. They run
to Fort Pierce to-morrow and stay there to-morrow night. The next day
they go from Fort Pierce to Rockledge, and the day after that from
Rockledge to Daytona. The fare's only five dollars apiece. And we can
catch a north-bound train at Daytona."
"All right, I don't care," says the Missus.
So I left her and went down-stairs and acrost the street to ask Mr.
Foster. Ask Mr. Foster happened to be a girl. She sold me the boat
tickets and promised she would reserve a room with bath for us at Fort
Pierce, where we was to spend the followin' night. I bet she knowed all
the w'ile that rooms with a bath in Fort Pierce is scarcer than toes on
a sturgeon.
I went back to the room and helped with the packin' in an advisory
capacity. Neither one of us had the heart to dress for dinner. We
ordered somethin' sent up and got soaked an extra dollar for service.
But we was past carin' for a little thing like that.
At nine o'clock next mornin' the good ship _Constitution_ stopped at the
Poinciana dock w'ile we piled aboard. One bellhop was down to see us off
and it cost me a quarter to get that much attention. Mrs. Potter must of
over-slept herself.
The boat was loaded to the guards and I ain't braggin' when I say that
we was the best-lookin' people aboard. And as for manners, why, say, old
Bill Sykes could of passed off for Henry Chesterfield in that gang! Each
one o' them occupied three o' the deck chairs and sprayed orange juice
all over their neighbors. We could of talked to plenty o' people here,
all right; they were as clubby a gang as I ever seen. But I was afraid
if I said somethin' they'd have to answer; and, with their mouths as
full o' citrus fruit as they was, the results might of been fatal to my
light suit.
We went up the lake to a canal and then through it to Indian River. The
boat run aground every few minutes and had to be pried loose. About
twelve o'clock a cullud gemman come up on deck and told us lunch was
ready. At half past one he served it at a long family table in the
cabin. As far as I was concerned, he might as well of left it on the
stove. Even if you could of bit into the food, a glimpse of your fellow
diners would of strangled your appetite.
After the repast I called the Missus aside.
"Somethin' tells me we're not goin' to live through three days o' this,"
I says. "What about takin' the train from Fort Pierce and beatin' it for
Jacksonville, and then home?"
"But that'd get us to Chicago too quick," says she. "We told people how
long we was goin' to be gone and if we got back ahead o' time they'd
think they was somethin' queer."
"They's too much queer on this boat," I says. "But you're goin' to have
your own way from now on."
We landed in Fort Pierce about six. It was only two or three blocks to
the hotel, but when they laid out that part o' town they overlooked some
o' the modern conveniences, includin' sidewalks. We staggered through
the sand with our grips and sure had worked up a hunger by the time we
reached Ye Inn.
"Got reservations for us here?" I ast the clerk.
"Yes," he says, and led us to 'em in person.
The room he showed us didn't have no bath, or even a chair that you
could set on w'ile you pulled off your socks.
"Where's the bath?" I ast him.
"This way," he says, and I followed him down the hall, outdoors and up
an alley.
Finally we come to a bathroom complete in all details, except that it
didn't have no door. I went back to the room, got the Missus and went
down to supper. Well, sir, I wish you could of been present at that
supper. The choice o' meats was calves' liver and onions or calves'
liver and onions. And I bet if them calves had of been still livin' yet
they could of gave us some personal reminiscences about Garfield.
The Missus give the banquet one look and then laughed for the first time
in several days.
"The guy that named this burg got the capitals mixed," I says. "It
should of been Port Fierce."
And she laughed still heartier. Takin' advantage, I says:
"How about the train from here to Jacksonville?"
"You win!" says she. "We can't get home too soon to suit me."