"No," he says; "this is our first trip, but we're makin' up for lost
time. We're seein' all they is to see and havin' everything the best."
"You're havin' everything, all right," I says, "but I don't know if it's
the best or not. How long have you been here?"
"A week to-morrow," says he. "And we stay another week and then go to
Ormond."
"Are you standin' the trip O. K.?" I ast him.
"Well," he says, "I don't feel quite as good as when we first come."
"Kind o' logy?" I says.
"Yes; kind o' heavy," says Jake.
"I know what you ought to do," says I. "You ought to go to a European
plan hotel."
"Not w'ile this war's on," he says, "and besides, my mother's a poor
sailor."
"Yes," says his mother; "I'm a very poor sailor."
"Jake's mother can't stand the water," says Mrs. Jake.
So I begun to believe that Jake's wife's mother-in-law was a total
failure as a jolly tar.
Social intercourse was put an end to when the waiter staggered in with
their order and our'n. The Missus seemed to of lost her appetite and
just set there lookin' grouchy and tappin' her fingers on the
table-cloth and actin' like she was in a hurry to get away. I didn't eat
much, neither. It was more fun watchin'.
"Well," I says, when we was out in the lobby, "we finally got acquainted
with some real people."
"Real people!" says the Missus, curlin' her lip. "What did you talk to
'em for?"
"I couldn't resist," I says. "Anybody that'd order four oyster cocktails
and four rounds o' blue-points is worth knowin'."
"Well," she says, "if they're there when we go in to-morrow mornin'
we'll get our table changed again or you can eat with 'em alone."
But they was absent from the breakfast board.
"They're probably stayin' in bed to-day to get their clo'es washed,"
says the Missus.
"Or maybe they're sick," I says. "A change of oysters affects some
people."
I was for goin' over to the island again and gettin' another o' them
quarter banquets, but the program was for us to walk round town all
mornin' and take a ride in the afternoon.
First, we went to St. George Street and visited the oldest house in the
United States. Then we went to Hospital Street and seen the oldest house
in the United States. Then we turned the corner and went down St.
Francis Street and inspected the oldest house in the United States. Then
we dropped into a soda fountain and I had an egg phosphate, made from
the oldest egg in the Western Hemisphere. We passed up lunch and got
into a carriage drawn by the oldest horse in Florida, and we rode
through the country all afternoon and the driver told us some o' the
oldest jokes in the book. He felt it was only fair to give his customers
a good time when he was chargin' a dollar an hour, and he had his gags
rehearsed so's he could tell the same one a thousand times and never
change a word. And the horse knowed where the point come in every one
and stopped to laugh.
We done our packin' before supper, and by the time we got to our table
Jake and the mourners was through and gone. We didn't have to ask the
waiter if they'd been there. He was perspirin' like an evangelist.
After supper we said good-by to the night clerk and twenty-two bucks.
Then we bought ourself another ride in the motor-bus and landed at the
station ten minutes before train-time; so we only had an hour to wait
for the train.
Say, I don't know how many stations they is between New York and San
Francisco, but they's twice as many between St. Augustine and Palm
Beach. And our train stopped twice and started twice at every one. I
give up tryin' to sleep and looked out the window, amusin' myself by
readin' the names o' the different stops. The only one that expressed my
sentiments was Eau Gallie. We was an hour and a half late pullin' out o'
that joint and I figured we'd be two hours to the bad gettin' into our
destination. But the guy that made out the time-table must of had the
engineer down pat, because when we went acrost the bridge over Lake
Worth and landed at the Poinciana depot, we was ten minutes ahead o'
time.
They was about two dozen uniformed Ephs on the job to meet us. And when
I seen 'em all grab for our baggage with one hand and hold the other
out, face up, I knowed why they called it Palm Beach.