I thought we was in Venice when we woke up next mornin', but the porter
says it was just Cairo, Illinois. The river'd went crazy and I bet they
wasn't a room without a bath in that old burg.
As we set down in the diner for breakfast the train was goin' acrost the
longest bridge I ever seen, and it looked like we was so near the water
that you could reach right out and grab a handful. The Wife was a little
wabbly.
"I wonder if it's really safe," she says.
"If the bridge stays up we're all right," says I.
"But the question is, Will it stay up?" she says.
"I wouldn't bet a nickel either way on a bridge," I says. "They're
treacherous little devils. They'd cross you as quick as they'd cross
this river."
"The trainmen must be nervous," she says. "Just see how we're draggin'
along."
"They're givin' the fish a chance to get off en the track," I says.
"It's against the law to spear fish with a cowcatcher this time o'
year."
Well, the Wife was so nervous she couldn't eat nothin' but toast and
coffee, so I figured I was justified in goin' to the prunes and steak
and eggs.
After breakfast we went out in what they call the sun parlor. It was a
glassed-in room on the tail-end o' the rear coach and it must of been a
pleasant place to set and watch the scenery. But they was a gang o'
missionaries or somethin' had all the seats and they never budged out o'
them all day. Every time they'd come to a crossroads they'd toss a stack
o' Bible studies out o' the back window for the southern heathen to pick
up and read. I suppose they thought they was doin' a lot o' good for
their fellow men, but their fellow passengers meanw'ile was gettin' the
worst of it.
Speakin' o' the scenery, it certainly was somethin' grand. First we'd
pass a few pine trees with fuzz on 'em and then a couple o' acres o'
yellow mud. Then they'd be more pine trees and more fuzz and then more
yellow mud. And after a w'ile we'd come to some pine trees with fuzz on
'em and then, if we watched close, we'd see some yellow mud.
Every few minutes the train'd stop and then start up again on low. That
meant the engineer suspected he was comin' to a station and was scared
that if he run too fast he wouldn't see it, and if he run past it
without stoppin' the inhabitants wouldn't never forgive him. You see,
they's a regular schedule o' duties that's followed out by the more
prominent citizens down those parts. After their wife's attended to the
chores and got the breakfast they roll out o' bed and put on their
overalls and eat. Then they get on their horse or mule or cow or dog and
ride down to the station and wait for the next train. When it comes they
have a contest to see which can count the passengers first. The losers
has to promise to work one day the followin' month. If one fella loses
three times in the same month he generally always kills himself.
All the towns has got five or six private residences and seven or eight
two-apartment buildin's and a grocery and a post-office. They told me
that somebody in one o' them burgs, I forget which one, got a letter the
day before we come through. It was misdirected, I guess.
The two-apartment buildin's is constructed on the ground floor, with a
porch to divide one flat from the other. One's the housekeepin' side and
the other's just a place for the husband and father to lay round in so's
they won't be disturbed by watchin' the women work.
It was a blessin' to them boys when their states went dry. Just think
what a strain it must of been to keep liftin' glasses and huntin' in
their overalls for a dime!
In the afternoon the Missus went into our apartment and took a nap and I
moseyed into the readin'-room and looked over some o' the comical
magazines. They was a fat guy come in and set next to me. I'd heard him,
in at lunch, tellin' the dinin'-car conductor what Wilson should of
done, so I wasn't su'prised when he opened up on me.
"Tiresome trip," he says.