The sea was calm and full of old-fashioned brigs and barques. She
watched them growing small like pictures floating between a green sea
and a mauve sky; and then was surprised to see the white cliffs so
near; and the blowing woodland was welcome after the treeless French
plain.
Harold was to meet her at Victoria, and when she had answered his
questions regarding the crossing, and they had taken their seats in
the suburban train, he said:
'You're looking a little tired, you've been over-doing it.'
'Yes, I've been working pretty hard,' she said, and the conversation
paused.
The trap was waiting for them at the station and, when they got in,
Mildred said: 'I wonder what there will be for dinner.'
'I think there is boiled salmon and a roast leg of mutton. Will that
suit you?'
'Well,' said Mildred, 'isn't that taking a somewhat sudden leap?'
'Leap where?'
'Why, into England. I should have thought that some sort of dish--a
roast chicken or a boiled chicken would have been a _pas de Calais_
kind of dish.'
'You shall have roast chicken to-morrow, or would you like them
boiled?'
'I don't mind,' said Mildred, more disappointed at the failure of her
joke than at the too substantial fare that awaited her. 'Poor Harold,'
she thought, 'is the best of fellows, but, like all of them, he can't
see a joke. The cooking I can alter, but he'll always remain boiled
and roast leg of mutton.'
But, though with little sense of humour, Harold was not as dense as
Mildred thought. He saw that her spirits were forced, that she was in
ill-health, and required a long rest. So he was not surprised to hear
in the morning that she was too tired to come down to breakfast; she
had a cup of tea in her room, and when she came down to the dining-
room she turned from the breakfast table. She could touch nothing, and
went out of doors to see what kind of day it was.
The skies were grey and lowering, the little avenue that led to the
gate was full of dead leaves; they fluttered down from the branches;
the lawn was soaked, and the few flowers that remained were pale and
worn. A sense of death and desolation pervaded the damp, moist air;
Mildred felt sorrow mounting in her throat, and a sense of dread,
occasioned by the sudden showering of a bough, caused her to burst
into tears. She had no strength left, she felt that she was going to
be ill, and trembled lest she should die.
To die, and she so young! No, she would live, she would succeed. But
to do that she must take more care of her health. She would eat no
more bon-bons; she threw the box away. And, conquering her repugnance
to butchers' meat, she finished a chop and drank a couple of glasses
of wine for lunch. The food did her good, and she determined to take a
long rest. For a month she would do nothing but rest, she would not
think of painting, she would not even draw on the blotting-pad. Rest
was what she wanted, and there was no better place to rest than
Sutton.
'If it weren't so dull.' She sighed and looked out on the wet lawn. No
one would call, no one knew she had come home. Was it wise for her to
venture out, and on such a day? She felt that it was not, and
immediately after ordered the trap.
She went to call on some friends.... If they would allow her to bring
Mabel back to dinner it would be nice, she could show Mabel her
dresses and tell her about Paris. But Mabel was staying with friends
in London. This was very disappointing, but determined to see some one
Mildred went a long way in search of a girl who used to bore her
dreadfully. But she too was out. Coming home Mildred was caught in the
rain; the exertion of changing her clothes had exhausted her, and
sitting in the warmth of the drawing-room fire she grew fainter and
fainter. The footman brought in the lamp. She got up in some vague
intention of fetching a book, but, as she crossed the room, she fell
full length along the floor.