THE WAY BACK
It was three days later that Dinah began at last the long and weary
pilgrimage back again. Almost against her will she turned her faltering
steps up the steep ascent; for she was too tired for any sustained
effort. Only that something seemed to be perpetually drawing her she
would not have been moved to make the effort at all. For she was so
piteously weak that the bare exertion of opening her eyes was almost more
than she could accomplish. But ever the unknown influence urged her, very
gently but very persistently, never passive, never dormant, but always
drawing her as by an invisible cord back to the world of sunshine and
tears that seemed so very far away from the land of shadows in which she
wandered.
All active suffering had left her, and she would fain have been at peace;
but the hand that clasped hers would not be denied. The motherly voice
that had calmed the wildest fantasies of her fevered brain spoke now to
her with tenderest encouragement; the love that surrounded her drew her,
uplifted her, sustained her. And gradually, as she crept back from the
shadows, she came to lean upon this love as upon a sure support, to count
upon it as her own exclusive possession--a wonderful new gift that had
come to her out of the darkness.
She still welcomed her friend Scott at her bedside, but very curiously
she had grown a little shy in his presence. She could not forget that
dream of hers, and for a long time she was haunted by the dread that he
had in some way come to know of it. Though the steady eyes never held
anything but the utmost kindness and sympathy, she was half afraid to
meet them lest they should look into her heart and see the vision she had
seen. She never called him Mr. Greatheart now.
With Isabel, beloved nurse and companion, she was completely at her ease.
A great change had come over Isabel--such a change as turns the bare
earth into a garden of spring when the bitter winter is past at last. All
the ice-bound bitterness had been swept utterly away, and in its place
there blossomed such a wealth of mother-love as transformed her
completely.
She spent herself with the most lavish devotion in Dinah's service. There
was not a wish that she expressed that was not swiftly and abundantly
satisfied. Night and day she was near her, ignoring all Biddy's
injunctions to rest, till the old woman, seeing the light that had dawned
in the shadowed eyes, left her to take her own way in peace. She hovered
in the background, always ready in case her mistress's new-found strength
should fail. But Isabel did not need her care. All her being was
concentrated upon the task of bringing Dinah back to life, and she
thought of nothing else, meeting the strain with that strength which
comes in great emergencies to all.
And as she gradually succeeded in her task, a great peace descended upon
her, such as she had never known before. Biddy sometimes gazed in
amazement at the smooth brow and placid countenance at Dinah's bedside.
"Sure, the young lady's been a blessing straight from the Almighty," she
said to Scott.
"I think so too, Biddy," he made quiet answer.
He was much less in the sick-room now that Dinah's need of him had
passed. He sometimes wondered if she even knew how many hours he had
formerly spent there. He visited her every day, and it was to him that
the task fell of telling her that the de Vignes had arranged to leave
her in their charge.
"We have your father's permission," he said, when her brows drew together
with a troubled expression. "You see, it is quite impossible to move you
at present, and they must be getting home. Billy is to go with them if
you think you can be happy alone with us."
She put out her little wasted hand. "I could be happy with you anywhere,"
she said simply. "But it doesn't seem right."
"Of course it is right," he made quiet reply. "In fact, if you ask me, I
think it is our business rather than anyone else's to get you well
again."
She flushed in quick embarrassment. "Oh, please, you mustn't put it like
that. And I have been such a trouble to everyone ever since."
He smiled at her very kindly. "Biddy says you are a blessing from the
Almighty, and I quite agree with her. It is settled then? You are content
to stay with us until we take you home?"
Her hand was clasped in his, but she did not meet his look. "Oh, much
more than content," she said, her voice very low. "Only--"
"Only?" he said gently.
She made an effort to lift her eyes, but dropped them again instantly.
"It will make it much harder to go home," she said.
She thought he sounded somewhat grim as he said, "There is no need to
meet troubles half-way, you know. You won't be strong enough for the
journey for some time to come."
"I wish I could stay just as I am now," she told him tremulously, "for
ever and ever and ever."
"Ah!" he said, with a faint sigh. "It is not given to any of us to bask
in the sun for long."
And so, two days after, the de Vignes paid a state visit of farewell to
Dinah, now pronounced out of danger but still pitiably weak,--so weak
that she cried when the Colonel bade her be a good girl and get well
enough to come home as soon as possible, so as not to be a burden to
these kind friends of hers longer than she need.
Lady Grace's kiss was chilly and perfunctory. "I also hope you will get
well quickly, Dinah," she said, "as I believe Mr. Studley and his sister
are staying on mainly on your account. Sir Eustace, I understand, is
returning very shortly, and I have asked him to join our house-party."
"Good-bye, dear!" murmured Rose, bending her smiling lips to kiss Dinah's
forehead. "I am sorry your good time has had such a tragic end. I was
hoping that you might be allowed to come to the Hunt Ball, but I am
afraid that is out of the question now. Sir Eustace will be sorry too.
He says you are such an excellent little dancer."
"Good-bye!" said Dinah, swallowing her tears.
She wept unrestrainedly when Billy bade her a bluff and friendly
farewell, and he was practically driven from the room by Isabel; who then
returned to her charge, gathered her close in her arms, and sat with her
so, rocking her gently till gradually her agitation subsided.
"Do forgive me!" Dinah murmured at last, clinging round her neck.
To which Isabel made answer in that low voice of hers that so throbbed
with tenderness whenever she spoke to her. "Dear child, there is nothing
to forgive. You are tired and worn out. I know just how you feel. But
never mind--never mind! Forget it all!"
"I know I am a burden," whispered Dinah, clinging closer.
Isabel's lips pressed her forehead. "My darling," she said, "you are such
a burden as I could not bear to be without."
That satisfied Dinah for the time; but it was not the whole of her
trouble, and presently, still clasped close to Isabel's heart, she gave
hesitating utterance to the rest.
"It would have been--so lovely--to have gone to the Hunt Ball. I should
like to dance with--with Sir Eustace again. Is he--is he really going to
stay with the de Vignes?"
"I don't know, dear. Very possibly not." Isabel's voice held a hint of
constraint though her arms pressed Dinah comfortingly close. "He will
please himself when the time comes no doubt."
Dinah did not pursue the subject, but her mind was no longer at rest. She
wondered how she could have forgotten Sir Eustace for so long, and now
that she remembered him she was all on fire with the longing to see him
again. Rose had spoken so possessively, so confidently, of him, as
though--almost as though--he had become her own peculiar property during
the long dark days in which Dinah had been wandering in another world.
Something in Dinah hotly and fiercely resented this attitude. She yearned
to know if it were by any means justified. She could not, would not,
believe that he had suffered himself to fall like other men a victim to
Rose's wiles. He was so different from all others, so superbly far above
all those other captives. And had she not heard him laugh and call Rose
machine-made?
A great restlessness began to possess her. She felt she must know what
had been happening during her absence from the field. She must know if
Rose had succeeded in adding yet another to her long list of devoted
admirers. She felt that if this were so, she could never, never forgive
her. But it was not possible. She was sure--she was sure it was not
possible.
Sir Eustace was not the man to grovel at any woman's feet. She recalled
the arrogance of his demeanour even in his moments of greatest
tenderness. She recalled the magnetic force of his personality, his
overwhelming mastery. She recalled the strong holding of his arms,
thrilled yet again to the burning intensity of his kisses.
No, no! He had never stooped to become one of Rose's adorers. If
he had ever flirted with her, he had done it out of boredom. She was
beautiful--ah yes, Rose was beautiful; but Dinah was quite convinced
she had no brains. And Eustace would never seriously consider a woman
without brains.
Seriously! But then had he ever taken her into his serious consideration
either? Had he not rather been at pains to make her understand that what
had passed between them was no more than a game to which no serious
consequences were attached? She had caught his fancy, his passing fancy,
and now was not her turn over? Had he not laughed and gone his way?
She chafed terribly at the thought, and ever the longing to see him again
grew within her till she did not know how to hide it from those about
her.
In the evening her temperature rose, and the doctor was dissatisfied with
her. She passed a restless night, and was considerably weaker in the
morning.
"There is something on her mind," the doctor said to Isabel. "See if you
can find out what it is!"
But it was Scott who succeeded with the utmost gentleness in discovering
the trouble. He came in late in the morning and sat down beside her for a
few minutes.
"I have been writing letters for my brother," he said in his quiet way,
"or I should have called for news of you sooner. Isabel tells me you have
had a bad night."
Dinah's face was flushed and her eyes very bright. "I heard the
dance-music in the distance," she said nervously. "It--it made me want to
go and dance."
"I am sorry it disturbed you," he said gently. "It was only that then?
You weren't really troubled about anything?"
She hesitated, then, meeting the kindness of his look, her eyes suddenly
filled with tears. She turned her head away in silence.
He leaned towards her. "Is there anything you want?" he said. "Tell me
what it is! I will get it for you if it is humanly possible."
"I know--I know!" faltered Dinah, and hid her face in the pillow.
He waited a moment or two, then laid a very gentle hand upon her dark
head. "Don't cry, little one!" he said softly. "Tell me what it is!"
"I can't," murmured Dinah.
"You wanted to go and dance," said Scott sympathetically. "Was it just
that?"
"Not--just--that!" she whispered forlornly.
"I thought not. You were wanting something more than that. What was it?"
She tried not to tell him. She would have given almost all she had to
keep silence on the subject; but somehow she had to speak. Under the
pressure of that kind hand, she could not maintain her silence any
longer.
"I was thinking of--of your brother," she told him with tears. "I was
wondering if--if he were dancing, and--and I not there!"
It was out at last, and she hid her face in overwhelming shame because
she had given him a glimpse of her secret heart which none had ever seen
before. She wondered with anguish what he thought of her, if she had
forfeited his good opinion of her for ever, if indeed he would ever speak
to her with kindness again.
And then very quietly he did speak, and in a moment all her anxiety was
gone. "He may have been dancing," he said. "But I believe he has been
very bored ever since the weather broke. I wonder if he might come and
see you. Would it be too much for you? Should you mind?"
"Mind!" Dinah's tears were gone in a flash. She turned shining eyes upon
him. "But would he come?" she said, with sudden misgiving. "Wouldn't that
bore him too?"
Scott smiled at her in a way that set her mind wholly at rest. "No, I
think not," he said. "When shall he come? This evening?"
Dinah slipped a confiding hand into his. She felt that now Scott knew and
was not scandalized, there was no further need for embarrassment. "Oh,
just any time," she said. "But hadn't I better get up? It would look
better, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know about that," said Scott. "You had better ask the doctor."
Dinah's face flushed red. "Need the doctor know?" she asked him shyly. "I
am--so afraid of his saying I am well enough to go home. And that--that
will end everything."
"He shan't say that," Scott promised, still smiling in the fashion that
so warmed her heart. "I will drop him a hint."
"Oh, you are good!" Dinah said very earnestly. "I think you are the
kindest man I have ever met."
He laughed at that. "My dear, it is easy to be kind to you," he said.
"I'm sure I don't know why," she protested. "I'm getting very spoilt and
selfish."
He patted her hand gently and laid it down. "You are--just you," he said,
and rising with the words rather abruptly he left her.