_Matilda della Colonna to the Count de St. Julian_
_Cosenza_
Why is it, my friend, that you are determined to fly to so immense
a distance? You call me cruel, you charge me with unfeelingness and
inflexibility, and yet to my prayers you are deaf, to my intreaties you
are inexorable.
I have satisfied all the claims of decorum. I have fulfilled with rigid
exactness the laws of decency. One advantage you at least gain by the
distance you are so desirous to place between us. My sentiments are less
guarded. Reputation and modesty have fewer claims upon a woman, who can
have no intercourse with her lover but by letter. My feelings are less
restrained. For the anxiety, which distance inspires, awakens all the
tenderness of my nature, and raises a tempest in my soul that will not
be controled.
Oh, my St. Julian, till this late and lasting separation, I did not know
all the affection I bore you. Ever since you were parted from my aching
eyes, I have not known the serenity of a moment. The image of my friend
has been the constant companion of my waking hours, and has visited me
again in my dreams. The unknown dangers of the ocean swell in my eyes to
ten times their natural magnitude. Fickle and inconstant enemy, how
much I dread thee! Oh wast the lord of all my wishes in safety to the
destined harbour! May all the winds be still! May the tempests forget
their wonted rage! May every guardian power protect his voyage! Open
not, oh ocean, thy relentless bosom to yield him a watery grave! For
once be gentle and auspicious! Listen and grant a lover's prayer!
Restore him to my presence! May the dear sight of him once more refresh
these longing eyes! You will find this letter accompanied with a small
parcel, in which I have inclosed the miniature of myself, which I
have often heard you praise as a much better likeness than the larger
pictures. It will probably afford you some gratification during that
absence of which you so feelingly complain. It will suggest to you those
thoughts upon the subject of our love that have most in them of the calm
and soothing. It will be no unpleasant companion of your reveries, and
may sometimes amuse and cheat your deluded fancy.