LEANING ON JESUS.
1830-1832.
A DOOR OPENED--TOKENS FOR GOOD--TRUST EXERCISED IN THE STUDY AND
MINISTRY OF THE WORD--THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT--TRUSTING IN GOD
FOR DAILY BREAD--BLESSEDNESS OF WAITING UPON THE LORD--"OWE NO
MAN"--"ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH BE IT UNTO YOU"--THE GIFT OF
FAITH, AND THE GRACE OF FAITH.
After I had preached about three weeks at Exmouth and its neighborhood,
I went to Teignmouth, with the intention of staying there ten days, to
preach the word among the brethren with whom I had become acquainted
during the previous summer, and to tell them of the Lord's goodness to
me. In the evening, Monday, I preached for Brother Craik, at Shaldon, in
the presence of three ministers, none of whom liked the sermon; yet it
pleased God, through it, to bring to the knowledge of his dear Son a
young woman. How differently does the Lord judge from man! Here was a
particular opportunity for the Lord to get glory to himself. A foreigner
was the preacher, with great natural obstacles in the way, for he was
not able to speak English with fluency; but he had a desire to serve
God, and was by this time also brought into such a state of heart as to
desire that God alone should have the glory, if any good were done
through his instrumentality.
On Tuesday evening, I preached at Ebenezer Chapel, Teignmouth, the same
chapel at the opening of which I became acquainted with the brother whom
the Lord had afterwards used as an instrument of benefiting me so much.
During the week ensuing, Mr. M. preached almost daily at the
same place, a blessing attending his labors.
By this time, the request that I might stay at Teignmouth, and be the
minister of the above chapel, had been repeatedly expressed by an
increasing number of the brethren; but others were decidedly against my
remaining there. This opposition was instrumental in settling it in my
mind that I should stay for a while, at least until I was formally
rejected.
I preached again three times on the Lord's day, none saying we wish you
not to preach, though many of the hearers did not hear with enjoyment.
Some of them left, and never returned; some left, but returned after a
while. Others came to the chapel who had not been in the habit of
attending there previous to my coming. There was a great stir, a spirit
of inquiry, and a searching of the Scriptures, whether these things were
so. And, what is more than all, God set his seal upon the work, in
converting sinners. Twelve weeks I stood in this same position, whilst
the Lord graciously supplied my temporal wants, through two brethren,
unasked for. After this time, the whole little church, eighteen in
number, unanimously gave me an invitation to become their pastor. They
offered to supply my temporal wants by giving me fifty-five pounds a
year, which sum was afterwards somewhat increased, on account of the
increase of the church.
That which I now considered the best mode of preparation for the public
ministry of the word, no longer adopted from necessity, on account of
want of time, but from deep conviction, and from the experience of God's
blessing upon it, both as it regards my own enjoyment, the benefit of
the saints, and the conversion of sinners, is as follows: First, I do
not presume to know myself what is best for the hearers, and I therefore
ask the Lord, in the first place, that he would graciously be pleased to
teach me on what subject I shall speak, or what portion of his word I
shall expound. Now, sometimes it happens that, previous to my asking
him, a subject or passage has been in my mind, on which it has appeared
well for me to speak. In that case, I ask the Lord whether I should
speak on this subject or passage. If, after prayer, I feel persuaded
that I should, I fix upon it, yet so that I would desire to leave myself
open to the Lord to change it if he please. Frequently, however, it
occurs that I have no text or subject in my mind, before I give myself
to prayer for the sake of ascertaining the Lord's will concerning it. In
this case, I wait some time on my knees for an answer, trying to listen
to the voice of the Spirit to direct me. If, then, a passage or subject,
whilst I am on my knees, or after I have finished praying for a text, is
brought to my mind, I again ask the Lord, and that sometimes repeatedly,
especially if, humanly speaking, the subject or text should be a
peculiar one, whether it be his will that I should speak on such a
subject or passage. If, after prayer, my mind is peaceful about it, I
take this to be the text, but still desire to leave myself open to the
Lord for direction, should he please to alter it, or should I have been
mistaken. Frequently, also, in the third place, it happens that I not
only have no text nor subject on my mind previous to my praying for
guidance in this matter, but also I do not obtain one after once, or
twice, or more times praying about it. I used formerly at times to be
much perplexed when this was the case, but, for more than twenty years,
it has pleased the Lord, in general at least, to keep me in peace about
it. What I do is, to go on with my regular reading of the Scriptures,
where I left off the last time, praying (whilst I read) for a text, now
and then also laying aside my Bible for prayer, till I get one. Thus it
has happened that I have had to read five, ten, yea, twenty chapters,
before it has pleased the Lord to give me a text; yea, many times I have
even had to go to the place of meeting without one, and obtained it,
perhaps, only a few minutes before I was going to speak; but I have
never lacked the Lord's assistance at the time of preaching, provided I
had earnestly sought it in private. The preacher cannot know the
particular state of the various individuals who compose the
congregation, nor what they require, but the Lord knows it; and if the
preacher renounces his own wisdom, he will be assisted by the Lord; but
if he will choose in his own wisdom, then let him not be surprised if he
should see little benefit result from his labors.
Before I leave this part of the subject, I would just observe one
temptation concerning the choice of a text. We may see a subject to be
so very full that it may strike us it would do for some other occasion.
For instance, sometimes a text brought to one's mind for a week-evening
meeting may appear more suitable for the Lord's day, because then there
would be a greater number of hearers present. Now, in the first place,
we do not know whether the Lord ever will allow us to preach on another
Lord's day; and, in the second place, we know not whether that very
subject may not be especially suitable for some or many individuals
present just that week-evening. Thus I was once tempted, after I had
been a short time at Teignmouth, to reserve a subject which had been
just opened to me for the next Lord's day. But being able, by the grace
of God, to overcome the temptation by the above reasons, and preaching
about it at once, it pleased the Lord to bless it to the conversion of
a sinner, and that, too, an individual who meant to come but that once
more to the chapel, and to whose case the subject was most remarkably
suited.
2. Now, when the text has been obtained in the above way, whether it be
one, or two, or more verses, or a whole chapter or more, I ask the Lord
that he would graciously be pleased to teach me by his Holy Spirit
whilst meditating over it. Within the last twenty-five years, I have
found it the most profitable plan to meditate with my pen in my hand,
writing down the outlines as the word is opened to me. This I do, not
for the sake of committing them to memory, nor as if I meant to say
nothing else, but for the sake of clearness, as being a help to see how
far I understand the passage. I also find it useful afterwards to refer
to what I have thus written. I very seldom use any other help besides
the little I understand of the original of the Scriptures, and some good
translations in other languages. My chief help is prayer. I have NEVER
in my life begun to study one single part of divine truth without
gaining some light about it when I have been able really to give myself
to prayer and meditation over it. But _that_ I have often found a
difficult matter, partly on account of the weakness of the flesh, and
partly, also, on account of bodily infirmities and multiplicity of
engagements. This I most firmly believe, that no one ought to expect to
see much good resulting from his labors in word and doctrine, if he is
not much given to prayer and meditation.
3. Having prayed and meditated on the subject or text, I desire to leave
myself entirely in the hands of the Lord. I ask him to bring to my mind
what I have seen in my closet concerning the subject I am going to speak
on, which he generally most kindly does, and often teaches me much
additionally whilst I am preaching.
In connection with the above, I must, however, state that it appears to
me there is a preparation for the public ministry of the word which is
even more excellent than the one spoken of. It is this; to live in such
_constant_ and _real_ communion with the Lord, and to be so _habitually_
and _frequently_ in meditation over the truth, that without the above
_effort_, so to speak, we have obtained food for others, and know the
mind of the Lord as to the subject or the portion of the word on which
we should speak.
That which I have found most beneficial in my experience for the last
twenty-six years in the public ministry of the word, is _expounding_ the
Scriptures, and especially the going now and then through a whole gospel
or epistle. This may be done in a twofold way, either by entering
minutely into the bearing of every point occurring in the portion, or by
giving the general outlines, and thus leading the hearers to see the
meaning and connection of the whole. The benefits which I have seen
resulting from _expounding_ the Scriptures, are these: 1. The hearers
are thus, with God's blessing, led to the Scriptures. They find, as it
were, _a practical_ use of them in the public meetings. This induces
them to bring their Bibles, and I have observed that those who at first
did not bring them, have afterwards been induced to do so; so that, in a
short time, few (of the believers at least) were in the habit of coming
without them. This is no small matter; for everything which in our day
will lead believers to value the Scriptures is of importance. 2. The
expounding of the Scriptures is in general more beneficial to the
hearers than if, on a single verse, or half a verse, or two or three
words of a verse, some remarks are made, so that the portion of
Scripture is scarcely anything but a motto for the subject; for few have
grace to meditate much over the word, and thus exposition may not merely
be the means of opening to them the Scriptures, but may also create in
them a desire to meditate for themselves. 3. The expounding of the
Scriptures leaves to the hearers a connecting link, so that the reading
over again the portion of the word which has been expounded brings to
their remembrance what has been said, and thus, with God's blessing,
leaves a more lasting impression on their minds. This is particularly of
importance as it regards the illiterate, who sometimes have neither much
strength of memory nor capacity of comprehension. 4. The _expounding_ of
large portions of the word as the whole of a gospel or an epistle,
besides leading the _hearer_ to see the connection of the whole, has
also this particular benefit for the _teacher_, that it leads him, with
God's blessing, to the consideration of portions of the word which
otherwise he might not have considered, and keeps him from speaking too
much on favorite subjects, and leaning too much to particular parts of
truth, which tendency must surely sooner or later injure both himself
and his hearers. Expounding the word of God brings little honor to the
preacher from the _unenlightened_ or _careless_ hearer, but it tends
much to the benefit of the hearers in general.
Simplicity in expression, whilst the truth is set forth, is, in
connection with what has been said, of the utmost importance. It should
be the aim of the teacher to speak so that children, servants, and
people who cannot read may be able to understand him, so far as the
natural mind can comprehend the things of God. It ought also to be
remembered that there is, perhaps, not a single congregation in which
there are not persons of the above classes present, and that if _they_
can understand, the well-educated or literary persons will understand
likewise; but the reverse does not hold good. It ought further to be
remembered that the expounder of the truth of God speaks for God, for
eternity, and that it is not in the least likely that he will benefit
the hearers, except he use plainness of speech, which nevertheless
needs not to be vulgar or rude. It should also be considered that if the
preacher strive to speak according to the rules of this world, he may
please many, particularly those who have a literary taste; but, in the
same proportion, he is less likely to become an instrument in the hands
of God for the conversion of sinners, or for the building-up of the
saints. For neither eloquence nor depth of thought makes the truly great
preacher, but such a life of prayer and meditation and spirituality as
may render him a vessel meet for the Master's use, and fit to be
employed both in the conversion of sinners and in the edification of the
saints.
Becoming convinced, after a prayerful examination of the
Scriptures, that baptism should be administered only by
immersion, Mr. Mueller was then baptized in the spring of 1830.
It was so usual for me to preach with particular assistance, especially
during the first months of this year, that once, when it was otherwise,
it was much noticed by myself and others. The circumstance was this. One
day, before preaching at Teignmouth, I had more time than usual, and
therefore prayed and meditated about six hours in preparation for the
evening meeting, and I thought I saw many precious truths in the passage
on which I had meditated. It was the first part of the first chapter of
the epistle to the Ephesians. After I had spoken a little time, I felt
that I spoke in my own strength, and I, being a foreigner, felt
particularly the want of words, which had not been the case before. I
told the brethren that I felt I was left to myself, and asked their
prayers. But after having continued a little longer, and feeling the
same as before, I closed, and proposed that we should have a meeting
for prayer, that the Lord still might be pleased to help me. We did so,
and I was particularly assisted the next time.
On October 7, 1830, I was united by marriage to Miss Mary Groves, sister
of the brother whose name has already been mentioned. This step was
taken after prayer and deliberation, from a full conviction that it was
better for me to be married; and I have never regretted since either the
step itself or the choice, but desire to be truly grateful to God for
having given me such a wife.
About this time, I began to have conscientious objections against any
longer receiving a stated salary. My reasons against it were these:
1. The salary was made up by pew-rents; but pew-rents are, according to
James ii. 1-6, against the mind of the Lord, as, in general, the poor
brother cannot have so good a seat as the rich. 2. A brother may
_gladly_ do something towards my support if left to his own time; but,
when the quarter is up, he has perhaps other expenses, and I do not know
whether he pays his money grudgingly, and of necessity, or cheerfully;
but God loveth a cheerful giver. Nay, _I knew it to be a fact_ that
sometimes it had not been convenient to individuals to pay the money
when it had been asked for by the brethren who collected it. 3. Though
the Lord had been pleased to give me grace to be faithful, so that I had
been enabled not to keep back the truth when he had shown it to me;
still, I felt that the pew-rents were a snare to the servant of Christ.
It was a temptation to me, at least for a few minutes, at the time when
the Lord had stirred me up to pray and search the word respecting the
ordinance of baptism, because thirty pounds of my salary was at stake if
I should be baptized.
For these reasons, I stated to the brethren, at the end of October,
1830, that I should for the future give up having any regular salary.
After I had given my reasons for doing so, I read Philippians iv., and
told the saints that if they still had a desire to do something towards
my support, by voluntary gifts, I had no objection to receive them,
though ever so small, either in money or provisions. A few days after,
it appeared to me that there was a better way still; for, if I received
personally every single gift offered in money, both my own time and that
of the donors would be much taken up; and in this way, also, the poor
might, through temptation, be kept from offering their pence, a
privilege of which they ought not to be deprived; and some also might in
this way give more than if it were not known who was the giver, so that
it would still be doubtful whether the gift were given grudgingly or
cheerfully. For these reasons especially, there was a box put up in the
chapel, over which was written that whoever had a desire to do something
towards my support might put his offering into the box.
At the same time, it appeared to me right that henceforth I should ask
no man, not even my beloved brethren and sisters, to help me, as I had
done a few times, according to their own request, as my expenses, on
account of travelling much in the Lord's service, were too great to be
met by my usual income. For, unconsciously, I had thus again been led,
in some measure, to trust in an arm of flesh, going to man instead of
going to the Lord at once. _To come to this conclusion before God
required more grace than to give up my salary._
About the same time, also, my wife and I had grace given to us to take
the Lord's commandment, "Sell that ye have, and give alms," Luke xii.
33, literally, and to carry it out. Our staff and support in this matter
were Matthew vi. 19-34, John xiv. 13, 14. We leaned on the arm of the
Lord Jesus. It is now twenty-five years since we set out in this way,
and _we do not in the least regret the step we then took_. As I have
written down how the Lord has been pleased to deal with us since, I
shall be able to relate some facts concerning this matter, as far as
they may tend to edification.
Nov. 18, 1830. Our money was reduced to about eight shillings. When I
was praying with my wife in the morning, the Lord brought to my mind the
state of our purse, and I was led to ask him for some money. About four
hours after, a sister said to me, "Do you want any money?" "I told the
brethren," said I, "dear sister, when I gave up my salary, that I would
for the future tell the Lord _only_ about my wants." She replied, "But
he has told me to give you some money. About a fortnight ago, I asked
him what I should do for him, and he told me to give you some money; and
last Saturday it came again powerfully to my mind, and has not left me
since, and I felt it so forcibly last night that I could not help
speaking of it to brother P." My heart rejoiced, seeing the Lord's
faithfulness, but I thought it better not to tell her about our
circumstances, lest she should be influenced to give accordingly; and I
also was assured that, if it were of the Lord, she could not but give. I
therefore turned the conversation to other subjects, but when I left she
gave me two guineas. We were full of joy on account of the goodness of
the Lord. I would call upon the reader to admire the gentleness of the
Lord, that he did not try our faith much at the commencement, but
allowed us to see his willingness to help us, before he was pleased to
try it more fully.
The next Wednesday I went to Exmouth, our money having then again been
reduced to about nine shillings. I asked the Lord on Thursday, when at
Exmouth, to be pleased to give me some money. On Friday morning, about
eight o'clock, whilst in prayer, I was particularly led to ask again for
money; and before I rose from my knees I had the fullest assurance that
we should have the answer that very day. About nine o'clock I left the
brother with whom I was staying, and he gave me half a sovereign,
saying, "Take this for the expenses connected with your coming to us." I
did not expect to have my expenses paid, but I saw the Lord's fatherly
hand in sending me this money within one hour after my asking him for
some. But even then I was so fully assured that the Lord would send more
that very day, or had done so already, that, when I came home about
twelve o'clock, I asked my wife whether she had received any letters.
She told me she had received one the day before from a brother in
Exeter, with three sovereigns. Thus even my prayer on the preceding day
had been answered. The next day one of the brethren came and brought me
four pounds, which was due to me of my former salary, but which I could
never have expected, as I did not even know that this sum was due to me.
Thus I received, within thirty hours, in answer to prayer, seven pounds
ten shillings.
About Christmas, when our money was reduced to a few shillings, I asked
the Lord for more; when, a few hours after, there was given to us a
sovereign by a brother from Axminster. This brother had heard much
against me, and was at last determined to hear for himself, and thus
came to Teignmouth, a distance of forty miles; and having heard about
our manner of living, gave us this money.
With this closes the year 1830. Throughout it the Lord richly supplied
all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain
human prospect for one single shilling: so that, even as it regards
temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting
according to the dictates of my conscience; and as it regards spiritual
things, the Lord had dealt bountifully with me, and had condescended to
use me as an instrument in doing his work.
On the 6th, 7th, and 8th of Jan. 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord
for money, but received none. On the evening of January 8, I left my
room for a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord,
though he had been so gracious to us in that he not only, up to that
day, had supplied all our wants, but had given us also those answers of
prayer which have been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for
about five minutes, as to think it would be of no use to trust in the
Lord in this way. I also began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone
too far in living in this way. But, thanks to the Lord! this trial
lasted but a few minutes. He enabled me again to trust in him, and Satan
was immediately confounded; for when I returned to my room, out of which
I had not been absent ten minutes, the Lord had sent deliverance. A
sister in the Lord had brought us two pounds four shillings: so the Lord
triumphed, and our faith was strengthened.
Jan. 10. To-day, when we had again but a few shillings, five pounds were
given to us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all,
told the brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have
the kindness to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved
brethren either forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring
it in such small sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or
five weeks. As I had stated to them, however, from the commencement,
that I desired to look neither to man nor the box, but to the living
God, I thought it not right on my part to remind them of my request to
have the money weekly, lest it should hinder the testimony which I
wished to give, of trusting in the living God alone. It was on this
account that on January 28, when we had again but little money, though I
had seen the brethren, on January 24, open the box and take out the
money, I would not ask the brother, in whose hands it was, to let me
have it; but standing in need of it, as our coals were almost gone, I
asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it; and but a little time
afterwards it was given to us; even one pound eight shillings and
sixpence.
I would here mention, that, since the time I began living in this way, I
have been kept from speaking, either directly or indirectly, about my
wants, at the time I was in need. The only exception is, that in a few
instances, twenty years or more since, I have, at such times, spoken to
_very poor_ brethren, in the way of encouraging them to trust in the
Lord, telling them that I had to do the same, being myself in similar
straits; or, in a few instances, where it was needful to speak about my
own want, lest I should appear unfeeling, in that I did not help at all,
in cases of distress, or not as much as might have been expected.
On February 14 we had again very little money, and, whilst praying, I
was led to ask the Lord graciously to supply our wants; and _the instant
that I got up from my knees_ a brother gave me one pound, which had been
taken out of the box.
On March 7, I was again tempted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the
Lord, and though I was not miserable, still, I was not so fully resting
upon the Lord that I could triumph with joy. It was _but one hour
after_, when the Lord gave me another proof of his faithful love. A
Christian lady brought five sovereigns for us, with these words written
in the paper: "I was an hungered, and ye gave _me_ meat; I was thirsty,
and ye gave _me_ drink," etc.
April 16. This morning I found that our money was reduced to three
shillings; and I said to myself, I must now go and ask the Lord
earnestly for fresh supplies. But before I had prayed, there was sent
from Exeter two pounds, as a proof that the Lord hears before we call.
I would observe here, by the way, that if any of the children of God
should think that such a mode of living leads away from the Lord, and
from caring about spiritual things, and has the effect of causing the
mind to be taken up with the question, What shall I eat?--What shall I
drink?--and Wherewithal shall I be clothed?--I would request him
prayerfully to consider the following remarks: 1. I have had experience
of both ways, and know that my present mode of living, as to temporal
things, is connected with less care. 2. Confidence in the Lord, to whom
alone I look for the supply of my temporal wants, keeps me, when a case
of distress comes before me, or when the Lord's work calls for my
pecuniary aid, from anxious reckoning like this: Will my salary last
out? Shall I have enough myself the next month? etc. In this my freedom,
I am, by the grace of God, generally, at least, able to say to myself
something like this: My Lord is not limited; he can again supply; he
knows that this present case has been sent to me: and thus, this way of
living, so far from _leading to anxiety_, is rather the means of
_keeping from it_. And truly it was once said to me by an
individual,--You can do such and such things, and need not to lay by,
for the church in the whole of Devonshire cares about your wants. My
reply was: The Lord can use not merely any of the saints throughout
Devonshire, but those throughout the world, as instruments to supply my
temporal wants. 3. This way of living has often been the means of
reviving the work of grace in my heart, when I have been getting cold;
and it also has been the means of bringing me back again to the Lord,
after I have been backsliding. For it will not do,--it is not possible
to live in sin, and at the same time, by communion with God, to draw
down from heaven everything one needs for the life that now is. 4.
Frequently, too, a fresh answer to prayer, obtained in this way, has
been the means of quickening my soul, and filling me with much joy.
May 12. A sister has been staying for some time at Teignmouth on account
of her health; and when she was about to return home to-day, we saw it
the Lord's will to invite her to stay with us for some time; as we knew
that she would stay longer if her means allowed it. We were persuaded
that, as we saw it to be the Lord's will to invite her, he himself would
pay the expenses connected with her stay. About the time when she came
to our house, a parcel with money was sent from Chumleigh. A few weeks
before, I had preached at Chumleigh and in the neighborhood. The
brethren, knowing about my manner of living, after my departure
collected some money for me, and thus, in small offerings (one hundred
and seven altogether, as I have been told), two pounds and one penny
halfpenny were given. Thus the Lord paid for the expenses connected with
our sister's staying with us.
June 12. Lord's day. On Thursday last I went with brother Craik to
Torquay, to preach there. I had only about three shillings with me, and
left my wife with about six shillings at home. I asked the Lord
repeatedly for money; but when I came home my wife had only about three
shillings left, having received nothing. We waited still upon the Lord.
Yesterday passed away, and no money came. We had ninepence left. This
morning we were still waiting upon the Lord, and looking for
deliverance. We had only a little butter left for breakfast, sufficient
for brother E. and a relative living with us, to whom we did not mention
our circumstances, that they might not be made uncomfortable. After the
morning meeting, brother Y. most unexpectedly opened the box, and, in
giving me quite as unexpectedly the money at such a time, he told me
that _he and his wife could not sleep last night, on account of thinking
that we might want money_. The most striking point is, that after I had
repeatedly asked the Lord, but received nothing, _I then prayed
yesterday that the Lord would be pleased to impress it on brother Y.
that we wanted money, so that he might open the box_. There was in it
one pound eight shillings and tenpence halfpenny.
November 16. This morning I proposed united prayer respecting our
temporal wants. Just as we were about to pray, a parcel came from
Exmouth. In prayer we asked the Lord for meat for dinner, having no
money to buy any. After prayer, on opening the parcel, we found, among
other things, a ham, sent by a brother at Exmouth, which served us for
dinner.
November 19. We had not enough to pay our weekly rent; but the Lord
graciously sent us again to-day fourteen shillings and sixpence. I would
just observe, that we never contract debts, which we believe to be
unscriptural (according to Romans xiii. 8); and therefore we have no
bills with our tailor, shoemaker, grocer, butcher, baker, etc.; but all
we buy we pay for in ready money. The Lord helping us, we would rather
suffer privation than contract debts. Thus we always know how much we
have, and how much we have a right to give away. I am well aware that
many trials come upon the children of God, on account of not acting
according to Rom. xiii. 8.
November 27. Lord's day. Our money had been reduced to two pence
halfpenny; our bread was hardly enough for this day. I had several times
brought our need before the Lord. After dinner, when I returned thanks,
I asked him to give us our daily bread, meaning literally that he would
send us bread for the evening. Whilst I was praying, there was a knock
at the door of the room. After I had concluded, a poor sister came in,
and brought us some of her dinner, and from another poor sister five
shillings. In the afternoon she also brought us a large loaf. Thus the
Lord not only literally gave us bread but also money.
After we had, on December 31, 1831, looked over the Lord's gracious
dealings with us during the past year, in providing for all our temporal
wants, we had about ten shillings left. A little while after, the
providence of God called for that, so that not a single farthing
remained. Thus we closed the old year, in which the Lord had been so
gracious in giving to us, without our asking any one,--1. Through the
instrumentality of the box, thirty-one pounds fourteen shillings. 2.
From brethren of the church at Teignmouth, in presents of money, six
pounds eighteen shillings and sixpence. 3. From brethren living at
Teignmouth and elsewhere, not connected with the church at Teignmouth,
ninety-three pounds six shillings and twopence. Altogether, one hundred
and thirty-one pounds eighteen shillings and eightpence. There had been
likewise many articles of provision, and some articles of clothing given
to us, worth at least twenty pounds. I am so particular in mentioning
these things, to show that we are never losers from acting according to
the mind of the Lord. For had I had my regular salary, humanly speaking,
I should not have had nearly as much; but whether this would have been
the case or not, this is plain, that I have not served a hard master,
and that is what I delight to show.
January 7, 1832. We had been again repeatedly asking the Lord to-day and
yesterday to supply our temporal wants, having no means to pay our
weekly rent, and this evening, as late as eleven o'clock, a brother gave
us nineteen shillings and sixpence,--a proof that the Lord is not
limited to time.
January 14. This morning we had nothing but dry bread with our tea; only
the second time since we have been living by simple faith upon Jesus for
temporal supplies. We have more than forty pounds of ready money in the
house for two bills,[14] which will not be payable for several weeks;
but we do not consider this money to be our own, and would rather suffer
great privation, God helping us, than take of it. We were looking to our
Father, and he has not suffered us to be disappointed. For when now we
had but threepence left, and only a small piece of bread, we received
two shillings and five shillings.
[Footnote 14: One bill I had to meet for a brother, the other was
for money which, in the form of a bill, I had sent to the
Continent; but in both cases the money was in my hands before the
bills were given.]
February 18. This afternoon I broke a bloodvessel in my stomach, and
lost a considerable quantity of blood. I was very happy immediately
afterwards. February 19. This morning, Lord's day, two brethren called
on me, to ask me what arrangement there should be made to-day, as it
regarded the four villages, where some of the brethren were in the habit
of preaching, as, on account of my not being able to preach, one of the
brethren would need to stay at home to take my place. I asked them,
kindly, to come again in about an hour, when I would give them an
answer. After they were gone, the Lord gave me faith to rise. I dressed
myself; and determined to go to the chapel. I was enabled to do so,
though so weak when I went, that walking the short distance to the
chapel was an exertion to me. I was enabled to preach this morning with
as loud and strong a voice as usual, and for the usual length of time.
After the morning meeting, a medical friend called on me, and entreated
me not to preach again in the afternoon, as it might greatly injure me.
I told him that I should indeed consider it great presumption to do so
had the Lord not given me faith. I preached again in the afternoon, and
this medical friend called again, and said the same concerning the
evening meeting. Nevertheless, having faith, I preached again in the
evening. After each meeting I became stronger, which was a plain proof
that the hand of God was in the matter.
February 20. The Lord enabled me to rise early in the morning, and to go
to our usual prayer meeting, where I read, spoke, and prayed. Afterwards
I wrote four letters, expounded the Scriptures at home, and attended the
meeting again in the evening. February 21. I attended the two meetings
as usual, preached in the evening, and did my other work besides.
February 22. To-day I attended the meeting in the morning, walked
afterwards six miles with two brethren, and rode to Plymouth. February
23. I am now as well as I was before I broke the bloodvessel. In
relating the particulars of this circumstance, I would earnestly warn
every one who may read this not to imitate me in such a thing if he has
no faith; but if he has, it will, as good coin, most assuredly be
honored by God. I could not say that if such a thing should happen again
I would act in the same way; for when I have been not nearly so weak as
when I had broken the bloodvessel, having no faith, I did not preach;
yet, if it were to please the Lord to give me faith, I might be able to
do the same, though even still weaker than at the time just spoken of.
About this time I repeatedly prayed with sick believers till they were
restored. _Unconditionally_ I asked the Lord for the blessing of bodily
health (a thing which I could not do now), and almost always had the
petition granted. In some instances, however, the prayer was not
answered. In the same way, whilst in London, November, 1829, in answer
to my prayers, I was immediately restored from a bodily infirmity under
which I had been laboring for a long time, and which has never returned
since. The way in which I now account for these facts is as follows. It
pleased the Lord, I think, to give me in such cases something like the
gift (not grace) of faith, so that unconditionally I could ask and look
for an answer. The difference between the _gift_ and the _grace_ of
faith seems to me this. According to _the gift of faith_, I am able to
do a thing, or believe that a thing will come to pass, the not doing of
which, or the not believing of which, _would not be sin_; according to
_the grace of faith_, I am able to do a thing, or believe that a thing
will come to pass, respecting which I have the word of God as the ground
to rest upon, and, therefore, the not doing it, or the not believing it,
_would be sin_. For instance, _the gift of faith_ would be needed to
believe that a sick person should be restored again, though there is no
human probability, for _there is no promise to that effect_; _the grace
of faith_ is needed to believe that the Lord will give me the
necessaries of life, if I first seek the kingdom of God and his
righteousness, for _there is a promise to that effect_.[15]
[Footnote 15: Matt. vi.]
March 18. These two days we have not been able to purchase meat. The
sister in whose house we lodge gave us to-day part of her dinner. We are
still looking to Jesus for deliverance. We want money to pay the weekly
rent and to buy provisions. March 19. Our landlady sent again of her
meat for our dinner. We have but a halfpenny left. I feel myself very
cold in asking for money: still, I hope for deliverance, though I do not
see whence money is to come. We were not able to buy bread to-day as
usual. March 20. This has been again a day of very great mercies. In the
morning we met round our breakfast which the Lord had provided for us,
though we had not a single penny left. The last halfpenny was spent for
milk. We were then still looking to Jesus for fresh supplies. We both
had no doubt that the Lord would interfere. I felt it a trial that I had
but little earnestness in asking the Lord, and had this not been the
case, perhaps we might have had our wants sooner supplied. We have
about seven pounds in the house; but considering it no longer our own,
the Lord kept us from taking of it, with the view of replacing what we
had taken, as formerly I might have done. The meat which was sent
yesterday for our dinner was enough also for to-day. Thus the Lord had
provided another meal. Two sisters called upon us about noon, who gave
us two pounds of sugar, one pound of coffee, and two cakes of chocolate.
Whilst they were with us, a poor sister came and brought us one shilling
from herself and two shillings and sixpence from another poor sister.
Our landlady also sent us again of her dinner, and also a loaf. Our
bread would scarcely have been enough for tea, had the Lord not thus
graciously provided. In the afternoon, the same sister who brought the
money brought us also, from another sister, one pound of butter and two
shillings, and from another sister five shillings.