Old Time Agitators again on their Muscle.--Thanks to Henry
Wilson.--Advice to Charles Sumner.--Left-Handers to Wendell
Phillips.
Oho! ye gods and little fishes,
Beggars 'd ride, if hosses was wishes;
Wimmen would have a millenium day,
And all through the land the "deuce be to pay."
The Masserchewsetts Woman's _Suffering_ Society pulled off their cote
and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a few days since.
Yes, sir! I was there, and I still live to tell my tale.
E-x-z-a-ckt-ly!
As usual, on all such occasions, the women wore the bre-b-bifurcated
garments, while the _softer_ sex shone transparently, in silk, satins,
and black and bloo spots.
Like jumpin' jacks, they danced when the _strong-minded_ pulled the
strings, while their ears were pinned back and greased, ready to be
swallered at a minnit's warnin'.
JEWLEIR WARD HOW was chosen President, and S.E. Sewell, ABBI KELLY
FOSTIR, MARY E. SARGINT, the Rev. J. Freman Klark, LIDIA MARIAR CHILDE
and Frank B. Sanborne, Vice Presidents.
THE REV. HON. JUDGE AGUSTY J. CHAPIN, ESQ., L.L.D., opened the dance
with a prologue.
Mrs. How then rose and got up, and said:
"Feller citizens: We've got together, as usual, without any plan of
operation, except to howl and make faces at the critter man, ontil he is
ready to give up his liberties and endow us _angelic_ beeins with the
privilege of fillin' up with benzine on eleckshun day; to vote and rool
the destinies of the land." (Cheers.)
"No woman who desires the ballit, shall desist from hen-peckin her
husband, ontil, in his agony, he cries: 'Peace! be still! there's my
harness, get into it.'"
Mrs. LIVERMOOR, H.B. Blackwell, MARGARET CAMBELL, M. Fiske, and SARY E.
WILKINS, committee on resolutions, reported the follerin:
_Whereas:_ When our anshient relative, Adam, had the monopoly of the
ballit box, it was diskivered that it was not ment for man to vote
alone, and enjoy too much of a good thing. Consekently EVE was sent to
stir him up.
_Whereas:_ When Mother EVE got there, she made it slightly warm for
Adam, by assertin' her rites. Like many of our members, she made Adam
"walk chalk." On eleckshun day she took him by the ear and walked him to
the poles, and for the first time in his life he voted the woman's rites
ticket, and Mr. SATIN was elected by a unanimous vote.
Therefore, we recognize in EVE the pioneer of woman's rites, with ST.
NICKOLAS as our patron saint. (Great applause, with "3 cheers for OLD
NICK, the first candidate elected by femail suffrage.")
It was then resolved to send committees to the Democratic and Republican
conventions, to see if any LOONATICS had been nominated, who were in
favor of femail soopremiosity.
If any such persons were found, they should be requested to announce it
through the columns of the _Woman's Journal_, and let the world know the
fools wasent all dead yet.
Should the candidates be opposed to our cause, it was recommended that
when the Woman's Convention Committee meet, on the 18th of October, that
ten talented talkers be appointed to surround the candidates and talk
them to death as a warnin to futer candidates.
Congratulatory speeches, endorsin' these last resolutions, was made by
the wimmen, and I gess they would have kept talkin' ontil doomsday, if
the chokin-off committee hadn't been sent around with copies of
_Harper's Bazaar_, full of pictures of the new fall fashions. (Between
you and I, Mister PUNCHINELLO, the only thing which our wives goes
heavier on than their rites, so called, is fashions.) The convention
then thanked Hon. Hank Wilson for blowin' their trumpet, and voted to
present him with a new hoop skirt and a pound of spruce gum as a token
of their appreciation.
Charles Sumner was then trotted, out, viz.:
_Whereas:_ Charles Sumner has, somehow or other, got one foot kerslop on
our platform;
_Whereas:_ He must go the hul hog or none;
_Be it resolved:_ We can't take any stock in Charly, ontil he wears his
hair parted in the middle and done up in a waterfall, pledgin' himself
to go his entire length, next winter, for the 16th Commendment.
(Enthusiastic applause. Cries of "them's um!" "Kor-rect!" "Selah!'"
etc.; "Bully boy with the glass eye!" etc., etc.)
Mrs. How then got up and said thusly: "My friends: I'me down onto
colleges like a 1000 of brick. They are the mad puddles of artificial
ignorance. If a red-headed woman was alowed to shed her lite, the
proffessors would be throwed into the shades rite lively. The result
would be, the blind would lead the near-sited by the nose. Them's my
sentiments."
Stephen L. Fostir got up and said:
"He woulden't go to the poles on eleckshun without his wife as his ekal
a hangin' on his arm."
Mrs. LIVERMORE sprung quickly to her feet and said: "She'd bet $4.00 if
she was Steve's wife, he'd go to the poles under diffikilties, then, for
she wasen't the woman who thought the man lived that was the ekal of any
woman; and that hain't all," said she. "When we get hold of the ballit,
man has got to get up early in the mornin' to fool _us_ much. All the
koketting with the Democrats, Republicans, Prohibitionists, and Labor
Reformers in the offis of the _Woman's Journal_, last summer, don't
amount to shucks. Prominent politicians had entreeted her to go slow and
not mash things. I can only say," said Mrs. L., "as John Bunyan once
said:
'When woman will, she will.
And you can jest bet on't;
When she won't, she won't,
And there's an end on't.'"
An aged individual named Jenking, from Andover, said: "When he was in
his first childhood, he was drest in peticotes. He was now over 75 years
old, and believed an old man would feel better in caliker than satinett.
Hereafter they could count on him to wear out their old dresses."
A few left-handed compliments were paid to Wendil Fillips, and altho'
Wendil had allers went heavy on Wimmen's Rites, his bein' endossed by
his own sex was a squelcher on him. He wasen't endossed, but, like
Jonah, went overboard, to be hove up agin onto dry land in a few days,
for a whale has got to have a pretty good stomack to keep Mister Fillips
down a great while. That's so.
A few more resolutions were then voted, but as the Mayor of Bosting had
sent lots of perlicemen there, I didn't heer of any men gettin' killed
outrite, altho' a few innercent husbands got slitely bruised by bein'
whacked over their heads with their wive's umbrellers. Then they
adjerned.
The critters then got in their vests
And then got in their cotes,
Then got in a dredful pes-
Piration about their votes.
(Let 'em sweat.)
Ewers, a Non-Resistanter,
HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,
_Lait Gustise of the Peece._
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