By LORD CHESTERFIELD.
I have this evening been tired, jaded, nay, tormented, by the company of
a most worthy, sensible and learned man, a near relation of mine, who
dined and passed the evening with me. This seems a paradox, but is a
plain truth, he has no knowledge of the world, no manners, no address;
far from talking without book, as is commonly said of people who talk
sillily, he only talks by book; which in general conversation is ten
times worse. He has formed in his own closet, from books, certain systems
of everything, argues tenaciously upon those principles, and is both
surprised and angry at whatever deviates from them. His theories are
good, but, unfortunately, are all impracticable. Why? because he has only
read, and not conversed. He is acquainted with books, and an absolute
stranger to men. Laboring with his matter, he is delivered of it with
pangs; he hesitates, stops in his utterance, and always expresses himself
inelegantly. His actions are all ungraceful; so that, with all his merit
and knowledge, I would rather converse six hours with the most frivolous
tittle-tattle woman, who knew something of the world, than with him. The
preposterous notions of a systematical man, who does not know the world,
tire the patience of a man who does. It would be endless to correct his
mistakes, nor would he take it kindly; for he has considered everything
deliberately, and is very sure that he is in the right. Impropriety is
a characteristic, and a never-failing one, of these people. Regardless,
because ignorant, of customs and manners, they violate them every moment.
They often shock, though they never mean to offend; never attending
either to the general character, nor the particular distinguishing
circumstances of the people to whom, or before whom they talk; whereas
the knowledge of the world teaches one, that the very same things which
are exceedingly right and proper in one company, time and place, are
exceedingly absurd in others. In short, a man who has great knowledge,
from experience and observation, of the characters, customs, and manners
of mankind, is a being as different from, and as superior to, a man of
mere book and systematical knowledge, as a well-managed horse is to an
ass. Study, therefore, cultivate and frequent, men and women; not only in
their outward, and consequently guarded, but in their interior, domestic,
and consequently less disguised, characters and manners. Take your
notions of things as by observation and experience you find they really
are, and not as you read that they are or should be; for they never are
quite what they should be.
* * * * *
A man of the best parts, and the greatest learning, if he does not know
the world by his own experience and observation, will be very absurd; and
consequently very unwelcome in company. He may say very good things; but
they will probably be so ill-timed, misplaced, or improperly addressed,
that he had much better hold his tongue. Full of his own matter and
uninformed of, or inattentive to, the particular circumstances and
situations of the company, he vents it indiscriminately; he puts some
people out of countenance; he shocks others; and frightens all, who dread
what may come out next. The most general rule that I can give you for
the world, and which your experience will convince you of the truth of
is, never to give the tone to the company, but to take it from them; and
labor more to put them in conceit with themselves, than to make them
admire you. Those whom you can make like themselves better, will, I
promise you, like you very well.
A system-monger, who, without knowing any thing of the world by
experience, has formed a system of it in his dusty cell, lays it down,
for example, that (from the general nature of mankind) flattery is
pleasing. He will therefore flatter. But how? Why, indiscriminately.
And instead of repairing and heightening the piece judiciously, with
soft colors and a delicate pencil; with a coarse brush, and a great
deal of white-wash, he daubs and besmears the piece he means to adorn.
His flattery offends even his patron; and is almost too gross for his
mistress. A man of the world knows the force of flattery as well as he
does; but then he knows how, when, and where to give it; he proportions
his dose to the constitution of the patient. He flatters by application,
by inference, by comparison, by hint; and seldom directly. In the course
of the world there is the same difference, in everything, between system
and practice.