A FIT OF THE SULKS
Jove, wasn't it just ripping to think that at last a chap could go
where he liked, and do what he liked--all that horrid lot at the Grange
being either dead or with the locksmith's fingers between them and the
outside world! Ripping? Rather! It was like a new earth.
All the same, you have no idea what a show place the ruined Grange
became. Old Bailiff Ball stayed on and made a pretty penny by showing
the people over. Especially the weaving-room, and where old Hobby sat,
and the keyhole through which Elsie peeped to see her grandfather as if
praying over the loom, with Jeremy's knife hafted between his shoulder
blades! I think they would have had a magic lantern next! But finally
this was stopped by the police people. For Miss Orrin was still to be
tried, and all the money that could be got out of the grounds of Deep
Moat Grange was to be given back to the friends and relatives of the
people who had been "arranged for." But the mischief was, nobody
wanted to buy, and the whole place was in danger of going to rack and
ruin.
As for me, I took to wandering about a good deal there. Maybe I was
love-sick--though I hope not, for my good name's sake. At least, it
was about this time father said that we were far too young for any
thought of marriage, but that Elsie could stay on in our house. Then
Elsie was not happy, and was all the time wanting to go back to Nance
Edgar's and her teaching at Mr. Mustard's--because my mother had got
accustomed to the Caw girls, Harriet and Constantia, by this time, and
could not bear the thought of parting with them. So Elsie, of course,
would not stay, and go she did, as you shall hear.
We could have had some pretty good times, she and I, but for this
worry. Father was about as fond of Elsie as I was (owing to the time
behind the Monks' Oven). But, of course, he would not go openly
against mother--that is, not in the house. It was not to be expected.
If it had been anything to do with the shop or business, he would
simply have told mother to mind her own affairs. And mother would have
done it, too. But with the house it was different.
Well, all this made me pretty melancholy--with no more stand-up in me
than a piece of chewed string. I read poetry, too, on the sly--such
rot, as I now see--never anything written plain out, but all the words
twisted, the grammar all tail foremost, and no sense at all mostly. I
don't wonder nowadays people only use it in church to sing--and even
then never think of bringing away their hymn books with them.
So what with the poetry, and the melancholy brought on by the thought
of Elsie going back to have that old bristly weasel-faced Mustard
breathe down her neck when she was doing sums, I brought myself to a
pretty low ebb. Elsie was sorry for me, I think, but said nothing.
She had aches of her own under the old blue serge blouse (left side
front) when Harriet Caw went past her on our stairs rustling in silk
underthings and an impudent little nose in the air as if she smelt a
drain.
At any rate I spent a good deal of time in the woods that summer.
Woods are most sympathetic places when you are young and just
desperately sad, but can't for the life of you tell why. Doctors, I
believe, know. But when mother asked old Doc McPhail, he only grinned
and said she had better "let the kail-pot simmer a while longer. The
broth would be none the worse!"
But my mother could make nothing out of that, nor I either for that
matter. Yet through the glass of the office door I actually saw the
doctor grin at my father, and my father--yes, he actually winked back!
Old brutes, both of them--fifth commandment or no fifth commandment!
"No books--no office!" said old McPhail, "not for a while. Let the
colt run till he tires!"
So the colt was, as it were, turned out to grass. The official
explanation was that between nineteen and twenty there occurred a
dangerous period--twenty-one was a yet more dangerous age. _And I had
overgrown my strength!_
I liked that--_I_ who could vault the counter twenty-five times back
and forth, leaning only on the fingers of one hand!
Something during the long summer days drew me persistently to the Deep
Moat Woods. Some magnet of danger past and gone for ever--something,
too, of nearness to the little schoolhouse, to which, spite of my
father and myself, Elsie had carried her point and returned. I was
sulky and jealous about this--much to Elsie's indignation.
"Mr. Mustard--Mr. Mustard!" she said, with her eyes cold and
contemptuous; "I can keep Mr. Mustard in his place--ay, or ten of
him--you too, Joseph Yarrow, mopping about the woods like a sick cat!
You are not half the man your father is!"
And, indeed, I never set myself up to be.
The day I am telling about was a Saturday. Elsie was to have gone for
a walk with me; I expected it. But, instead, she informed me in the
morning, when I met her setting out to go to the school-house for an
extra lesson, that she had arranged to spend the afternoon with father
in his office, going into her grandfather's affairs.
"Mr. Yarrow," she said, "thinks that everything which my grandfather
possessed _before_ he began to kill people is quite rightly mine. He
had weaved hard for that. It would have been my mother's, and it ought
to be mine, too. Even a bad man, your father says, ought to be allowed
to do a little good after he is dead, if it can be arranged honestly.
That is what your father says."
"My father!" I repeated after her bitterly, "it is always my father
now."
"And good reason!" cried Elsie, firing up, "he gives the best and
wisest advice, and it would tell on you, Master Joe, if you took it a
little oftener."
"No wonder mother prefers Harriet Caw!" I muttered. And the next
moment I would have given all that I had in possession to have recalled
the words, but it is always that way with a tongue which runs too
easily.
Turning, Elsie gave me one long look, hurt, indignant, almost
anguished. Then she went slowly up the stairs, and in ten minutes her
little chest and bundle of wraps were out on the yard pavement. I saw
her bargaining with Rob Kingsman to take them across to Nance Edgar's
for her. And I think she took a shilling out of her lean purse to give
him. I tell you I felt like a hog. I was a hog. I knew it and,
shamefaced, betook me to the woods as to a sty.
I had wounded Elsie to the quick, and wronged my father also.... I did
not believe that either of them would ever forgive me. For, of course,
she would go straight and tell father. I did not feel that I could
ever go back. At the wood edge I turned and looked once at the smoke
curling up from the chimney of "the Mount" kitchen. It was so hot
there was no fire in any of the other rooms. Ah, '_home, sweet, sweet
home_'!
Then I peeped at the schoolhouse, and saw Mr. Mustard and Elsie walking
slowly up to the front door together. She had had that extra lesson,
the nature of which she had not thought fit to tell me. Then she would
go--well, no matter where. It was all over between us at any rate.
Did you ever know such a fool? Why, yes--there was yourself, dear
reader--that is, if you have been wise. If not, it may not even yet be
too late to be foolish.
I wasted the day in the woods. That is, I took out my pocket-book,
jerked my fountain pen into some activity, and scribbled verses. I was
too proud to go back home. And I knew well that my father had accepted
in its fullest sense the doctor's advice, "Let him run!" He would
neither send after me himself nor allow anyone else to meddle with my
comings and goings.
It was curious and fascinating to linger about the Deep Moat Woods,
once so terrible, now become a haunt of the sightseer and the day
tripper. But I who had seen so much there, and heard more, who with
beating heart had adventured so often into these darkling recesses,
could not lose all at once the impression of brooding danger they had
given me, ever since that first morning when Elsie and I crossed the
road and plunged into them on the day of poor Harry Foster's death.
I suppose it was the moody state of my mind (Elsie unkindly calls it
"sulks") which led me to stay on and on till the afternoon became the
evening, and the shadows of the trees over the pond became more and
more gloomy--mere dark purple with blobs and blotches of fire where the
sunset clouds showed between the leaves.
I stood leaning against the trunk of a tree, the branches bending down
umbrella fashion all about me. In those days I was a limber young
fellow enough, and could have acted model for an illustrated-paper hero
quite fairly--Childe Harold, the Master of Ravenswood, or one of those
young Douglases to whom they brought in the Black Bull's Head in the
Castle of Edinburgh, as a sign that they must die.
Of course, I had no business to be there at that time of night, but my
own loneliness and Elsie's desertion made me stay on and on--miserable
and cherishing my misery, petting my "sulks," and swearing to myself
that I would never, _never_ give in--_never_ forgive Elsie, _never_
return to those who had so ill used and misunderstood me.
Yes, what a fool, if you like! But I wasn't the first and I won't be
the last to feel and say just the same things.
Then, quick and chillish, like the breaking of cold sweat on a man,
though he doesn't know quite why, there passed over me the thrill which
tells a fellow that he is not alone. Yet anything more lonely than the
Moat Pond ruins, with what remained of the square hulk of the tower
cutting the sky--the same from which Jeremy had hurled himself--could
not be imagined.
Nevertheless I did not breathe that night air alone. I was sure of
that. The bats swooped and recovered, seeing doubtless the white blur
of my face in the dusk of the tree shadows.
Before me I could see the green lawn all trampled that had been Miss
Orrin's pride. The lilies were mostly uprooted to allow of the
perquisitions of the law. But whether it was something supernatural
(in which at the time I was quite in a mood to believe), or merely
owing to the moving of a soil so pregnant with the exhalations of the
marsh--certain it is that I saw the distinct outline of a man's body,
with limbs extended, lie in the same place where each of Miser Hobby's
"cases" had been interred. They were marked out with a kind of misty
fire, like the phosphorus when a damp match won't strike--not bright
like the boiling swirl in a vessel's wake. Each of them kept quite
still. There was no movement save, perhaps, that of a star, when you
see it through the misty air low on the horizon of the west, and kind
of swaying, which after all may only have been in my head.
I don't think I was particularly frightened at first. I had had some
chemistry lessons with Mr. Ablethorpe, and we had gone pretty far
on--boiling a penny in one kind of acid, and making limestone fizz with
another--nitrochloric, or hydrochloric, I think. So I knew enough not
to be frightened--at least not very badly. But what I saw next scared
me stiff. I don't hide the fact. And so it would have scared you!
_There was something on the lawn, dabbling among the shiny glimmer of
the uprooted lily plots, crouching and scratching!_