Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too as if they
ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel grand injiyment
till they trys it, and trys it farely, and gives it a good chance. I
remembers how I used to try and like Crikkit, when I was much yunger
than I am now, and stuck to it in spite of several black eyes when I
stood pint, and shouts of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood
leg, till a serten werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with
two black and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the Hathlettick
line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size and wait a hading me
in that wise resolooshun.
But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all bin a
shivering threw for this long time, that I found my atenshun direckted
to the strange fack that, whilst amost ewerybody was busily engaged
in a cussin and swarin at the bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno,
ewerybody else seemed to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock.
Now it so appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I
have before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been avin in
Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if the luvly frost
wood but continue!"
So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos to Hide
Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had serprised me so
much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of not only spectably drest
Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys, a skatin away like fun, and
a larfing away and injying theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice
Summer's day. Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a
nice respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves, don't
they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he says to me, says
he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral pride made me reply, "Not
much!" "Will you have a pair on. Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?"
"Is there any fear of a axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not
if you follers my hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down
in his chair, and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first
differculty was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage
at all without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on him
quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along three or
four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat down again; and
he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say that he thort I was a
gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only cum ewery day for about a
week or so, he had no dowt but he shood see me a skating a figger of
hate like the best on 'em!
Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to let go of
him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt have suckseeded
hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I was a trustin to elp me
from falling, slided rite away from me in a most unnatral manner,
and down I came on my onerabel seat, with such a smasher as
seemed to shake all my foreteen stun into a cocked-hat, to speak,
hallegorically, and there I lay, elpless and opeless, and wundring how
on airth I shood ever get up again. But my trusty frend and guide was
soon at my side, as the Poet says, but all his united force, with that
of too boys who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as
rude boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
was taken off, and I agen found myself on _terror fermer_ on my
friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than I shood have
thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to crawl away, but not
'till my frend had supplied me with jest a nice nip of brandy, which
he said he kept andy in case of any such surprisin axidents as had
appened to me.
So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use of the
Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a handsum Cab to
take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer ten minutes skating,
and as it was reelly and trewly my fust attemt at that poplar and
xciting passtime, I think I may safely affirm--as I have alreddy done
to my better harf--whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur,
is scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
complementary--that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.
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[Illustration: REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.]
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