Altho men in general are expozed to the suspicion of your sex, and their
opinions are often construed into flattery or stratagem, yet the tenor
of the following remarks wil, it iz presumed, bear such marks of
sincerity az to giv them a place in your confidence. They are not the
precepts of a morose instructor, nor the opinions of a hoary sage who
haz lost all relish for the joys of life, and wishes to restrain the
innocent plezures of sense. They do not proceed from a peevish old
bachelor, whom a phlegmatic constitution, or repeeted disappointments,
hav changed into a hater of your sex; but they come from a heart capable
of being softened by your charms or your misfortunes; a heart that never
harbored a wish but to see and make you happy. They are the sentiments
of a yung _frend_; one who haz lived long enuf, if not to feel his _own_
faults, at leest to _discuver_ thoze of others; and to form a tolerable
estimate of your worth in social life.
Our Saviour, when on erth, took a child in hiz arms and said, "of such
iz the kingdom of heaven." I never view a circle of little misses
without recollecting the divine comparison. A collection of sweet little
beings, with voices az melodious az the notes of the nightingale, whoze
cheeks even a whisper wil cuver with blushes, and whoze hearts are az
pure az the falling snow drop; iz heaven in miniature. Such iz the
description of my little female frends in the bloom of childhood. To
prezerve that delicacy of mind, which nature furnishes; which
constitutes the glory of your sex, and forms the principal gard of your
own virtue, iz the bizziness of education. In this article, you hav an
opportunity to display the excellence of your character, and to exert
your talents most successfully in benefitting society.
A woman without delicacy, iz a woman without reputation; for chastity
really exists in the mind; and when this fountain iz pure, the words and
actions that flow from it, wil be chaste and delicate. Yung misses
therefore should be remooved az far az possible from all company that
can taint their minds, or accustom them to indecency of any kind. Their
nurses, their companions, their teechers, should be selected from peeple
of at leest uncorrupted morals and amiable manners.
But a more advanced stage of life, the time when yung ladies enter into
society, iz, with respect to their future reputation, a period extremely
critical. Little, my deer friends, do you reflect, how important iz the
manner in which you enter into life. Prudery and coquetry are extremes
equally to be shunned, becauze both are equally disagreeable to our sex,
and fatal to your reputations. It haz been said that coquetts often
looze their reputation, while they retain their virtu; and that prudes
often prezerve their reputation, after they hav lost their virtu. I
would only add this remark, that coquetts are _generally_, but prudes
_almost always_ suspected; and suspicion iz az fatal to a female
karacter, az a crime. Iz this unjust? Coquetry and prudery are both
affectation; every species of affectation dezerves punishment; and when
persons relinquish their own natural karacters for thoze which are
borrowed, iz it unjust to suspect their motivs, az a punishment for the
offence?
You are taught to suspect the man who flatters you. But your good sense
wil very eezily distinguish between expressions of mere civility and
declarations of real esteem. In general one rule holds, that the man who
iz most lavish in declarations of esteem and admiration, luvs and
admires you the leest. A profusion of flattery iz real ground for
suspicion. Reel esteem iz evinced by a uniform course of polite
respectful behaviour. This iz a proof on which you may depend; it iz a
flattery the most grateful to a lady of understanding, because it must
proceed from a real respect for her karacter and virtues.
Permit me here to suggest one caution. You are told that unmeening
flattery iz an insult to your understandings, and sometimes you are apt
to resent it. This should be done with great prudence. Precipitate
resentment iz dangerous; it may not be dezerved at the time; it may make
you an enemy; it may giv uneeziness to a frend; it may giv your own
harts pain; it may injure you by creating a suspicion that it iz all
affectation. The common place civilities of dangling beaux may be very
trifling and disagreeable, but can rarely amount to an insult, or
dezerve more than indifference and neglect. Resentment of such trifles
can hardly be a mark of tru dignity of soul.
At this period of life, let the prime excellence of your karacters,
_delicacy_, be discuvered in all your words and actions. Permit me, az
one acquainted at leest with the sentiments of my own sex, to assure
you, that a man never respects a woman, who does not respect herself.
The moment a woman suffers to fall from her tung, any expressions that
indicate the leest indelicacy of mind; the moment she ceeses to blush at
such expressions from our sex, she ceeses to be respected; becauze az a
lady, she iz no longer respectable. Whatever familiarity of conversation
may be vindicable or pardonable in ether sex alone, there iz, in mixed
companies, a sacred decorum that should not be violated by one rude
idea. And however dispozed the ladies may be to overlook small
transgressions in our sex, yet unforgiving man cannot eezily forget the
offences of yours, especially when thoze offences discuver a want of all
that renders you lovely.
If your _words_ are to be so strictly watched, how much more attention
iz necessary to render your _conduct_ unexceptionable. You charge our
sex, with being the seducers, the betrayers of yours. Admit the charge
to be partially tru, yet let us be candid. Az profligate az many of our
sex are acknowleged to be, it iz but justice to say, that very few are
so abandoned az to attempt deliberately the seduction of an artless and
innocent lady, who shows, by her conduct, that she iz conscious of the
worth of her reputation, and that she respects her own karacter. I hav
rarely found a libertine who had impudence enuf to assail virtue, that
had not been expozed by some improprieties of conduct. There iz
something so commanding in virtu, that even villans respect her, and
dare not approach her temples but in the karacter of her votaries.
But when a woman iz incautious, when she iz reddy to fall into the arms
of any man that approaches her, when she suffers double entendres,
indecent hints and conversation to flow from her lips in mixed
companies, she remooves the barriers of her reputation, she disarms
herself, and thousands consider themselves at liberty to commence an
attack.
When so much depends on your principles and reputation; when we expect
to derive all the happiness of the married life from that source, can it
be a crime to wish for some proof of your virtu before the indissoluble
connection iz formed? Iz that virtu to be trusted which haz never been
tempted? Iz it absurd to say that an attack may be made even with
honorable intentions? Admit the absurdity; but such attempts are often
made, and may end in your ruin. The man may then be retched in hiz
mistake becauze he iz disappointed in hiz opinion and expectations. Be
assured, my frends, that even vile man cannot but esteem the woman who
respects herself. We look to you, in a world of vice, for that delicacy
of mind, that innocence of life, which render _you_ lovely and
_ourselves_ happy.
Do you wish for admiration? But admiration iz az transient az the blaze
of a meteor. Ladies who hav the most admirers, are often the last to
find valuable partners.
Do you wish to be esteemed and luved? It iz eezy to render yourselves
esteemable and lovely. It iz only by retaining that softness of manners,
that obliging and delicate attention to every karacter, which, whether
natural or acquired, are at some period of life, the property of almost
every female. Beauty and money, without merit, will sometimes command
eligible connections; but such connections do not answer the wishes of
our hearts; they do not render us happy. Lerning, or an acquaintance
with books, may be a very agreeable or a very disagreeable
accomplishment, in proportion to the discretion of the lady who
possesses it. Properly employed, it iz highly satisfactory to the lady
and her connections; but I beleev obzervation wil confirm my conjecture,
that a strong attachment to books in a lady, often deters a man from
approaching her with the offer of hiz heart. This iz ascribed to the
pride of our sex. That the imputation iz always false, I wil not aver;
but I undertake to say, that if pride iz the cauze, it iz supported by
the order of nature.
One sex iz formed for the more hardy exercizes of the council, the field
and the laborious employments of procuring subsistence. The other, for
the superintendance of domestic concerns, and for diffusing bliss thro
social life. When a woman quits her own department, she offends her
husband, not merely becauze she obtrudes herself upon _hiz_ bizziness,
but becauze she departs from that sphere which iz assigned _her_ in the
order of society; becauze she neglects _her_ duty, and leeves _her own_
department vacant. The same remark wil apply to the man who visits the
kitchen and gets the name of a _betty_. The same principle which
excludes a man from an attention to domestic bizziness, excludes a woman
from law, mathematics and astronomy. Eech sex feels a degree of pride in
being best qualified for a particular station, and a degree of
resentment when the other encroaches upon their privilege. This iz
acting conformably to the constitution of society. A woman would not
willingly marry a man who iz strongly inclined to pass hiz time in
seeing the house and furniture in order, in superintending the cooks,
or in working gauze and tiffany; for she would predict, with some
certainty, that he would neglect hiz proper bizziness. In the same
manner, a man iz cautious of forming a connection with a woman, whoze
predilection for the sciences might take her attention from necessary
family concerns.
Ladies however are not generally charged with a too strong attachment to
books. It iz necessary that they should be wel acquainted with every
thing that respects life and manners; with a knowlege of the human hart
and the graceful accomplishments. The greatest misfortune iz, that your
erly studies are not always wel directed; and you are permitted to
devour a thousand volumes of fictitious nonsense, when a smaller number
of books, at less trubble and expense, would furnish you with more
valuable trezures of knowlege.
To be _lovely_ then you must be content to be _wimen_; to be mild,
social and sentimental; to be acquainted with all that belongs to your
department, and leeve the masculine virtues, and the profound researches
of study, to the province of the other sex.
That it may be necessary, for political purposes, to consider man az the
superior in authority, iz to me probable. I question whether a different
maxim would not destroy your own happiness.
A man iz pleezed with the deference hiz wife shows for hiz opinions; he
often loves her even for her want of information, when it creates a kind
of dependence upon hiz judgement. On the other hand, a woman always
despises her husband for hiz inferiority in understanding and knowlege,
and blushes at the figure he makes in the company of men who possess
superior talents. Do not theze facts justify the order of society, and
render some difference in rank between the sexes, necessary to the
happiness of both? But this superiority iz comparativ, and in some
mezure, mutual. In many things, the woman iz az much superior to her
husband, az he iz to her, in any article of information. They depend on
eech other, and the assumption of any prerogativ or superiority in
domestic life, iz a proof that the union iz not perfect; it iz a strong
evidence the parties _are_ not, or _wil_ not be happy.
Ladies are often ridiculed for their loquaciousness. But ridicule iz not
the worst punishment of this fault. However witty, sprightly and
sentimental your conversation may be, depend on it, az a maxim that
holds without exception, that the person who talks incessantly, wil soon
ceese to be respected. From congress to private families, the remark iz
tru, that a man or woman who talks much, loozes all influence. To your
sex, talkativness iz very injurious; for a man wil hardly ever chooze a
noizy loquacious woman for hiz companion. A delicate rezerv iz a
becuming, a commanding characteristic of an amiable woman; the want of
which no brilliant accomplishments wil supply. A want of ability to
converse, iz scarcely so much censured, az a want of discretion to know
when to speek and when to be silent.
In the choice of husbands, my fair reeders, what shall I say? It haz
been said or insinuated, that you prefer men of inferior talents. This
iz not tru. You are sensible that a good address and a respectful
attention, are the qualities which most generally recommend to the
esteem of both sexes. A philosopher, who iz absent and stupid, wil not
please az a companion; but of two persons equal in other respects, the
man of superior talents iz your choice. If my obzervations hav not
deceeved me, you pride yourselves in being connected with men of
eminence. I mention this to contradict the opinion maintained in the
Lounger, that ladies giv a sort of preference to men of inferior
talents. The opinion wants extension and qualification; it extends to
both sexes, when tru, but iz never tru, except when men of talents are
destitute of social accomplishments.
Money iz the great object of desire with both sexes; but how few obtain
it by marriage? With respect to our sex, I confess, it iz not much to a
man's credit to seek a fortune without any exertions of hiz own; but
the ladies often make a capital mistake in the meens of obtaining their
object. They ask, _what iz a man's fortune_? Whereas, if they are in
pursuit of welth, solid permanent welth, they should ask, _is he a man
of bizziness_? _Of talents?_ _Of persevering industry?_ _Does he know
the use of money?_ The difference in the two cases iz this: The man of
fortune, who haz not formed a habit of acquiring property, iz generally
ignorant of the use of it. He not only spends it, but he spends it
without system or advantage, and often dies a poor man. But the man who
knows how to _acquire_ property, generally keeps hiz expenditures within
hiz income; in exerting hiz talents to _obtain_, he forms a habit of
_uzing_ hiz property to advantage, and commonly enjoys life az wel in
_accumulating_ an estate, az the man of fortune does in _dissipating_
one. My idea iz breefly this; that the woman who marries a man of
bizziness, with very little property, haz a better chance for a fortune
in middle life and old age, than one who marries a rich man who livs in
idleness.
After all, ladies, it depends much on yourselves to determin, whether
your families shall enjoy eezy circumstances. Any man may acquire
something by hiz application; but _economy_, the most difficult article
in conducting domestic concerns, iz the womans province.
You see with what frankness and candor I tell you my opinions. This iz
undoutedly the best mode of conducting social intercourse, and
particularly our intercourse with the fairest part of the creation.
I rite from feeling; from obzervation; from experience. The sexes, while
eech keep their proper sphere, cannot fail to render eech other social
and happy. But frail az yours iz commonly represented, you may not only
boast of a superior share of virtu yourselves, but of garding and
cherishing ours. You hav not only an interest in being good for your
_own_ sakes, but _society_ iz interested in your goodness; you polish
our manners, correct our vices, and inspire our harts with a love of
virtue. Can a man who loves an amiable woman, abandon himself to vices
which she abhors? May your influence over our sex be increesed; not
merely the influence of beauty and gay accomplishments, but the
influence of your virtues, whoze dominion controls the evils, and
multiplies the blessings of society.
* * * * * *
Transcriber's note:
The text on page 37 has been moved to a footnote after the second
paragraph on page 5 as the author suggests.
In some essays the writer makes extensive use of phonetical
spelling. Inconsistencies in spelling have therefore not been
corrected.
Missing punctuation has been silently corrected. Unmatched double
quotation marks in the text were not corrected.