7th November, 1873.
[Footnote B: Of course the King said nothing so sweetly sentimental.
What he did say to Earl Randolph was, "Mind your eye, you great stupid
ass, or you'll have the English spears in your back directly." Nor did
the Earl reply, "My wreath shall bloom, or life shall fade. Follow, my
household!" but, with an amazing great curse, "I'll cook 'em. Come on,
you dawdling beggars, and fulfil the prophecies!" But so history is
written.]
* * * * *
MORE REVENGE FOR FLODDEN.--_Scene: a Scotch Hotel. Tourist (indignant at
his bill)._ "Why, landlord, there must be some mistake there!"
_Landlord._ "Mistake? Aye, aye. That stupid fellow, the waiter, has just
charged you five shillings--too little."
* * * * *
FROM THE MOORS.--_Sportsman._ "Much rain Donald?" _Donald._ "A bit soft.
Just wet a' day, wi' showers between."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PLEASANT PROSPECT!
_English Tourist._ "I say, look here. How far is it to this Glenstarvit?
They told us it was only----"
_Native._ "Aboot four miles."
_Tourist_ (_aghast_). "All bog like this?"
_Native._ "Eh--h--this is just naethin' till't!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING
_'Arry_ (_on a Northern tour, with Cockney pronunciation_). "Then I'll
'ave a bottle of aile."
_Hostess of the Village Inn._ "_Ile_, sir? We've nane in the hoose, but
castor ile or paraffin. Wad ony o' them dae, sir?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE WEIRD SISTERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DEER-STALKING MADE EASY