HE. Only what?
SHE. It--it seems . . . such a pity. . . .
HE. Pity! The pity is this--that we should sit here and haggle about
our hatred. That's all there's left between us.
SHE. (_standing up_) I won't haggle, Paul. If you think we should
part, we shall this very night. But I don't want to part this way,
Paul. I know I've hurt you. I want to be forgiven before I go.
HE. (_standing up to face her_) Can't we finish without another
sentimental lie? I'm in no mood to act out a pretty scene with you.
SHE. That was unjust, Paul. You know I don't mean that. What I want is
to make you understand, so you won't hate me.
HE. More explanations. I thought we had both got tired of them. I used
to think it possible to heal a wound by words. But we ought to know
better. They're like acid in it.
SHE. Please don't, Paul--This is the last time we shall ever hurt each
other. Won't you listen to me?
HE. Go on.
_He sits down wearily_.
SHE. I know you hate me. You have a right to. Not just because I was
faithless--but because I was cruel. I don't want to excuse myself--but
I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't realize I was hurting you.
HE. We've gone over that a thousand times.
SHE. Yes. I've said that before. And you've answered me that that
excuse might hold for the first time, but not for the second and the
third. You've convicted me of deliberate cruelty on that.
And I've never had anything to say. I couldn't say anything, because
the truth was; too preposterous. It wasn't any use telling it before.
But now I want you to know the real reason.
HE. A new reason, eh?
SHE. Something I've never confessed to you. Yes. It is true that I was
cruel to you--deliberately. I did want to hurt you. And do you know
why? I wanted to shatter that Olympian serenity of yours. You were too
strong, too self-confident. You had the air of a being that nothing
could hurt. You were like a god.
HE. That was a long time ago. Was I ever Olympian? I had forgotten it.
You succeeded very well--you shattered it in me.
SHE. You are still Olympian. And I still hate you for it. I wish I
could make you suffer now. But I have lost my power to do that.
HE. Aren't you contented with what you have done? It seems to me that I
have suffered enough recently to satisfy even your ambitions.
SHE. No--or you couldn't talk like that. You sit there--making phrases.
Oh, I have hurt you a little; but you will recover. You always
recovered quickly. You are not human. If you were human, you would
remember that we once were happy, and be a little sorry that all that
is over. But you can't be sorry. You have made up your mind, and
can think of nothing but that.
HE. That's an interesting--and novel--explanation.
SHE. I wonder if I can't make you understand. Paul--do you remember
when we fell in love?
HE. Something of that sort must have happened to us.
SHE. No--it happened to me. It didn't happen to you. You made up your
mind and walked in, with the air of a god on a holiday. It was I who
fell--headlong, dizzy, blind. I didn't want to love you. It was a force
too strong for me. It swept me into your arms. I prayed against it. I
had to give myself to you, even though I knew you hardly cared. I had
to--for my heart was no longer in my own breast. It was in your hands,
to do what you liked with. You could have thrown it in the dust.
HE. This is all very romantic and exciting, but tell me--did I throw it
in the dust?
SHE. It pleased you not to. You put it in your pocket. But don't you
realize what it is to feel that another person has absolute power over
you? No, for you have never felt that way. You have never been utterly
dependent on another person for happiness. I was utterly dependent on
you. It humiliated me, angered me. I rebelled against it, but it was
no use. You see, my dear, I was in love with you. And you were free,
and your heart was your own, and nobody could hurt you.
HE. Very fine--only it wasn't true, as you soon found out.
SHE. When I found it out, I could hardly believe it. It wasn't
possible. Why, you had said a thousand times that you would not be
jealous if I were in love with some one else, too. It was you who put
the idea in my head. It seemed a part of your super-humanness.
HE. I did talk that way. But I wasn't a superman. I was only a damned
fool.
SHE. And Paul, when I first realized that it might be hurting you--that
you were human after all--I stopped. You know I stopped.
HE. Yes--that time.
SHE. Can't you understand? I stopped because I thought you were a
person like myself, suffering like myself. It wasn't easy to stop. It
tore me to pieces. But I suffered rather than let you suffer. But when
I saw you recover your serenity in a day while the love that I had
struck down in my heart for your sake cried out in a death agony for
months, I felt again that you were superior, inhuman--and I hated you
for it.
HE. Did I deceive you so well as that?
SHE. And when the next time came, I wanted to see if it was real, this
godlike serenity of yours. I wanted to tear off the mask. I wanted to
see you suffer as I had suffered. And that is why I was cruel to you
the second time.
HE. And the third time--what about that?
_She bursts into tears, and sinks to the floor, with her head on the
chair, sheltered by her arms. Then she looks up_.
SHE. Oh, I can't talk about that--I can't. It's too near.
HE. I beg your pardon. I don't wish to show an unseemly curiosity about
your private affairs.
SHE. If you were human, you would know that there is a difference
between one's last love and all that have gone before. I can talk about
the others--but this one still hurts.
HE. I see. Should we chance to meet next year, you will tell me about
it then. The joys of new love will have healed the pains of the old.
SHE. There will be no more joy or pain of love for me. You do not
believe that. But that part of me which loves is dead. Do you think I
have come through all this unhurt? No. I cannot hope any more, I cannot
believe. There is nothing left for me. All I have left is regret for
the happiness that you and I have spoiled between us. . . . Oh, Paul,
why did you ever teach me your Olympian philosophy? Why did you make me
think that we were gods and could do whatever we chose? If we had
realized that we were only weak human beings, we might have saved our
happiness!
HE. (_shaken_) We tried to reckon with facts--I cannot blame myself for
that. The facts of human nature: people do have love affairs within
love affairs. I was not faithful to you. . . .
SHE. (_rising to her feet_) But you had the decency to be dishonest
about it. You did not tell me the truth, in spite of all your theories.
I might never have found out. You knew better than to shake my belief
in our love. But I trusted your philosophy, and flaunted my lovers
before you. I never realized--
HE. Be careful, my dear. You are contradicting yourself!
SHE. I know I am. I don't care. I no longer know what the truth is. I
only know that I am filled with remorse for what has happened. Why did
it happen? Why did we let it happen? Why didn't you stop me? . . . I
want it back!
HE. But, Helen!
SHE. Yes--our old happiness.... Don't you remember, Paul, how beautiful
everything was--? (_She covers her face with her hands, and then looks
up again_.) Give it back to me, Paul!
HE. (_torn with conflicting wishes_) Do you really believe, Helen...?
SHE. I know we can be happy again. It was all ours, and we must have it
once more, just as it was. (_She holds out her hands_.) Paul! Paul!
HE. (_desperately_) Let me think!
SHE. (scornfully) Oh, your thinking! I know! Think, then--think of all
the times I've been cruel to you. Think of my wantonness--my
wickedness--not of my poor, tormented attempts at happiness. My lovers,
yes! Think hard, and save yourself from any more discomfort. . . . But
no--you're in no danger. . . .
HE. What do you mean?
SHE. (_laughing hysterically_) You haven't believed what I've been
saying all this while, have you?
HE. Almost.
SHE. Then don't. I've been lying.
HE. Again?
SHE. Again, yes.
HE. I suspected it.
SHE. (_mockingly_) Wise man!
HE. You don't love me, then?
SHE. Why should I? Do you want me to?
HE. I make no demands upon you. You know that.
SHE. You can get along without me?
HE. (_coldly_) Why not?
SHE. Good. Then I'll tell you the truth!
HE. That _would_ be interesting!
SHE. I was afraid you _did_ want me! And--I was sorry for you,
Paul--I thought if you did, I would try to make things up to you, by
starting over again--if you wanted to.
HE. So that was it. . . .