mind once he might change it twice, and the omission very nearly cost
him his life. He was unfortunately ignorant of what happened to Moses on
a similar occasion. After the Lord had dispatched the Jewish prophet
to Egypt to rescue his people from bondage, he met him at an inn, where
perhaps they both put up for the night, and sought to kill him. The same
thing happened now. No sooner had Balaam set out on his journey than
"God's anger was kindled against him because he went." This Jehovah is
a queer God and dreadfully hard to please. If you don't obey his orders
you run the risk of being damned, and if you do you stand a good chance
of being murdered. The only safe course is to get out of his way and
have nothing to do with him.
The "angel of the Lord" stood in Balaam's path, with a drawn sword in
his hand, ready to kill the prophet whose only crime was having done
exactly what he was told. But neither Balaam nor his two servants saw
him. The ass, however, had better eyesight. Being only an ass, and not a
man, he had a greater aptitude for seeing angels. Not liking the look
of this formidable stranger, Neddy bolted from the pathway into a field.
Balaam, who saw no reason for such behavior except sheer perverseness,
began to whack his ass and tried to turn him * into the right road.
Neddy succumbed to this forcible argument and jogged on again. The angel
of the Lord had apparently, in the meantime, made himself invisible
even to a jackass. His intention was ultimately to kill Balaam, but he
delayed the fatal stroke in order to make the most of the comedy
which he foresaw. Going a little in front, he "stood in a path of the
vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that" Neddy caught
sight of the angel again, and being unable this time to bolt into
the field, he lurched against the wall, and gave Balaam's foot a good
scrunching. Still the prophet suspected nothing out of the common, for
that was an ordinary trick of refractory asses. Poor Neddy, therefore,
got another thrashing. Then the angel of the Lord went on further, and
"stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn either to
the right hand or to the left." Neddy estimated the certain penalty of
refusing to proceed and the probable penalty of going forward. After
comparing them he decided to stop where he was, and then quietly laid
down. Balaam's anger was once more kindled by this stupid obstinacy, and
he whacked the ass again with his staff.
* Balaam's ass was a "she," but the sex is immaterial, and
as we commenced with the masculine gender we will continue
with it.
Then the Lord intervened, and brought about the most extraordinary
incident of this wonderful story. He "opened the mouth of the ass," and
lo! instead of braying Neddy spoke. Without a note of preparation he
began to upbraid his master in good Moabitish. "What have I done," said
he, "that thou hast smitten me these three times."
Singular to relate, Balaam was not in the least astonished at hearing
an ass speak. He took it as quite an ordinary occurrence. One is almost
inclined to think that the prophet and his donkey had held many a
conversation before. In the Bible no one ever is astonished at anything,
however wonderful. When the serpent accosted Eve in the garden of Eden,
she was not at all surprised, but went on with the colloquy as though
talking serpents were common things. If a dumb animal were nowadays
to address a man with "How d'ye do?" he would certainly be very much
startled; but when the same thing occurred in the old Bible days, the
man at once replied "Very well, thank you, how are you?"
Balaam promptly answered the ass's question. "Because," said he, "thou
hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I
kill thee." Then the ass rejoined, "Am not I thine ass, upon which thou
hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? Was I ever wont to
do so unto thee?" This was a poser. Balaam scratched his head and
reflected, but at last he was obliged to say "Nay."
Neddy had so far the best of the argument. But Balaam had the practical
argument of the stick left, and no doubt he was about to convince the
donkey with it. All arguments, practical or otherwise, would however
have left the dispute exactly where it stood. Neddy saw the angel, and
that was enough for him. Balaam did not see the angel, but only Neddy's
obstinate stupidity. In short, they reasoned from different premises,
and could not therefore arrive at the same conclusion. They might have
argued till doomsday had not the Lord again intervened. He "opened
Balaam's eyes," so that he also "saw the angel of the Lord standing in
the way, and his sword drawn in his hand." Then Balaam "bowed his head,
and fell flat on his face," and there he and Neddy laid side by side,
two asses together.
Now, dear reader, you will observe that the ass, being indeed an ass,
saw the angel first, and that Balaam, who was a wise man, did not see
the angel until his wits were disordered by the wonder of a talking
donkey. Does this not bear out great Bacon's remark that "in all
superstition, wise men follow fools"? And may we not say, that if asses
did not see angels first, wise men would never see them after?
The angel of the Lord said to Balaam, while he remained flat on his
face, "Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold,
I went out to withstand thee, because thy way is perverse before me:
and the ass saw me, and turned from me these three times: unless she had
turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive."
The moral of this is that asses stand the best chance of salvation, and
that wise men run a frightful risk of damnation until they lose their
wits.
Balaam recognised the awful mess he was in, and being by this time as
limp as a wet rag, he made the most abject apology. "I have sinned," he
said, "for I knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me." This
strange reasoning shows still more clearly how the poor prophet had
taken leave of his senses. He had not sinned at all, for he was
strictly obeying God's commands; nor was it his fault that the angel
remained so long invisible. When the Lord "opened his eyes," and made
his vision like unto the vision of an ass, he saw the angel plainly
enough; and how could he possibly have done so before?
"I'll go back," added Balaam, thinking that if he sinned so greatly in
going forward, he had better return home. But the angel of the Lord,
who had intended to kill him for advancing, now told him to "go with the
men." And Balaam went with them, keeping his weather eye open during the
rest of the journey.
Balak was heartily glad to see Balaam. The prophet had been a long time
coming, but better late than never. The next day they went "up into the
high places of Baal," from which they could see the utmost part of
the people of Israel. "There they are," said Balak, "confound them!
leprous slaves out of Egypt, bent on stealing other people's lands, and
sticking to all they can lay hands on; bloodthirsty vagabonds, who fight
people with whom they have no quarrel, and kill men, women, and children
when they are victorious. Now, Balaam, do your duty. Curse them, and lay
it on thick."
Seven altars were built, and seven oxen and seven rams sacrificed on
them. But all this good meat was wasted, for when Balaam "went to an
high place," God met him, according to agreement, and told him what to
say. And lo! when the prophet returned to the king, he blessed the Jews
instead of cursing them.
"Hullo, Balaam, what's this?" cried the king. "I asked you to curse
my enemies and you've gone and blessed them. What d'ye mean?" "True,"
answered Balaam, "but I told you that I could only speak what the Lord
put into my mouth."
Balak appears to have been just as sceptical as Pharaoh about the God
of the Jews. He attributed his disappointment to a freak of the prophet,
and not being easily baffled he resolved to try again. So he took Balaam
up another high place, and built seven fresh altars, and sacrificed
on them seven more bullocks and rams; after which he repeated his
invitation. Again Balaam went farther to consult the Lord, whom he found
waiting for him, and received his instructions. And lo! when he returned
to Balak he again blessed the Jews instead of cursing them.
Balak resolved to try again. He took Balaam to another high place, built
seven more altars, and sacrificed seven more bullocks and seven more
rams. But again the prophet blessed Israel, and a third time the king
was sold. Then he gave it up, and Balaam and his ass went home.
What became of the ass is unknown. Perhaps he went into the prophetical
business himself, and eventually retired on a very handsome fortune.
Perhaps he went about as a preacher of the gospel as it was then
understood; in which case, judging from the rule of success in later
ages, we have no doubt that he attracted large audiences and delighted
all who were fortunate enough to sit under him. And when he died all the
two-legged asses in Moab probably wept and refused to be comforted.
Balaam's end was tragic. The thirteenth chapter of _Joshua_ informs us
that he was eventually slain by the very people he had thrice blessed.
After an account of one of the bloody wars of Jehovah's bandits we read
that "Balaam also the son of Beor, the sooth-sayer, did the children
of Israel slay with the sword among them that were slain by them." The
angel of the Lord spared him, but God's butchers cut his throat at
last. On the whole he might as well have cursed the Jews up and down to
Balak's satisfaction, and taken the handsome rewards which were offered
him on such easy terms.
Here endeth the story of Balaam's Ass. I hope my reader still believes
it, for if not, he will be reprobate while he lives and damned when he
dies.
GOD'S THIEVES IN CANAAN.
BIBLE ROMANCES.--X.
By G. W. FOOTE.
Some years ago the righteous indignation of England was roused by
the daily record of atrocities perpetrated in Bulgaria by the Turkish
bashi-bazouks. Men were wantonly massacred, pregnant women ripped up,
and maidens outraged by brutal lust. Our greatest statesman uttered a
clarion-cry which pealed through the whole nation, and the friends of
the Turk in high places shrank abashed and dismayed before the stern
response of the people. Many clergymen attended public meetings, and
denounced not only the Turks, but also their Mohammedanism. They alleged
that the Koran sanctioned, even if it did not command, the horrors which
had been wrought in Eastern Europe, and they declared that there was
no hope for a country which derived its maxims of state from such an
accursed book. Those denunciations did honor to their hearts, but very
little to their heads. For every brutal injunction in the Koran, twenty
might be found in the Bible. Before the clergy cry out against the
Scriptures of Islam, they should purge their own of those horrid
features which are an insult to man and a blasphemy against God.
Mohammed gave savage counsels to his followers with respect to waging
war, but these sink into insignificance beside the counsels given to the
Jews by Moses in the name of God.
Bible Romances are generally comic, but this one is infinitely tragic.
The whole range of history affords no worse instances of cold-blooded
cruelty than those which God's thieves, the Jews, perpetrated in Canaan,
when they took forcible possession of cities they had not built and
fields they had never ploughed. "How that red rain will make the harvest
grow!" exclaims Byron of the blood shed at Waterloo; and surely the
first harvests reaped by the Jews in Canaan must have been luxuriantly
rich, for the ground had been drenched with the blood of the slain.
Before Moses died, according to the Bible, he delivered an elaborate
code of laws to his people in the name of God. The portions referring to
war are contained in the twentieth chapter of _Deuteronomy_. Here they
stand in all their naked hideous-ness:--
"When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim
peace unto it. And it shall be, if it make thee answer of peace, and
open unto thee, then it shall be that all the people that is found
therein shall be tributaries unto thee, and they shall serve thee. And
if it will make no peace with thee, but will make war against thee, then
thou shalt besiege it. And when the Lord thy God hath delivered it into
thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the
sword: But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all
that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto
thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the Lord
thy God hath given thee. Thus shalt thou do unto all the cities which
are very far off from thee, which are not of the cities of these
nations. But of the cities of these people, which the Lord thy God
doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that
breatheth. But thou shalt utterly destroy them."
Such were the fiendish commands of Jehovah, the bloody maxims of
inspired war. Let us see how the Jews carried them out.
During the lifetime of Moses they made a good beginning; for in their
war against Midian they slew 48,000 men, 48,000 women, and 20,000 boys,
and took as spoil 32,000 virgins. But they did much better under Joshua.
After God had dispatched Moses and secretly buried him, so that nobody
should ever discover his sepulchre, Joshua was appointed leader in his
stead. He was "full of the spirit of wisdom, for Moses had laid his
hands upon him." Then, as now, religious superiors transmitted holiness
to their inferiors through the skull. God accepted the nomination of
Moses and instructed Joshua in his duties. He told him to be above all
"strong and very courageous," and to fight the enemy according to the
law of Moses. Joshua was not the man to neglect such advice.
Joshua was soon ordered to cross the river Jordan and begin the holy
war. But before doing so, he dispatched two spies to reconnoitre
Jericho, the first place to be attacked. They reached the city by night,
and of course required lodgings. Instinct led them to the house of
Rahab, the harlot. She proved a very good friend; for when messengers
came from the king in the morning to inquire about them, she said that
they had gone, and advised the messengers to go after them, which they
did. Meanwhile she hid the spies under some flax on the roof of her
house, and at night "let them down by a cord through the window, for she
dwelt on the town wall." Before they left, however, she made a covenant
with them. Like many other ladies of easy virtue, or no virtue at
all, Rahab was piously inclined. She had conceived a great respect
for Jehovah, and was assured that his people would overcome all their
enemies. But she had also a great respect for her own skin; so she made
the two spies promise on behalf of the Jews that when they took Jericho
they would spare her and all her relatives; and they were to recognise
her house by the "line of scarlet thread in the window." They got back
safe to Joshua and told him it was all right; the people were in a
dreadful funk, and all the land would soon be theirs.
Joshua got up early the next morning and told the Jews that the Lord was
going to do wonders. They wanted to get "on the other side of Jordan."
and the Lord meant to ferry them across in his own style. Twelve men
were selected, one from each tribe, to follow the priests who bore the
ark in front, and all the Jewish host came after them. As it was harvest
time, the river had overflowed its banks. When the priests' feet "were
dipped in the brim of the water," the river parted in twain; on one side
the waters "stood and rose up upon an heap," while on the other side
they "failed and were cut off." As no miracle was worked further up the
river to stop the supplies, the "heap" must have been a pretty big one
before the play ended. A clear passage having been made, the Jews all
crossed on dry ground. They seem to have done this in less than a day,
but three millions of people could not march past one spot in less than
a week. Perhaps the Lord gave them a shove behind.
The twelve selected Jews, one from each tribe, took twelve big stones
out of the bed of the river, which were "pitched in Gilgal" as "a
memorial unto the children of Israel for ever." For ever is a long time
and is not yet ended. Those stones should be there now. Why don't the
clergy try to discover them? If brought to London and set up on the
Thames embankment they would throw Cleopatra's needle into the shade.
When God had ferried the Jews across, and picked out the twelve
big stones as aids to memory, the "heap" of water tumbled down and
overflowed the banks of the river. Joshua and his people then encamped
near Jericho, in readiness for greater wonders to come.
Three days afterwards the manna ceased. Jehovah's fighting cocks wanted
a more invigorating diet. This time they did not ask for a change, but
the Lord vouchsafed it spontaneously.
All the males, too, were circumcised by God's orders. This Jewish rite
had been neglected during the forty years' wandering in the wilderness,
but it was now resumed. From the text it seems that Joshua circumcised
all the males himself. As they numbered about a million and a half it
must have been a long job. Allowing a minute for each amputation, it
would in the natural course of things have taken him about three years
to do them all; but being divinely aided, he finished his task in a
single day. Samson's jaw-bone was nothing to Joshua's knife.
Soon after Joshua, being near Jericho, like Balaam's ass saw an angel
with a drawn sword in his hand. When he had made obeisance, by falling
flat and taking off his shoes, he received from this heavenly messenger
precise instructions as to the capture of the doomed city. The Lord's
way of storming fortresses is unique in military literature. Said he to
Joshua--"Ye shall compass the city, all ye men of war, and go round
about the city once. Thus shalt thou do six days. And seven priests
shall bear before the ark seven trumpets of rams' horns: and the seventh
day ye shall compass the city seven times, and the priests shall blow
with the trumpet? And it shall come to pass that when they make a long
blast with the ram's horn, and when ye hear the sound of the trumpet
all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city
shall fall down flat, and the people shall ascend up every man straight
before him."
Did ever another general receive such extraordinary instructions from
his commander-in-chief? God's soldiers need no cannon, or battering
rams, or bombshells; all they require is a few rams' horns and good
lungs for shouting.
God's orders were obeyed. Six days in succession did the Jews march
round the walls of Jericho, no doubt to the great bewilderment of its
inhabitants, who probably wondered why they didn't come on, and felt
that there was something uncanny in this roundabout siege. On the
seventh day they went round the city seven times. How tired they must
have been! Jericho, being a capital city, could not have been less than
several miles in circumference. The priests blew with the trumpets,
the people shouted with a great shout, and the walls of Jericho fell
flat--as flat as the simpletons who believe it.
A scene of horror ensued. The Jews "utterly destroyed all there was in
the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass,
with the edge of the sword." Only Rahab and her relatives were spared.
The silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, were put
into the Lord's treasury--that is, handed over to the priests; and then
the city was burnt with fire. God commanded this, and his chosen people
executed it Could Jericho have been treated worse if the Devil himself
had planned the fight, and the vilest fiends from hell had conducted it?
Rahab the harlot, being saved with all her relatives, who were perhaps
as bad as she, dwelt with the Jews ever afterwards. Whether she
continued in her old profession we are unable to say. But it is certain
that the Jews soon after grew very corrupt, and the Lord's anger was
kindled against them. The first result of God's displeasure was that the
Jews became demoralised as warriors. Three thousand of them, who went up
against Ai, were routed, and thirty-six of them were slain. This seems
a very small number, but, as we have already observed, the Jewish
chroniclers were much given to bragging. Their losses were always very
small, and the enemy's very great.
After this rebuff the Jews funked; their hearts "melted and became as
water." Joshua rent his clothes, fell upon his face before the ark, and
remained there until the evening. The elders of Israel did likewise,
and they all put dust on their heads. To conclude the performance Joshua
expostulated with God, asked him whether he had brought his people over
Jordan only to betray them to their enemies, and expressed a hearty wish
that they had never crossed the river at all.
The Lord told Joshua to get up, as it was no use lying there. Israel had
sinned, and God had determined not to help them until they had purged
themselves. Some one, in fact, had stolen a portion of the spoil of
Jericho, all of which belonged to the Lord, that is to the priests,
who evidently helped to concoct this pretty story. Joshua forthwith
proceeded to hunt the sinner out. His method was very singular. He
resolved to go through the twelve tribes until the culprit was found.
The tribe of Judah was examined first, and luckily in the very first
family "Achan was taken," although we are not told how he was spotted.
Achan confessed that he had appropriated of the spoil a "goodly
Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of
gold of fifty shekels weight," which he had hidden under his tent. His
doom was swift and terrible; he was stoned to death, and his body burnt
with fire. We may think his punishment severe, but we cannot deny his
guilt. He, however, was not the only sufferer. Jehovah was not to be
satisfied with a small quantity of blood. Achans's sons and daughters
were stoned with him, and their bodies were burnt like his. His very
oxen, asses, and sheep were served in the same manner. A great heap of
stones was raised over their cinders, and then "the Lord turned from
the fierceness of his anger." Jehovah acted just like the savage old
chieftain of a savage tribe. As irascible tempers do not improve with
age, we presume that he is still as peppery as ever. Yet we are asked to
love, venerate, and worship this brutal being, as the ideal of all that
is merciful, just, and pure.
Immediately after Joshua sent thirty thousand men against Ai, which they
took with great ease. All its inhabitants, from the oldest man to the
youngest babe, were massacred. The city itself was burnt into a desolate
heap. The King of Ai was reserved to furnish the Jews with a little
extra sport, by way of dessert to the bloody feast. He was hanged on a
tree until eventide, when his carcass was taken down and "buried under
a heap of stones." Joshua "then built an altar unto the Lord God of
Israel in mount Ebal," who appears to have been mightily well pleased
with the whole business.
Joshua's next exploit was indeed miraculous. He gathered all the Jews
together, men, women, children, and even the strangers, and read to them
all the laws of Moses, without omitting a single word. It must have been
a long job, and Joshua's throat must have been rather dry at the end.
But the greatest wonder is how he made himself heard to three millions
of people at once. No other orator ever addressed so big an audience.
Either their ears were very sharp, or his voice was terribly loud. The
people in the front rank must have been nearly stunned with the sound.
Joshua could outroar Bottom the weaver by two or three miles.
The people of Gibeon, by means of messengers who palmed themselves off
on Joshua as strangers from a distant country, contrived to obtain a
league whereby their lives were spared. When their craft was detected
they were sentenced to become hewers of wood and drawers of water to the
Jews; in other words, their slaves.
Adoni-zedec, king of Jerusalem; Hoham, king of Hebron; Piram, king
of Jamuth; Japhia, king of Lachish; and Debir, king of Eglon; banded
themselves together to punish Gibeon for making peace with the Jews.
Joshua went with all his army to their relief. He fell upon the armies
of the five kings, discomfitted them with great slaughter, and chased
them along the way to Beth-horon. As they fled the Lord joined in the
hunt. He "cast down great stones from heaven upon them" and killed a
huge number, even "more than they whom the children of Israel slew with
the sword."