Before a wooden idol two heathen knelt and prayed; it was their day of
bridal, the savage and the maid. "We two have come together, to
journey through the years, in calm and stormy weather, in sunshine and
in tears. O idol most exalted, protect us on our way, and may our feet
be halted from going far astray. This maid," the bridegroom muttered,
"is fresh from Nature's hands; her boudoir is not cluttered with
strings and pins and bands; she does not paint her features, or wear
rings on her paws; she's one of Nature's creatures, and lives by
Nature's laws. Her foot, she does not force it into a misfit shoe; nor
does she wear a corset to squeeze her frame in two. That frame has got
upon it no clothes she does not need; she wears no bughouse bonnet that
makes man's bosom bleed. This maid, this weaker vessel, has movements
swift and free, and she can run and wrestle, and she can climb a tree.
And it she shows a yearning to emulate the whites, our good old customs
spurning, pursuing vain delights, O idol stern and oaken, take thou thy
sceptre dread, and may the same be broken upon her silly head."
"This bridegroom," said the maiden, "untutored is and rude, but still
he is not laden with habits vain and lewd. I hope to see him trundle
each evening to his kraal, and not blow in his bundle for long cold
pints of ale. With my consent he'll never get next the slot machine,
or use his best endeavor to burn up gasoline. No tailor hath arrayed
him, no valet hath defaced! He stands as Nature made him,
broad-chested, slim of waist! And he can swim the Niger, or rob a
lion's lair, or whip a full-grown tiger at Reno or elsewhere! And if
he would abandon our simple heathen ways, and learn to place his hand
on some foolish white men's craze, O idol, in your dudgeon, obey his
bride's behest! Take up your big spiked bludgeon, and swat him
galley-west!"