Puddleford and Politics.--Higgins against Wiggins.--The
Candidates' Personale.--Their Platforms.--Delicate
Questions.--Stump Speaking.--Wiggins on
Higgins.--Impertinent Interruptions.--Higgins on
Wiggins.--Ike Turtle not dead yet.--Commotion.--Squire
Longbow restores Order.--Grand Stroke of Policy.--The Roast
Ox at Gillett's Corners.
Puddleford was famous for its political excitements, and so indeed is a new
country generally. Its people watched the altar of liberty with an "eternal
vigilance." The qualifications of all persons, from a candidate for the
presidency down to township constable, were thoroughly canvassed by the
electors. What might be a qualification for office in Puddleford, might
disqualify in another region, but we cannot expect that all men will think
alike. We must not forget that office meant something in Puddleford--that
it conferred honor on the man, whether the man conferred honor on it or
not. A highway commissioner, or overseer of the poor, was a character
looked up to, and a supervisor or justice were the oracles of their
neighborhood.
The merits and demerits of candidates were freely discussed at public
meetings, held most usually in the open air, and composed of all parties.
Aspirants for public favor, who were opposed to each other, met and made
and answered arguments. All things in the "heavens above and the earth
beneath," were raked up and presented at these gatherings. The creation of
the world--Adam and Eve--Cain--Jerusalem--Greece and Rome--the revolution,
and the last war, were dragged into speeches, and made material for
electioneering.
In the fall, subsequently to my settlement, Higgins ran against Wiggins for
member of the legislature. It was said that this was one of the most
exciting contests that Puddleford ever experienced. Every man, woman, and
child were enlisted. The "Higgins" men didn't speak to the "Wiggins" men,
nor the "Wiggins" men to the "Higgins" men, for more than two months, and
the opposing families absolutely refused to visit.
Wiggins was a little, waspish man, who lived in the country, and was called
a "forehanded" farmer. He had been a justice of the peace in Cattaraugus
county, State of New York, and thought as much of himself as he did of any
other person living. He had a small, withered face, which looked like a
frost-bitten apple, red hair, and a quick, restless eye. He was a violent
politician, a shrewd manager, had a keen insight of human nature, some
humor; and was and always had been a red-hot democrat. He rafted lumber for
several years on the Susquehanna, where he received the greater part of his
education. He could write his name, and had been known to attempt a letter,
but no one was ever yet found who could read his correspondence. His
orthography was decidedly bad. He spelled in a sort of short-hand way,
which was not so objectionable, after all, as his language usually conveyed
the pronunciation of the words intended. "Il" was used for "ile" or "oil;"
"hos" stood for "horse;" "kanderdit for ofis," for "candidate for office,"
and so on. His extemporaneous speaking was quite tolerable, and it was this
gift which _had_ given him notoriety.
Higgins was a man much after the sort of Wiggins, in many respects, though
not altogether. He was a violent whig, and talked incessantly about his
"glorious party." He was a large, tall, broad-breasted fellow, ignorant,
cunning, and cut something of a swagger wherever he went. He drank whiskey,
chewed a paper of fine-cut every day, read the newspapers, cursed the
locofocos, prognosticated the downfall of the country, and pledged himself
to die game, let what would happen.
These candidates for office had a "platform," a part of which was intended
for Puddleford, and a part for their common country--some planks of which
were thrown in merely to catch votes, and some for future fame. Wiggins
said he was for "giving immortal man full swing inter all things, and
letting his natur fly loose like the winds." He was "for driving the
American eagle inter every land, whether she'd go or not." He was "for a
railroad and canal straight thro' Puddleford, to be built by the state,
under the penalty of a revolution." He was "agin rich men everywhere, for
they trampled down the poor." He was "for upsetting Longbow and his clique,
and declared he would bring in a bill, if elected, that would blow the
whole set out of sight." He was for "easy times," "plenty of cash," "little
or no work," "good crops," and everything else the people wanted.
Higgins was for "breaking down, and scat'ring locofocos everywhere." He
went "for everything that's right, and agin everything that's wrong." He
was for "beating Wiggins." He could "show that he hadn't patriotism enough
to keep the breath warm in a four year old child! there warn't a spark of
American glory in him. He wanted to sell out the whole country to the
British, and would if elected! Besides, he kicked up a fuss in Bigelow's
church, about the doctrines preached, and damaged religion." Higgins, it
seemed to me, based his success upon the supposed unpopularity of Wiggins,
and not upon any political principles of his own, while Wiggins relied upon
the great fundamental truths that were shadowed forth in his platform.
There were other questions which agitated the populace of Puddleford and
its county, such as the sale of liquor, the removal of the Indians, &c.,
&c., which both Higgins and Wiggins touched very tenderly, because it
became necessary to advocate both sides, sometimes for and sometimes
against, according to the views of those persons who happened at the time
to be soliciting information.
During the fall, I had the pleasure of hearing these two rival aspirants
for office define their position before the people. The gathering was in a
grove, very large for a new country, and made up of men, women, and
children. Flags and inscriptions were flying here and there, some for
Higgins and some for Wiggins, and every person was as brimful of patriotism
as he could hold.
Wiggins rose, and presented himself on a high platform that had been
erected for the occasion, pulled up his collar, buttoned his coat, coughed
a few times, and then took a leisurely survey of the crowd. "Feller
citizens! men and women!" said he, "there is going to be an election, and
I'm a-goin to run for office. Not that I care anything about the office
itself, for I don't, a tinker's ladle, but I want to beat Higgins, who
never ought to be trusted with the liberties of any people, and I'm willing
to sacrifice something to do it. Feller citizens! I want to have you
recollect where Higgins lives--at 'Satan's Half Acre!'--where they don't
have any Fourth of July; no Sunday school, only about two months a year;
and the same place, feller citizens, where they mobbed the temperance
lecturer, and swore they'd drink streak-lightning if they were a-min-to!
(Great applause, and cheers for Wiggins, mingled with oaths and hisses from
Higgins' friends.) Feller citizens, Higgins is a leading man there, and
accountable for all this; and if he is elected, we shall indorse all these
doings."--A man from the "Half Acre," one of Higgins' friends, rose, and
said he'd take the liberty of saying that was an "in_far_nal lie." Wiggins
replied, by inquiring "if the meeting would see free discussion gagged
down, here, in the presence of the immortal Washington, who, he hoped, was
looking down on-to us!" whereupon the unfortunate man was pitched,
headlong, out of the crowd. "Arter having looked at where Higgins lives,"
continued Wiggins, "look at Higgins himself! what is he? what does he know?
what can he do? Why, feller citizens, he was born down somewhere in a place
so small, that it ain't on the map, and started life by tending a
lime-kiln; but he broke down in this business, and was discharged. He next
tried to go to school, but there warn't any class low down enough to get
him into. He then tried hoss doct'ring; and you, feller citizens, know when
a man turns out good-for-nothing, he goes rite into the larned
professions. He tried hoss doct'ring! and, after laying out ten or a dozen
of those noble animals inter the cold embrace of death (applause), he ran
away to get rid of a summons that was clus arter him! Then he fiddled for a
while winters, and laid off summers; then he druv stage, then he got-tor-be
captain of a raft, his first office; but he stranded her, and she's never
been got off yet. At last, he went to 'Satan's Half Acre,' where he thinks
he ain't known, and actually, feller citizens, has the impudence to come up
for office. (Great applause.)
"Now," continued Wiggins, "having disposed of Higgins, I am going to launch
out on the great political questions of the day--questions that swell up in
me, and fairly make me tremble all over, to think on. We've a mighty sight
to do, to take care of them liberties that was 'queathed to us by Gen'ral
Washington, jest before he died. The old hero know'd he was a-going, but
afore he went, he give us our liberty, and said all that he asked on us was
to take care on it, and not let anybody steal or coax it away from us, but
always hold on to it like a dog to a root. If it hadn't been for our
party," exclaimed Wiggins, in a loud voice, "that great American eagle that
has flew'd so long, and kivered our juvenil' years with his wings--that
eagle, feller citizens, that sleeps on the ragin tornado, and warms himself
in the sun--_that_ eagle, I say--_that_ eagle! eagle! would now be as dead
as a smelt, lying on his back, a-groaning for help. (Great applause, and
three cheers.) (Wiggins said he hoped the audience would hold in their
manifestations of applause as much as they could, as it scattered his
thoughts.) The fust whig," continued Wiggins, "that we have any notis' on
in his'try, is the old feller with tail and horns, who goes to and fro, up
and down the airth; and he, you know, stole all-er Job's property, killed
off his children, and came pretty near killing the old man himself. The
next was John Adams, who didn't want anybody to come into the country, nor
say nothing after they had got here. He, feller citizens, was for exploding
all the glories of natur, and drying up the e_tar_nal fountains of hope and
consolation--for turning man back again into the regions of confusion,
where all is night and misery! (Very great applause, followed by a flight
of hats in the air.) The next whig was everybody that supported old John,
such as Higgins and his party.
"Now, feller citizens, what's the reason you hain't got any more money?
It's because the laws ain't right. Man was born to have enough of
everything. This is a big world we live in--it ram'fys itself all round the
'quator, and its mountains diversify themselves into infinity. You own your
part on't just as much as the greatest nabob; and all you've got to do is
to stand up to the rack, vote for true men, and you'll get it; and it's
your duty to rise in your wrath, break the chains of oppression, and
declare that you'll never lay down the sword until the last enemy is
routed." (More applause.) Here a solemn-faced man rose, and asked Wiggins
to define himself on the "licker question." "Thank you, sir," replied
Wiggins--"was just comin' to that." "The licker question--the licker
question," continued Wiggins, speaking with gravity, for there was a great
division of opinion among his hearers on that subject--"the licker
question, feller citizens, is a _great_ question. Some people drink, some
don't--some drink a little, some a good deal. The licker question is a
question that a great many folks talk about. _I_ talk about it myself, and"
(the same man rose again, and ask'd Wiggins if he would "vote agin licker?"
Wiggins said "it throw'd him off his balance, to be disturb'd in public
speaking")--"everybody know'd how he stood on that pint--he'd never
chang'd; he stood where his forefathers did; he went the whole hog on the
licker question"--("Which side?" inquired the man.) "Which side? which
side?" ejaculated Wiggins: "do you wanter trammel up a free and
in_der_pendent citizen of this mighty republic! How do I know, _here_, what
I shall be called upon to vote _for_ or _agin_! Ask me to say I'll vote
agin something that hain't come up yet! When David knocked over the great
giant Goliah, do you 'spose he knew just where he'd throw the stone to hit
him." "Yes-sir-ee," exclaimed Higgins, springing on his feet "he did that
very thing." Wiggins "hoped order would be preserved. I shall leave to the
expansive development of the times," continued Wiggins, his arms flying
like a windmill, "the blazing energies of the day, and cling to the
constitution till it goes out inter the expiring regions of oblivion."
(Three cheers were given.)
Wiggins sat down, evidently quite exhausted; and I noticed that he had made
a decided impression. Higgins rose, stripped off his coat and vest, rolled
up his shirt-sleeve, stuffed a quarter-paper of tobacco into his cheek, and
"ascended the platform." He said he was a humble citizen, and warn't com'd
of rich or larned folks--he _had_ tended lime-kiln--he _had_ doctor'd
hosses--he _had_ druv stage; and he was goin' to drive and doctor a
jackass. (Much cheering.) He had always _worked_ for his living. He'd give
five dollars to any man who'd tell him where Wiggins _was_ born, or show
that he ever did anything. _He_ lived on the sweat, and the blood, and the
brains of the people. He'd tended grocery, peddled calickers, try'd to talk
law once, and was now on a farm, just for appearance' sake. For himself, he
was a humble link in the great whig chain. (Ike Turtle said he s'posed he
was that link called the _swivel_.) Higgins, with an affected pleasantry,
asked Turtle "how long it was since he run'd away from the State of New
York, for debt?" Turtle replied, that "Wiggins ought to know, for he was
along with him"--whereupon a tremendous shout was raised in favor of
Turtle. Higgins rallied and proceeded. He said "he warn't goin' to talk
about the devil, and John Adams--he didn't know nothing about either on
'em--it was entirely agin his religion to speak of such things before such
a 'spectable audience. (Some sensation.) What he wanted to do was, to carry
the great, _etar_-nal, glorious principles of his party rite strait inter
every mortal being, and save the country, which now lies bleeding at its
last gasp." (Ike asked Higgins to "throw him down a bundle of them
principles, and if they suited him, he'd take a few.")
Somebody told Turtle to sit down, whereupon Turtle appealed to the crowd,
and inquired if they'd see a citizen gagged down. ("No! no!" was the
reply.)
Higgins went on. He said Wiggins warn't so near straight on the licker
question as his yaller dog at hum, for his dog never got drunk, and Wiggins
did, sometimes. ("That's a lie!" exclaimed Wiggins.) "Of course he'll deny
it, feller citizens--I would, if I was in his place--but I, feller
citizens, without fear of man, not caring about an election, step forth,
and say to you all, in the full blaze of day, that _I'll do all for the
cause that lies in my power_, having in view the interests of everybody in
this republic." (Applause.)
Higgins said that "he was sorry to see such a man as Wiggins trying to
quote scripter to this audience--a man, feller citizens, is Wiggins--who
don't know whether David was the son of Goliah, or Goliah the son of
David--a man who don't know whether Paul wrote the book of Genesis, or
Genesis the book of Paul--a swearin' man, feller citizens; and yet he talks
about Goliah throwing stones at David. (Wiggins wished to correct
Higgins--it was the other way--David threw the stone at Goliah.)
Howsomever," continued Higgins, "he talks about the stones _bein' thrown_,
and uses the scripters in this way; and arn't it a vile way, feller
citizens, to catch your votes--to run himself into the legislater with,
where he can knock over the liberties of the country, and make the green
fields a howlin' waste again!" (This was followed by very great applause.)
After the applause ceased, Ike Turtle rose with gravity, and reaching forth
a bottle towards Higgins, inquired if "he wouldn't _have a little_, as
natur couldn't bear up long under such rackin' thoughts."
Higgins said he didn't believe this free and highly moral and religus
audience would long stand a party who'd throw a jug of licker inter their
faces.
Turtle replied that it was a mere experiment. He bro't it on pur_pos_ to
see if there was _any_ place where Wiggins _wouldn't_ drink. (This raised a
shout.)
Wiggins retorted by saying that "he never had made a walking grocery of
himself." (Much laughter.)
Turtle "didn't know about that--if he did he carried it _inside_." The
whole meeting finally got into a commotion, each party taking sides. Squire
Longbow set up a hue and cry, "In the name of the people of ----," and
order was restored. I heard him say, after the crowd had become quiet,
"that the constitution guaranteed talking, and altho' he was on t'other
side in politics, he must say, as a magistrate, that it guaranteed Higgins
the floor, as the great Story decided in his chapter on rows and mobs."
Higgins bowed to Squire Longbow, and proceeded. "I'm not goin' to say much
more, and, finally, feller citizens," he continued, "I won't say any more.
The audience is _so_ intelligent, understand so well all the principles of
gov'ment, from Noah's family that sailed inter the ark, down to the
remotest possibility of futer gen'rations--have so weigh'd everything
'longing to 'em, before the morning stars sang, and dirgested it by
piece-meal--that it would be an everlasting insult for _me_ to attempt to
talk furder--and in conclusion I will say: Three cheers for the dying
heroes who got our freedom, and who now lie a-sleeping on the shores of
glory!" (Tremendous applause, accompanied by cheers and swinging of hats.)
I have given, I believe, the substance of the first two speeches, but these
were only introductory to those that followed. It was expected, when the
meeting opened, that the speaking would occupy most of the day, and the
specimens which I have reported were merely straws thrown out to determine
which way the wind blew. The real questions at issue were dexterously
dodged by sallies of wit and flights of unmeaning bombast.
Wiggins mounted the stand again, and spoke for an hour. He told a large
number of humorous stories, and turned their point against Higgins--then he
sailed away into the clouds astride a burst of nonsense--then he came down
again. At one time, while Wiggins was "cavorting in the upper regions," as
Turtle called it, Sile Bates, who was a whig, started to his feet, and
placing his closed hand to one eye, and cocking the other, he stared away
after him, as earnestly as if he were just passing out of sight. Higgins
followed, and the speaking was kept up, alternately, until about four
o'clock in the afternoon, when the meeting closed, without either Higgins
or Wiggins defining their position, or saying one word indicative of their
future political course.
Just as the meeting closed, Ike Turtle, who was the real political manager
on the part of the democratic party, rushed up to the speakers' stand, and
swinging his hat round, cried out at the top of his lungs, "Feller
citizens! The democratic party, knowin' that the speaking would last a good
while, and that natur might become exhausted in listenin' and 'tendin' to
the duties of our common country, have prepared a roasted ox, down at
'Gillett's Corners' with all the fixins, where we want you all to go, whigs
and democrats, both Higgins and Wiggins, and particularly the ladies, who
have turned out so nobly--and the young folks can have a dance in the
evenin' if they wish."
Here was a stroke of management worth all the speeches of the day. No one
suspected that there was a dinner in preparation, and when Ike made the
announcement, there was a shout that came from the heart, and made the
woods ring. And the meeting adjourned to "Gillett's Corners."
Several other public political gatherings were held, and a very large
amount of breath, time, and eloquence were expended; but the result was the
election of Wiggins by a tremendous majority, and I do not now recollect of
hearing of an allusion, by him, in the legislature, to any of those
"leading measures" that occupied his thoughts on the "stump."
I believe, after all, that the country was very well represented. Wiggins
used about as much gas and deception in securing his seat as a New York
politician, but not any more; but after he had obtained it, he felt and
acted like a representative of the people, who had a reputation of his own
to sustain. When I say "well represented," I mean that _he did no
harm_--nor any good either--but always voted right on party questions,
because his name began with W, and was nearly the last called--if it had
begun with A, he would have ruined himself, and perhaps his country--so
true it is that a man's fame or infamy may hang by a single thread.