AMABEL’S REMARKABLE EXPERIENCE
Amabel returned to her father’s palace in a state of great disquietude.
The unexpected meeting with Serenus, but vastly more its unwonted
circumstances, gave her a great shock. What could it mean? Serenus walking
the streets of the Holy City in the company of a young woman, a stranger,
in a manner which betokened great familiarity! Such an event, witnessed by
her own eyes, shook and threatened to disenthrone her Ideal, and to
dissolve everything which she had counted solid and sacred.
Since Amabel’s last interview with Serenus, she had striven loyally to
banish his image from her mind, but with variable success. At times she
almost seemed to feel his presence, and in other moods persuaded herself
that she was quite resigned to the inevitable and final separation which
had been wisely accepted by both.
Amabel was an idolized favorite in the Holy City. Her grace and beauty,
with the eminent position of the Rabban, gave her the highest social
distinction. Who so happy as Amabel? The centre of an admiring circle, the
petted daughter of tender parents, surrounded by luxury, active in kindly
deeds, and loyal to her religion, what more could be desired? But a
heaviness was in her heart, and the world about her was prosaic and
mechanical. Her social and religious duties were faithfully performed, and
she enjoyed the favor and love of all; but, alas, a worm was gnawing at
the root of a comely flower. There was a subtle unrest and secret blight
that made life barren and joyless. She became introspective, and often
tried to weigh her motives, obstacles, and aspirations, as in a pair of
balances.
The Is and the Might Be are always coming up for comparison and contrast
in the human foreground. On one side, Amabel had home, friends, social
position, and the accepted religion of her own people, and on the other,
Serenus, his love, and a New Faith which seemed strange to her. Although
Serenus had assured her of his devoted and undying affection, he had not
asked or expected that she would renounce all for him. He had taken it for
granted that she would not and could not. He had gracefully accepted the
stern logic of the situation, and cheerfully made the great sacrifice. On
her part, she had even withheld the confession of her own love, for the
sole purpose of making his burden lighter, and his renunciation possible.
As they _must_ separate, it would be easier so.
Since the evening of the earnest avowal of love by Serenus, and the mutual
acquiescence in the imperative separation, life had drifted along; but the
whole world was changed. Her cheeks had lost their color, and there were
many evidences of wearing preoccupation. But she made a heroic effort to
fall into the current of what was expected of her, and firmly resolved to
cease all iridescent dreaming, and be resigned.
After the chance meeting, Amabel arrived at home almost breathless, and
avoiding the family, hastened to her favorite nook upon the house‐top. Her
heart was fluttering, her senses swimming, and she must have a little
time. It was all important that she rally her forces, and lift herself
above the sudden rush of waves which threatened to ingulf her. She began
to reason with herself, and to cast about for some solid ground upon which
she might stand. She could not interpret her own soul. There were two
voices within, and each claimed her. Admitting her love for Serenus, had
not all forever been settled between them?
But was there _another_?
“What have _I_ to do with another? Have we not parted forever! Ought not I
to rejoice even in his happiness with _another_? Oh, my heart! I cannot
understand thee! Thou seemest not to reason, but to feel!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“I could bear parting, did I but know that I was thy sole possession! Nay,
were I never more to behold thy face, I could rest content as _thine_!
thine in the unseen! thine forever! But _another_! Be still, heart! I will
not doubt him! I am divided in myself! I doubt him, and cannot doubt him!
Now, I am decided! I thrust out that image of another! I see only thee!
Often when all was still, I have heard the tones of thy sweet voice! The
sunrise and the sunset have been laden with the brightness of thy lofty
soul! In my dreams I wander with thee, not upon the hard and dusty paths
of earth, but in the ambient air, and beyond the clouds! I need not see
thee with mortal eyes in order to mount by thy side, and command the range
of created things!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Away! That cruel vision again forces itself upon me! Not that I wish her
ill! But there can be but _one_! Down, hateful thoughts! I will not doubt
him! But is it anything, now that we are separated? Everything! We are
together, though apart! Even beyond the grave will we commune with each
other! Ah! then it were sweet, even to die!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“The ebb and flow of my heart is unto thee! Crowds that flatter and would
serve me pass by, but only thou art near me! O Future! art thou ours
together? Back! that dark vision haunts me again! I would not, I will not
behold it!”
* * * * * * * * * *
The thick curtains of night had been drawn, and Amabel was missing. The
household of Gamaliel began to be apprehensive; but bethinking themselves
of her favorite resort, ascended to look for her, believing she might have
fallen asleep. Her prostrate form was found in a state of feverish
unconsciousness. Kind hands bore her tenderly below, and loving hearts
exercised themselves in every form of devoted ministration. Her body was
motionless, except that her lips were moved in an incoherent muttering.
The skill of the physicians was exerted to the utmost to arouse her, but
hour after hour passed without any visible change. Her illness was found
to be a violent fever in the head, and it was whispered that peradventure
it was beyond the reach of the healing art. But however it might end, it
would be long and desperate.
By the next morning Amabel’s condition was somewhat changed. She moved
restlessly upon her couch, and had recurring intervals of consciousness,
but the burning fever was continuous. She begged for water and fresh air,
both of which were denied her except in very sparing quantities, for fear
of harm. Strong medicaments, of a quality which produced disgust and
loathing, were faithfully administered, but no healing effect was
manifest.
How futile and superficial the devices of the healing art, in any and all
ages, in its attempts to deal with maladies of the soul! And who will
declare that the deep and obscure fountain of all ailments is not located
in the unseen and immaterial part! Verily the springs of man’s nature are
hidden, while seen and secondary manifestation is upon the surface, being
resultant.
Weary days and nights dragged their slow course along. At length the
violence of the fever abated, but the pale face and wasted form spoke
eloquently of the vanity of human effort in her behalf. Her glassy eyes
and sunken cheeks proclaimed an impending collapse of the mortal tenement.
The pure white soul was nearing the portal of the earthly tabernacle,
apparently soon to step out.
The physicians solemnly announced that the end was not far away, and that
it could not be averted. As a weary toiler at the close of day lays down
the instrument he has wielded, so the daughter of the Rabban must put
aside that seen counterpart which no longer could serve her.
Gamaliel was bowed with grief. When not at the bedside of his daughter, he
seemed dazed, and was barely able to bear the mechanical round of his
daily duties. Was the sweet flower of his family to be uprooted? the light
of his household to go out?
Embowered awhile so tenderly in hearts of love,
Like some pure gem, enclosed so safe in setting rare,
The tenement outgrown, and now the soul would move,
And mount to larger life within a realm more fair.
* * * * * * * * * *
These were days of sombre stillness in the palace of Gamaliel. The birth‐
pains of a soul, as it passes into the higher life, are more outside than
within. Everything around is smitten and takes up a plaint, even when the
soul that goes is quickened, and its own path smoothed and lighted.
Intervals of calmness and delirium alternated in their possession of
Amabel. Her frame became so thin and transparent that the flashes of the
pulsating self seemed to shine through, and reveal its vital dominance.
But her incoherent utterances during periods of aberration, though very
weak, gradually became more distinct.
“Serenus! Serenus!” was plainly upon her lips. It was repeated again and
again. This was made known to Gamaliel. He was a wise father and a prudent
interpreter. He thought deeply upon the matter; and after a brief but
sharp conflict in his own mind between parental love and official dignity,
the former prevailed, and he sat down and wrote a hasty letter.
[RABBAN GAMALIEL TO VICTOR SERENUS.]
“PALACE OF GAMALIEL, _Tammuz XXV_.
“O Serenus! my friend and former helper! Peace be unto thee! Knowing well
thy noble spirit and wise prudence, I pray for thy kind favor in my
affliction. Touching a request that I make unto thee, my heart is rent
with sorrow, in that my dear Amabel is soon to depart from our midst. She
hath a deadly disorder, so that her days with us are nearly ended. And now
I have to inform thee that, in her moments of sleep or wandering, she
speaketh of thee and calleth thy name. Peradventure thy presence might
soothe her, and bring peace to her troubled soul. While we mourn her as
already dead, we pray that her closing hours may be serene. I am persuaded
that past events have not clouded thy friendly spirit, and therefore
beseech thy presence with us. The God of Israel bless thee! In sore
affliction,
GAMALIEL.”
The breast of Serenus was rent with conflicting emotions as he laid down
the letter. Mingled with his sorrow at the sad tidings about Amabel, there
was even a note of gladness. “She loves me!” was the thought that echoed
and re‐echoed through his heart. “If her seen form is to vanish, _she_ is
not the visible, but the invisible, and love is eternal. The grave can
rear no wall nor make no gulf between us. Behold we dwell here for a
season in tents, and then quietly fold them and move forward. Poor Amabel!
She loveth me, but hid her love that she might not increase my burden.”
“But the sad tidings of the letter hath made me unmindful of my faith! Why
should _I_ consent to the declaration that Amabel must pass from sight?
What have _I_ to do with the faithlessness of the world? nay, even of the
ceremonial religionist? What do the physicians, who are persuaded that her
life must go out, understand of the vital powers of the spirit? Their
nauseous medicaments touch but the utmost surface of life’s visible
expression. They wot not of its hidden springs, and how to take hold upon
them! Even the eyes of Gamaliel, master in Israel though he be, are not
opened to the Father’s helpfulness! Did not the prophet of Nazareth
declare, ‘These signs shall follow them that believe’? Behold neither the
world nor the church doth believe! Have I not witnessed wonderful works
among the Essenes and Therapeutæ? nay, are they not now common in the
household of the New Faith? Is not the life of God in all things? and hath
not every one that measure of it which he will open his soul to receive?
Behold the Father withholdeth not, for all things are freely given to his
children. His abounding spirit of wholeness is waiting to fill every place
which is made meet!”
Such were some of the thoughts that flashed through the mind of Serenus.
While at first taken unawares, and cast down by the tidings of Amabel’s
condition, he soon felt a mighty influx of faith and strength that filled
him with spiritual energy. Nothing was impossible!
“Can Amabel be inspired with such a faith? And behold her friends live not
in the spirit, but in doctrines and traditions! The eyes of them of the
outer kingdom are holden! Who can persuade them to come to themselves?”
“O Amabel! innocent but weak! untaught, and a stranger to truth! is there
time to bring inspiration into thy life so that thy belief of a speedy
departure may be uprooted? As thou thinkest, so will it come to pass.”
Serenus lost no time in making his way to the palace, and was softly
ushered into Amabel’s presence. His face betokened peace, yea, even
commanding power. Knew he not that infinite forces were back of him? Yea,
they were familiar, and by orderly method he would wield them!
Undaunted by the paleness and wasted proportions of the fair form, so
changed since he last beheld it, his face almost shone at the thought of
the privilege of spiritual ministration. Shrunken, weak, and motionless,
to the outer eyes the life of Amabel, like a fitful flame, was just ready
to expire. Serenus seated himself near by. Perchance she was dreaming, for
soon there was a movement of the lips.
“Serenus! Serenus!” was uttered in a distinct whisper, but she had not yet
opened her eyes. He heeded not the sound of his name, but sat with bowed
head in perfect silence.
* * * * * * * * * *
A full half‐hour passed, during which not a word was spoken. The place
seemed hallowed with an invisible Presence. The gloom fled away before a
brightness which might almost be felt. The life of Amabel is a part of the
One Life, and knoweth neither limitation nor death! Depart thou belief of
mortality! Child of God! thou art unseen spirit! It is thine to _rule_ the
outer form, therefore, assert thy right, and it shall be subject to thy
behest! Thou art divine in thy being, and all good is thy free heritage.
Silence still prevailed.
* * * * * * * * * *
At length Amabel opened her eyes, and beheld the face of Serenus.
“O Serenus! art thou here? I was dreaming of thy presence. I have prayed
to see thee once more before my departure.”
These words were spoken in a low, sweet voice; the first above a whisper
for three days. She continued,—
“My hours are numbered! I now can tell thee of my love. While I had life
before me it was expedient that I should refrain. Blessed be these eyes
which once more behold thee! Abiding peace be thine!”
Serenus lightly took her thin and almost transparent hand, and bending his
head, touched it softly to his lips.
“Amabel! there is an abundance of life, and to spare. Behold the very
breath of God is within you! His strength is freely and lovingly thine
own.”
“How sayest thou so, Serenus? Behold it hath been told me that I must die.
The physicians have so declared, and my parents mourn me as though already
departed. Thinkest thou that there is life beyond the grave, and is it
that of which thou speakest? And does love continue there?”
“O Amabel! there is no grave, save for worn‐out dust. Thy fair form is yet
youthful, and thou mayst command it as thou wilt, and enjoy its sweet
ministry.”
“What is that thou sayest? Behold many of fewer years than mine are
gathered unto their fathers!”
“Yea, the _belief_ in the power of the grave hath passed upon the children
of men. But they know not the power of God, and how it is given to his
children to wield it if they will. As we open our souls, and confidently
take hold of the Present Help, strength is ours. Be filled with the spirit
of the Father, for he is thy dwelling‐place.”
“O glorious tidings! I feel thrilled in soul and body!”
“Thou hast new life already! Hail with joy the Universal Good, and feel
and affirm its presence _now_!”
A tiny flame had been lighted in the darkness which surrounds the tomb.
May it increase! As Serenus took his leave, Amabel showed unwonted
calmness and brightness.
The day following witnessed a marvellous gain. The change was so great as
to cause rejoicing and wonder in the palace. Amabel had remained free from
unconscious intervals, and though yet weak, was calm and cheerful. Serenus
came, and was warmly greeted.
“O Serenus! I am filled with new hope and joy that I cannot understand. A
voice within me seems to speak words of life and strength. I have unwonted
peace, yea, even joy! Whence cometh it?”
“Dear Amabel! the belief in the power of death hath been vanquished. Life
is thine, and an overcoming faith hath quickened and filled thee.”
“Cometh it from the God of Israel, Serenus? Behold, I saw thee bowed in
silence yesterday, though I heard no words. Didst thou call upon him, and
he send down an answer?”
“Thou speakest of the God of Israel; but behold God is the God of all
peoples, and the whole earth. I made no request that _he_ should become
more willing, for nothing is lacking on his part. But I realized for thee,
that he, being perfect Goodness, hath already answered every desire for
help. All change and conformity must be within ourselves. They who are
unbelieving, ignorantly pray for that which is around them as free as the
air of heaven. The Father’s table is loaded for his children, while they
turn their backs upon it, and beseech him for bread.”
“But, O Serenus! while I feel new life, I cannot understand how it can
come unless it be sent.”
“God is Spirit, and his tabernacle is not far away, but _within_ his
children. He is their Life, Love, and Strength, and is in them, and they
in him. When thou dost understand the laws of thy being, behold these
things are multiplied, and thy soul and body have nourishment.”
“What a mystery that I had new strength yesterday, before thou mad’st
known these things to me!”
“Behold the truth and faith which inspire may be received by silent
ministry from another. The Spirit speaketh through one to another without
words.”
“I marvel at what thou sayest!”
“When one feeleth the image of God within him, its still small voice of
love and at‐one‐ment may go out to his brother, and be heard by the inner
ear, and anon its fruits appear outwardly.”
“I would know this mighty truth more perfectly!”
“Thou hast always been Godlike in thine inner being, but hast not known
thy true self. Thine eyes have been turned toward outward things, while
the fountain of life is within. All power is given unto thee in the
measure that thou dost claim and use it.”
“Behold thou sayest that it is not I, but something else that is within?”
“Thy question indeed toucheth a great mystery. Verily I interpret to thee,
that the inner voice, Son or Spirit, it is thy true self, while it is
thine outer thoughts which seemeth to be, and claimeth thee.”
“A mystery indeed! behold, how can I understand it?”
“As we seek the truth and strive to feel it, it unveileth itself. Man
judgeth by appearances. Counting things that are seen as the Real, we
thereby deceive ourselves, and our thoughts lead us astray. Behold our
weaknesses and sicknesses are the outworkings of our darkened and troubled
minds. If we dwell in the restless billows of the outer and deceitful
self, they submerge us. Righteousness is right thinking, of which outward
wholeness, as well as good works, is the natural harvest.”
Light shone in upon the soul of Amabel.
Before Serenus departed, there was a long interval of silent communion
with the Universal Spirit. The two pure souls unbarred the portals of
their higher natures, and the divine sunshine illumined every apartment.
Each was consciously enfolded by the Presence. There was no trance or
other unwonted manifestation, but simple _realization_ of what _is_. The
children of men felt the loving embrace of God.
Serenus continued his daily visits.
A week passed, and there was great joy in the household over Amabel’s
recovery. Her strength rapidly returned, and all feebleness disappeared.
Her cheeks regained their wonted freshness; and the outshining of her
soul, through the large, speaking eyes, told of inner peace and exuberant
life. Her recovery astounded the physicians, and her father was both
puzzled and delighted. He was persuaded that his own prayers to Jehovah
must have had efficacy, but his faith in the physicians as divinely
appointed means was sorely shaken. But he was wise enough to perceive that
his daughter loved Serenus, and that peradventure his presence was so
pleasing to her that it had been helpful, but beyond that he saw nothing.
It was impossible for him to think other than highly of the character of
Serenus; but now, beholding the devoted affection of Amabel, he bewailed
his heresy sorely. How could _he_, the eminent Rabban, with the eyes of
all Judea upon him, ever sanction his deposed assistant? and as for making
him his son, his soul was distressed at the thought. If Serenus was dear
to him in person, his doctrines and associates were most hateful. He
groaned in spirit, for Amabel was the idol of his heart.
On the tenth day after his first visit, Serenus found Amabel in her
favorite nook upon the roof. It was a balmy afternoon. The delicious
atmosphere, not too warm, was barely stirred by a gentle breeze, and the
Holy City never was more glorious and serene. The great Temple seemed
almost transparent in its dazzling whiteness, and the clear air gave an
unwonted nearness to the more distant mountains. Amabel was the ideal of
health, and there was an exquisite grace and purity in her looks not
equalled before her illness. Could those rosy cheeks be the same that were
so deathly pale and sunken a few short days ago? Verily a new spirit
maketh all things new!(6)
Amabel had been a willing learner, and her progress was rapid. The
inspiration of the higher life and the New Faith fully possessed her. The
world was a different world. Hand in hand with Serenus she had ascended
the Mount of Transfiguration and gained a true perspective. Things that
before were solid and real had become transparent, so that she could look
through them, and behold the spiritual verities of which they were the
cruder shadows. Her experience was not strange or abnormal, but she felt
the natural unfoldment of an additional sense. It was orderly inner
illumination. God in _present_ manifestation was _everywhere_, in terms of
love, purity, beauty, and goodness. Former discordant thoughts had fled
away, and the development of her own powers amazed her.
Up to this time no word since her improvement had passed between Serenus
and herself touching their personal affection. But she found all anxiety,
the very intensity of which had caused her illness, entirely gone. Thrice
happy Amabel! Her love had not lessened, but it was now refined and
spiritualized. She had not become peculiar or preoccupied, for there was
nothing sombre in the New Faith. Her light‐hearted joyousness produced a
bright ripple upon the whole surface of the life of the palace.
The afternoon was wearing away, and Serenus must soon take his leave. It
was all too short for the lovers.
“O Amabel! I rejoice with thee in thy freedom and happiness. Behold thou
art like a bird released from a cage. All things smile upon thee, and the
very air whispers its benediction.”
“It is thou who hast guided my feet in the delightful path that I knew not
of! Oh, the joyousness of living!”
“I have but showed thee the way to find thyself. To interpret our own
divinity is to discover our real birth‐right.”
“Blessed be the day which opened to me the spirit of the New Faith. Behold
the religion of the Temple, with its smoking sacrifices and priestly
ordinances, now seemeth like a hollow form. Its life is withered. I pray
thee, why were the ceremonial observances handed down to us?”
“In the days of the ignorance and childhood of the Chosen People, they
could not interpret the mind of Jehovah save through signs and symbols.
Their understanding was not open to the life of the Spirit, so they must
needs receive it veiled and softened by types. With a childlike trust they
could get glimpses of God and his teaching through the ordained forms. The
full light of Truth would have blinded their eyes, and been counted as
foolishness. But now, learning of the head and a puffed‐up knowledge hath
hidden the simple faith of the patriarchs and prophets, and the symbols
have become all in all, and therefore are vain and empty. A proud
scholastic philosophy hath made the hearts of the people cold and barren.”
“I live now and henceforth in the New Faith,” said Amabel earnestly.
“Pray, is the Nazarene of whom thou hast spoken its founder?”
“Nay, all truth is eternal! He was not its founder, but its expresser and
embodiment. Only as the spirit is manifested _through the flesh_ doth it
come to the understanding of those whose concern is only with things that
are seen. The Son, or likeness of God, dwelleth in all men, but he is
almost unknown and unmanifest. Jesus, knowing his internal oneness with
the Father, embodied the Christ‐mind or life in its fulness, and performed
the outward works after its kind. But, O Amabel! hast thou well considered
that thou dost separate thyself from the faith of thy father and all thy
house?”
“Yea, I am fully persuaded concerning the same. I will sacrifice all
things that may hinder my devotion to the New Faith, and my efforts for
its spread. I will be a witness for its truth, and will show forth its
power.”
Serenus drew nearer, and taking her hand in his, gave a gentle glance into
the fair face at his side.
“O Amabel! Behold the wall which separated us hath crumbled. We knew not
how it were possible, but it hath come to pass. Once more I tell thee that
thou art dearer to me than my life. Dost thy heart respond? and wilt thou
be mine?”
“O Serenus! I am persuaded of thy pure love, and am thine own. Life with
thee will be an abounding spring of gladness. I will share thy lot, even
though persecution surround me. Behold my spirit knoweth no more a
shadow.”
“The ever‐abiding Father’s love encloseth and sanctifieth the human
affection of our hearts. Amabel! I will be faithful to thee even unto
death!”
“And I to thee! In the love of God and thy love I forsake all else!”
Two hearts, when truly one, no power can sever!
Pure souls in deep affection dwell forever:
The flame of love, e’en evermore will brighten,
And every sacrificial burden lighten!