HOW ST. MONICA LIVED AT CASSIACUM WITH AUGUSTINE AND HIS FRIENDS, AND
HOW AUGUSTINE WAS BAPTIZED BY ST. AMBROSE
Amongst the saints there are two great penitents, St. Mary Magdalene
and St. Augustine, who in the first moment of their conversion shook
themselves wholly free from the trammels of the past and never looked
back again.
"Thou hast broken my bonds in sunder," cries St. Augustine, "to Thee
will I offer the sacrifice of praise." Honours, wealth, pleasure, all
the things he had desired so passionately, were now as nothing to
him. "For Thou didst expel them from me," he says, "and didst come in
Thyself instead of them. And I sang to Thee, my Lord God, my true
honour, my riches, and my salvation."
The vacation was close at hand. Augustine resolved to give up his
professorship and to go away quietly to prepare himself for Baptism.
Verecundus, one of the little group of faithful friends who
surrounded him, had a country house in Cassiacum, which he offered
for his use while he remained in Italy. It was a happy party that
gathered within its walls. There were Augustine and his younger
brother Navigius; the faithful Alypius, who was to receive Baptism
with his friend; Licentius and Trigetius, Augustine's two pupils; and
several others. Lastly there was Monica, who was a mother to them
all, and whose sunny presence did much to enliven the household. It
was autumn, an Italian mid-September. The country was a glory of
green and gold and crimson, the Apennines lying like purple shadows
in the distance.
Here, in the seclusion that was so dear to his heart, Augustine read
the Psalms for the first time. His soul was on fire with their
beauty; every word carried him to God. Monica read with him, and he
tells us that he would often turn to her for an explanation. "For,"
he continues, "she was walking steadily in the path in which I was as
yet feeling my way."
There were other studies besides to be carried on, and St. Augustine
tells us of some of the interesting discussions that were held on the
lawn, or in the hall of the baths, which they used when the weather
was not fine enough to go out.
One morning, when he and his pupils were talking of the wonderful
harmony and order that exist in nature, the door opened and Monica
looked in.
"How are you getting on?" she asked, for she knew what they were
discussing. Augustine invited her to join them, but Monica smiled. "I
have never heard of a woman amongst the philosophers," she said.
"That is a mistake," replied Augustine. "There were women
philosophers amongst the ancients, and you know, my dear mother, that
I like your philosophy very much. Philosophy means nothing else but
love of wisdom. Now you love wisdom more even than you love me, and I
know how much that is. Why, you are so far advanced in wisdom that
you fear no ill-fortune, not even death itself. Everybody says that
this is the very height of philosophy. I will therefore sit at your
feet as your disciple."
Monica, still smiling, told her son that he had never told so many
lies in his life. In spite of her protests, however, they would not
let her go, and she was enrolled amongst the philosophers. The
discussions, says St. Augustine, owed a good deal of their beauty to
her presence.
The 15th of November was Augustine's birthday. After dinner he
invited his friends to come to the hall of the baths, that their
souls might be fed also.
"For I suppose you all admit," he said, when they had settled
themselves for conversation, "that we are made up of soul and body."
To this everybody agreed but Navigius, who was inclined to argue, and
who said he did not know.
"Do you mean," asked Augustine, "that there is nothing at all that
you do know, or that of the few things you do not know this is one?"
Navigius was a little put out at this question, but they pacified
him, and at last persuaded him to say that he was as certain of the
fact that he was made up of body and soul as anybody could be. They
then agreed that food was taken for the sake of the body.
"Must not the soul have its food too?" asked Augustine. "And what is
that food? Is it not knowledge?"
Monica agreed to this, but Trigetius objected.
"Why, you yourself," said Monica, "are a living proof of it. Did you
not tell us at dinner that you did not know what you were eating
because you were lost in thought? Yet your teeth were working all the
time. Where was your soul at that moment if not feeding too?"
Then Augustine, reminding them that it was his birthday, said that as
he had already given them a little feast for the body, he would now
give them one for the soul.
Were they hungry? he asked.
There was an eager chorus of assent.
"Can a man be happy," he said, "if he has not what he wants, and is
he happy if he has it?"
Monica was the first to answer this question. "If he wants what is
good and has it," she replied, "he is happy. But if he wants what is
bad, he is not happy even if he has it."
"Well said, mother!" cried Augustine. "You have reached the heights
of philosophy at a single bound."
Someone then said that if a man were needy he could not be happy.
Finally they all agreed that only he who possessed God could be
wholly happy. But the discussion had gone on for a long time, and
Augustine suggested that the soul might have too much nourishment as
well as the body, and that it would be better to put off the rest
until to-morrow.
The discussion was continued next day.
"Since only he who possesses God can be happy, who is he who
possesses God?" asked Augustine, and they were all invited to give
their opinion.
"He that leads a good life," answered one. "He who does God's will,"
said another. "He who is pure of heart," said a third. Navigius would
not say anything, but agreed with the last speaker. Monica approved
of them all.
St. Augustine continued: "It is God's will that all should seek Him?"
"Of course," they all replied.
"Can he who seeks God be leading a bad life?"
"Certainly not," they said.
"Can a man who is not pure in heart seek God?"
"No," they agreed.
"Then," said Augustine, "what have we here? A man who leads a good
life, does God's will, and is pure of heart, is seeking God. But he
does not yet possess Him. Therefore we cannot uphold that they who
lead good lives, do God's will, and are pure of heart, possess God."
They all laughed at the trap in which he had caught them. But Monica,
saying that she was slow to grasp these things, asked to have the
argument repeated. Then she thought a moment.
"No one can possess God without seeking Him," she said.
"True," said Augustine, "but while he is seeking he does not yet
possess."
"I think there is no one who does not have God," she said. "But those
who live well have Him for their friend, and those who live badly
make themselves His enemies. Let us change the statement, 'He who
possesses God is happy' to 'He who has God for his friend is happy.'"
All agreed to this but Navigius.
"No," he said, "for this reason. If he is happy who has God for his
friend (and God is the friend of those who seek Him, and those who
seek Him do not possess Him, for to this all have agreed), then it is
obvious that those who are seeking God have not what they want. And
we all agreed yesterday that a man cannot be happy unless he has what
he wants."
Monica could not see her way out of this difficulty, although she was
sure there was one. "I yield," she said, "for logic is against me."
"Well," said Augustine, "we have reached the conclusion that he who
has found God has Him for his friend and is happy; but he who is
still seeking God has Him for his friend but is not yet happy. He,
however, who has separated himself from God by sin has neither God
for his friend nor is he happy."
This satisfied everybody.
The other side of the question was then considered.
"In what did unhappiness consist?" asked Augustine.
Monica maintained that neediness and unhappiness must go together.
"For he who has not what he wants," she said, "is both needy and
unhappy."
Augustine then supposed a man who had everything he wanted in this
world. Could it be said that he was needy? Yet was it certain that he
was happy?
Licentius suggested that there would remain with him the fear of
losing what he had.
"That fear," replied Augustine, "would make him unhappy but would not
make him needy. Therefore we could have a man who is unhappy without
being needy."
To this everyone agreed but Monica, who still argued that unhappiness
could not be separated from neediness.
"This supposed man of yours," she said, "rich and fortunate, still
fears to lose his good fortune. That shows that he wants wisdom. Can
we call a man who wants money needy, and not call him so when he
wants wisdom?"
At this remark there was a general outcry of admiration. It was the
very argument, said Augustine, that he had meant to use himself.
"Nothing," said Licentius, "could have been more truly and divinely
said. What, indeed, is more wretched than to lack wisdom? And the
wise man can never be needy, whatever else he lacks."
Augustine then went on to define wisdom. "The wisdom that makes us
happy," he said, "is the wisdom of God, and the wisdom of God is the
Son of God. Perfect life is the only happy life," he continued, "and
to this, by means of firm faith, cheerful hope, and burning love we
shall surely be brought if we but hasten towards it."
So the discussion ended, and all were content.
"Oh," cried Trigetius, "how I wish you would provide us with a feast
like this every day!"
"Moderation in all things," answered Augustine. "If this has been a
pleasure to you, it is God alone that you must thank."
So the happy innocent days flew past in the pursuit of that wisdom
which is eternal. "Too late have I loved Thee, O Beauty ever ancient,
ever new!" cried Augustine. "Behold Thou wast within me, and I was
abroad, and there I sought Thee. I have tasted Thee, and I am hungry
after Thee. Thou hast touched me, and I am all on fire."
At the beginning of Lent Augustine and Alypius returned to Milan to
attend the course of instructions which St. Ambrose was to give to
those who were preparing for Baptism.
In the night between Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday the stains of
the past were washed away for ever in those cleansing waters, and at
the Mass of the daybreak on that blessed morning Augustine knelt at
the altar to receive his Lord. Monica was beside him; her tears and
her prayers had been answered. She and her son were one again in
heart and soul.