The jar of striking the ground seemed to bring the intelligence agent
back to consciousness instantly. As Nedra started to kneel beside him,
he was already getting to his feet. She tried to help him rise. He
shrugged her hand away.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said. This didn't seem quite right. "I--I--" He tried to
think what had happened. "I fainted. That's all. I just fainted." To
him, this seemed a reasonable explanation for everything that needed
explaining.
Nedra seemed to think otherwise. "But men like you don't just faint,"
she protested.
"I did."
"They don't faint unless something is wrong with them," Nedra
continued. "Are you sure you're not suffering from delayed shock
following the bomb explosion? Or--" Her voice slid away into silence as
if she were afraid to voice the thought that was in her mind. Behind
her, West said nothing.
"I just did it," Zen said, becoming more indignant. "I fainted. Who
says it can't be done?" Confusion existed somewhere. He was sure it was
the nurse who was confused. He shook his head in an effort to clear up
her difficulty.
"I saw you do it. All I am trying to say is that perhaps there may be a
reason for it."
"Nope," Zen said. "I'm not going to the aid station. No reason for it.
I'm all right. It's the world out there that is wrong." This made sense
to him.
"I know you are all right," Nedra answered. Her face showed strain.
"But it might be a good idea to have the doctors check, just to make
sure."
Zen, busy shaking his head again, hardly heard her. He had the
impression that her confusion would clear up in a minute. Somehow it
reminded him of the confusion that he had suffered after inhaling a
whiff of nerve gas, once. When had this happened? He was not sure, now.
Perhaps it had taken place in the remote past, perhaps on some other
planet ... he realized his mind was wandering. Again he shook his head.
"But I really think, colonel--"
"I wasn't shaking my head at you," Zen corrected.
"Good. Then we will go see the doctors."
"I didn't mean that either. I was shaking my head to clear it. There's
a fog in it."
"A fog in your head?" Unease appeared in her voice.
"Yes. What's wrong with that? Lots of men have fogs in their heads." To
him, this seemed a reasonable statement. "Lots of men have to go to the
docs every couple of weeks to have the fogs blown out of their heads."
Thinking he had made a joke, he laughed.
Nedra did not think he had said anything funny. Resolutely, she took
his arm. "Come with me, colonel." As she led him toward the truck which
the medics were using for a first aid station, something happened.
He saw clearly.
He saw everything.
The ability to see came suddenly, out of nowhere. One second it was not
there. Then it was there. It was like seeing with eyes, except it was
better than ocular perception had ever been. With it, he was not only
able to see surfaces, he could also see into the interior of things.
An acute understanding of what he saw went with the perception.
He saw that the Universe was as tall as a man, and no taller. He saw
that it was as wide as a man, and no wider. He saw that it was as broad
as a man, and no broader.
He saw the human race in its entirety, one man and all men, all men in
one man. Simultaneously, he saw the whole history of the race, he saw
the long journey it had made from so-called inanimate matter to the
point where it was now a creature that looked outward to the stars. He
saw that the destiny of the race lay in those stars, and in all that
vast expanse of space between them, if it did not destroy itself in
the process of growing to star stature. He saw that the race could do
exactly this, that it could blow itself back to the component atoms
that composed it, in which case the long and toilsome, heart-breaking
struggle upward from the atomic level would have to begin all over
again.
He also knew what he was doing with this clear seeing.
He was touching the race mind.
He was in contact with the race field.
His consciousness had been lifted to the level of that vast,
all-pervading, but very subtle force field that comprised the race mind.
The knowledge was sudden agony in him, a pain that was needle sharp in
the region of his heart. The pain was strange because, while he could
feel it and knew it was happening in his body, it had no meaning to
him. He was detached from it, it hurt his body, but it did not hurt or
harm him.
His body was alarmed by the pain, his breathing quickened, and a faint
trace of sweat appeared on his skin. But he was not alarmed. Even if
his body fell dead, he would not be concerned.
"What is it, Kurt?" his ears heard Nedra say. She had detected his
heavy breathing and she was alarmed. "Are you about to faint again?"
"No," his lips answered. His body laughed at the question. He heard the
sound of his laughter as being both his and not his. His body knew it
was not going to faint. His laughter sounded hollow and out of place
but he did not care about that either.
Ahead, soldiers were lined up at the back end of the truck, waiting
their turn in line.
"Your rank entitles you to priority," Nedra said hesitantly.
"In the place where I am now, my rank doesn't exist," he answered. "I
join the end of the line, I take my turn." He was quite stubborn about
this.
The nurse looked pleased. He wondered if he had said something
important. To him, what he had said seemed obvious. Behind him, West
was a silent shadow wrapped in an enigma. Even with his sudden new
perception, his contact with a higher form of consciousness, he could
not perceive West clearly. Something about the craggy man defied
penetration and analysis.
The men in the line ahead of him waited for their turn, shuffling
forward each time the medics finished with their examination. There was
no talk in the line. Not a man grumbled, not a man complained. Knowing
men, Zen knew that this was ominous.
These men had had it. They knew they had had it. In the face of that
knowledge, nothing else mattered. Outwardly, they looked fit. Inwardly,
something had happened to them. It seemed to Zen that he could see
glows coming from their bodies. One was swaying. Zen seemed to glimpse
a blob of light moving suddenly upward from the man. The soldier fell.
He did not move a muscle after he hit.
Nedra started toward him. Zen shook his head. "No use," he said.
"Why not?"