L'AMIE INCONNUE.
As we entered the breakfast-saloon, the Professor was saying "--and he
had breakfast by himself, early: so he begged you wouldn't wait for him,
my Lady. This way, my Lady," he added, "this way!" And then, with (as it
seemed to me) most superfluous politeness, he flung open the door of my
compartment, and ushered in "--a young and lovely lady!" I muttered to
myself with some bitterness. "And this is, of course, the opening scene
of Vol. I. _She_ is the Heroine. And _I_ am one of those subordinate
characters that only turn up when needed for the development of her
destiny, and whose final appearance is outside the church, waiting to
greet the Happy Pair!"
"Yes, my Lady, change at Fayfield," were the next words I heard (oh that
too obsequious Guard!), "next station but one." And the door closed, and
the lady settled down into her corner, and the monotonous throb of the
engine (making one feel as if the train were some gigantic monster,
whose very circulation we could feel) proclaimed that we were once more
speeding on our way. "The lady had a perfectly formed nose," I caught
myself saying to myself, "hazel eyes, and lips----" and here it occurred
to me that to see, for myself, what "the lady" was really like, would be
more satisfactory than much speculation.
I looked round cautiously, and--was entirely disappointed of my hope.
The veil, which shrouded her whole face, was too thick for me to see
more than the glitter of bright eyes and the hazy outline of what
_might_ be a lovely oval face, but might also, unfortunately, be an
equally _un_lovely one. I closed my eyes again, saying to myself
"--couldn't have a better chance for an experiment in Telepathy! I'll
_think out_ her face, and afterwards test the portrait with the
original."
At first, no result at all crowned my efforts, though I 'divided my
swift mind,' now hither, now thither, in a way that I felt sure would
have made Æneas green with envy: but the dimly-seen oval remained as
provokingly blank as ever--a mere Ellipse, as if in some mathematical
diagram, without even the Foci that might be made to do duty as a nose
and a mouth. Gradually, however, the conviction came upon me that I
could, by a certain concentration of thought, _think the veil away_, and
so get a glimpse of the mysterious face--as to which the two questions,
"is she pretty?" and "is she plain?", still hung suspended, in my mind,
in beautiful equipoise.
Success was partial--and fitful--still there _was_ a result: ever and
anon, the veil seemed to vanish, in a sudden flash of light: but, before
I could fully realise the face, all was dark again. In each such
glimpse, the face seemed to grow more childish and more innocent: and,
when I had at last _thought_ the veil entirely away, it was,
unmistakeably, the sweet face of little Sylvie!
"So, either I've been dreaming about Sylvie," I said to myself, "and
this is the reality. Or else I've really been with Sylvie, and this is a
dream! Is Life itself a dream, I wonder?"
To occupy the time, I got out the letter, which had caused me to take
this sudden railway-journey from my London home down to a strange
fishing-town on the North coast, and read it over again:--
"_Dear old Friend_,
"_I'm sure it will be as great a pleasure to me, as it can possibly be
to you, to meet once more after so many years: and of course I shall
be ready to give you all the benefit of such medical skill as I have:
only, you know, one mustn't violate professional etiquette! And you
are already in the hands of a first-rate London doctor, with whom it
would be utter affectation for me to pretend to compete. (I make no
doubt he is right in saying the heart is affected: all your symptoms
point that way.) One thing, at any rate, I have already done in my
doctorial capacity--secured you a bedroom on the ground-floor, so that
you will not need to ascend the stairs at all._
"_I shall expect you by last train on Friday, in accordance with your
letter: and, till then, I shall say, in the words of the old song, 'Oh
for Friday nicht! Friday's lang a-coming!'_
"_Yours always_,
"_Arthur Forester_.
"_P.S. Do you believe in Fate?_"
This Postscript puzzled me sorely. "He is far too sensible a man," I
thought, "to have become a Fatalist. And yet what else can he mean by
it?" And, as I folded up the letter and put it away, I inadvertently
repeated the words aloud. "Do you believe in Fate?"
The fair 'Incognita' turned her head quickly at the sudden question.
"No, I don't!" she said with a smile. "Do you?"
"I--I didn't mean to ask the question!" I stammered, a little taken
aback at having begun a conversation in so unconventional a fashion.
The lady's smile became a laugh--not a mocking laugh, but the laugh of a
happy child who is perfectly at her ease. "Didn't you?" she said. "Then
it was a case of what you Doctors call 'unconscious cerebration'?"
"I am no Doctor," I replied. "Do I look so like one? Or what makes you
think it?"
She pointed to the book I had been reading, which was so lying that its
title, "Diseases of the Heart," was plainly visible.
"One needn't be a _Doctor_," I said, "to take an interest in medical
books. There's another class of readers, who are yet more deeply
interested----"
"You mean the _Patients_?" she interrupted, while a look of tender pity
gave new sweetness to her face. "But," with an evident wish to avoid a
possibly painful topic, "one needn't be _either_, to take an interest in
books of _Science_. Which contain the greatest amount of Science, do you
think, the books, or the minds?"
"Rather a profound question for a lady!" I said to myself, holding, with
the conceit so natural to Man, that Woman's intellect is essentially
shallow. And I considered a minute before replying. "If you mean
_living_ minds, I don't think it's possible to decide. There is so much
_written_ Science that no living person has ever _read_: and there is so
much _thought-out_ Science that hasn't yet been _written_. But, if you
mean the whole human race, then I think the _minds_ have it: everything,
recorded in _books_, must have once been in some _mind_, you know."
"Isn't that rather like one of the Rules in Algebra?" my Lady enquired.
("_Algebra_ too!" I thought with increasing wonder.) "I mean, if we
consider thoughts as _factors_, may we not say that the Least Common
Multiple of all the _minds_ contains that of all the _books_; but not
the other way?"
"Certainly we may!" I replied, delighted with the illustration. "And
what a grand thing it would be," I went on dreamily, thinking aloud
rather than talking, "if we could only _apply_ that Rule to books! You
know, in finding the Least Common Multiple, we strike out a quantity
wherever it occurs, except in the term where it is raised to its highest
power. So we should have to erase every recorded thought, except in the
sentence where it is expressed with the greatest intensity."
My Lady laughed merrily. "_Some_ books would be reduced to blank paper,
I'm afraid!" she said.
"They would. Most libraries would be terribly diminished in _bulk_. But
just think what they would gain in _quality_!"
"When will it be done?" she eagerly asked. "If there's any chance of it
in _my_ time, I think I'll leave off reading, and wait for it!"
"Well, perhaps in another thousand years or so----"
"Then there's no use waiting!" said my Lady. "Let's sit down. Uggug, my
pet, come and sit by me!"
"Anywhere but by _me_!" growled the Sub-Warden. "The little wretch
always manages to upset his coffee!"
I guessed at once (as perhaps the reader will also have guessed, if,
like myself, he is _very_ clever at drawing conclusions) that my Lady
was the Sub-Warden's wife, and that Uggug (a hideous fat boy, about the
same age as Sylvie, with the expression of a prize-pig) was their son.
Sylvie and Bruno, with the Lord Chancellor, made up a party of seven.
[Illustration: A PORTABLE PLUNGE-BATH]
"And you actually got a plunge-bath every morning?" said the Sub-Warden,
seemingly in continuation of a conversation with the Professor. "Even at
the little roadside-inns?"
"Oh, certainly, certainly!" the Professor replied with a smile on his
jolly face. "Allow me to explain. It is, in fact, a very simple problem
in Hydrodynamics. (That means a combination of Water and Strength.) If
we take a plunge-bath, and a man of great strength (such as myself)
about to plunge into it, we have a perfect example of this science. I am
bound to admit," the Professor continued, in a lower tone and with
downcast eyes, "that we need a man of _remarkable_ strength. He must be
able to spring from the floor to about twice his own height, gradually
turning over as he rises, so as to come down again head first."
"Why, you need a _flea_, not a _man_!" exclaimed the Sub-Warden.
"Pardon me," said the Professor. "This particular kind of bath is _not_
adapted for a flea. Let us suppose," he continued, folding his
table-napkin into a graceful festoon, "that this represents what is
perhaps _the_ necessity of this Age--the Active Tourist's Portable Bath.
You may describe it briefly, if you like," looking at the Chancellor,
"by the letters A. T. P. B."
The Chancellor, much disconcerted at finding everybody looking at him,
could only murmur, in a shy whisper, "Precisely so!"
"One great advantage of this plunge-bath," continued the Professor, "is
that it requires only half-a-gallon of water----"
"I don't call it a _plunge_-bath," His Sub-Excellency remarked, "unless
your Active Tourist goes _right under_!"
"But he _does_ go right under," the old man gently replied. "The A. T.
hangs up the P. B. on a nail--_thus_. He then empties the water-jug into
it--places the empty jug below the bag--leaps into the air--descends
head-first into the bag--the water rises round him to the top of the
bag--and there you are!" he triumphantly concluded. "The A. T. is as
much under water as if he'd gone a mile or two down into the Atlantic!"
"And he's drowned, let us say, in about four minutes----"
"By no means!" the Professor answered with a proud smile. "After about a
minute, he quietly turns a tap at the lower end of the P. B.--all the
water runs back into the jug--and there you are again!"
"But how in the world is he to get _out_ of the bag again?"
"_That_, I take it," said the Professor, "is the most beautiful part of
the whole invention. All the way up the P. B., inside, are loops for the
thumbs; so it's something like going up-stairs, only perhaps less
comfortable; and, by the time the A. T. has risen out of the bag, all
but his head, he's sure to topple over, one way or the other--the Law of
Gravity secures _that_. And there he is on the floor again!"
"A little bruised, perhaps?"
"Well, yes, a little bruised; but _having had his plunge-bath_: that's
the great thing."
"Wonderful! It's almost beyond belief!" murmured the Sub-Warden. The
Professor took it as a compliment, and bowed with a gratified smile.
"_Quite_ beyond belief!" my Lady added--meaning, no doubt, to be more
complimentary still. The Professor bowed, but he didn't smile _this_
time.
"I can assure you," he said earnestly, "that, _provided the bath was
made_, I used it every morning. I certainly _ordered_ it--_that_ I am
clear about--my only doubt is, whether the man ever finished making it.
It's difficult to remember, after so many years----"
At this moment the door, very slowly and creakingly, began to open, and
Sylvie and Bruno jumped up, and ran to meet the well-known footstep.