ACT III

SCENE: _It is two hours later in the morning room. At center back are

large recess double doors with muslin curtains on lower half and

chintz curtains on upper half. When the doors are opened, a portion of

the room of the preceding acts can be seen. Directly at back is seen

the table, on which stands the book slide containing the army list.

The table runs across stage. Behind and to the_ R. _of this and

against the back drop is seen the cabinet of the preceding act.

Directly behind table is a chair. The fire glow comes from the_ R.

_The back drop should be that portion of the_ L. _wall of the

preceding set, showing large picture hung as before. At the left of

the set proper, reaching from the floor almost to the ceiling, a

semicircular conservatory window, curves out into the room. In this

are palms and flowers, with a greenery backing. Recessed into_ L.

_first flat is a china closet, containing china and bric-a-brac.

Balancing this in_ R.I _is a door leading to the hall. Balancing the

conservatory is a large recessed window, muslin curtains on the lower

sash and chintz curtains on the upper. Damask hangings over window and

also over doors_ C. _All of these hangings are looped back. In the

window is set a window box containing flowers. In the center of the

window is a small sewing table. Below it and facing it, a winged

armchair; above it and facing it, another small armchair. On the table

are a lamp and some flowers. Against back flat and to left of window

is a small serving table, on which are an empty silver serving tray, a

small tray and a small decanter of brandy and two liquor glasses on

it. To left of double doors is a chair_. R. _of conservatory, a

chintz-covered stool. Below conservatory, a three-winged,

chintz-covered screen. Below this and about three feet from_ L. _flat

is a desk, running up and down stage; the lower end being slightly

more on stage. On this, on the extreme upper end, is a telephone. Also

on the desk are inkwell, pens, paper and envelopes. On the elevated

portion of the upper end is a lamp. Below desk, a waste paper basket.

In the center of the stage and well down is a small, round dinner

table, with cloth. On the table are a cigarette box, a cigarette

lighter (burning), two ashtrays, plates, doilies and finger-bowls

containing water, fruit knives and forks, a nut-cracker, and an almond

dish. Directly in the center of the table is a fruit basket,

containing apples, grapes and peaches. One peach should be easily

accessible, it being used by_ COLONEL SMITH. _At the upper end of

table are two shaded, lighted candles, between these a vase with

flowers. At_ CELIA'S _place to the_ R. _is a claret glass, stained at

the bottom to represent a residue of wine. At_ SMITH'S _place are a

clean claret glass and a high-ball glass, containing a small quantity

of whiskey and soda. On either side of the table are chairs. On the

back flat, to each side of the doors, are candle brackets. Before

curtain rises, the clock off stage (same as used in previous act)

chimes ten. Curtain rises on the first stroke, after the usual

Westminster prelude. Dinner is over. The lamps are lit and doors at

back closed_. CELIA _sits to_ R. _of table, dipping her fingers in

finger-bowl. She is in the black dress and shawl of the preceding

act_. SMITH _is to the left. He is intent upon explaining something

to_ CELIA, _and she is listening with most apparent interest. At rise

of curtain_.

SMITH. (_Continuing his description_) It was the usual sort of

formation when a small force gets caught in the open--a square with

the maxims at the corners. We had only two,--one--here--at the tip of

the nut-crackers, and the other here--at the end of the knife-handle.

(_He has made a square with dessert knives and nut-crackers on the

tablecloth. To illustrate the position of the maxims he uses nuts_.)

CELIA. Only two!

SMITH. We should have liked some more, of course. But we'd have

gotten along all right if this fellow here--(_Touching one of the

nuts_)--hadn't jammed.

CELIA. Oh! What happened then?

SMITH. The Somalis at the corner charged. From here, from here, from

here, others swept round and flung themselves upon the back of their

companions. Imagine a huge wedge and an enormous hammer pounding

behind it. They split our ranks in a second. It was a surprise that

took you by the throat. You heard the maxim talking to 'em like a

father, and, by George, there they were in the hollow of the square,

stabbing at our backs.

CELIA. (_With much admiration_) Oh--and where were _you?_

SMITH. (_In square_) Here.

CELIA. There?

SMITH. Yes. (_He takes a peach_.) That's me. (_Places it in the

square_.)

CELIA. Ah! There! _You_ were there?

SMITH. Oh, I was all right. We faced the rear ranks about and drove

'em out of it. It was messy. You see, we could only use the bayonet

inside the square. In a little while we got the maxim going again and

made 'em respectful. However, they hung around us and we couldn't move

along very fast. That was our trouble. For we had to move along, we

were short of water and a day's march from the wells.

CELIA. Oh!

SMITH. So, you see, it was necessary that as soon as night came,

someone should get through and bring relief.

CELIA. (_With much appreciation_) I know what happened. I know!--You

volunteered----

SMITH. (_Looks at her; his eyes accept her homage and thank her. He

laughs happily_) Yes. Between you and me--it was safer outside the

square.

CELIA. (_Reproachfully_) Oh--!

SMITH. Well--I wasn't in command. So I could volunteer.

CELIA. And got the D. S. O. in consequence.

SMITH. And a drink a day before the others. I'll get a step, too, I

think.

CELIA. Then you'll be general, won't you?

SMITH. Brigadier----

CELIA. (_Smiling at him admiringly_) You can't know what it means to a

woman who has lived always in a little out-of-the-way place like this,

where only the same ordinary things happen day after day, to hear of

wonderful deeds like these--from a man who's done them! (_Speaks

earnestly, without gushing_.)

(SMITH _beams; moves his chair slightly towards her_.)

SMITH. Oh, yes. We are getting along together capitally, aren't we?

And you can't know how all this--(_Moves his hand to include the

room_)--appeals to a man who finds the skirmish and the camp a bit of

an old story, and realizes that this--the quiet, well-ordered

household--the home--and the home-maker--is after all what is really

worth fighting for.

CELIA. (_Leans forward, listening_) But--surely you have a home?

SMITH. I have a house---- By Jove! _Now_ I have _two_ houses!

CELIA. (_Interested_) You have just bought another place?

SMITH. Inherited it. An old Abbey about the size of Trafalgar Square

on a wet day--and not as cheerful.

CELIA. But you mustn't let yourself be lonely. You ought to marry.

SMITH. (_Moves his chair closer to_ CELIA) That's what I begin to

think.

(MARTIN _enters_ R. _with tray. On it, two small cups, small sugar

bowl and a coffee pot, also one cigarette for_ CELIA.)

CELIA. (_Seeing_ MARTIN) Won't you have a cigarette? (_Offering_ SMITH

_cigarette box_.)

SMITH. (_Takes cigarette and moves back_) Thank you.

MARTIN. (_Placing coffee on the table_) Coffee, Miss.

CELIA. Sugar?

SMITH. Thanks, yes.

MARTIN. (_Has taken up_ CELIA'S _plate and finger-bowl in right hand

and now takes_ SMITH'S _plate and finger-bow_.) Old brandy, sir?

SMITH. Old brandy! By George, yes! (_Lights cigarette_.)

(MARTIN _goes up to small serving table_ R. _of door and puts plates

and finger-bowls on tray and gets brandy tray which he brings down to

table and pours out one glass, leaving brandy on table. He takes the

napkins, goes up, puts them on tray with other things and exits with

tray_ R.I.)

CELIA. (_While_ MARTIN _is serving_) I asked Martin to serve coffee

here, because I thought it would be cosier, you know. (_Having poured_

SMITH'S _coffee, she passes cup to him_.)

SMITH. (_Taking cup slowly from her_) Much--much cosier; though, for

both of us to-night--(CELIA _fills her cup_)--our one idea of cosiness

must be the grave.

(CELIA _drops pot on tray_.)

CELIA. (_Leans forward, takes cigarette from coffee tray and lights

it_) The grave! Then, tell me of it, won't you? Where does it lie?

SMITH. (_Openly perplexed, sees_ CELIA _smoking and attempts to use

this as a means of extricating himself. Pretending to be shocked_) Oh!

the grave! oh----

CELIA. What's the matter? (_Puffs her cigarette_.)

SMITH. (_Shrugging his shoulders_) Oh, nothing, nothing.

CELIA. Do you object to women smoking?

SMITH. I? Not at all. It's companionable, but Smith--(CELIA _chokes on

cigarette_)--would Smith have liked to see you smoking a cigarette?

CELIA. (_Annoyed, pauses_) Perhaps not--to-night.

SMITH. Not to-night and not any night. (CELIA _viciously presses

cigarette down on ashtray and puts it out. Reprovingly_) We both know

how strongly he disapproved of the modern latitude of women's manners.

(_She turns away_.) You know I'd fancy the man who could make you care

for him would be quite different from Smith. You haven't his little

shut-in way of looking at life. You have such a splendid imagination.

CELIA. (_Nervously_) Yes, and I'm beginning to think I need one.

SMITH. Did you really love each other?

CELIA. (_Takes up her coffee cup_) I can't answer for Colonel

Smith--who was a man you know. But for myself, I can truthfully say

that I have thought of him every day for eight months. Thought of

him---- Yes! And _written_ to him too.

SMITH. (_Startled_) Written to him! By Jove, then! Where _are those_

letters? You can't let things like that go astray. Letters from

_you_--knocking loose about a camp! (_He is upset and disturbed_.)

CELIA. (_Smiling to herself_) Why should you imagine--my letters never

reached him?

SMITH. (_Smiling reminiscently_) Because I was with him--when he got

the first one.

CELIA. (_Very agitated. Puts her cup sharply on saucer_) You--you--you

don't mean to say a Colonel Smith ever received---- Oh--no gentleman

_could_ have _shown_ my letter.

SMITH. (_Sincerely_) _Shown_ it? Oh, Miss Faraday, you can't know what

that letter of _yours_ meant to----

CELIA. (_Turning on him quickly_) I beg your pardon.

SMITH. I mean _did meant_--I mean _did mean_--to good old Smith.

(_Leaning forward with a smile. Moves his chair below table a little

closer to hers_.) I say, I've an idea. Let's forget Smith for five

minutes and talk of something else.

CELIA. (_Forgetting herself_) Oh, yes! Do let's.

SMITH. What shall we talk about?

CELIA. (_Very engagingly_) You. You have hardly said a word yet about

yourself--and--naturally I am interested. (_Speaks with a smile. Face

on_ L. _hand_.)

(SMITH _edges toward her, delighted_ R. _elbow on table, face on

hand_.)

SMITH. I was born--guess when?

CELIA. Thirty years ago.

SMITH. (_Holding out box_) Have a cigarette?

CELIA. No, thank you. I'd rather not. Do you think Smith would have

liked me to smoke?

SMITH. Ah, you see, we can't get away from him. He dominates us.

Living or dead, his imperious nature will not be neglected. He sits at

the table here between you and me. (_Designates a spot between them on

table_.) To satisfy him, we've got to talk about him.

CELIA. What is there to say?

SMITH. What is there to say! And you've told me nothing about the

Smith you knew.

CELIA. (_Surprised_) The Smith I knew? (_Recovering herself_) Oh, yes,

of course.

SMITH. Yes--you see I know him only as the soldier--the man of

action--the fighting man--but you----

CELIA. But there is nothing to tell.

SMITH. (_Strongly_) You mean there is nothing you wish to tell.

CELIA. (_Defiantly_) Certainly not. What is it you wish to know?

SMITH. Let us compare our pictures--mental, of course--of the man.

(_With solicitude_.)

CELIA. Oh, no--not at all. Not at all.

SMITH. Then you describe Smith as you saw him, and I'll tell you if I

agree with you.

CELIA. Of course, you know our descriptions won't be alike. No two

people's description of anyone ever would be.

SMITH. Of course not--except in the definite facts.--His eyes, for

instance----

CELIA. His eyes--his eyes were not definite.

SMITH. Not definite?

CELIA. Their color. I mean it varied. Emotion kindled them--apathy

dulled them. Sometimes they were light and again they were very, very

dark.

SMITH. That's funny. I never saw them dark. To me they always were

light, like bottle glass.

CELIA. Really? Possibly you were not very observing.

SMITH. (_Acknowledges the point with a touch of impatience_) Possibly

not. But his hair? Surely we can't differ as to that?

CELIA. His hair--you mean did it curl or was it straight?

SMITH. Yes--and its color.

CELIA. His hair--I hardly know how to describe his hair, because his

hair was---- It was like no hair that I ever saw.

SMITH. (_Laughs_) That's a splendid description of a bald man. That

always was a great grief to Smith, his baldness; his head was so very

bald and bumpy.

CELIA. Oh, yes.

SMITH. (_Puts his hand to his head_) What! (_Recovering himself_) Oh,

yes, yes. (_Growing more and more determined to trip her and more and

more interested in and appreciative of her attractiveness_) Now his

mouth----

CELIA. Well. His mouth was peculiar----

SMITH. Peculiar?

CELIA. Yes, you see it broadened when he smiled.

SMITH. (_Laughing_) Oh--did he smile for you?

CELIA. Oh, often, very often.

SMITH. Yes, we all do--don't we? What would you say of his voice?

CELIA. It was kind, always kind.

SMITH. (_Shakes head_) Gruff and commanding.

CELIA. (_Insinuatingly_) Naturally--_not to me_. (_Her hand rests on

the table_.)

SMITH. (_Slowly covering her hand with his_) No, no-how could it be?

CELIA. (_Looking over their hands to the spot that_ SMITH _had

indicated earlier_) Do you feel he's sitting there still?

SMITH. (_Leaning toward her_) You're surely not afraid of--Wobbles?

CELIA. (_Pushes chair back, sliding with it as far up stage as

possible. Faintly_) Did you say--_Wobbles?_

SMITH. (_Briskly_) You surely knew his nickname?

CELIA. (_Openly perplexed_) But I--I called him--_Wobbles_. (_Stares

at_ SMITH.)

SMITH. Why! All the Army called him--Wobbles.

CELIA. (_In dry, queer voice_) I didn't know that.

(_READY Third Border_.)

SMITH. He was the most popular fellow--! You won't go to a dance or a

garden party for the rest of your life--there won't be a town in the

United Kingdom, Miss Faraday, where you won't meet somebody, some old

school-fellow, some brother-officer, who knew him:--who will

understand your loss and tell you new details of Wobbles. (_Rises_.)

CELIA. (_Rises and comes down stage_) Not if I know it! (SMITH _stares

at her. Returning, getting her chair and replacing it at table_)

Colonel Vavasour--I mean it will be quite impossible for me--to

indulge myself in any such fashion. Because just as soon as possible,

I'm sailing for America.

SMITH. (_Dropping below table_) America? Why, Smith has--four brothers

_ranching_ there. And five--I mean _three_--sisters-in-law. I

congratulate you, Miss Faraday. (_Offers_ CELIA _his hand_. CELIA

_takes it limply and he shakes it_.) You are going to the very heart

of poor Wobbles' family. Shan't I cable them to meet you at the dock?

(_They are both now in front of table_.)

CELIA. (_Withdrawing her hand_) No--no--no--no, please don't do

anything like that.

SMITH. Why not?

CELIA. Well, I don't know, but I--I might get off the ship _before it

reaches_ New York. At all events I am going where _no one_ can _ever_

find me.

SMITH. (_Quickly, but quite seriously_) Then--by Jove--I'm going there

too. (_Takes her left hand tenderly and leans forward. They look

straight into each other's eyes for a moment_.)

CELIA. (_Draws herself up_) Aren't you forgetting yourself, Colonel

Vavasour? (_With an irresistible impulse of mischief_) Or are you only

forgetting Wobbles? (_Crosses_ C. _to table. Looking back at spot on

table_.)

(_THIRD Border Full Up_.)

(_A gay chatter is heard off_ L. _of party returning from concert_.)

SMITH. (_Not hearing it_) Oh, damn Wobbles. (_Crosses_ L.) I'm going

because---- (_The center doors open quickly_. GRICE, STEELE, FARADAY,

TARVER _and_ PHYLLIS, EVELYN, RALEIGH _and_ AUNT IDA _are in the

doorway, having come from the left. Conscious of the presence of

returning party_, SMITH _reverts to his tone of solemnity and_ CELIA

_bows her head with grief_. FARADAY, _in doorway, hearing_ SMITH,

_turns and raises his hands to quiet the party_. GRICE _and_ AUNT IDA

_have drifted down_ L. _ahead of the others_. AUNT IDA _sinks wearily

into chair by desk_.) Hour by hour, he lay on his sick bed, looking

out across the--thatched roofs of Berbera to the Arab---- (GRICE

_sneezes loudly. Turning_) Good Lord, what's that! (_The others come

down in the following order_: STEELE, RALEIGH _and_ EVELYN _come down_

R.; PHYLLIS _and_ TARVER _up_ C.; FARADAY _to_ R. _of_ CELIA; MADGE

_by_ AUNT IDA'S _chair_. GRICE _has gone down_ L.C. _Some of the party

are carrying programs. The doors are left open_.) In the midst of our

sad communings, how strangely out of place are these revelers.

OMNES. Revelers?

SMITH. They come flushed with new wine.

GRICE. New wine? They dined with me, sir.

CELIA. (_Turning to_ FARADAY) Was the concert a success?

FARADAY. Of course it was. _We_ were there. (_Goes up stage_.)

GRICE. (_Plaintively_) We missed you, Celia.

SMITH. Miss Faraday couldn't go without hearing Colonel Smith's last

message.

(AUNT IDA _laughs hysterically_.)

FARADAY. (_Crossing to_ AUNT IDA. _Sternly_) Not again, Ida, not

again.

(AUNT IDA _relapses into a state of semi-oblivion_.)

SMITH. It's not nearly ended yet.

STEELE. Well, she has had over two hours to hear it in.

SMITH. (_Scornfully_) Two hours? It was a long message. He lay for

_weeks_ on his sickbed gazing across the thatched roofs of Berbera

to--watching----

RALEIGH. Oh, yes, watching the Arab cows feeding at their anchors.

SMITH. Dhows, man, dhows!

RALEIGH. Well, dhows or cows, I don't care. And as for Smith, I tell

you, I am fed with the fellow.

(CELIA _explodes into laughter, covers her face with handkerchief, and

sits_ R. _of table_.)

STEELE. (_Thinking_ CELIA _is crying_) You brute! You--you blundering

idiot!

TARVER. (_Coming down_ R. _of_ CELIA) Even now he's dead, he's kept

you from the concert to-night. My agent told me that we just shouldn't

do it. He expects I will lose by a hundred votes.

FARADAY. How's that?

CELIA. (_Looking up quickly_) Oh, no, Bobby, it's not too late. We'll

help you. (_Rises and crosses to_ SMITH, _who is_ R.)

SMITH. I am at your service, Miss Faraday.

TARVER. (_To_ SMITH, _eagerly_) And you're some good--aren't you?

(_Goes up to_ PHYLLIS, _back_ C.)

FARADAY. We may call on you later, Vavasour.

SMITH. Do. Do.

FARADAY. (_Taking_ ADMIRAL _by the arm and going_) Come along,

Admiral. Come and have a cigar and we'll talk it over. (_Spoken off

stage_ R.) Smith or no Smith, we must win this seat.

TARVER. (_Taking_ PHYLLIS' _arm_) Madge--Evelyn. Let's go and count

the names of the hundred beasts who won't vote for me.

(PHYLLIS _and_ TARVER _and_ MADGE _move to door_ C. _and exit_ R.)

EVELYN. (_Who has moved up to door, turns in door. Coquettishly to_

STEELE _and_ RALEIGH) I'm afraid I can't count--without some big,

strong man to help me.

RALEIGH. (_Looking round_) Ask Steele. He took all the 'rithmetic

prizes at his kindergarten.

STEELE. (_Looking round_) I'll come in one minute, Lady Trenchard.

There's something on my program I _must_ show to Miss Faraday.

(_Indicating program_.)

EVELYN. (_At door_) Well--! When Celia has quite done with _all_ of

you---- (_Exit rapidly_.)

(_Clock chimes half hour. A moment after_ EVELYN _has gone off, she

presumably switches off lights in room off_ C.--_then third border is

put out and no light except glow from fire remains. The doors remain

wide open_.)

RALEIGH. Half past ten! I thought Colonel Vavasour's train left at

ten, Miss Faraday.

CELIA. (_Confused_) Oh, did it?

SMITH. (_Coolly_) Well, didn't it? And in any case, Mr. Faraday's

clock is wrong.

STEELE. (_Taking out his watch_) Wrong? Not a bit of it.

RALEIGH. (_Also takes out his watch_) I make it ten thirty-two.

(_Ironically_) Perhaps your watch will correct me, Colonel Vavasour.

SMITH. (_Crosses_ R.C. _Absent-mindedly feels for his watch and starts

as he realizes his mistake_. CELIA _sees this and the true situation

flashes on her. She swings up stage for a moment to cover her shock

and embarrassment and then returns and faces_ SMITH, _as she leans

against the chair_ L. _of table_. RALEIGH _and_ STEELE _have turned to

each other and are discussing the situation, for the moment ignoring_

CELIA _and_ SMITH. _As_ CELIA _faces_ SMITH, _he flounders through his

explanation_) Well, you see, I--I--I--I--I left my watch in town to be

cleaned. It ran too fast.

CELIA. (_Sarcastically_) Like the inventive genius of its owner,

perhaps, and your scarf pin; no doubt, you've taken advantage of this

period of mourning to have all your jewelry attended to. (_Turns away_

R.)

[Illustration: "Green Stockings" _Page_ 85]

SMITH. Miss Faraday, please----

CELIA. (_Turning back_) Colonel Vavasour, I think you said your name

was. You will allow me, won't you, to lend you the watch you so kindly

brought from poor Colonel Smith. Otherwise, you know, you might be a

very long time without your own, and since your grief must now be

lessened, by having shared it with me, perhaps you might be induced to

mitigate your mourning and wear his pin. Do let me send them to you.

And I'll include a little nursery fable which perhaps you know,

called, "The Tortoise and the Hare," because I think--I've caught up.

Now, I'll say good-night to you, Colonel Vavasour, and good-bye.

SMITH. (_Seriously_) Good-bye?

CELIA. (_Moving to_ C. _and speaking to_ RALEIGH) There is a

midnight train to town?

RALEIGH. Oh, yes.

CELIA. (_To_ SMITH) I'm quite sure that Mr. Steele and Mr. Raleigh

will be happy to drop you at the station on their way home.

STEELE. Delighted!

CELIA. (_To_ RALEIGH, _shaking hands_) So sorry to hurry you away.

RALEIGH. Oh, I shall see you to-morrow, Miss Faraday.

CELIA. Yes, do. (_Nods good-night to_ STEELE.)

AUNT IDA. (_Who is still at desk, her head resting wearily on her

hands. Sleepily_) Everybody going?

CELIA. (_Crosses_ L.) Yes, dear, Colonel _Vavasour_ is. (_Crosses to_

AUNT IDA.)

SMITH. Is there nothing left unsaid? Is there nothing left for me to

say but good-bye?

CELIA. (_Over her shoulder_) Nothing.

SMITH. (_Bows. Speaks in a brisk, matter-of-fact way, as he crosses_

C.D.) Well, since you two fellows are kind enough to offer me a lift.

(_Exits, followed by_ RALEIGH _and_ STEELE, _who go off, chatting ad

lib. and closing door_.)

(_WARN Electrician for lights out_.)

CELIA. (_Tearing off her black shawl, waving it in the air, and

throwing herself in the chair_ L. _of table, her back to the audience,

disclosing her gay and decollete bodice_) Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!

Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!

AUNT IDA. (_Going to_ CELIA) Celia, what have you been up to now?

CELIA. Oh, when I think of it, Aunt Ida! "The Arab dhows riding at

their anchors," and how I told him---- Oh, Heavens--how I told him he

ought to marry. Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!

AUNT IDA. Celia Faraday! (_Goes up to her and catches her by both

shoulders_) Are you mad? I vow I've a great mind to shake you.

CELIA. I wish you would, Aunt Ida. I wish you would. (_Looking toward

door_ R.) I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe what

I do believe. For Heaven's sake, dear, go and fetch me the army list,

so that I may make sure of what an awful fool I've been, and if what I

believe is true, let me sit like this in the dark. (_Goes up and

presses switch and sits in chair_ L. _of door. Lights out_.) --All the

rest of my life and blush and blush and blush until my cheeks drop off

from blushing.

(AUNT IDA _comes_ L. _of_ CELIA'S _chair. There is only the moonlight

now in the morning room, with a shaft of moonlight shining through

window_ R. _on_ CELIA. _The library, seen through the wide open doors,

is lit up by the glow from the fire_.)

AUNT IDA. Are you mad? (_Starts to exit to get army list. Sees_ SMITH

_and draws away_ R.) Hush--sh-sh-sh!

(SMITH _in an ulster is seen to cross cautiously at back to table. He

lights two or three matches at once and looks through book-slide for

army list. Finding this, he takes it and smiles in a satisfied manner,

and holding the match to the list, moves off stage_ R. CELIA _and_

AUNT IDA _peer after him. A flicker is seen on the walls and furniture

of the room off stage, as of the book burning. After a pause_, CELIA

_rises and stands_ C. _in doorway, facing audience_.)

CELIA. The army list!

AUNT IDA. Now _he's_ thrown the army list into the fire. (_Ready motor

horn_.) Celia--has Colonel Vavasour gone mad too?

CELIA. So! He thinks he can prevent my finding out, does he? That I

can't be absolutely sure until to-morrow? Well (_Rushes off_ R.)

AUNT IDA. Perhaps we are all mad--mad as hatters. (_Goes_ R. _and

presses light switch_.)

(_LIGHTS Up_.)

CELIA. (_Off stage_) Army lists don't burn as suddenly as that, I

know. (_At door_) I have burned too many of them. (_Reappears,

carrying the partly burned army list in tongs. She comes in blowing at

the burning book_) Blow, Aunt Ida, blow! (AUNT IDA _joins her. They

both blow to put out the sparks_.) Only the A's are burnt, Aunt Ida,

only the A's. (_Goes down_ L. _of table, drops book on table, and

hands the tongs to_ AUNT IDA.)

AUNT IDA. (_Waving the tongs_) Only the A's! Ha! Ha! Only the A's!

(_Motor horn is heard off_ R.3.)

CELIA. What's that, Aunt Ida, what's that?

AUNT IDA. It's Mr. Raleigh's motor.

CELIA. (_With an outburst of relief_) Well, then, he's gone, isn't he,

he's gone.

AUNT IDA. Yes, he's gone, he's gone!

CELIA. (_Picks up book and runs through it_) V-V-V-V-V--

Vallance--Valpey--Vanderfeldt--Varley--not a Vavasour.

AUNT IDA. Celia!

CELIA. (_Throwing down book_) Not one in the whole army list. No? Not

the tiniest little bit of a one.

AUNT IDA. (_Flourishing tongs more wildly_) Then who is he? What did

he come here for?

CELIA. I don't know, but he's gone now, isn't he? _He's gone!_

AUNT IDA. I know he's gone, but what did he come here for? (CELIA

_looks at her. A light breaks over her_.) Celia Faraday! That man--had

your letter--in his pocket. He told Phyllis he had your letter! I

thought it strange! Then Colonel Vavasour isn't Colonel Vavasour.

(_Sits_ R. _of_ C. _table_.)

CELIA. No!

AUNT IDA. _He's Colonel Smith_.

CELIA. Yes.

AUNT IDA. He's----

CELIA. (_In the smallest possible voice_) --Mr. Wobbles! (_Enter_

FARADAY R.IE.) Father, dear, has Colonel Vavasour gone?

FARADAY. No, my dear.

CELIA. What!!!!

FARADAY. I was fortunate enough to catch him at the door.

(AUNT IDA _drops tongs on floor beside her_ R.)

CELIA. But, Father, what ever possessed you to ask him to stay?

(_Crosses_ L. _Sits_.)

FARADAY. You know he offered to help us. Things are looking pretty

black for Tarver. We need all the help we can get at this mass meeting

in the morning. So I have persuaded Colonel Vavasour to stop over and

take the noon train.

(FARADAY _turns toward door_ R.I _and proudly ushers in_ SMITH. CELIA

_and_ AUNT IDA _turn their heads away, much discomfited_.)

FARADAY. (_Taking_ SMITH _by the arm and passing him across him_) A

room must be prepared at once. Has Mrs. Brown gone to bed yet?

CELIA. (_Still seated_ L. _of table. Haughtily_) I don't know, Father.

She frequently goes to bed.

FARADAY. Eh?

CELIA. (_Confused_) I mean, _early_.

FARADAY. (_As_ SMITH _goes_ C.) Good-for-nothing old person, that

housekeeper. Come with me. I'll look out for you myself. (_They walk

toward door_ C.) We'll be back presently, Celia, to say goodnight to

you and your aunt. (_They exit_ C. _door to_ L. _Off stage_) Tell

Martin to bring in whiskey and soda.

CELIA. (_After a pause_) Did you hear that, Aunt Ida?

AUNT IDA. (_Wearily_) Uh-huh.

CELIA. "Stay here for the night and then take the noon train." That's

_our_ train, Aunt Ida--the noon train. Isn't this an awful situation?

Now, what are we going to do?

AUNT IDA. (_Still more wearily_) I don't know.

CELIA. I can't face that man again, after--I can't. I have got to get

out of this house myself, _to-night_, some way, somehow. (_Rushes up

to_ C. _doors, closing and locking them_.) How can I manage it? Think,

Aunt Ida. Think--think--think--think--think.

AUNT IDA. (_Disgustedly_) Think--think--think--think--think. I can't

think. My poor old head won't stand much more of this.

CELIA. (_Coming down back of_ AUNT IDA _and putting her arms about

her_) I've got it. Since he's going to take _our_ train, there's

nothing left for us to do but take _his_.

AUNT IDA. (_Startled_) What?

CELIA. Yes, that midnight train. I don't care where it goes or if it

ever gets there. We'll manage to reach Southampton somehow before

to-morrow night. The thing is to get away from here as quickly as

possible. We must hurry terribly. It's nearly eleven now. We can have

a compartment to ourselves. I'll see if Wilson is still at the

station. (_Crossing to telephone on desk_) He'll tell us all about it.

AUNT IDA. (_Protesting_) I'm only half packed.

CELIA. That doesn't matter. I'm not packed at all. Kent's a jewel. She

will stay up all night, packing everything, and follow us in the

morning. (_Rings telephone and lifts off receiver_) Hello! Are you

there?

AUNT IDA. (_Still protesting_) My tailor suit has gone to the

cleaner's and won't be home till morning. I've nothing to wear.

CELIA. There is no time to wear anything. We must go without any

clothes.

AUNT IDA. What!!

CELIA. Except motor coats, I mean. We've got to go as we are. (_Into

telephone_) _Hello!_ Yes, put me through to the station, quick,

please. I want to speak to Wilson. (_To_ AUNT IDA) Now, don't worry,

Aunt Ida, I will bundle you up warmly.

AUNT IDA. I'll _have_ to have something to eat. I have had nothing

since morning. I couldn't eat a bite at the dinner and I feel so gone

and faint.

CELIA. Well, if you're feeling faint, dear, take a drink of that

brandy. That'll do you good.

AUNT IDA. Oh, no. I'm not addicted to the use of those things.

CELIA. But, if you're faint, you need it. (_Into the telephone_)

Hello! Hello! Is that you, Wilson?

AUNT IDA. But I do feel very faint.

CELIA. Just a minute, Wilson. (_Puts down receiver and runs across to

brandy bottle, picks up bottle and pours it into whiskey and soda

glass, while she talks excitedly. She pours the glass half full_.)

Now, please, dear. Don't be ridiculous at a time like this. You might

have one of your dreadful fainting spells in the motor, and I

shouldn't know what to do for you. Now, come, come, dear, drink this.

(_Rushes to the back of_ AUNT IDA'S _chair and holds the glass while

she drinks_. AUNT IDA _drains the glass, making a wry face and

shuddering_. CELIA _hurriedly puts down glass and flies back to

telephone_.)

AUNT IDA. If only it doesn't go to my head!

CELIA. Oh, it won't, it won't. (_Into telephone_) Hello, Wilson, are

you there? Well, listen, this is Miss Faraday. Yes, yes, Miss Celia.

I've got to get away to-night on the midnight train. It's most

important and will you look up at once what connections that train

makes for Southampton--yes, Southampton. Also please wire Bletchley,

and have a compartment reserved for me. What? It will take you ten

minutes? Please hurry. There is so little time to spare. (_Replaces

receiver_.) Now we must get the motor. (_Springs up from chair and

goes up to bell-push_ L. _of_ C. _door, rings bell, runs down to_ R.

_of_ AUNT IDA _and picks up the tongs from floor_.) How do you feel

now, Aunt Ida? How do you feel now?

AUNT IDA. Oh, I feel all right.

(_Enter_ MARTIN R.I. _He stands_.)

MARTIN. Yes, Miss.

CELIA. (_Holding tongs_) Oh, Martin, I want you to jump upstairs----

MARTIN. (_In open amazement_) _Jump_, Miss?

CELIA. I said, "Jump" and tell Kent to give you two motor coats and

any other kind of a wrap she can find, two motor bonnets, some veils

and furs and some pins and my motor bag and--two toothbrushes. We are

going for a drive.

MARTIN. A _drive_, Miss?

CELIA. (_Irritated_) I said _a drive_. Will you hurry, please?

(_READY Telephone_.)

MARTIN. Very good, Miss. (_Exit_ R.I.)

AUNT IDA. We can't have the motor. We couldn't have it to go to the

Admiral's. It's broken.

CELIA. (_Putting tongs in the winged armchair_) It wouldn't be a motor

if it wasn't. Now what will we do? Oh, I'll get Jimmie Raleigh and

he'll come back and take us down in his. (_Goes to phone_.) Hello!

Hello! I wonder what the--(AUNT IDA _squeals_)--telephone number is.

Oh, Aunt Ida, please do be quiet. You know you will make me nervous in

a minute.

AUNT IDA. I'm not saying a word.

CELIA. Hello! Hello! Give me Sir William Raleigh's house, please. Yes,

I know the family is away, but I want to speak to Mr. James Raleigh.

(_Stuffs handkerchief in telephone receiver and turns to_ AUNT IDA.)

Aunt Ida, tell me, do you know, are there any Smiths _ranching_ in

Chicago?

AUNT IDA. (_Slightly tipsily_) Smiths? Smiths? I don't know.

CELIA. (_Into telephone_) What? He's not in? (MARTIN _enters with

wraps and bags. Crosses back of table to chair_ L. _of table_.) Well,

have him ring me up directly he comes in--Miss Faraday. Yes, please.

(_Puts up telephone. Jumps up, goes to_ MARTIN, _helps him place wraps

on chair, takes bag and puts it on floor, beside and to the_ L. _of

chair_ R.)

(NOTE: _The wraps must be placed across_ MARTIN'S _arms in the

following manner_: CELIA'S _wrap on bottom, then her veil and bonnet.

Next comes muff and fur for_ AUNT IDA. _Then the ulster for_ AUNT IDA

_and on top her bonnet. The bag is in_ MARTIN'S _hand_.)

MARTIN. (_Going_ C. _above table_) Shan't I clear the table, Miss?

CELIA. No, leave it till morning. Don't bother about anything. Go to

bed, Martin, go to bed. Good-night.

MARTIN. Thank you, Miss. Good-night. (_Goes_ L. _and exits_.)

AUNT IDA. You have forgotten the whiskey and soda.

CELIA. (_Seizes_ AUNT IDA'S _bonnet from pile of wraps and crosses to

her above table_) Of course I have. You don't suppose I'm going to

have those two men back here until we're out of the way. (_Placing

bonnet on_ AUNT IDA'S _head from back_) I don't want to hurry you,

dear, but we must be ready the minute Mr. Raleigh gets here. (CELIA

_is so excited that she gets_ AUNT IDA'S _bonnet on quite to one side,

ties a rampant bow under her right ear, then flies up stage and peeps

through curtain on door to see if the men are returning_. AUNT IDA

_during this is showing serious signs of the effect of the brandy by

grotesque gestures and movements of her head_. CELIA _returns_ R. _of_

AUNT IDA.) How do you feel now, Aunt Ida, how do you feel now?

AUNT IDA. (_Quite tipsily_) I never felt like this before in all my

life. I think I've got a chill.

CELIA. A chill? Do you want a little more brandy? (_Goes for

decanter_.)

AUNT IDA. No--no--no--no.

CELIA. (_Seizing ulster and going back to her_) Then get into this. It

will keep you warm while you are waiting. (_She helps_ AUNT IDA, _who

is still seated, into the ulster, her right arm first. She then rushes

back to chair for fur and muff_.)

AUNT IDA. (_Flopping on table_) Oh, Celia! Why do we have to go on

this dreadful journey?

CELIA. (_Handing her muff over her shoulder, which_ AUNT IDA _clutches

and hugs like a child_) To get to Chicago, dear, to get to Chicago!

(_Placing stole around her neck_) And we'll be there almost before you

realize it. (_Telephone bell rings_. CELIA _throws stole quickly

around_ AUNT IDA'S _face, almost smothering her, and rushes to

telephone_.) Hello!--Hello!--What?--Yes, Mr. Raleigh. I did--Mr.

Raleigh, Aunt Ida has just had a cable from Chicago with some very bad

news.

AUNT IDA. Oh! Oh!

CELIA. (_To_ AUNT IDA) Hush! (_Into telephone_) And she has got to get

away to-night on the midnight train. I want to go a little way with

her. Won't you come and drive us to the station in your motor?--What?

You will? Oh, that's very kind of you, but don't drive up to the door.

(AUNT IDA _rises, supporting herself on table_.) No, stay down by the

gate and we'll walk down. (AUNT IDA _has moved cautiously around and

walks over to the conservatory window_.) Just blow your horn gently

when you get here, so we'll know that you've arrived. We'll go down as

quickly as we can. Yes.--Thanks.--Yes, yes. (_Hangs up receiver and

goes for her bonnet. Crosses below table to door_ R.) How do you feel

now, Aunt Ida? How do you feel now?

AUNT IDA. I'm afraid it's a fever, or else I'm dreadfully over-heated.

(_Sits on stool_.)

CELIA. (_Going to her_) You'll be all right, once you're in the fresh

air. But I've got to leave you for a few moments while I run upstairs

and get my box of love letters. I can't go away and leave those things

behind me. There are about two hundred and fifty of them by this time.

(_Going_ R.) I've been writing to that man every day for eight months.

AUNT IDA. Celia! (CELIA _stops. Beckons to her tipsily_. CELIA _goes

to her_.) Do you know something, Celia. I believe you're half in love

with Smith.

CELIA. (_Going back_ R.) You dear old goose, you don't know what

you're talking about. I half in love with that man? Half in love with

a man who has treated me as that man has done? Well--(_Going further_

R.)--I hope I'm not quite such a fool as that, Aunt Ida.

AUNT IDA. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

CELIA. (_With her back to_ AUNT IDA) Well, and if I were? Isn't it all

the more reason for me to get out of this house before I make a bigger

fool of myself? (_Goes to door_ R., _which she barely opens when_ AUNT

IDA _stops her again_.)

AUNT IDA. Celia!!! (CELIA _turns_.) I believe--I ought to lie down.

CELIA. (_Lets the door slam to and rushes straight across the stage

to_ AUNT IDA) No, Aunt Ida, dear, you can't do anything like that.

You can sleep in the motor and in the train, but you must stay here

while I'm gone and listen for Wilson's telephone message and write it

down.

AUNT IDA. It's no use. Just five minutes. I must lie down.

CELIA. I won't be a minute.

AUNT IDA. Now I'm getting cold. Put something around me.

CELIA. Well, here. (_Puts screen in front of her_) This will keep off

the draught and you can have the fresh air at the same time, and have

a little nap while you're waiting. (_Speaking over, her shoulder, she

goes_ R. _to door_) No one will disturb you, dear. I've locked that

door and will take the key of this one with me, and I'll hurry back as

fast as I can, Aunt Ida, just as fast as---- (_Exits quickly, locking

door behind her_.)

(_There is a pause. The faint toot of a motor horn is heard off_ L.

AUNT IDA'S _hands are seen to grasp the top of the outer wings of the

screen, one by one. Her head appears for a moment. She looks about

tipsily and then drops suddenly out of sight again. After a pause, a

second toot is heard_. AUNT IDA _rises slowly and carefully and comes

out_ R. _of screen. She is extremely puzzled_.)

AUNT IDA. Now what was that? (_Her eye lights on telephone and a smile

breaks over her face_) The telephone. Wilson's message. Must write it

down. (_Goes carefully and slowly to desk and sits heavily in chair.

Takes off receiver and places transmitter to her ear. There is a pause

as she listens. A look of terror and surprise creeps over her face_.)

Now! something's the matter with my ears. I can't hear a word they

say. I believe I'm paralyzed. Oh, dear. (_Looks helplessly about

her_.) Why doesn't Celia come back? (_She has taken a pen in her right

hand to write down the message. She holds the receiver in her left

hand. She looks from one to the other and cannot make up her mind

which goes where. She finally decides and elaborately puts the pen in

the telephone hooks with a satisfied smile. She then carefully places

the receiver on the desk where the pen ought to be_.) It's not us.

This has been a dreadful day. (_Slowly and carefully rising and

looking tipsily about_) If I'm to be good for anything to-night, I

will have to lie down somewhere. (_Goes up to doors_) If only

for five minutes. (_Unlocks and opens doors_) I'll have to lie

down--I'll--have--to---- (_She exits at back to_ R., _whimpering to

herself. When she is off, the telephone bell begins to ring. After it

has rung for a moment_, FARADAY _is heard off stage, calling_)

FARADAY. (_Off stage_ L.) Celia! Celia! Where are you, Celia? (_He

appears from the_ L. _and stands in_ C. _doorway, looking off right.

His jaw drops_.) What--is--the--matter--with--your--Aunt? (_The

telephone bell continues to ring. He hurries down_.) Here! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it! (SMITH _enters and comes down_ L. _of table above

chair where_ CELIA'S _coat and bag are_. FARADAY _sees pen in

telephone hooks, jerks it out and throws it on desk and picks up

receiver. Bell stops ringing_.) Hello! Hello! Faraday Hall. Mr.

Faraday speaking.--Tell Miss Faraday what? You've made the reservation

on the midnight train, change cars at Cobden?

SMITH. (_Sees_ CELIA'S _wraps and bag and starts slightly_) Miss

Faraday going? (_Moves_ R. _above table, thinking_.)

FARADAY. (_Into telephone_) Nonsense, man, you mean Mrs. Faraday. At

twelve noon, she's leaving, not twelve _midnight_.--What's that you

say? It was Miss Celia that telephoned and said she was going herself?

Nonsense, man! Don't argue with me. I'm afraid you've been drinking,

my man. (_Smells telephone_) The telephone _reeks of brandy!_ Try to

be sober by morning. Remember, we need you in this election. (_As

he hangs up telephone_) I've only known him to be drunk once

before--decent chap and devoted to Celia.

SMITH. (R. _of table_) Every one is, sir. She's peculiarly attractive.

FARADAY. Yes, but it's taken people a long time to find it out. Now,

where has Martin put that whiskey? (_He goes fussing about the room_)

But the men who want to step into Smith's shoes now are legion.

(_Still looking about and fussing. Picks up brandy decanter. Smells it

and puts it down_.)

SMITH. It's a legion, sir, I'd like to enlist in at once. Have I your

permission?

FARADAY. Of course you have, my dear fellow, of course you have!

(_Crossing_ R.) If I can only find that damn whiskey and soda, I will

drink good luck to you. (_Rattles door down_ R. _Finds it locked_)

What do you suppose that scoundrel Martin has been up to? _Has

everybody been drinking to-night?_ Come, we'll have to go around

through the library. (_Goes up to_ C. _door and exits_ R. SMITH

_follows him. As_ SMITH _gets to door, the motor horn toots twice. He

pauses and looks back, knowingly, then exits off_ R. _After his exit,

horn toots twice_.)

(_Enter_ CELIA _with box supposed to contain love letters and small

box supposed to contain watch and pin. She closes the door and

deliberately disregards open doors at back_.)

CELIA. (_Keeping her eyes fixed on her box of letters, crosses_ C.

_below table_) I'm back, Aunty dear. I wasn't very long, was I? I've

got my box of love letters. (_Holds out box and looks at it ruefully_)

Well, they will go into the furnace with my own hands. (_Places box

right of her on table_.) And his watch and his pin, infamous things,

he'll have those back and a letter with them, that I hope will burn

without going into the furnace. (CELIA _goes to desk and takes up a

piece of paper as if to write_) Tell me, dear. Did Wilson telephone?

SMITH. (_Who has appeared at back from_ R.) Yes, Miss Faraday, he did.

(CELIA _drops the paper from her hand, turns slowly around, sees open

doors, walks deliberately to screen and looks over it, her back to the

audience. She turns around, her face expressing chagrin and annoyance

at_ AUNT IDA'S _failing her_.) Mayn't I come into the room and speak

to you?

CELIA. Certainly not. (_Goes and viciously seizes her coat from chair

and begins to put it on_.)

SMITH. (_Coming into the room just the same and coming down above her

on the_ R.) You told me, I know, there was nothing more to say but

good-bye and I'll say that too, if I must. But first, there is

something else to say and I'd much rather _say_ it than write it.

CELIA. Mo, whatever you do, don't write--don't write me anything. I

dislike letters intensely and just at present they seem to be a drug

on the market. (_Picks up her bag and veil_.)

SMITH. But there is something I _must_ say to you before you go.

CELIA. How do you know I'm going anywhere?

SMITH. (_Looks down at her bag and smiles_) Well? (CELIA _swings bag

to other side of her_.) Besides, I overheard Wilson's message.

CELIA. Oh, you did. Well, then perhaps you will be good enough to

realize that I'm in something of a hurry. You will find your jewelry

there on the desk.

SMITH. Won't you sit down for five minutes?

(_READY Horn_.)

CELIA. Certainly not.

SMITH. Just five!

CELIA. No.

SMITH. If you don't, upon my word, I shall begin to believe that you

are afraid of me.

CELIA. (_Sits quickly with her back to the audience_ L. _of table_)

Indeed! That wouldn't be your _first_ mistake, you know.

SMITH. I know it was a foolish trick. I had no right to come here as I

did.

CELIA. It was a cruel joke.

SMITH. (_Simply and feelingly_) Yes, but a joke that is more on me now

than it ever was on you. (_Motor horn toots three times_. CELIA _turns

her head in the direction of the conservatory_.) I want you to know

that my name really is Vavasour.

CELIA. You astonish me. Isn't it anything else too?

SMITH. Yes, it's really J. N. Smith, too.

CELIA. Oh! Is that all?

SMITH. No, more. Now that I have come in to my Uncle Vavasour's old

Abbey, I have to take his name legally, Smith-Vavasour, don't you see?

CELIA. I see. What a delightful combination of class and mass! This

may be all very interesting to anyone interested, but really I haven't

time now to split hairs over a middle name. Your intention was to

deceive me, and you almost succeeded. Failure alone, I take it,

accounts for your present humility. Now, if you will be good enough to

get your watch on the desk, you will see that the five minutes you

asked for are up and, since you insist on saying good-bye to me, will

you say it as quickly as possible, please, and let me go? (_Makes no

attempt to move_.)

SMITH. No. Not until we've decided what's to be done about your other

letters. (_Hand unconsciously rests on the box of letters without his

knowing it_.)

CELIA. (_Glances at this and tries to appear unconcerned_) What other

letters?

SMITH. I have that first one here. (_Pressing his hand over his

heart_.) But--all the others. Good God! (_Moving well down_ R.) When I

think of love letters of yours wandering loose about Somaliland----

(CELIA _places her bag quickly on table, steals her arm across, seizes

the box of letters while_ SMITH _is not looking, and on the word

Somaliland, swings away from him, hiding the box awkwardly under her

cloak_.) There's one thing I can do to show you what I feel about it.

Give me some clue to the mistaken addresses you must have put upon

them and I'll start back to-morrow and fetch them. (_Comes_ L.C.,

_quite close to_ CELIA.)

CELIA. From Somaliland?

SMITH. From _Hell_, if necessary.

CELIA. Fortunately, such a journey would be superfluous.

SMITH. What do you mean?

CELIA. I mean that all of those hundreds and hundreds of letters that

I was fool enough to write to an imaginary hero are all here in this

box. And now they're going into the furnace with my own hands.

(_Starts for door, swinging the box in her right hand_.)

SMITH. (_Following her and playfully taking the box from her_) Won't

you give them to me instead?

CELIA. (_Turns back and they both hold on to box_) Certainly not. It's

an additional insult that you should even suggest such a thing. Do you

suppose I ever want to see you or hear your name again--a man who has

dared to hold me up to ridicule as you have done--to wickedly and

cruelly amuse himself at my expense---- (SMITH _gives a low laugh_.)

Oh, don't you suppose I know how funny I must have seemed to you? Ha!

Ha! (_Imitates_ SMITH'S _laugh_.) Silly idiot of a girl, tired of

having no notice taken of her, tired of being kept on the shelf, just

dying to show people how attractive she could be--only give her the

chance. And to think because of that I made such an everlasting fool

of myself before a man, a man who is capable of----

SMITH. Capable of telling you a lie, Miss Faraday? (_Puts box of

letters on table_.)

(_READY Motor Horn_.)

CELIA. Well, you did. You know you did. You did everything you could

think of to deceive me.

SMITH. I can't deny it.

CELIA. And do you believe that a man or a woman could ever bring

himself or herself to respect or have anything to do with a man or a

woman who--who deceived?

SMITH. I do believe it. And judging by my own case, I may say I know

it.

CELIA. I don't think it is very generous of you to allude to me in

that manner.

SMITH. Me. We are discussing me, Miss Faraday. What can I say to

induce you to forgive me?

CELIA. Nothing. (SMITH _turns away. She glances at him. In an

indifferent tone_) But, of course, you may say it if you wish.

SMITH. (_Turns and comes to her. Tenderly_) I _did_ lie to you

elaborately, and I'm going to be jolly glad that I had the chance of

lying to you, and I want all the rest of my life the chance of telling

you the truth. These few hours with you have made me want so very much

for more like them, made me want a chance to seem less odious in your

eyes, at least to be on a fair footing, so that I may take my chances

with the rest.

CELIA. (_Looking straight into his eyes_) But they haven't any chance

at all.

(SMITH _laughs a little and_ CELIA, _realizing her "break" turns her

head away in confusion_.)

SMITH. Well, that's good news. Then give me a chance alone, won't you?

You've only known me for four hours, but am I wrong in believing that

you've been thinking of me for eight months? Can't I hope to take the

place of the man to whom you gave my name?

(CELIA _smiles and looks down a little wistfully, as if about to

consent. Motor horn toots three times_.)

CELIA. (_Throwing off her yielding mood, turns and goes to the winged

armchair, back to audience, shaking out her veil and pointing_ L.) Oh,

no, it's all too impossible. Besides, Mr. Raleigh is waiting for me in

the motor.

SMITH. (_Comes to her and gently takes her right hand_) You've been

dreaming for eight months of an ideal that you never thought to see.

I've been dreaming all my life in exactly the same way and at last

I've seen mine.

CELIA. (_After a pause, during which she lets her hand rest in his,

her head averted_) Yes, but it's too late now, because I'm leaving

here immediately. Mr. Raleigh is waiting to take me to the station.

(SMITH _pulls her gently across and down stage a few steps. She goes

quite willingly_.) Will you please let me go?

SMITH. (_Still holding her hands_) You shall go. I shall let you go.

The instant you tell me to whom you are speaking--Celia.

CELIA. Really, this is an outrage. Will you kindly let me go, Colonel

Smith?

SMITH. _He_ can't. You remember you killed him of wounds at Berbera.

CELIA. Well, Colonel Vavasour, will you please let me go?

SMITH. _He_ can't. The lawyers haven't finished making him.

CELIA. (_After a pause, while she slowly breaks into a laugh_) Oh,

very well, then--Wobbles.

(SMITH _releases her hand and she hurries to door_ R. _and opens it_.)

SMITH. Please don't go. Come into the next room and talk things over.

(_Auto horn toots impatiently off_ R.)

CELIA. No, no, I can't. There's Mr. Raleigh. He's _come_ up to the

door. Good-bye.

SMITH. (_After a pause_) Good-bye?

CELIA. Yes, good-bye. (_Goes to door and looks off down stairs_) Why,

here he is coming up the steps. Martin's letting him in. (SMITH _turns

and goes slowly up stage to_ C. _Putting on her veil_) No wonder he's

impatient. He's been waiting for me for twenty minutes.

SMITH. (_In doorway_) Yes, but remember I've been waiting for you for

twenty years. (_Exits, off_ L.C.)

(_WARN Curtain_.)

(CELIA _pauses a moment and then crosses up as if to call him back,

looking over her shoulder to see that_ RALEIGH _is not coming. She

goes off stage_ C. _and looks after_ SMITH _and then with a sigh,

comes back into room, goes to_ L. _of table, tying her veil as she

comes down_. RALEIGH _enters. He's very cold. His nose is red, his

coat collar turned up and he is chattering. Comes to_ R.C. _a little

up stage_.)

RALEIGH. Miss Faraday, I had to come in. I'm nearly frozen--you'll

miss your train. I've been waiting for you for twenty minutes. (_He

offers her his arm_. CELIA _picks up her bag, crosses to him, takes

his arm and they walk quickly to the door. He is above her. He smiles

contentedly as they start to exit. As they get to the door, she swings

him right out and turns back, going up and off_ C. _again, looking

after_ SMITH. RALEIGH _returns and stands by door_) Aren't you coming?

CELIA. (_Comes down to him and, as she reaches winged chair, she

suddenly drops her bag in the seat of it and throws back her head with

a joyous laugh_) No, I've changed my mind. I'm going to stay, because

_he's_ been waiting for me for twenty years. (_Runs gaily up and off

after_ SMITH, _waving her hand to_ RALEIGH _as she goes_. RALEIGH

_drops his hat in amazement, with a smothered, "Well, I'll be----"_)

QUICK CURTAIN

LIGHT PLOT

ACT I

At rise, footlights and first border white and amber full up. Four

table lamps on stage alight. In card room U.L. chandelier; and amber

bunch off.

In morning room U.R. lamp on table; and amber bunch off.

At exit of PHYLLIS and EVELYN on cue "I think they do," from PHYLLIS,

PHYLLIS switches off lights U.R. and EVELYN puts out lamp in morning

room. All lamps go out, leaving only chandelier in card room alight.

First border to one quarter. White foots out and amber foots to one

quarter. When EVELYN puts out lamp in morning room, put out bunch in

same.

When CELIA turns up switch on cue, "Oh, it's you, Aunt Ida," all

lights on stage full up as before except bunch and lamp in morning

room.

Electric switch U.R. on set to R. morning room door.

Bell push U.L.C; to R. card room door.

Amber No. 32 in fireplace on knife switch to be flickered when CELIA

throws letters and army list into fire.

Red bunch in fireplace.

ACT II

Amber bunch in room R. Light amber on backing card room. Red glow from

fireplace. On cue, "other fish in the sea," from GRICE, amber on

backing, changing to dark amber very slowly and then out. On cue,

"Ready, Celia, ready," from FARADAY, comes up slowly to moonlight

blue. When amber change is made on backing foots and borders down

about five points. When PHYLLIS _lights lamp_ on table R.C. on cue,

"Oh, there's a message," foots and borders full up as before.

ACT III

Foots and first border full up amber and white. Blue bunch in

conservatory left. Blue bunch and moonlight spots in window R.

Spot to be directed on chair left of upper doors. Red glow up and off

R. to suggest fire as in Act I. Also amber No. 32 as before to be

flickered when SMITH "burns" army list.

Two candles on table C. lighted. On cue--"Damn Wobbles, I am going

because"--from COL. SMITH, white third border full up, a moment after

EVELYN exits, put third border out. One cue, "Then let me sit like

this in the dark" from CELIA,--CELIA switches off light U.L. All

lights on stage out, except red glow and lights on backing and blue

spot on CELIA. On cue, "Army lists don't burn so suddenly as that,"

from CELIA, AUNT IDA turns up switch, lights full up as before.

Bell push U.L.C.L, of center doors light switch to L. of this.

PROPERTY PLOT

_Set Properties--Act I_

A medium-sized table L., on it a book slide containing books and army

list, lamp, sewing bag, silver purse containing coin money.

To right of table, armchair with cushion.

At head of table, a single chair.

Left of table, a single chair.

Cabinet above door L. against wall, on it a vase of flowers,

photograph frames.

A small grand piano at back with drapery, on it lamp, bowl of flowers,

some photograph frames.

Long narrow table right, an armchair with small cushion to L. of it.

Waste-paper basket under it.

Stool below it. On it a table cover, English periodicals at each end,

railway guide at upper end; a lamp, silver cigarette box, a paper

knife, letters, vase of tulips, calendar, match-holder, ashtray.

R. table a large sofa with cushions.

Against fireplace, large mantel, on it three vases. Against mantel, a

club fender.

Below mantel, armchair.

A small writing table U.R., on it small lamp, a small vase of flowers,

blotting pad containing pens, ink, paper and envelopes.

In card room U.L., card table and four chairs.

On table, two packs of cards, pencils, bridge-markers, ashtray.

In morning room, small table, two chairs.

On table, lamp, ashtray, match-holder, vase of flowers.

ACT II

Same as Act I, and table L.C., and chair moved to C.R., nearer center.

On it, teatray laid for five people, plum cake on plate.

Armchair moved to L. of table and plain chair moved to R. of table.

Muffin-stand placed lower end of cabinet.

On it muffins, cakes, etc.

Throat spray behind vase on the table R.C. for PHYLLIS.

Remove waste-paper basket.

Embroidery on table R.C., for PHYLLIS.

Election address on cabinet L., for TARVER.

Close table in card room--rearrange chairs and draw curtains.

Replace all flowers with autumn flowers.

ACT III

A small round dinner table center, two chairs R. and L. of it.

On table, lace cloth. Candles and flowers at back. In center, basket

of fruit, almond dish with burnt almonds, large silver cigarette box,

silver cigarette lighter, two ashtrays, plates and finger-bowls, fruit

knives and forks, napkins, nut crackers.

A small sewing-table U.R.

To R. of it, a high-backed winged armchair.

L. of it, a square armchair.

On table, a lamp.

R. of center doors a small table; on it, silver serving tray, small

tray with brandy decanter, two liquor glasses, desk and chair L.

On desk, pens, ink, paper and envelopes.

Couch with cushions L. desk.

China closets in first L. flat containing bric-a-brac.

In conservatory palms and flowers.

L. of center doors--chair.

In room U.C. off stage cabinet of Act I--table and armchair.

On table book-rack with army list as seen in Act II.

HAND PROPERTIES OFF STAGE

ACT I

Off R.3, cigars for FARADAY and ADMIRAL. Coins for RALEIGH. Off L.I,

oilskin coat, and hat, and traveling bag (all wet) for CELIA.

ACT II

Off R.3, tonic bottle for TARVER. Clothes-brush for TARVER. Off L.I,

English Times and periodical with mailing wrapper on it--on salver for

MARTIN. Two boxes wrapped in tissue paper for CELIA. Card on salver

for MARTIN. Pin and large heavy-faced open watch and chain and

cigarette case for COL. SMITH. Army list on salver for MARTIN. Off

R.3, atlas for TARVER. (Set of chimes and doorbell off L.)

ACT III

Off R.I, tray with coffee-pot, two demi-tasse, and sugar bowl and one

cigarette, for MARTIN. Smart motor wrap, muff, bonnet, and traveling

bag belonging to CELIA. Large heavy ulster, furs, and bonnet (for AUNT

IDA) (for MARTIN). Large covered box tied with pink ribbon and small

box supposed to contain watch and pin for CELIA. Army list partly

burnt, in tongs, off R.3, for CELIA.