WHEREIN ONE PLAYS AN UNCONSCIOUS PART
Watch a snow flake as it falls! Gentle is too rough a word for the
motion. It floats, a crystal cob-web shot with the glint of
sun-jewels; tangible but melting to your touch, evanescent and
translucent as light; conceived of the wind that bloweth where it
listeth and the gossamer clouds of a vague somewhere.
Waveringly, noiselessly, so noiselessly it comes that you do not catch
the rustling flutter with your ear, but with a sixth sense of motion.
And it transforms, bewitches, beautifies what it touches. I suppose if
such an evanescent thing were told that it and it alone had been the
age-old, time-immemorial sculptor of the granite rocks; that it and it
alone--to paraphrase the words of the scientists--had rolled away the
door from the sepulchers of the eternal rocks and turned a planet into
a sensate earth pulsing with growth--I suppose if a snow flake were
told such heresy, it would die of its own amaze.
This, _apropos_ of nothing in particular, unless you happen to
understand from the catagory of your own experiences.
It was her first love-letter; and, because she did not know she was
writing a love-letter she wrote out of the fulness of an overflowing
heart. Also the hour was the precise hour when consciousness of her
presence had gone over Wayland in flood tides of fierce tenderness.
That may have been a mere coincidence. I set it down because such
coincidences daily touch life.
Here is the letter.
_Twelve O'clock_.
Are you a 'vision fugitive,' O Ranger Man? Do you know that I have
seen you less than ten times and really known you less than a month?
Is it a dream? What happened? I did not mean to do it. I did not
want it. I did not ask it. Why has it come? You said 'best gifts
came unasked; perhaps, they also go unsent!' This one can never go,
Dick. I've been weaving it in and out for three whole hours, (no, not
_thinking_, I _think_ of other people,) weaving it in and out of every
strand of me. I know now I have been waiting for it a billion years;
ages and ages ago when you and I were cave people or desert runners
like the 20,000 B. C. skeleton in the British Museum; and in the
shuffle of atoms, we got apart. We shall never stray again; for I have
locked last night in my heart. Yesterday I could look up at the
Mountain, and what I saw was the snow cross, cold and far away.
To-night I look up. The Mountain is still there but not the same--what
I feel is--_you_; and you are not far away. I am warm with happiness,
delirious when I let myself _stop_ thinking.
I have tried to sleep but cannot. Your old Mountain has been talking
again. I can see the Cross here from my window and the lone star above
the peak; and I know that you see too. If I touched the telephone, I
might speak to you; but I can write more frankly than I'd ever have
courage to speak, and I must say it. It is all tumult. I do not
understand, but Hope is strumming her strings--I hear them every time
the wind comes down from the Ridge. Here is the Watts' 'Happy
Warrior,' and Dick--listen--I didn't mean it as a token when I offered
to send it up. I meant it as a rallying cry; but now that you take it
as a token, I can't say that it isn't; only I really didn't mean to
push you over the edge of things as I did. I didn't mean to go over
the edge myself. If I had heard Senator Moyese talk, I couldn't have
been so childish and ignorant. It was like urging you to jump a
precipice and break your neck. I know now what the fight means. It
isn't just the Valley. It's the Nation. I hadn't any right to let my
(here a word was crossed and blotted) feeling shove you over. Yet if
you jump yourself, I'll not pull a gossamer thread to draw back. I
haven't any right.
You know how it has always been with me--whisked away to the convent at
Quebec when I was four, sent to that New York finishing school to get
what Father called 'world-sense knocked into my religion.' Well, they
were knocks all right. Then England and Switzerland and my Father's
orders to come back, and how lonely and apart he always seems. I don't
understand. What did Moyese mean to-night when he spoke of
'bow-and-arrow aristocracy'? Will you believe me that is the first I
have ever heard of it? Who is Calamity? Will you tell me if you know?
Why are we so apart from all the people of the Valley? What is a
'squaw man'? When I think, I am afraid for having let you become so
interwoven. I did not mean to. It is wholly my fault. The thoughts I
hardly knew myself must have been weaving up into this. They often do.
Father and Mr. Williams leave at daybreak for the Upper Pass. I did
not mean to write so much, but our old Mountain has come from under a
cloud. Anyway, I had to explain, no, I mean write. Explanations never
do explain; but here's the picture of 'The Warrior.'
"E. MacD."
Going to the French window of her bedroom, Eleanor called down to old
Calamity's room below. To her surprise, the half-breed woman on the
instant poked her head above the balcony railing of the basement
quarters.
"Going to the Ridge to-morrow, Calamity?"
"Oui, Mademoiselle, surement," pattered Calamity softly in that Cree
patois which is neither French nor Indian.
"Then, take this up to Mr. Wayland, please!"
As she withdrew to her room, Eleanor became conscious that she could
not remember a day since she had come back to the Valley when the Cree
half-breed had not been within call or sight. The girl suddenly
pressed both hands to her eyes. What had Moyese meant?
Once among the pillows, she fell into the life-bathing sleep of the
great mountain ozone-world. Was it a dream; or had Calamity come
stealing through the French window to stand at the foot of her bed?
Waking to a burst of sunlight across her face, Eleanor could not tell
in the least whether the memory of the half-breed woman standing in the
shadows were dream or reality. The sun was coming over the Rim Rocks
in a fan-shaped shield of spear shafts; and every single shaft wafted
down thoughts that refused to lie quiet. Shafts that have a trick of
turning your heart into a target can't be shut out by armor proof.
Daylight restored her poise. Her first instinct was to recall the
letter; but Calamity had already set off for the Ridge. The thought
hardly took form, but the shadow haunted her. If It were true, he
would surely never let her work round the ranch houses of the Valley.
Breakfast passed as usual, alone in the big raftered dining room after
the ranch hands had gone, the lame German cook for the camp wagons
hobbling in and out with the dishes. Stage had passed long since and
the mail lay at her place, where the German had spread a white square
above the oilcloth of the long bench table; but letters and papers
remained unopened.
Perhaps, after all, those midnight thoughts had been morbid as midnight
thoughts often are. It might be that the Valley was apart from them,
not they apart from the Valley. Who were the neighbors from whom her
father stood aside? There was the Senator in the white house across
the River. Well, the Senator spent the most of his time in Smelter
City forty miles away, and in Washington. Then, there were the
Williams of the Mission House with their only boy and eighty or a
hundred Indian children; gentlefolk keeping up the amenities of refined
life, spreading the contagion of beautiful example like an irrigation
plot widening slowly over arid sage brush. Surely her father was held
in esteem by them; and they stood for all that was best in the Valley.
Below the ranch houses came what was known as "the English Colony," a
scattering of young bachelors playing at ranching, whose rendezvous was
the pretty Swiss chalet known as "the Rookery," where a wonderful
little young-old lady with red wig and hectic flush dispensed lavish
hospitality and canned music and old port behind the eminent
respectability of a stool-pigeon in the person of a card-loving
husband. The lady's husband called himself "colonel." The Valley
called him one of those "no-good Englishmen"; but the Valley may have
been mistaken; for even to the ranch house had come tales of outraged
honor in the person of the "no-good husband" bursting in on games of
cards with wild charges which only the payment of big money could
suppress--suppress you understand, purely for the sake of the lady:
outraged honor could accept no atonement. Then the lady would flit for
the winter to those beauty doctors of Paris and New York, who operate
on wrinkles and lay up muniments for fresh campaigns; and the "colonel"
would betake himself to resorts where balm is accorded wounded honour;
while loose-mouthed, simple-eyed young fellows went East for the winter
lighter as to purse, wiser as to the ways of paying for pleasure.
Altogether, it was not surprising her father kept apart from "the
English Colony," Eleanor reflected. She passed out to the piazza
spanning all sides of the ranch house.
It was a sun-bathed, sun-kissed, sun-fused world. The River flowed
liquid silver jubilant and singing. The morning mists rolled up
primrose spangled with jewels, while over all lay such light as
hypnotized the senses into a sort of dazzled dream world. Ashes of
roses! There were no ashes here. It was the rose, itself; a world
veiled in gold mist, wind-blown, flame-fired of joy, little cressets of
fire edging every ridge. The sheep browsing in the Valley, the
fleece-clouds herding mid the winds of the upper peaks, you hardly knew
which shone whiter. The burnished mountain with its silver cross and
wings of light, opal about the peaks, melting in fading lines about the
base, with the middle distances lost in gashed purple shadows, might
have been a thing of airy fancy. So might the dark forested Ridge
where the evergreens stood sentinels among wisps of cloud. And
everywhere, all pervasive, sifting through the shadows of silvered pine
needles and trembling poplars, permeated the cinnamon smell of the
barky forest world, resinous of balsam, spicy with the tang of life.
She could see the mountain streams where they laughed down the Ridge in
wind-tattered spray. With the glass, too, she could see a little blue
wreath of man-made smoke curling up from the evergreens; and waves of
happiness, absurd warm glowing happiness, broke over her, the sheer
gladness of being alive. Whatever sinister thing kept her father
apart, it was here she belonged--she knew it now--to the great spacious
life-stimulating West; to the world resinous with imprisoned sunbeams;
not to the lands of sky shut out by twenty story roofs and pea-soup
fogs and sickly anaemic views of life. Life was good. She drank of it
and called it good as in creation's prime.
Once she called Central up on the telephone. Central answered that the
Ridge line had been cut. Such duties as men's hands could not do round
ranch houses, she finished in a dream, turning with a touch the house
into a home; flowers for the middle of the big table, dishes
pitchforked down replaced in order, corner cobwebs speared with a
duster on a broom, Navajo rugs uncurled and squared, stale cooking
expelled from littered shelves, flies pursued to the last ditch, breaks
in the mosquito wire round the piazza tacked up, heaps of mended socks
and overalls sent out to the bunk house for the ranch hands, milk cans
buried--it had always been one of the absurdities she was going to
reform, that people used canned milk in a cow country; but,
unfortunately, the obstacle to that reform was that cows could not be
milked on horseback.
After mid-day meal, she ensconced herself in a steamer chair on the
piazza facing the mountain; but her book lay face downward. It was a
book on coniferous trees. She had thought the Valley monotonous when
she had first come back. Now she knew it never remained the same for
two whole hours. The dazzling white of morning had given place to the
yellow glow of afternoon. The River that had flowed quicksilver now
swept seaward pure amber rilled with gold. The fleece clouds herded by
wandering winds had massed to towering cumulus where the sheet
lightnings played; and the Mountain where the silver snow-cross had
glistened in the morning seemed to have changed perspective, to have
retreated and withdrawn to a weird upper world. You no longer saw the
wind-blown cataracts. Purpling shadows, palpable sabling mournful
ghost-forms, folded and wrapped the Ridge with here and there shafts of
slant light, yellow as bars of gold. You could no longer hear the
rampant roar of streams disimprisoned from snow by mid-day sun. With
the slant light came the sibilant hush, the quiet tangible.
She reclined very still in the steamer chair. Life and love and
mystery wrapped her round, the great reverie of the race, the ecstasy
of devotees that sent to death and crusade in the Middle Ages, the
lovelight of life brooding warm and radiant. She no longer saw the
shining pageant of sunlight on the argent fields of an infinite
universe; the sparks and spangles of light in silver cataracts; a world
veiled in gold mist, flame-fired of joy, little cressets of rose edging
every sky-line. She was possessed, obsessed, bathed, enveloped in a
flame of new life. If she thought at all, 'twas in the symbol of the
old Apostle, "in Him we live and move and have our being." She
recalled that God had been defined in the consciousness of the race as
Love. Deep draughts of new existence whelmed her. No longer life
coursed somnolent through unconscious veins. Life ran riotous of
gladness tingling to a living joy so poignant it became pain. Was it
fool-joy born of swifter pulse and time-old inheritance in the flesh?
Was it the rhapsody of self-hypnotism, which ancients would have called
vision? Of such dreams does creation spring full born and enfleshed.
Of such dreams does heroism laugh at death. Of such dreams does life
invest the daily round with rain-bow mist, with the spectrum gamut of
all the colors that blend to the pure white light of daily life. As a
lense splits up light, so love had brought out the hidden colors of
existence, of eternity; as she dreamed, eternity itself seemed short.
Then came the restlessness that had shaken Wayland on the Ridge the
night before, the fire that tests the vessel; and whether the life go
to pieces depend on whether the vessel be both strong and clean. Yet
she was not afraid. She remembered their talk the night before of the
snow flake falling to the same law as the avalanche; and was she not
also a part of the Great Law?
She knew he could not be free till six. She must not go up to the
Ridge. Last night, she had gone heedlessly. She could never go so
again. Then, she realized why the Missionary's wife had linked her
fate with Williams'--a frail bit of china putting itself to the coarse
uses of earthenware--washing, scrubbing, sandpapering three generations
of morals and bodies to make an ideal real. It was Wayland who had
first described Mrs. Williams in that metaphor: "a piece of Bisque or
Dresden," he had said, "and what those lousy Indians need is a wooden
wash tub with lots of soft soap." Then, she wanted to see Mrs.
Williams, to study her with this new knowledge.
A picket fence in imitation of a home in the East ran round the Mission
House. Pitiful attempts at gardening lined the gravel entrance,
periwinkle dried up in the blazing Western sun, sickly scented
geraniums that shrivelled to the night frost, altheas that did better
but refused to bloom. "They don't transplant East to West, any better
than they do West to East. Better follow the Senator's advice and
domesticate our Western ones." Then, the whimsical thought came
perhaps that was what her father had done with her.
The drone of a man's voice from the Mission Parlor surprised her; for
Mr. Williams had gone off with her father to the Upper Pass.
"Here is Miss Eleanor, herself! We were just speaking about you,
Eleanor! This is an old friend of your father's, Mr. Matthews from
Saskatchewan!"
A little woman in gray drew Eleanor inside the Mission Parlor, a little
woman with a white transparent skin trenched by lines of care, but
somehow, when you looked twice, they were lines of beauty chiseled by
time. She was garbed in gray and her hair was almost white, but, from
the first time Eleanor had looked at her hands, the girl wanted to kiss
and cover them with her own--they were such beautifully kept hands but
so gnarled and misshapen with toil. There had been only one child; but
there were eighty Indian children in the Mission School. Had the love
dream paid toll for such toil--Eleanor had asked herself when first she
had seen the Missionary's wife. Now she knew that, whether the love
dream paid toll or not, love would do and was doing the same thing time
without end and everywhere.
Then, she became aware of the massive form of a man topped by an
enormous head of white hair rising in links and hinges from a chair in
the corner till his figure towered above the little woman.
"So this--is Eleanor--MacDonald? Well, well, well!"
He was shaking hands at each word. "A knew your grandfather well.
Many's the time we have raced the dogtrains down MacKenzie River an'
the canoes down the Saskatchewan! 'Twas your grandfather set the
bagpipes skirling when Governor Simpson used to come galloping down the
Columbia in the forties with his paddlers splitting the wind, a dark
fearsome man, child, but a brave one, tho' his heart was hard as his
hand, and his hand was iron--Bras de Fer, Arm of Iron, the Indians
called him; for his left hand, he lost in a duel; and his false hand
was a true hand of iron metal that made many a lazy voyageur bite the
dust. Bless me, but you are a MacDonald to your dainty feet--" holding
her off from him at arm's length. "Eyes true to pedigree, and the
curly hair, and the short upper lip, the only one of all the MacDonalds
that's kept the race type. 'Tis good to see you! A'm right glad to
see you! A'm gladder than you know-"
Eleanor did not wait for any second thought. "And did you know my
mother's people, too?"
The old man sat back in his corner. "No, A cannot say A did! A had
left the Company an' was building railway bridges in the Rockies when
your father left Canada."
She felt the hot flush mount.
"Such an absurd thing, Eleanor," Mrs. Williams was explaining. "Mr.
Matthews came by the Holy Cross last night. Mr. Wayland told Calamity
to show him which way to turn; and she sent him the wrong way, to the
cow-boy camp, you know! He had to sleep out all night at our very
door. Such a shame! That put him so late that he missed Mr. Williams.
You know they have gone to the Upper Pass and can't possibly be back
for weeks--excuse me, some of my school people seem to want me," and
she flitted from the room. To Eleanor, her life seemed a constant
flitting at the beck of bootless duties, nagging duties that only an
expert time keeper of Heaven could credit.
"Yes! Sent me a mile along the road in the wrong direction--into a
nest of mid-night birds. A nice bunch o' beauties, too, hatching some
Devil plot to ruin the poor sheepmen! A man in a white vest was there,
who by the same token didn't belong; tho' A'm no so sure he was any
better than his company. They didn't see _me_! A didna' just speak to
_them_, but A heard them plain enough,--'leave for the South at once;'
and 'crowd 'em to beat Hell,' and 'send 'em over without a push' an'
'see that no harm comes to the boy'--Eh, why, what is the matter?"
Eleanor had sprung forward with white lips.
"It's Fordie! He's taking the sheep to the Rim Rocks with the Mexican
herders. Don't frighten his mother! It may not be too late! He may
not have reached the Rim--"
"Let's telephone that Ranger fellow?"
Then, it all dawned on her, the deadly, suave, incredibly malicious
pre-planned thing!
"The wires had been cut since morning," she said.