I've waited all these years, expecting some one or another would give a
full and true account of it all; but little thinking it would ever come
to be my task. For it's not in my way; but seeing how much has been
said about other parts and other people's sufferings; while ours never
so much as came in for a line of newspaper, I can't think it's fair; and
as fairness is what I always did like, I set to, very much against my
will; while, on account of my empty sleeve, the paper keeps slipping and
sliding about, so that I can only hold it quiet by putting the lead
inkstand on one corner, and my tobacco-jar on the other. You see, I'm
not much at home at this sort of thing; and though, if you put a pipe
and a glass of something before me, I could tell you all about it,
taking my time, like, it seems that won't do. I said, "Why don't you
write it down as I tell it, so as other people could read all about it?"
But "No," he says; "I could do it in my fashion, but I want it to be in
your simple unadorned style; so set to and do it."
I daresay a good many of you know me--seen me often in Bond Street, at
Facet's door--Facet's, you know, the great jeweller, where I stand and
open carriages, or take messages, or small parcels with no end of
valuables in them, for I'm trusted. Smith, my name is, Isaac Smith; and
I'm that tallish, grisly fellow with the seam down one side of my face,
my left sleeve looped up to my button, and not a speck to be seen on
that "commissionaire's" uniform, upon whose breast I've got three
medals.
I was standing one day, waiting patiently for something to do, when a
tallish gentleman came up, nodded as if he knew me well, and I saluted.
"Lose that limb in the Crimea, my man?"
"No, sir. Mutiny," I said, standing as stiff as use had made nature
with me.
And then he asked me a lot more questions, and I answered him; and the
end of it was that one evening I went to his house, and he had me in,
and did what was wanted to set me off. I'd had a little bit of an
itching to try something of the kind, I must own, for long enough, but
his words started me; and in consequence I got a quire of the best
foolscap paper, and a pen'orth of pens, and here's my story.