After a short pause my host resumed his narration. "Though I was never
sent to school, my education was not neglected on that account; I had
tutors in various branches of knowledge, under whom I made a tolerable
progress; by the time I was eighteen I was able to read most of the Greek
and Latin authors with facility; I was likewise, to a certain degree, a
mathematician.
"I cannot say that I took much pleasure in my studies; my chief aim in
endeavouring to accomplish my tasks was to give pleasure to my beloved
parent, who watched my progress with anxiety truly maternal. My life at
this period may be summed up in a few words; I pursued my studies, roamed
about the woods, walked the green lanes occasionally, cast my fly in a
trout stream, and sometimes, but not often, rode a hunting with my uncle.
"A considerable part of my time was devoted to my mother, conversing with
her and reading to her; youthful companions I had none, and as to my
mother, she lived in the greatest retirement, devoting herself to the
superintendence of my education, and the practice of acts of charity;
nothing could be more innocent than this mode of life, and some people
say that in innocence there is happiness, yet I can't say that I was
happy. A continual dread overshadowed my mind, it was the dread of my
mother's death. Her constitution had never been strong, and it had been
considerably shaken by her last illness; this I knew, and this I saw--for
the eyes of fear are marvellously keen. Well, things went on in this way
till I had come of age; my tutors were then dismissed, and my uncle the
baronet took me in hand, telling my mother that it was high time for him
to exert his authority; that I must see something of the world, for that,
if I remained much longer with her, I should be ruined. 'You must
consign him to me,' said he, 'and I will introduce him to the world.' My
mother sighed and consented; so my uncle the baronet introduced me to the
world, took me to horse races and to London, and endeavoured to make a
man of me according to his idea of the term, and in part succeeded. I
became moderately dissipated--I say moderately, for dissipation had but
little zest for me.
"In this manner four years passed over. It happened that I was in London
in the height of the season with my uncle, at his house; one morning he
summoned me into the parlour, he was standing before the fire, and looked
very serious. 'I have had a letter,' said he; 'your mother is very ill.'
I staggered, and touched the nearest object to me; nothing was said for
two or three minutes, and then my uncle put his lips to my ear and
whispered something. I fell down senseless. My mother was--I remember
nothing for a long time--for two years I was out of my mind; at the end
of this time I recovered, or partly so. My uncle the baronet was very
kind to me; he advised me to travel, he offered to go with me. I told
him he was very kind, but I would rather go by myself. So I went abroad,
and saw, amongst other things, Rome and the Pyramids. By frequent change
of scene my mind became not happy, but tolerably tranquil. I continued
abroad some years, when, becoming tired of travelling, I came home, found
my uncle the baronet alive, hearty, and unmarried, as he still is. He
received me very kindly, took me to Newmarket, and said that he hoped by
this time I was become quite a man of the world; by his advice I took a
house in town, in which I lived during the season. In summer I strolled
from one watering-place to another; and, in order to pass the time, I
became very dissipated.
"At last I became as tired of dissipation as I had previously been of
travelling, and I determined to retire to the country, and live on my
paternal estate; this resolution I was not slow in putting into effect; I
sold my house in town, repaired and refurnished my country house, and for
at least ten years, lived a regular country life; I gave dinner parties,
prosecuted poachers, was charitable to the poor, and now and then went
into my library; during this time I was seldom or never visited by the
magic impulse, the reason being, that there was nothing in the wide world
for which I cared sufficiently to move a finger to preserve it. When the
ten years, however, were nearly ended, I started out of bed one morning
in a fit of horror, exclaiming, 'Mercy, mercy! what will become of me? I
am afraid I shall go mad. I have lived thirty-five years and upwards
without doing anything; shall I pass through life in this manner?
Horror!' And then in rapid succession I touched three different objects.
"I dressed myself and went down, determining to set about something; but
what was I to do?--there was the difficulty. I ate no breakfast, but
walked about the room in a state of distraction; at last I thought that
the easiest way to do something was to get into Parliament, there would
be no difficulty in that. I had plenty of money, and could buy a seat:
but what was I to do in Parliament? Speak, of course--but could I speak?
'I'll try at once,' said I, and forthwith I rushed into the largest
dining-room, and, locking the door, I commenced speaking; 'Mr. Speaker,'
said I, and then I went on speaking for about ten minutes as I best
could, and then I left off, for I was talking nonsense. No, I was not
formed for Parliament; I could do nothing there. What--what was I to do?
"Many, many times I thought this question over, but was unable to solve
it; a fear now stole over me that I was unfit for anything in the world,
save the lazy life of vegetation which I had for many years been leading;
yet, if that were the case, thought I, why the craving within me to
distinguish myself? Surely it does not occur fortuitously, but is
intended to rouse and call into exercise certain latent powers that I
possess? and then with infinite eagerness I set about attempting to
discover these latent powers. I tried an infinity of pursuits, botany
and geology amongst the rest, but in vain; I was fitted for none of them.
I became very sorrowful and despondent, and at one time I had almost
resolved to plunge again into the whirlpool of dissipation; it was a
dreadful resource, it was true, but what better could I do?
"But I was not doomed to return to the dissipation of the world. One
morning a young nobleman, who had for some time past shown a wish to
cultivate my acquaintance, came to me in a considerable hurry. 'I am
come to beg an important favour of you,' said he; 'one of the county
memberships is vacant--I intend to become a candidate; what I want
immediately is a spirited address to the electors. I have been
endeavouring to frame one all the morning, but in vain; I have,
therefore, recourse to you as a person of infinite genius; pray, my dear
friend, concoct me one by the morning.' 'What you require of me,' I
replied, 'is impossible; I have not the gift of words; did I possess it I
would stand for the county myself, but I can't speak. Only the other day
I attempted to make a speech, but left off suddenly, utterly ashamed,
although I was quite alone, of the nonsense I was uttering.' 'It is not
a speech that I want,' said my friend, 'I can talk for three hours
without hesitating, but I want an address to circulate through the
county, and I find myself utterly incompetent to put one together; do
oblige me by writing one for me, I know you can; and, if at any time you
want a person to speak for you, you may command me not for three but for
six hours. Good morning; to-morrow I will breakfast with you.' In the
morning he came again. 'Well,' said he, 'what success?' 'Very poor,'
said I; 'but judge for yourself;' and I put into his hand a manuscript of
several pages. My friend read it through with considerable attention. 'I
congratulate you,' said he, 'and likewise myself; I was not mistaken in
my opinion of you; the address is too long by at least two-thirds, or I
should rather say it is longer by two-thirds than addresses generally
are; but it will do--I will not curtail it of a word. I shall win my
election.' And in truth he did win his election; and it was not only his
own but the general opinion that he owed it to the address.
"But, however that might be, I had, by writing the address, at last
discovered what had so long eluded my search--what I was able to do. I,
who had neither the nerve nor the command of speech necessary to
constitute the orator--who had not the power of patient research required
by those who would investigate the secrets of nature, had, nevertheless,
a ready pen and teeming imagination. This discovery decided my fate--from
that moment I became an author."