Occasionally I called on Francis Ardry. This young gentleman resided in
handsome apartments in the neighbourhood of a fashionable square, kept a
livery servant, and upon the whole, lived in very good style. Going to
see him one day, between one and two, I was informed by the servant that
his master was engaged for the moment, but that, if I pleased to wait a
few minutes, I should find him at liberty. Having told the man that I
had no objection, he conducted me into a small apartment which served as
antechamber to a drawing-room; the door of this last being half-open, I
could see Francis Ardry at the farther end, speechifying and
gesticulating in a very impressive manner. The servant, in some
confusion, was hastening to close the door, but, ere he could effect his
purpose, Francis Ardry, who had caught a glimpse of me, exclaimed, "Come
in--come in by all means," and then proceeded, as before, speechifying
and gesticulating. Filled with some surprise, I obeyed his summons.
On entering the room I perceived another individual to whom Francis Ardry
appeared to be addressing himself; this other was a short, spare man of
about sixty; his hair was of a badger grey, and his face was covered with
wrinkles--without vouchsafing me a look, he kept his eye, which was black
and lustrous, fixed full on Francis Ardry, as if paying the deepest
attention to his discourse. All of a sudden, however, he cried with a
sharp, cracked voice, "that won't do, sir; that won't do--more
vehemence--your argument is at present particularly weak; therefore, more
vehemence--you must confuse them, stun them, stultify them, sir"; and, at
each of these injunctions, he struck the back of his right hand sharply
against the palm of the left. "Good, sir--good!" he occasionally
uttered, in the same sharp, cracked tone, as the voice of Francis Ardry
became more and more vehement. "Infinitely good!" he exclaimed, as
Francis Ardry raised his voice to the highest pitch; "and now, sir,
abate; let the tempest of vehemence decline--gradually, sir; not too
fast. Good, sir--very good!" as the voice of Francis Ardry declined
gradually in vehemence. "And now a little pathos, sir--try them with a
little pathos. That won't do, sir--that won't do,"--as Francis Ardry
made an attempt to become pathetic,--"that will never pass for
pathos--with tones and gesture of that description you will never redress
the wrongs of your country. Now, sir, observe my gestures, and pay
attention to the tone of my voice, sir."
Thereupon, making use of nearly the same terms which Francis Ardry had
employed, the individual in black uttered several sentences in tones and
with gestures which were intended to express a considerable degree of
pathos, though it is possible that some people would have thought both
the one and the other highly ludicrous. After a pause, Francis
recommenced imitating the tones and the gestures of his monitor in the
most admirable manner. Before he had proceeded far, however, he burst
into a fit of laughter, in which I should, perhaps, have joined, provided
it were ever my wont to laugh. "Ha, ha!" said the other, good
humouredly, "you are laughing at me. Well, well, I merely wished to give
you a hint; but you saw very well what I meant; upon the whole, I think
you improve. But I must now go, having two other pupils to visit before
four."
Then taking from the table a kind of three-cornered hat, and a cane
headed with amber, he shook Francis Ardry by the hand; and, after
glancing at me for a moment, made me a half-bow, attended with a strange
grimace, and departed.
"Who is that gentleman?" said I to Francis Ardry as soon as we were
alone.
"Oh, that is ---" said Frank smiling, "the gentleman who gives me lessons
in elocution."
"And what need have you of elocution?"
"Oh, I merely obey the commands of my guardians," said Francis, "who
insist that I should, with the assistance of ---, {249} qualify myself
for Parliament; for which they do me the honour to suppose that I have
some natural talent. I dare not disobey them, for, at the present
moment, I have particular reasons for wishing to keep on good terms with
them."
"But," said I, "you are a Roman Catholic, and I thought that persons of
your religion were excluded from Parliament?"
"Why, upon that very thing the whole matter hinges; people of our
religion are determined to be no longer excluded from Parliament, but to
have a share in the government of the nation. Not that I care anything
about the matter; I merely obey the will of my guardians; my thoughts are
fixed on something better than politics."
"I understand you," said I; "dog-fighting--well, I can easily conceive
that to some minds dog-fighting--" {250a}
"I was not thinking of dog-fighting," said Francis Ardry, interrupting
me.
"Not thinking of dog-fighting!" I ejaculated.
"No," said Francis Ardry, "something higher and much more rational than
dog-fighting at present occupies my thoughts."
"Dear me," said I, "I thought I heard you say, that there was nothing
like it!"
"Like what?" said Francis Ardry.
"Dog-fighting, to be sure," said I.
"Pooh," said Francis Ardry; "who but the gross and unrefined care
anything for dog-fighting? That which at present engages my waking and
sleeping thoughts is love--divine love--there is nothing like _that_.
Listen to me, I have a secret to confide to you."
And then Francis Ardry proceeded to make me his confidant. It appeared
that he had had the good fortune to make the acquaintance of the most
delightful young Frenchwoman imaginable, Annette La Noire by name, {250b}
who had just arrived from her native country with the intention of
obtaining the situation of governess in some English family; a position
which, on account of her many accomplishments, she was eminently
qualified to fill. Francis Ardry had, however, persuaded her to
relinquish her intention for the present, on the ground that, until she
had become acclimated in England, her health would probably suffer from
the confinement inseparable from the occupation in which she was desirous
of engaging; he had, moreover--for it appeared that she was the most
frank and confiding creature in the world--succeeded in persuading her to
permit him to hire for her a very handsome first floor in his own
neighbourhood, and to accept a few inconsiderable presents in money and
jewellery. "I am looking out for a handsome gig and horse," said Francis
Ardry, at the conclusion of his narration; "it were a burning shame that
so divine a creature should have to go about a place like London on foot,
or in a paltry hackney coach."
"But," said I, "will not the pursuit of politics prevent your devoting
much time to this fair lady?"
"It will prevent me devoting all my time," said Francis Ardry, "as I
gladly would; but what can I do? My guardians wish me to qualify myself
for a political orator, and I dare not offend them by a refusal. If I
offend my guardians, I should find it impossible--unless I have recourse
to Jews and money-lenders--to support Annette, present her with articles
of dress and jewellery, and purchase a horse and cabriolet worthy of
conveying her angelic person through the streets of London."
After a pause, in which Francis Ardry appeared lost in thought, his mind
being probably occupied with the subject of Annette, I broke silence by
observing: "So your fellow-religionists are really going to make a
serious attempt to procure their emancipation?"
"Yes," said Francis Ardry starting from his reverie; "everything has been
arranged; even a leader has been chosen, at least for us of Ireland, upon
the whole the most suitable man in the world for the occasion--a
barrister of considerable talent, mighty voice, and magnificent
impudence. With emancipation, liberty and redress for the wrongs of
Ireland in his mouth, he is to force his way into the British House of
Commons, dragging myself and others behind him--he will succeed, and when
he is in he will cut a figure; I have heard --- himself, {251a} who has
heard him speak, say that he will cut a figure."
"And is --- {251a} competent to judge?" I demanded.
"Who but he?" said Francis Ardry; "no one questions his judgment
concerning what relates to elocution. His fame on that point is so well
established, that the greatest orators do not disdain occasionally to
consult him; C--- {251b} himself, as I have been told, when anxious to
produce any particular effect in the House, is in the habit of calling in
--- {251a} for consultation."
"As to matter, or manner?" said I.
"Chiefly the latter," said Francis Ardry, "though he is competent to give
advice as to both, for he has been an orator in his day, and a leader of
the people; though he confessed to me that he was not exactly qualified
to play the latter part--'I want paunch,' said he."
"It is not always indispensable," said I; "there is an orator in my town,
a hunchback and watchmaker, without it, who not only leads the people,
but the mayor too; perhaps he has a succedaneum in his hunch; but, tell
me, is the leader of your movement in possession of that which wants--?"
"No more deficient in it than in brass," said Francis Ardry.
"Well," said I, "whatever his qualifications may be, I wish him success
in the cause which he has taken up--I love religious liberty."
"We shall succeed," said Francis Ardry; "John Bull upon the whole is
rather indifferent on the subject, and then we are sure to be backed by
the Radical party, who, to gratify their political prejudices, would join
with Satan himself."
"There is one thing," said I, "connected with this matter which surprises
me--your own lukewarmness. Yes, making every allowance for your natural
predilection for dog-fighting, and your present enamoured state of mind,
your apathy at the commencement of such a movement is to me
unaccountable."
"You would not have cause to complain of my indifference," said Frank,
"provided I thought my country would be benefited by this movement; but I
happen to know the origin of it. The priests are the originators, 'and
what country was ever benefited by a movement which owed its origin to
them?' so says Voltaire, a page of whom I occasionally read. By the
present move they hope to increase their influence, and to further
certain designs which they entertain both with regard to this country and
Ireland. I do not speak rashly or unadvisedly. A strange fellow--a half-
Italian, half-English priest,--who was recommended to me by my guardians,
partly as a spiritual, partly as a temporal guide--has let me into a
secret or two; he is fond of a glass of gin and water, and over a glass
of gin and water cold, with a lump of sugar in it, he has been more
communicative, perhaps, than was altogether prudent. Were I my own
master, I would kick him, politics and religious movements, to a
considerable distance. And now, if you are going away, do so quickly; I
have an appointment with Annette, and must make myself fit to appear
before her."