THE LITTLE CHEVALIER.
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A threadbare juggler.
_Comedy of Errors_.
Nay, then, he is a conjuror.
_Henry VI_.
My adventure with Miss Lascelles did me good service, and cured me for
some time, at least, of my leaning towards the tender passion. I
consequently devoted myself more closely than ever to my
studies--indulged in a passing mania for genealogy and heraldry--began a
collection of local geological specimens, all of which I threw away at
the end of the first fortnight--and took to rearing rabbits in an old
tumble-down summer-house at the end of the garden. I believe that from
somewhere about this time I may also date the commencement of a great
epic poem in blank verse, and Heaven knows how many cantos, which was to
be called the Columbiad. It began, I remember, with a description of the
Court of Ferdinand and Isabella, and the departure of Columbus, and was
intended to celebrate the discovery, colonization, and subsequent
history of America. I never got beyond ten or a dozen pages of the first
canto, however, and that Transatlantic epic remains unfinished to
this day.
The great event which I have recorded in the preceding chapter took
place in the early summer. It must, therefore, have been towards the
close of autumn in the same year when my next important adventure
befell. This time the temptation assumed a different shape.
Coming briskly homewards one fine frosty morning after having left a
note at the Vicarage, I saw a bill-sticker at work upon a line of dead
wall which at that time reached from the Red Lion Inn to the corner of
Pitcairn's Lane. His posters were printed in enormous type, and
decorated with a florid bordering in which the signs of the zodiac
conspicuously figured Being somewhat idly disposed, I followed the
example of other passers-by, and lingered to watch the process and read
the advertisement. It ran as follows:----
MAGIC AND MYSTERY! MAGIC AND MYSTERY!
* * * * *
M. LE CHEVALIER ARMAND PROUDHINE, (of Paris) surnamed
THE WIZARD OF THE CAUCASUS,
Has the honor to announce to the Nobility and Gentry of Saxonholme and
its vicinity, that he will, to-morrow evening (October--, 18--),
hold his First
SOIREE FANTASTIQUE
IN
THE LARGE ROOM OF THE RED LION HOTEL.
* * * * *
ADMISSION 1s. RESERVED SEATS 2s. 6d.
_To commence at Seven_.
N.B.--_The performance will include a variety of new and surprising
feats of Legerdemain never before exhibited_.
_A soirée fantastique_! what would I not give to be present at a _soirée
fantastique_! I had read of the Rosicrucians, of Count Cagliostro, and
of Doctor Dee. I had peeped into more than one curious treatise on
Demonology, and I fancied there could be nothing in the world half so
marvellous as that last surviving branch of the Black Art entitled the
Science of Legerdemain.
What if, for this once, I were to ask leave to be present at the
performance? Should I do so with even the remotest chance of success? It
was easier to propound this momentous question than to answer it. My
father, as I have already said, disapproved of public entertainments,
and his prejudices were tolerably inveterate. But then, what could be
more genteel than the programme, or more select than the prices? How
different was an entertainment given in the large room of the Red Lion
Hotel to a three-penny wax-work, or a strolling circus on Barnard's
Green! I had made one of the audience in that very room over and over
again when the Vicar read his celebrated "Discourses to Youth," or Dr.
Dunks came down from Grinstead to deliver an explosive lecture on
chemistry; and I had always seen the reserved seats filled by the best
families in the neighborhood. Fully persuaded of the force of my own
arguments, I made up my mind to prefer this tremendous request on the
first favorable opportunity, and so hurried home, with my head full of
quite other thoughts than usual.
My father was sitting at the table with a mountain of books and papers
before him. He looked up sharply as I entered, jerked his chair round so
as to get the light at his back, put on his spectacles, and
ejaculated:--
"Well, sir!"
This was a bad sign, and one with which I was only too familiar. Nature
had intended my father for a barrister. He was an adept in all the arts
of intimidation, and would have conducted a cross-examination to
perfection. As it was, he indulged in a good deal of amateur practice,
and from the moment when he turned his back to the light and donned the
inexorable spectacles, there was not a soul in the house, from myself
down to the errand-boy, who was not perfectly aware of something
unpleasant to follow.
"Well, sir!" he repeated, rapping impatiently upon the table with his
knuckles.
Having nothing to reply to this greeting, I looked out of the window and
remained silent; whereby, unfortunately. I irritated him still more.
"Confound you, sir!" he exclaimed, "have you nothing to say?"
"Nothing," I replied, doggedly.
"Stand there!" he said, pointing to a particular square in the pattern
of the carpet. "Stand there!"
I obeyed.
"And now, perhaps, you will have the goodness to explain what you have
been about this morning; and why it should have taken you just
thirty-seven minutes by the clock to accomplish a journey which a
tortoise--yes, sir, a tortoise,--might have done in less than ten?"
I gravely compared my watch with the clock before replying.
"Upon my word, sir," I said, "your tortoise would have the advantage of
me."
"The advantage of you! What do you mean by the advantage of you, you
affected puppy?"
"I had no idea," said I, provokingly, "that you were in unusual haste
this morning."
"Haste!" shouted my father. "I never said I was in haste. I never choose
to be in haste. I hate haste!"
"Then why..."
"Because you have been wasting your time and mine, sir," interrupted he.
"Because I will not permit you to go idling and vagabondizing about
the village."
My _sang froid_ was gone directly.
"Idling and vagabondizing!" I repeated angrily. "I have done nothing of
the kind. I defy you to prove it. When have you known me forget that I
am a gentleman?"
"Humph!" growled my father, mollified but sarcastic; "a pretty
gentleman--a gentleman of sixteen!"
"It is true,"' I continued, without heeding the interruption, "that I
lingered for a moment to read a placard by the way; but if you will take
the trouble, sir, to inquire at the Rectory, you will find that I waited
a quarter of an hour before I could send up your letter."
My father grinned and rubbed his hands. If there was one thing in the
world that aggravated him more than another, it was to find his fire
opposed to ice. Let him, however, succeed in igniting his adversary, and
he was in a good humor directly.
"Come, come, Basil," said he, taking off his spectacles, "I never said
you were not a good lad. Go to your books, boy--go to your books; and
this evening I will examine you in vegetable physiology."
Silently, but not sullenly, I drew a chair to the table, and resumed my
work. We were both satisfied, because each in his heart considered
himself the victor. My father was amused at having irritated me, whereas
I was content because he had, in some sort, withdrawn the expressions
that annoyed me. Hence we both became good-tempered, and, according to
our own tacit fashion, continued during the rest of that morning to be
rather more than usually sociable.
Hours passed thus--hours of quiet study, during which the quick
travelling of a pen or the occasional turning of a page alone disturbed
the silence. The warm sunlight which shone in so greenly through the
vine leaves, stole, inch by inch, round the broken vases in the garden
beyond, and touched their brown mosses with a golden bloom. The patient
shadow on the antique sundial wound its way imperceptibly from left to
right, and long slanting threads of light and shadow pierced in time
between the branches of the poplars. Our mornings were long, for we rose
early and dined late; and while my father paid professional visits, I
devoted my hours to study. It rarely happened that he could thus spend a
whole day among his books. Just as the clock struck four, however, there
came a ring at the bell.
My father settled himself obstinately in his chair.
"If that's a gratis patient," said he, between his teeth, "I'll not
stir. From eight to ten are their hours, confound them!"
"If you please, sir," said Mary, peeping in, "if you please, sir, it's a
gentleman."
"A stranger?" asked my father.
Mary nodded, put her hand to her mouth, and burst into an irrepressible
giggle.
"If you please, sir," she began--but could get no farther.
My father was in a towering passion directly.
"Is the girl mad?" he shouted. "What is the meaning of this buffoonery?"
"Oh, sir--if you please, sir," ejaculated Mary, struggling with terror
and laughter together, "it's the gentleman, sir. He--he says, if you
please, sir, that his name is Almond Pudding!"
"Your pardon, Mademoiselle," said a plaintive voice. "Armand
Proudhine--le Chevalier Armand Proudhine, at your service."
Mary disappeared with her apron to her mouth, and subsided into distant
peals of laughter, leaving the Chevalier standing in the doorway.
He was a very little man, with a pinched and melancholy countenance, and
an eye as wistful as a dog's. His threadbare clothes, made in the
fashion of a dozen years before, had been decently mended in many
places. A paste pin in a faded cravat, and a jaunty cane with a
pinchbeck top, betrayed that he was still somewhat of a beau. His scant
gray hair was tied behind with a piece of black ribbon, and he carried
his hat under his arm, after the fashion of Elliston and the Prince
Regent, as one sees them in the colored prints of fifty years ago.
He advanced a step, bowed, and laid his card upon the table.
"I believe," he said in his plaintive voice, and imperfect English,
"that I have the honor to introduce myself to Monsieur Arbuthnot."
"If you want me, sir," said my father, gruffly, "I am Doctor Arbuthnot."
"And I, Monsieur," said the little Frenchman, laying his hand upon his
heart, and bowing again--"I am the Wizard of the Caucasus."
"The what?" exclaimed my father.
"The Wizard of the Caucasus," replied our visitor, impressively.
There was an awkward pause, during which my father looked at me and
touched his forehead significantly with his forefinger; while the
Chevalier, embarrassed between his natural timidity and his desire to
appear of importance, glanced from one face to the other, and waited for
a reply. I hastened to disentangle the situation.
"I think I can explain this gentleman's meaning," I said. "Monsieur le
Chevalier will perform to-morrow evening in the large room of the Red
Lion Hotel. He is a professor of legerdemain."
"Of the marvellous art of legerdemain, Monsieur Arbuthnot," interrupted
the Chevalier eagerly. "Prestidigitateur to the Court of Sachsenhausen,
and successor to Al Hakim, the wise. It is I, Monsieur, that have invent
the famous _tour du pistolet;_ it is I, that have originate the great
and surprising deception of the bottle; it is I whom the world does
surname the Wizard of the Caucasus. _Me voici!_"
Carried away by the force of his own eloquence, the Chevalier fell into
an attitude at the conclusion of his little speech; but remembering
where he was, blushed, and bowed again.
"Pshaw," said my father impatiently, "the man's a conjuror."
The little Frenchman did not hear him. He was at that moment untying a
packet which he carried in his hat, the contents whereof appeared to
consist of a number of very small pink and yellow cards. Selecting a
couple of each color, he deposited his hat carefully upon the floor and
came a few steps nearer to the table.
"Monsieur will give me the hope to see him, with Monsieur _son fils_, at
my Soirée Fantastique, _n'est-ce pas?_" he asked, timidly.
"Sir," said my father shortly, "I never encourage peripatetic
mendicity."
The little Frenchman looked puzzled.
"_Comment_?" said he, and glanced to me for an explanation.
"I am very sorry, Monsieur," I interposed hastily; "but my father
objects to public entertainments."
"_Ah, mon Dieu!_ but not to this," cried the Chevalier, raising his
hands and eyes in deprecating astonishment. "Not to my Soirée
Fantastique! The art of legerdemain, Monsieur, is not immoral. He is
graceful--he is surprising--he is innocent; and, Monsieur, he is
patronized by the Church; he is patronized by your amiable _Curé_,
Monsieur le Docteur Brand."
"Oh, father," I exclaimed, "Dr. Brand has taken tickets!"
"And pray, sir, what's that to me?" growled my father, without looking
up from the book which he had ungraciously resumed. "Let Dr. Brand make
a fool of himself, if he pleases. I'm not bound to do the same."
The Chevalier blushed crimson--not with humility this time, but with
pride. He gathered the cards into his pocket, took up his hat, and
saying stiffly--"_Monsieur, je vous demande pardon._"--moved towards
the door.
On the threshold he paused, and turning towards me with an air of faded
dignity:--"Young gentleman," he said, "_you_ I thank for your
politeness."
He seemed as if he would have said more--hesitated--became suddenly
livid--put his hand to his head, and leaned for support against
the wall.
My father was up and beside him in an instant. We carried rather than
led him to the sofa, untied his cravat, and administered the necessary
restoratives. He was all but insensible for some moments. Then the color
came back to his lips, and he sighed heavily.
"An attack of the nerves," he said, shaking his head feebly. "An attack
of the nerves, Messieurs."
My father looked doubtful.
"Are you often taken in this way?" he asked, with unusual gentleness.
"_Mais oui_, Monsieur," admitted the Frenchman, reluctantly. "He does
often arrive to me. Not--not that he is dangerous. Ah, bah! _Pas
du tout_!"
"Humph!" ejaculated my father, more doubtfully than before. "Let me feel
your pulse."
The Chevalier bowed and submitted, watching the countenance of the
operator all the time with an anxiety that was not lost upon me.
"Do you sleep well?" asked my father, holding the fragile little wrist
between his finger and thumb.
"Passably, Monsieur."
"Dream much?"
"Ye--es, I dream."
"Are you subject to giddiness?"
The Chevalier shrugged his shoulders and looked uneasy.
"_C'est vrai_" he acknowledged, more unwillingly than ever, "_J'ai des
vertiges_."
My father relinquished his hold and scribbled a rapid prescription.
"There, sir," said he, "get that preparation made up, and when you next
feel as you felt just now, drink a wine-glassful. I should recommend you
to keep some always at hand, in case of emergency. You will find further
directions on the other side."
The little Frenchman attempted to get up with his usual vivacity; but
was obliged to balance himself against the back of a chair.
"Monsieur," said he, with another of his profound bows, "I thank you
infinitely. You make me too much attention; but I am grateful. And,
Monsieur, my little girl--my child that is far away across the sea--she
thanks you also. _Elle m'aime, Monsieur--elle m'aime, cette pauvre
petite_! What shall she do if I die?"
Again he raised his hand to his brow. He was unconscious of anything
theatrical in the gesture. He was in sad earnest, and his eyes were wet
with tears, which he made no effort to conceal.
My father shuffled restlessly in his chair.
"No obligation--no obligation at all," he muttered, with a touch of
impatience in his voice. "And now, what about those tickets? I suppose,
Basil, you're dying to see all this tomfoolery?"
"That I am, sir," said I, joyfully. "I should like it above all things!"
The Chevalier glided forward, and laid a couple of little pink cards
upon my father's desk.
"If," said he, timidly, "if Monsieur will make me the honor to
accept...."
"Not for the world, sir--not for the world!" interposed my father. "The
boy shan't go, unless I pay for the tickets."
"But, Monsieur...."
"Nothing of the kind, sir. I cannot hear of it. What are the prices of
the seats?"
Our little visitor looked down and was silent; but I replied for him.
"The reserved seats," I whispered, "are half-a-crown each."
"Then I will take eight reserved," said my father, opening a drawer in
his desk and bringing out a bright, new sovereign.
The little Frenchman started. He could hardly believe in such
munificence.
"When? How much?" stammered he, with a pleasant confusion of adverbs.
"Eight," growled my father, scarcely able to repress a smile.
"Eight? _mon Dieu_, Monsieur, how you are generous! I shall keep for you
all the first row."
"Oblige me by doing nothing of the kind," said my father, very
decisively. "It would displease me extremely."
The Chevalier counted out the eight little pink cards, and ranged them
in a row beside my father's desk.
"Count them, Monsieur, if you please," said he, his eyes wandering
involuntarily towards the sovereign.
My father did so with much gravity, and handed over the money.
The Chevalier consigned it, with trembling fingers, to a small canvas
bag, which looked very empty, and which came from the deepest recesses
of his pocket.
"Monsieur," said he, "my thanks are in my heart. I will not fatigue you
with them. Good-morning."
He bowed again, for perhaps the twentieth time; lingered a moment at the
threshold; and then retired, closing the door softly after him.
My father rubbbed his head all over, and gave a great yawn of
satisfaction.
"I am so much obliged to you, sir," I said, eagerly.
"What for?"
"For having bought those tickets. It was very kind of you."
"Hold your tongue. I hate to be thanked," snarled he, and plunged back
again into his books and papers.
Once more the studious silence in the room--once more the rustling leaf
and scratching pen, which only made the stillness seem more still,
within and without.
"I beg your pardons," murmured the voice of the little Chevalier.
I turned, and saw him peeping through the half-open door. He looked more
wistful than ever, and twisted the handle nervously between his fingers.
My father frowned, and muttered something between his teeth. I fear it
was not very complimentary to the Chevalier.
"One word, Monsieur," pleaded the little man, edging himself round the
door, "one small word!"
"Say it, sir, and have done with it," said my father, savagely.
The Chevalier hesitated.
"I--I--Monsieur le Docteur--that is, I wish...."
"Confound it, sir, what do you wish?"
The Chevalier brushed away a tear.
"_Dites-moi,"_ he said with suppressed agitation. "One word--yes or
no--is he dangerous?"
My father's countenance softened.
"My good friend," he said, gently, "we are none of us safe for even a
day, or an hour; but after all, that which we call danger is merely a
relative position. I have known men in a state more precarious than
yours who lived to a long old age, and I see no reason to doubt that
with good living, good spirits, and precaution, you stand as fair a
chance as another."
The little Frenchman pressed his hands together in token of gratitude,
whispered a broken word or two of thanks, and bowed himself out of
the room.
When he was fairly gone, my father flung a book at my head, and said,
with more brevity than politeness:--
"Boy, bolt the door."