park ploughed by another, the fishery let to farmers by a third; at last
the old hall was pulled down to spare the cost of reparation, and part
of the materials sold to build a small house with the rest. We were now
openly degraded from our original rank, and my father's brother was
allowed with less reluctance to serve an apprenticeship, though we never
reconciled ourselves heartily to the sound of haberdasher, but always
talked of warehouses and a merchant, and when the wind happened to blow
loud, affected to pity the hazards of commerce, and to sympathize with
the solicitude of my poor uncle, who had the true retailer's terrour of
adventure, and never exposed himself or his property to any wider water
than the Thames.
In time, however, by continual profit and small expenses, he grew rich,
and began to turn his thoughts towards rank. He hung the arms of the
family over his parlour-chimney; pointed at a chariot decorated only
with a cypher; became of opinion that money could not make a gentleman;
resented the petulance of upstarts; told stories of alderman Puff's
grandfather the porter; wondered that there was no better method for
regulating precedence; wished for some dress peculiar to men of fashion;
and when his servant presented a letter, always inquired whether it came
from his brother the esquire.
My father was careful to send him game by every carrier, which, though
the conveyance often cost more than the value, was well received,
because it gave him an opportunity of calling his friends together,
describing the beauty of his brother's seat, and lamenting his own
folly, whom no remonstrances could withhold from polluting his fingers
with a shop-book.
The little presents which we sent were always returned with great
munificence. He was desirous of being the second founder of his family,
and could not bear that we should be any longer outshone by those whom
we considered as climbers upon our ruins, and usurpers of our fortune.
He furnished our house with all the elegance of fashionable expense, and
was careful to conceal his bounties, lest the poverty of his family
should be suspected.
At length it happened that, by misconduct like our own, a large estate,
which had been purchased from us, was again exposed to the best bidder.
My uncle, delighted with an opportunity of reinstating the family in
their possessions, came down with treasures scarcely to be imagined in a
place where commerce has not made large sums familiar, and at once drove
all the competitors away, expedited the writings, and took possession.
He now considered himself as superior to trade, disposed of his stock,
and as soon as he had settled his economy, began to shew his rural
sovereignty, by breaking the hedges of his tenants in hunting, and
seizing the guns or nets of those whose fortunes did not qualify them
for sportsmen. He soon afterwards solicited the office of sheriff, from
which all his neighbours were glad to be reprieved, but which he
regarded as a resumption of ancestral claims, and a kind of restoration
to blood after the attainder of a trade.
My uncle, whose mind was so filled with this change of his condition,
that he found no want of domestick entertainment, declared himself too
old to marry, and resolved to let the newly-purchased estate fall into
the regular channel of inheritance. I was therefore considered as heir
apparent, and courted with officiousness and caresses, by the gentlemen
who had hitherto coldly allowed me that rank which they could not
refuse, depressed me with studied neglect, and irritated me with
ambiguous insults.
I felt not much pleasure from the civilities for which I knew myself
indebted to my uncle's industry, till, by one of the invitations which
every day now brought me, I was induced to spend a week with Lucius,
whose daughter Flavilla I had often seen and admired like others,
without any thought of nearer approaches. The inequality which had
hitherto kept me at a distance being now levelled, I was received with
every evidence of respect: Lucius told me the fortune which he intended
for his favourite daughter; many odd accidents obliged us to be often
together without company, and I soon began to find that they were
spreading for me the nets of matrimony.
Flavilla was all softness and complaisance. I, who had been excluded by
a narrow fortune from much acquaintance with the world, and never been
honoured before with the notice of so fine a lady, was easily enamoured.
Lucius either perceived my passion, or Flavilla betrayed it; care was
taken, that our private meetings should be less frequent, and my charmer
confessed by her eyes how much pain she suffered from our restraint. I
renewed my visit upon every pretence, but was not allowed one interview
without witness; at last I declared my passion to Lucius, who received
me as a lover worthy of his daughter, and told me that nothing was
wanting to his consent, but that my uncle should settle his estate upon
me. I objected the indecency of encroaching on his life, and the danger
of provoking him by such an unseasonable demand. Lucius seemed not to
think decency of much importance, but admitted the danger of
displeasing, and concluded that as he was now old and sickly, we might,
without any inconvenience, wait for his death.
With this resolution I was better contented, as it procured me the
company of Flavilla, in which the days passed away amidst continual
rapture; but in time I began to be ashamed of sitting idle, in
expectation of growing rich by the death of my benefactor, and proposed
to Lucius many schemes of raising my own fortune by such assistance as I
knew my uncle willing to give me. Lucius, afraid lest I should change my
affection in absence, diverted me from my design by dissuasives to which
my passion easily listened. At last my uncle died, and considering
himself as neglected by me, from the time that Flavilla took possession
of my heart, left his estate to my younger brother, who was always
hovering about his bed, and relating stories of my pranks and
extravagance, my contempt of the commercial dialect, and my impatience
to be selling stock.
My condition was soon known, and I was no longer admitted by the father
of Flavilla. I repeated the protestations of regard, which had been
formerly returned with so much ardour, in a letter which she received
privately, but returned by her father's footman. Contempt has driven out
my love, and I am content to have purchased, by the loss of fortune, an
escape from a harpy, who has joined the artifices of age to the
allurements of youth. I am now going to pursue my former projects with a
legacy which my uncle bequeathed me, and if I succeed, shall expect to
hear of the repentance of Flavilla.
I am, Sir, Yours, &c.
CONSTANTIUS.
No. 193. TUESDAY, JANUARY 21, 1752.
_Laudis amore tumes? sunt certa piacula, quoe te
Ter pure lecto poterunt recreare libello_. HOR. Lib. i. Ep. i. 36.
Or art thou vain? books yield a certain spell
To stop thy tumour; you shall cease to swell
When you have read them thrice, and studied well. CREECH.
Whatever is universally desired, will be sought by industry and
artifice, by merit and crimes, by means good and bad, rational and
absurd, according to the prevalence of virtue or vice, of wisdom or
folly. Some will always mistake the degree of their own desert, and some
will desire that others may mistake it. The cunning will have recourse
to stratagem, and the powerful to violence, for the attainment of their
wishes; some will stoop to theft, and others venture upon plunder.
Praise is so pleasing to the mind of man, that it is the original motive
of almost all our actions. The desire of commendation, as of every thing
else, is varied indeed by innumerable differences of temper, capacity,
and knowledge; some have no higher wish than for the applause of a club;
some expect the acclamations of a county; and some have hoped to fill
the mouths of all ages and nations with their names. Every man pants for
the highest eminence within his view; none, however mean, ever sinks
below the hope of being distinguished by his fellow-beings, and very few
have by magnanimity or piety been so raised above it, as to act wholly
without regard to censure or opinion.
To be praised, therefore, every man resolves; but resolutions will not
execute themselves. That which all think too parsimoniously distributed
to their own claims, they will not gratuitously squander upon others,
and some expedient must be tried, by which praise may be gained before
it can be enjoyed.
Among the innumerable bidders for praise, some are willing to purchase
at the highest rate, and offer ease and health, fortune and life. Yet
even of these only a small part have gained what they so earnestly
desired; the student wastes away in meditation, and the soldier perishes
on the ramparts, but unless some accidental advantage cooperates with
merit, neither perseverance nor adventure attracts attention, and
learning and bravery sink into the grave, without honour or remembrance.
But ambition and vanity generally expect to be gratified on easier
terms. It has been long observed, that what is procured by skill or
labour to the first possessor, may be afterwards transferred for money;
and that the man of wealth may partake all the acquisitions of courage
without hazard, and all the products of industry without fatigue. It was
easily discovered, that riches would obtain praise among other
conveniencies, and that he whose pride was unluckily associated with
laziness, ignorance, or cowardice, needed only to pay the hire of a
panegyrist, and he might be regaled with periodical eulogies; might
determine, at leisure, what virtue or science he would be pleased to
appropriate, and be lulled in the evening with soothing serenades, or
waked in the morning by sprightly gratulations.
The happiness which mortals receive from the celebration of beneficence
which never relieved, eloquence which never persuaded, or elegance which
never pleased, ought not to be envied or disturbed, when they are known
honestly to pay for their entertainment. But there are unmerciful
exactors of adulation, who withhold the wages of venality; retain their
encomiast from year to year by general promises and ambiguous
blandishments; and when he has run through the whole compass of
flattery, dismiss him with contempt, because his vein of fiction is
exhausted.
A continual feast of commendation is only to be obtained by merit or by
wealth; many are therefore obliged to content themselves with single
morsels, and recompense the infrequency of their enjoyment by excess and
riot, whenever fortune sets the banquet before them. Hunger is never
delicate; they who are seldom gorged to the full with praise, may be
safely fed with gross compliments; for the appetite must be satisfied
before it is disgusted.
It is easy to find the moment at which vanity is eager for sustenance,
and all that impudence or servility can offer will be well received.
When any one complains of the want of what he is known to possess in an
uncommon degree, he certainly waits with impatience to be contradicted.
When the trader pretends anxiety about the payment of his bills, or the
beauty remarks how frightfully she looks, then is the lucky moment to
talk of riches or of charms, of the death of lovers, or the honour of a
merchant.
Others there are yet more open and artless, who, instead of suborning a
flatterer, are content to supply his place, and, as some animals
impregnate themselves, swell with the praises which they hear from their
own tongues. _Recte is dicitur laudare sese, cui nemo alius contigit
laudator_. "It is right," says Erasmus, "that he, whom no one else will
commend, should bestow commendations on himself." Of all the sons of
vanity, these are surely the happiest and greatest; for what is
greatness or happiness but independence on external influences,
exemption from hope or fear, and the power of supplying every want from
the common stores of nature, which can neither be exhausted nor
prohibited? Such is the wise man of the stoicks; such is the divinity of
the epicureans; and such is the flatterer of himself. Every other
enjoyment malice may destroy; every other panegyrick envy may withhold;
but no human power can deprive the boaster of his own encomiums. Infamy
may hiss, or contempt may growl, the hirelings of the great may follow
fortune, and the votaries of truth may attend on virtue; but his
pleasures still remain the same; he can always listen with rapture to
himself, and leave those who dare not repose upon their own attestation,
to be elated or depressed by chance, and toil on in the hopeless task of
fixing caprice, and propitiating malice.
This art of happiness has been long practised by periodical writers,
with little apparent violation of decency. When we think our
excellencies overlooked by the world, or desire to recall the attention
of the publick to some particular performance, we sit down with great
composure and write a letter to ourselves. The correspondent, whose
character we assume, always addresses us with the deference due to a
superior intelligence; proposes his doubts with a proper sense of his
own inability; offers an objection with trembling diffidence; and at
last has no other pretensions to our notice than his profundity of
respect, and sincerity of admiration, his submission to our dictates,
and zeal for our success. To such a reader, it is impossible to refuse
regard, nor can it easily be imagined with how much alacrity we snatch
up the pen which indignation or despair had condemned to inactivity,
when we find such candour and judgment yet remaining in the world.
A letter of this kind I had lately the honour of perusing, in which,
though some of the periods were negligently closed, and some expressions
of familiarity were used, which I thought might teach others to address
me with too little reverence, I was so much delighted with the passages
in which mention was made of universal learning--unbounded genius--soul
of Homer, Pythagoras, and Plato--solidity of thought--accuracy of
distinction--elegance of combination--vigour of fancy--strength of
reason--and regularity of composition--that I had once determined to lay
it before the publick. Three times I sent it to the printer, and three
times I fetched it back. My modesty was on the point of yielding, when
reflecting that I was about to waste panegyricks on myself, which might
be more profitably reserved for my patron, I locked it up for a better
hour, in compliance with the farmer's principle, who never eats at home
what he can carry to the market.
No. 194. SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 1752.
_Si damnosa senem juvat alea, ludit et heres
Bullatus, parvoque eadem movet arma fritillo_. JUV. Sat. xiv. 4.
If gaming does an aged sire entice,
Then my young master swiftly learns the vice,
And shakes in hanging sleeves the little box and dice. J. DRYDEN, jun.
TO THE RAMBLER.
SIR,
That vanity which keeps every man important in his own eyes, inclines me
to believe that neither you nor your readers have yet forgotten the name
of Eumathes, who sent you a few months ago an account of his arrival at
London, with a young nobleman his pupil. I shall therefore continue my
narrative without preface or recapitulation.
My pupil, in a very short time, by his mother's countenance and
direction, accomplished himself with all those qualifications which
constitute puerile politeness. He became in a few days a perfect master
of his hat, which with a careless nicety he could put off or on, without
any need to adjust it by a second motion. This was not attained but by
frequent consultations with his dancing-master, and constant practice
before the glass, for he had some rustick habits to overcome; but, what
will not time and industry perform? A fortnight more furnished him with
all the airs and forms of familiar and respectful salutation, from the
clap on the shoulder to the humble bow; he practises the stare of
strangeness, and the smile of condescension, the solemnity of promise,
and the graciousness of encouragement, as if he had been nursed at a
levee; and pronounces, with no less propriety than his father, the
monosyllables of coldness, and sonorous periods of respectful
profession.
He immediately lost the reserve and timidity which solitude and study
are apt to impress upon the most courtly genius; was able to enter a
crowded room with airy civility; to meet the glances of a hundred eyes
without perturbation; and address those whom he never saw before with
ease and confidence. In less than a month his mother declared her
satisfaction at his proficiency by a triumphant observation, that she
believed _nothing would make him blush_.
The silence with which I was contented to hear my pupil's praises, gave
the lady reason to suspect me not much delighted with his acquisitions;
but she attributed my discontent to the diminution of my influence, and
my fears of losing the patronage of the family; and though she thinks
favourably of my learning and morals, she considers me as wholly
unacquainted with the customs of the polite part of mankind; and
therefore not qualified to form the manners of a young nobleman, or
communicate the knowledge of the world. This knowledge she comprises in
the rules of visiting, the history of the present hour, an early
intelligence of the change of fashions, an extensive acquaintance with
the names and faces of persons of rank, and a frequent appearance in
places of resort.
All this my pupil pursues with great application. He is twice a day in
the Mall, where he studies the dress of every man splendid enough to
attract his notice, and never comes home without some observation upon
sleeves, button-holes, and embroidery. At his return from the theatre,
he can give an account of the gallantries, glances, whispers, smiles,
sighs, flirts, and blushes of every box, so much to his mother's
satisfaction, that when I attempted to resume my character, by inquiring
his opinion of the sentiments and diction of the tragedy, she at once
repressed my criticism, by telling me, "that she hoped he did not go to
lose his time in attending to the creatures on the stage."
But his acuteness was most eminently signalized at the masquerade, where
he discovered his acquaintance through their disguises, with such
wonderful facility, as has afforded the family an inexhaustible topick
of conversation. Every new visitor is informed how one was detected by
his gait, and another by the swinging of his arms, a third by the toss
of his head, and another by his favourite phrase; nor can you doubt but
these performances receive their just applause, and a genius thus
hastening to maturity is promoted by every art of cultivation.
Such have been his endeavours, and such his assistances, that every
trace of literature was soon obliterated. He has changed his language
with his dress, and instead of endeavouring at purity or propriety, has
no other care than to catch the reigning phrase and current exclamation,
till, by copying whatever is peculiar in the talk of all those whose
birth or fortune entitles them to imitation, he has collected every
fashionable barbarism of the present winter, and speaks a dialect not to
be understood among those who form their style by poring upon authors.
To this copiousness of ideas, and felicity of language, he has joined
such eagerness to lead the conversation, that he is celebrated among the
ladies as the prettiest gentleman that the age can boast of, except that
some who love to talk themselves, think him too forward, and others
lament that, with so much wit and knowledge, he is not taller.
His mother listens to his observations with her eyes sparkling and her
heart beating, and can scarcely contain, in the most numerous
assemblies, the expectations which she has formed for his future
eminence. Women, by whatever fate, always judge absurdly of the
intellects of boys. The vivacity and confidence which attract female
admiration, are seldom produced in the early part of life, but by
ignorance at least, if not by stupidity; for they proceed not from
confidence of right, but fearlessness of wrong. Whoever has a clear
apprehension, must have quick sensibility, and where he has no
sufficient reason to trust his own judgment, will proceed with doubt and
caution, because he perpetually dreads the disgrace of errour. The pain
of miscarriage is naturally proportionate to the desire of excellence;
and, therefore, till men are hardened by long familiarity with reproach,
or have attained, by frequent struggles, the art of suppressing their
emotions, diffidence is found the inseparable associate of
understanding.
But so little distrust has my pupil of his own abilities, that he has
for some time professed himself a wit, and tortures his imagination on
all occasions for burlesque and jocularity. How he supports a character
which, perhaps, no man ever assumed without repentance, may be easily
conjectured. Wit, you know, is the unexpected copulation of ideas, the
discovery of some occult relation between images in appearance remote
from each other; an effusion of wit, therefore, presupposes an
accumulation of knowledge; a memory stored with notions, which the
imagination may cull out to compose, new assemblages. Whatever may be
the native vigour of the mind, she can never form many combinations from
few ideas, as many changes can never be rung upon a few bells. Accident
may indeed sometimes produce a lucky parallel or a striking contrast;
but these gifts of chance are not frequent, and he that has nothing of
his own, and yet condemns himself to needless expenses, must live upon
loans or theft.
The indulgence which his youth has hitherto obtained, and the respect
which his rank secures, have hitherto supplied the want of intellectual
qualifications; and he imagines that all admire who applaud, and that
all who laugh are pleased. He therefore returns every day to the charge
with increase of courage, though not of strength, and practises all the
tricks by which wit is counterfeited. He lays trains for a quibble; he
contrives blunders for his footman; he adapts old stories to present
characters; he mistakes the question, that he may return a smart answer;
he anticipates the argument, that he may plausibly object; when he has
nothing to reply, he repeats the last words of his antagonist, then
says, "your humble servant," and concludes with a laugh of triumph.
These mistakes I have honestly attempted to correct; but what can be
expected from reason unsupported by fashion, splendour, or authority? He
hears me, indeed, or appears to hear me, but is soon rescued from the
lecture by more pleasing avocations; and shows, diversions, and
caresses, drive my precepts from his remembrance.
He at last imagines himself qualified to enter the world, and has met
with adventures in his first sally, which I shall, by your paper,
communicate to the publick.
I am, &c.
EUMATHES.
No. 195. TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 1752.
--_Nescit equo rudis
Haerere ingenuus puer,
Venarique timet; ludere doctior,
Seu Graeco jubeas trocho,
Seu malis vetitâ legibus aleâ_. HOR. Lib. iii. Ode xxiv. 54.
Nor knows our youth, of noblest race,
To mount the manag'd steed, or urge the chace;
More skill'd in the mean arts of vice,
The whirling troque, or law-forbidden dice. FRANCIS.
TO THE RAMBLER.
SIR,
Favours of every kind are doubled when they are speedily conferred. This
is particularly true of the gratification of curiosity. He that long
delays a story, and suffers his auditor to torment himself with
expectation, will seldom be able to recompense the uneasiness, or equal
the hope which he suffers to be raised.
For this reason, I have already sent you the continuation of my pupil's
history, which, though it contains no events very uncommon, may be of
use to young men who are in too much haste to trust their own prudence,
and quit the wing of protection before they are able to shift for
themselves.