Yardsley (rising). For Heaven's sake, Jennie--do be sensi--Don't--
say--Jennie, why--ah--(Aside.) Oh, confound it! What the deuce
shall I say? What's the matter with my tongue? Where's my
vocabulary? A word! a word! my kingdom for a word! (Aloud.) Now,
Jen--
Jennie (coyly). I has been engaged to Mr. Hicks, the coach
gentleman, sir, but--
Yardsley. Good! good! I congratulate you, Jennie. Hicks is a very
fine fellow. Drives like a--like a driver, Jennie, a born driver.
I've seen him many a time sitting like a king on his box--yes,
indeed. Noticed him often. Admired him. Gad, Jennie, I'll see him
myself and tell him; and what is more, Jennie, I'll--I'll give Hicks
a fine present.
Jennie. Yes, sir; I has no doubt as how you'll be doin' the square
thing by Hicks, for, as I was a-sayin', I has been engaged like to
him, an' he has some rights; but I think as how, if I puts it to him
right like, and tells him what a nice gentleman you are (a ring is
heard at the front door), it'll be all right, sir. But there goes
the bell, and I must run, Mr. Yardsley. (Ecstatically kissing her
hand.) Bob!
Yardsley (with a convulsive gasp). Bob? Jennie! You--er--you
misun--(Jennie, with a smile of joy and an ecstatic glance at
Yardsley, dances from the room to attend the door. Yardsley throws
himself into a chair.) Well, I'll be teetotally--Awh! It's too dead
easy proposing to somebody you don't know you are proposing to. What
a kettle of fish this is, to be sure! Oh, pshaw! that woman can't be
serious. She must know I didn't mean it for her. But if she
doesn't, good Lord! what becomes of me? (Rises, and paces up and
down the room nervously. After a moment he pauses before the glass.)
I ought to be considerably dishevelled by this. I feel as if I'd
been drawn through a knot-hole--or--or dropped into a stone-crusher--
that's it, a stone-crusher--a ten million horse power stone-crusher.
Let's see how you look, you poor idiot.
[As he is stroking his hair and rearranging his tie he talks in
pantomime at himself in the glass. In a moment Jennie ushers Mr.
Jack Barlow into the room.
Jennie. Miss Andrews will be down in a minute, sir.
[Barlow takes arm-chair and sits gazing ahead of him. Neither he nor
Yardsley perceives the other. Jennie tiptoes to one side, and,
tossing a kiss at Yardsley, retires.
Barlow. Now for it. I shall leave this house to-day the happiest or
the most miserable man in creation, and I rather think the odds are
in my favor. Why shouldn't they be? Egad! I can very well
understand how a woman could admire me. I admire myself, rather. I
confess candidly that I do not consider myself half bad, and Dorothy
has always seemed to feel that way herself. In fact, the other night
in the Perkinses conservatory she seemed to be quite ready for a
proposal. I'd have done it then and there if it hadn't been for that
confounded Bob Yardsley--
Yardsley (turning sharply about). Eh? Somebody spoke my name. A
man, too. Great heavens! I hope Jennie's friend Hicks isn't here.
I don't want to have a scene with Hicks. (Discovering Barlow.) Oh--
ah--why--hullo, Barlow! You here?
Barlow (impatiently, aside). Hang it! Yardsley's here too! The
man's always turning up when he's not wanted. (Aloud.) Ah! why,
Bob, how are you? What're you doing here?
Yardsley. What do you suppose--tuning the piano? I'm here because I
want to be. And you?
Barlow. For the same reason that you are.
Yardsley (aside). Gad! I hope not. (Aloud.) Indeed? The great
mind act again? Run in the same channel, and all that? Glad to see
you. (Aside.) May the saints forgive me that fib! But this fellow
must be got rid of.
Barlow (embarrassed). So'm I. Always glad to see myself--I mean
you--anywhere. Won't you sit down?
Yardsley. Thanks. Very kind of you, I'm sure. (Aside.) He seems
very much at home. Won't I sit down?--as if he'd inherited the
chairs! Humph! I'll show him.
Barlow. What say?
Yardsley. I--ah--oh, I was merely remarking that I thought it was
rather pleasant out to-day.
Barlow. Yes, almost too fine to be shut up in-doors. Why aren't you
driving, or--or playing golf, or--ah--or being out-doors somewhere?
You need exercise, old man; you look a little pale. (Aside.) I must
get him away from here somehow. Deuced awkward having another fellow
about when you mean to propose to a woman.
Yardsley. Oh, I'm well enough!
Barlow (solicitously). You don't look it--by Jove you don't.
(Suddenly inspired.) No, you don't, Bob. You overestimate your
strength. It's very wrong to overestimate one's strength. People--
ah--people have died of it. Why, I'll bet you a hat you can't start
now and walk up to Central Park and back in an hour. Come. I'll
time you. (Rises and takes out watch.) It is now four ten. I'll
wager you can't get back here before five thirty. Eh? Let me get
your hat.
[Starts for door.
Yardsley (with a laugh). Oh no; I don't bet--after four. But I say,
did you see Billie Wilkins?
Barlow (returning in despair). Nope.
Yardsley (aside). Now for a bit of strategy. (Aloud.) He was
looking for you at the club. (Aside.) Splendid lie! (Aloud.) Had
seats for the--ah--the Metropolitan to-night. Said he was looking
for you. Wants you to go with him. (Aside.) That ought to start
him along.
Barlow. I'll go with him.
Yardsley (eagerly). Well, you'd better let him know at once, then.
Better run around there and catch him while there's time. He said if
he didn't see you before half-past four he'd get Tom Parker to go.
Fine show to-night. Wouldn't lose the opportunity if I were you.
(Looking at his watch.) You'll just about have time to do it now if
you start at once.
[Grasps Barlow by arm, and tries to force him out. Barlow holds
back, and is about to remonstrate, when Dorothy enters. Both men
rush to greet her; Yardsley catches her left hand, Barlow her right.
Dorothy (slightly embarrassed). Why, how do you do--this is an
unexpected pleasure--both of you? Excuse my left hand, Mr. Yardsley;
I should have given you the other if--if you'd given me time.
Yardsley. Don't mention it, I pray. The unexpectedness is wholly
mine, Miss Andrews--I mean--ah--the pleasure is--
Barlow. Wholly mine.
Dorothy (withdrawing her hands from both and sitting down). I
haven't seen either of you since the Perkinses dance. Wasn't it a
charming affair?