Yardsley. Never mind what you want, Jack. We haven't time for any
more talking. It'll take us an hour and a half, and we've got to
hustle. All off stage now except Mrs. Perkins. (All go out;
Yardsley rings bell.) Hi, Perkins, that's your cue!
Perkins. What for?
Yardsley. Oh, hang it!--raise the curtain, will you?
Perkins. With pleasure. As I understand this thing, one bell
signifies raise curtain when curtain's down; drop curtain when
curtain is up.
Yardsley. Exactly. You know your part, anyhow. If you remember not
to monkey with the curtain except when the bell rings, and then
change its condition, no matter what it may be, you can't go wrong.
Now begin. (Bell. Perkins raises curtain.) Now, of course, I'm not
supposed to be on the stage, but I'll stay here and prompt you.
Enter Lady Ellen. Come along, Mrs. Perkins. Please begin.
Mrs. Perkins. I thought we'd decided that I was to be sitting here
when the curtain went up?
Yardsley. So we did. I'd forgotten that.--We'll begin all over
again. Perkins, drop that curtain. Perkins!
Perkins. What?
Yardsley. Drop the curtain.
Perkins. Where's the bell? I didn't hear any bell ring.
Yardsley. Oh, never mind the bell! Let her down.
Perkins. I beg your pardon, but I positively refuse. I believe in
doing things right. I'm not going to monkey. Ring that bell, and
down she comes; otherwise--
Yardsley. Tut! You are very tiresome this afternoon, Thaddeus.
Mrs. Perkins, we'll go ahead without dropping the curtain. Now take
your place.
[Mrs. Perkins seats herself by table, picks up a book, and begins to
read.
Mrs. Perkins (after an interval, throwing book down with a sigh).
Heigho! I cannot seem to concentrate my mind upon anything to-night.
I wonder why it is that once a woman gives her heart into another's
keeping--[Bell rings. Perkins lets curtain drop.
Yardsley. What the deuce did you drop that curtain for, Thaddeus?
Perkins. The bell rang, didn't it?
Yardsley. Yes, you idiot, but that's supposed to be the front-door
bell. Lady Amaranth is about to arrive--
Perkins. Well, how was I to know? Your instructions to me were
positive. Don't monkey with curtain till bell rings. When bell
rings, if down, pull her up; if up, pull her down. I'm not a
connoisseur on bells--
Yardsley. You might pay some attention to the play.
Perkins. Now look here, Bob. I don't want to quarrel with you, but
it seems to me that I've got enough to do without paying attention to
your part of the show. What am I? First place, host; second place,
head usher; third place, curtain-manager; fourth place, fire
department; fifth place, Bess says if children holler, go up and see
what's the matter other words, nurse--and on top of this you say keep
an eye on the play. You must think I've as many eyes as a
President's message.