THE reader will perhaps wonder what our fair friend Mrs. Pringle
is about, and how there happens to be no tidings from Curtain
Crescent. Tidings there were, only the Tantivy Castle servants
were so oppressed with work that they could never find time to
redirect her effusions. At length Mr. Beverage, the butler,
seeing the accumulation of letters in Mr. Packwood, the
house-steward’s room, suggested that they might perhaps be
wanted, whereupon Mr. Packwood huddled them into a fresh
envelope, and sent them to the post along with the general
consignment from the Castle. Very pressing and urgent the letters
were, increasing in anxiety with each one, as no answer had been
received to its predecessor. Were it not that Mrs. Pringle knew
the Earl would have written, she would have feared her Billy had
sustained some hunting calamity. The first letter merely related
how Mrs. Pringle had gone to uncle Jerry’s according to
appointment to have a field-day among the papers, and how Jerry
had gone to attend an anti-Sunday-band meeting, leaving
seed-cake, and sponge-cake, and wine, with a very affectionate
three-cornered note, saying how deeply he deplored the necessity,
but how he hoped to remedy the delay by another and an early
appointment. This letter enclosed a very handsome large
coat-of-arms seal, made entirely out of Mrs. Pringle’s own
head—containing what the heralds call assumptive arms—divided
into as many compartments as a backgammon board, which she
advised Billy to use judiciously, hinting that Major H. (meaning
our friend Major Y.) would be a fitter person to try it upon than
Lord L. The next letter, among many other things of minor
importance, reminded Billy that he had not told his Mamma what
Mrs. Moffatt had on, or whether they had any new dishes for
dinner, and urging him to write her full particulars, but to be
careful not to leave either his or her letters lying about, and
hoping that he emptied his pockets every night instead of leaving
that for Rougier to do, and giving him much other good and
wholesome advice. The third letter was merely to remind him that
she had not heard from him in answer to either of her other two,
and begging him just to drop her a single line by return of post,
saying he was well, and so on. The next was larger, enclosing him
a double-crest seal, containing a lion on a cap of dignity, and
an eagle, for sealing notes in aid of the great seal, and saying
that she had had a letter from uncle Jerry, upbraiding her for
not keeping her appointment with him, whereas she had never made
any, he having promised to make one with her, and again urging
Billy to write to her, if only a single line, and when he had
time to send her a full account of what Mrs. Moffatt had on every
day, and whether they had any new dishes for dinner, and all the
news, sporting and otherwise, urging him as before to take care
of Dowb (meaning himself), and hoping he was improving in his
hunting, able to sit at the jumps, and enjoying himself
generally..
The fifth, which caused the rest to come, was a mere repetition
of her anxieties and requests for a line, and immediately
produced the following letter:—
MR. WILLIAM TO HIS MAMMA.
“Yammerton Grange.
“My dearest Mamma,
“Your letters have all reached me at once, for though both
Rougier and I especially charged the butler and another fine
fellow, and gave them heads to put on, to send all that came
immediately, they seem to have waited for an accumulation so as
to make one sending do. It is very idle of them.
“The seals are beautiful, and I am very much obliged to you for
them. I will seal this letter with the large one by way of a
beginning. It seems to be uncommonly well quartered—quite noble.
“I will now tell you all my movements.
“I have been here at Major Yammerton’s,—not Hammerton’s as you
called him—for some days enjoying myself amazingly, for the Major
has a nice pack of harriers that go along leisurely, instead of
tearing away at the unconscionable pace the Earl’s do. Still, a
canter in the Park at high tide in my opinion is a much better
thing with plenty of ladies looking on. Talking of cantering
reminds me I’ve bought a horse of the Major’s,—bought him all
except paying for him, so you had better send me the money, one
hundred guineas; for though the Major says I may pay for him when
I like, and seems quite easy about it, they say horses are always
ready money, so I suppose I must conform to the rule. It is a
beautiful bay with four black legs, and a splendid mane and
tail—very blood-like and racing; indeed the Major says if I was
to put him into some of the spring handicaps I should be sure to
win a hatful of money with him, or perhaps a gold cup or two. The
Major is a great sportsman and has kept hounds for a great number
of years, and altogether he is very agreeable, and I feel more at
home here than I did at the Castle, where, though everything was
very fine, still there was no fun and only Mrs. Moffatt to talk
to, at least in the lady way, for though she always professed to
be expecting lady callers, none ever came that I saw or heard of.
“I really forget all about the dinners there, except that they
were very good and lasted a long time. We had a new dish here the
other night, which if you want a novelty, you can introduce,
namely, to flavour the plates with castor oil; you will find it a
very serviceable one for saving your meat, as nobody can eat it.
Mrs. Moffatt was splendidly dressed every day, sometimes in blue,
sometimes in pink, sometimes in green, sometimes in silk,
sometimes in satin, sometimes in velvet with a profusion of very
lovely lace and magnificent jewelry. Rougier says, ‘she makes de
hay vile the son does shine.’
“I don’t know how long I shall stay here, certainly over Friday,
and most likely until Monday, after which I suppose I shall go
back to the Castle. The Major says I must have another day with
his hounds, and I don’t care if I do, provided he keeps in the
hills and away from the jumps, as I can manage the galloping well
enough. It’s the jerks that send me out of my saddle. A hare is
quite a different animal to pursue to a fox, and seems to have
some sort of consideration for its followers. She stops short
every now and then and jumps up in view, instead of tearing away
like an express train on a railway.
“The girls here are very pretty—Miss Yammerton extremely
so,—fair, with beautiful blue eyes, and such a figure; but
Rougier says they are desperately bad-tempered, except the
youngest one, who is dark and like her Mamma; but I shouldn’t say
Monsieur is a particular sweet-tempered gentleman himself. He is
always grumbling and grouting about what he calls his ‘grob’ and
declares the Major keeps his house on sturdied mutton and stale
beer. But he complained at the Castle that there was nothing but
port and sherry, and composite candles to go to bed with, which
he declared was an insult to his station, which entitles him to
wax.
“You can’t, think how funny and small this place looked after the
Castle. It seemed just as if I had got into a series of closets
instead of rooms. However, I soon got used to it, and like it
amazingly. But here comes Monsieur with my dressing things, so I
must out with the great seal and bid you good bye for the
present, for the Major is a six o’clock man, and doesn’t like to
be kept waiting for his dinner, so now, my dearest Mamma, believe
me to remain ever your most truly affectionate son,
“Wm. Pringle,”
To which we need scarcely say the delighted Mrs. Pringle replied
by return of post, writing in the following loving and judicious
strain.
“25, Curtain Crescent,
“Belgrave Square.
“My own Beloved Darling,
“I was so overjoyed you can’t imagine, to receive your most
welcome letter, for I really began to be uneasy about you, not
that I feared any accident out hunting, but I was afraid you
might have caught cold or be otherwise unwell—mind, if ever you
feel in the slightest degree indisposed send for the doctor
immediately. There is nothing like taking things in time. It was
very idle of the servants at Tantivy Castle to neglect your
instructions so, but for the future you had better always write a
line to the post-master of the place where you are staying,
giving him your next address to forward your letters to; for it
is the work for which they are paid, and there is no shuffling it
off on to anybody else’s shoulders. The greatest people are
oftentimes the worst served, not because the servants have any
particular objection to them personally—but because they are so
desperately afraid of being what they call put upon by each
other, that they spend double the time in fighting off doing a
thing that it would take to do it. This is one of the drawbacks
upon rank. Noblemen must keep a great staff of people, whom in a
general way they cannot employ, and who do nothing but squabble
and fight with each other who is to do the little there is, the
greatest man among servants being he who does the least. However,
as you have got the letters at last we will say no more about it.
“I hope your horse is handsome, and neighs and paws the ground
prettily; you should be careful, however, in buying, for few
people are magnanimous enough to resist cheating a young man in
horses;—still, I am glad you have bought one if he suits you, as
it is much better and pleasanter to ride your own horse than be
indebted to other people for mounts. Nevertheless, I would
strongly advise you to stick to either the fox or the stag, with
either of which you can sport pink and look smart. Harriers are
only for bottle-nosed old gentlemen with gouty shoes. I can’t
help thinking, that a day with a milder, more reasonable fox than
the ones you had with Lord Ladythorne, would convince you of the
superiority of fox-hounds over harriers. I was asking Mr. Ralph
Rasper, who called here the other day, how little Tom Stott of
the Albany managed with the Queen’s, and he said Tom always shoes
his horses with country nails, and consequently throws a shoe
before he has gone three fields, which enables him to pull up and
lament his ill luck. He then gets it put on, and has a glorious
ride home in red—landing at the Piccadilly end of the Albany
about dusk. He then goes down to the Acacia or some other Club,
and having ordered his dinner, retires to one of the
dressing-rooms to change—having had, to his mind, a delightful
day.
“Beware of the girls!—There’s nothing so dangerous as a young man
staying in a country house with pretty girls. He is sure to fall
in love with one or other of them imperceptibly, or one or other
of them is sure to fall in love with him; and then when at length
he leaves, there is sure to be a little scene arranged, Miss with
her red eye-lids and lace fringed kerchief, Mamma with her smirks
and smiles, and hopes that he’ll _soon return,_ and so on. There
are more matches made up in country houses than in all the
west-end London ones put together,—indeed, London is always
allowed to be only the cover for finding the game in, and the
country the place for running it down. Just as you find your fox
in a wood and run him down in the open. Be careful therefore what
you are about.
“It is much easier to get entangled with a girl than to get free
again, for though they will always offer to set a young man free,
they know better than do it, unless, indeed, they have secured
something better,—above all, never consult a male friend in these
matters.
“The stupidest woman that ever was born, is better than the
cleverest man in love-affairs. In fact, no man is a match for a
woman until he’s married,—not all even then. The worst of young
men is, they never know their worth until it is too late—they
think the girls are difficult to catch, whereas there is nothing
so easy, unless, as I said before, the girls are better engaged.
Indeed, a young man should always have his Mamma at his elbow, to
guard him against the machinations of the fair. As, however, that
cannot be, let me urge you to be cautious what you are about, and
as you seem to have plenty of choice, Don’t be more attentive to
one sister than to another, by which means you will escape the
red eye-lids, and also escape having Mamma declaring you have
trifled with Maria or Sophia’s feelings, and all the old women of
the neighbourhood denouncing your conduct and making up to you
themselves for one of their own girls. Some ladies ask a man’s
intentions before he is well aware that he has any himself, but
these are the spoil-sport order of women. Most of them are
prudent enough to get a man well hooked before they hand him over
to Papa. It is generally a case of ‘Ask Mamma’ first. Beware of
brothers!—I have known undoubted heiresses crumpled up into
nothing by the appearance (after the catch) of two or three great
heavy dragooners. Rougier will find all that out for you.
“Be cautious too about letter-writing. There is no real privacy
about love-letters, any more than there is about the flags and
banners of a regiment, though they occasionally furl and cover
them up. The love letters are a woman’s flags and banners, her
trophies of success, and the more flowery they are, the more
likely to be shown, and to aid in enlivening a Christmas
tea-party. Then the girls’ Mammas read them, their sisters read
them, their maids read them, and ultimately, perhaps, a
boisterous energetic barrister reads them to an exasperated jury,
some of whose daughters may have suffered from simitar effusions
themselves. Altogether, I assure you, you are on very ticklish
ground, and I make no doubt if you could ascertain the opinion of
the neighbourhood, you are booked for one or other of the girls,
so again I say, my dearest boy, beware what you are about, for it
is much easier to get fast than to get free again;—get a lady of
rank, and not the daughter of a little scrubby squire; and
whatever you do, don’t leave this letter lying about, and mind,
empty your pockets at nights, and don’t leave it for Rougier to
find.
“Now, about your movements. I think I wouldn’t go back to Lord
L.‘s unless he asks you, or unless he named a specific day for
your doing so when you came away. Mere general invitations mean
nothing; they are only the small coin of good society. ‘Sorry
you’re going. Hope we shall soon meet again. Hope we shall have
the pleasure of seeing you to dinner some day,’ is a very common
mean-nothing form of politeness.
“Indeed, I question that your going to a master of harriers from
Tantivy Castle would be any great recommendation to his Lordship;
for masters of foxhounds and masters of harriers are generally at
variance. Altogether, I think I would pause and consider before
you decided on returning. I would not talk much about his
Lordship where you now are, as it would look as if you were not
accustomed to great people. You’ll find plenty of friends ready
to bring him in for you, just as Mr. Handycock brings in Lord
Privilege in Peter Simple. We all like talking of titles.
Remember, all noblemen under the rank of dukes are lords in
common conversation. No earls or marquises then.
“It just occurs to me, that as you are in the neighbourhood, you
might take advantage of the opportunity for paying a visit to
Yawnington Hot Wells, where you will find a great deal of good
society assembled at this time of year, and where you might
pickup some useful and desirable acquaintances. Go to the best
hotel whatever it is, and put Rougier on board wages, which will
get rid of his grumbling. It is impertinent, no doubt, but still
it carries weight in a certain quarter.
“As you have got a hunting horse, you will want a groom, and
should try to get a nice-looking one. He should not be
knocknee’d; on the contrary, bow-legged,—the sort of legs that a
pig can pop through. Look an applicant over first, and if his
appearance is against him. just put him off quietly by taking his
name and address, and say that there are one or two before him,
and that you will write to him if you are likely to require his
services.
“You will soon have plenty to choose from, but it is hard to say
whether the tricks of the town ones, or the gaucheries of the
country ones are most objectionable. The latter never put on
their boots and upper things properly. A slangy, slovenly-looking
fellow should be especially avoided. Also men with great shock
heads of hair. If they can’t trim themselves, there will not be
much chance of their trimming their horses. In short, I believe a
groom—a man who really knows and cares anything about horses—is a
very difficult person to get. There are plenty who can hiss and
fuss, and be busy upon nothing, but very few who can both dress a
horse, and dress themselves.
“I know Lord Ladythorne makes it a rule never to take one who has
been brought up in the racing-stable, for he says they are all
hurry and gallop, and for putting two hours’ exercise into one.
Whatever you do, don’t take one without a character, for however
people may gloss over their late servant’s faults and
imperfections, and however abject and penitent the applicants may
appear, rely upon it, nature will out, and as soon as ever they
get up their condition, as they call it, or are installed into
their new clothes, they begin to take liberties, and ultimately
relapse into their old drunken dissolute habits. It is fortunate
for the world that most of them carry their characters in their
faces. Besides, it isn’t fair to respectable servants to bring
them in contact with these sort of profligates.
“Whatever you do, don’t let him find his own clothes. There isn’t
one in twenty who can be trusted to do so, and nothing looks
worse than the half-livery, half-plain, wholly shabby clothes
some of them adopt.
“It is wonderful what things they will vote good if they have to
find others themselves, things that they would declare were not
fit to put on, and they couldn’t be seen in if master supplied
them. The best of everything then is only good enough for them.
“Some of them will grumble and growl whatever you give them;
declare this man’s cloth is bad, and another’s boots inferior,
and recommend you to go to Mr. Somebody else, who Mr. This, or
Captain That, employs, Mr. This, or Captain That, having, in all
probability, been recommended to this Mr. Somebody by some other
servant. The same with the saddlers and tradespeople generally.
If you employ a saddler who does not tip them, there will be
nothing bad enough for his workmanship, or they will declare he
does not do that sort of work, only farmer’s work—cart-trappings,
and such like things.
“The remedy for this is to pay your own bills, and give the
servants to understand at starting that you mean to be master.
They are to be had on your own terms, if you only begin as you
mean to go on. If the worst comes to the worst, a month’s notice,
or a month’s pay, settles all differences, and it is no use
keeping and paying a servant that doesn’t suit you. Perhaps you
will think Rougier trouble enough, but he would be highly
offended if you were to ask him to valet a horse. I will try if I
can hear of anything likely to suit you, but the old saying, ‘who
shall counsel a man in the choice of a wife, or a horse,’ applies
with equal force to grooms.
“And now, my own dearest boy, having given you all the advice and
assistance in my power, I will conclude by repeating what joy the
arrival of your letter occasioned me, and also my advice to
beware of the girls, and request that you will not leave this
letter in your pockets, or lying about, by signing myself ever,
my own dearest son, your most truly loving and affectionate
Mamma,
“Emma Pringle.
“_P.S.—I will enclose the halves of two fifty-pound notes for the
horse, the receipt of which please to acknowledge by return of
post, when I will send the other halves._
“P.S.—Mind the red eyelids! There’s nothing so infectious