_A Day at Division Head-Quarters--The Judge Advocate--The tweedle-dum
and tweedle-dee of Red-Tape as understood by Pigeon-hole
Generals--Red-tape Reveries--French Authorities on Pigeon-hole
Investigations--An Obstreperous Court and Pigeon-hole
Strictures--Disgusting Head-Quarter Profanity._
"The General commanding Division desires to see Lieutenant Colonel ----,
210th Regiment, P. V., Judge Advocate, immediately," were words that met
the eye of the latter officer, as he unfolded a note handed him by an
orderly. It was about nine in the forenoon of a fine day in October.
Buckling on his sword, and ordering his horse, he rode at a lively
canter to the General's Head-Quarters.
"Colonel," said the General, pulling vigorously at the same time at the
left side of his moustache, as if anxious that his teeth should take
hold of it, "I have sent for you in regard to this Record. Do you know,
sir, that this Record has given me a d----d sight of trouble; why, sir,
I consulted authorities the greater part of last night, French and
American."
"In regard to what point, General?"
"In regard to what point? In regard to all the points, sir. There, sir,
is the copy made of that order detailing the Court. It reads, 'Detailed
for the Court,' whereas it should be 'Detail for the Court.' My mind is
not made up fully as to whether the variance vitiates the Record or not.
The authorities appear to be silent upon that point. To say the least,
it is d----d awkward."
"General, the copy is a faithful one of the order issued from your
Head-Quarters."
"From my Head-Quarters, sir? By G--d, Colonel, that can't be. If I have
been particular, and have prided myself upon any one thing, it has been
upon having papers drawn strictly according to the Regulations. And I
have tried to impress it upon my clerks. That infernal blunder made at
my Head-Quarters! I'll soon see how that is." And the General, Record in
hand, took long strides, for a little man, towards the Adjutant's tent.
"Captain," said he, addressing an officer who was best known in the
Division as a relative of a leading commander, and whose only claim to
merit--in fact, it had to counterbalance many habits positively
bad--consisted of his reposing under the shadow of a mighty name, "where
is the original order detailing this Court?" "Here, General," said a
clerk, producing the paper. The General's eye rested for a moment upon
it, then throwing it upon the table, he burst out passionately:
"Captain, this is too G--d d--n bad after all my care and trouble in
giving you full instructions. Is it possible that the simplest order
can't be made out without my supervision, as if, by G--d, it was my
business to stand over your desks all day long, see every paper folded,
endorsement made, and the right pigeon-hole selected? This won't do. I
give full instructions, and expect them carried out. By G--d," continued
the General, striding vehemently across to his marquee, "they must be
carried out."
"Colonel, I see that you are not accountable for this. If the d----d
fool had only made it 'Detail of the Court,' it might have passed
unnoticed."
"General," suggested the Colonel, "would not that have been improper?
Would it not have implied an already existing organization of the court?
whereas the phrase in the order is intended merely to indicate who shall
compose the court."
"It would have looked better, sir," said the General, somewhat sharply.
"Colonel, you are not to blame for this; you can return to quarters,
sir."
The Colonel bowed himself out, remounted his black horse, and while
riding at a slow walk, could not but wonder if the Government would not
have been the gainer if it had made it the business of the General to
fold and endorse papers, and dust pigeon-holes. It was generally
understood that this occupation had been, previous to his being placed
in command of the Division, the sum-total of the General's military
experience. And how high above him did this red-tapism extend? The
General had been on McClellan's staff, and through his influence,
doubtless, acquired his present position. Were its trifling details
detaining the grand army of the Potomac from an onward movement in this
most favorable weather, to the great detriment of national finances, the
encouragement of the Rebellion, and the depression of patriots
everywhere? Must the earnestness of the patriotic, self-sacrificing
thousands in the field, be fettered by these cobwebs, constructed by men
interested in pay and position? If so, then in its widest sense, is the
utterance of an intelligent Sergeant, made a few days previous, true,
that red-tape was a greater curse to the country than the rebellion. The
loyal earnest masses would soon, if unfettered, have found leaders
equally loyal and earnest--Joshuas born in the crisis of a righteous
cause, whose unceasing blows would not have allowed the rebels breathing
spells. It is not too late; but how much time, blood, to say nothing of
money, have been expended in ascertaining that a great Union military
leader thought the war in its best phase a mere contest for boundaries.
The black halted at the tent door, was turned over to his attendant, and
the Lieut.-Colonel joined his tent companion the Colonel.
His stay was brief. In the course of a few minutes an orderly in great
haste handed him the following note:
"The General commanding Division desires to see Lieut.-Colonel ----
without delay."
The saddle, not yet off the black, was readjusted, and again the
Judge-Advocate cantered over the gentle bluffs to Division
Head-Quarters.
"Colonel," said the General, hardly waiting for his entrance, "these
mistakes multiply so, as I proceed in my duty as Reviewing Officer, that
I am utterly confounded as to what course to pursue."
"Will you please point them out, General?"
"Point out the Devil!--will you point to something that is strictly in
accordance with the regulations? Here you have 'Private John W. Holman,
Co. I, 212th Regt. P. V.,' and then not two lines below, it is, John W.
Holman, Private, Co. I, 212th Reg. P. V.' Now, by G--Colonel, one is
certainly wrong, and _that_ blunder did not come from Division
Head-Quarters."
"Will the General please indicate which is correct?"
"Indicate! that's the d----l of it, that is the perplexing question; my
French authorities are silent on the subject, and yet, sir, you must
see that one must be wrong."
"That does not follow, General; it would be considered a mere clerical
error. Records that I have seen have titles preceding and following
both."
"There is no such thing in military law as a mere clerical error. Every
thing is squared here by the regulations and military law. The General
or Colonel who is unfortunate in consequence of strictly following
these, will not, by military men, regular officers at least, be held
accountable. Do not understand me as combating your knowledge of the
law, Colonel; you may have excused, in your practice, bad records
successfully on the ground of 'clerical errors,' but it will not do in
the army. There's where volunteer officers make their mistakes; they
don't think and act concertedly as regulars do. Individual judgment
steps in too often, and officers' judgments play the D--l in the army.
Now, in France, their rules in regard to this, are unusually strict."
"They order this matter better in France then," observed the Colonel,
mechanically making use of the hackneyed opening sentence of "The
Sentimental Journey." "And they manage them better, Sir;--Another thing,
Colonel," quickly added the General, "t's must be crossed and i's
carefully dotted. There are several omissions of this kind that might
have sent the Record back. By the way, whose hand-writing is this copy
in?" said the General, looking earnestly at the Colonel. "A clerk's,
sir." "A clerk! Another d----d pretty piece of business," continued the
General, rising. "Colonel, that record is not worth a G--d d--n not a
G--d d--n, Sir! Who ever heard of a clerk being employed? no clerk has a
right to know any thing of the proceedings."
"I have been informed, General, and have observed from published reports
of proceedings of courts-martial, that clerks are in general use."
"Can't be! Colonel, can't be! By G--d, there is another perplexing
matter for my already over-taxed time, and yet the senseless people
expect Generals to move large armies, and plan big battles, when their
hands are full of these d----d business details that cannot be neglected
or delayed."
The General resumed his seat, ran his fingers through his hair with
frightful rapidity, as if gathering disconcerted and scattered ideas,
for a moment or two, and then looking up dismissed the Colonel.
The black was again in requisition; and again the Colonel's thoughts,
with increased feelings of disgust, were directed to what he could not
but think the trifling details that, as the General admitted, delay the
movements of great armies, and the striking of heavy blows. T's must be
crossed when we ought to be crossing the Potomac; i's dotted when we
ought to be dotting Virginia fields with our tents. And war so
proverbially, so historically uncertain, has its rules, which, if
adhered to, will save commanders from censure--judgment not allowed to
interfere. It would appear so from many movements in the history of the
Army of the Potomac. What would that despiser of senseless details,
defier of rules laid down by inferior men, and cutter of red tape, as
well as master-genius in the art of war, the Great, the First Napoleon,
have said to all this. Shades of Washington, Marion, Morgan, all the
Revolutionary worthies, Jackson, all our Volunteer Officers, of whose
military records we are justly proud--
"Of the mighty can it be
That this is all remains of thee!"
Generals leading armies such as the world never before saw, fettering
movements on the field by the movements of trifling office details at
the desk, which viewed in the best light are the most contemptible of
excuses for delay.
This time the old black was not unsaddled;--a fortunate thought, as
another request for the immediate presence of the Judge Advocate
compelled him to take his dinner of boiled beans hasty and hot.
Whatever the reader may think of the General's condition of mind during
the preceding interviews, it was to reach its fever heat in this. The
Colonel saw, as he entered the marquee, that his forced calmness of
demeanor portended a storm. Whether the Colonel thought that a
half-emptied good-sized tumbler of what looked like clear brandy which
stood on the table before him, had anything to do with it, the reader
must judge for himself.
"Colonel, I had made up my mind to forward that Record with the mistakes
I have already indicated to you, but after all I am pained to state that
the total disregard of duty by the Court, and perhaps by yourself, in
trifling--yes, by G--d--" here the General could keep in no longer, and
rising with hand clinching the Record firmly, continued,--"trifling with
a soldier's duty, the regulations, and the safety of the army will not
allow it. Colonel, you are a lawyer, and is it possible that you can't
see what that d----d Court has done?"
"I would be happy to be informed in what respect they have erred,
General."
"Happy to be informed! how they have erred! By G--d, Colonel, you take
this outrageous matter cool. That Record," said the General, holding it
up, and waving it about his head,--the red tape with which the Judge
Advocate had adorned it plentifully, if for no other purpose than to
cover a multitude of mistakes, all the while streaming in the
air,--"that Record is a disgrace to the Division. What does that Record
show?" At this he threw it violently into a corner of the tent. "It
shows, by G--d, that here was an enlisted soldier in the United States
Army, found sleeping on his post in the dead hour of night, in the
presence of the enemy, and yet--" said the General, lifting both hands
clenched, "a pack of d----d volunteer officers detailed as a court let
him off. Yes, I'll be G--d d----d," and his arms came down slapping
against his hips, "let him off, with what? why a reprimand at dress
parade, that isn't worth a d--n as a punishment. Here was a chance to
benefit the Division; yes, sir, a military execution would do this
Division good. It needs it; we'll have a d----d sight now to be
court-martialed. What will General McClellan say with that record before
him? Think of that, Colonel.'
"I would be much more interested in what Judge Advocate Holt would say,
General, on account of his vastly superior ability in that department;
and as to the death penalty, General, I conscientiously think it would
be little short of, if not quite, murder." The General had resumed his
seat, but now arose as if about to interrupt;--but the Colonel
continued:--
"General, that boy is but seventeen, with a look that indicates
unmistakably that he is half an idiot. He has an incurable disease that
tends to increase his imbecility. His memory, if he ever had any, is
completely gone. The Articles of War, or instructions of officers as to
picket duty, would not be remembered by him a minute after utterance,
and not understood when uttered. I have thought since that I should have
entered a plea of insanity for him. He had not previously been upon
duty for a month, and was that day placed on by mistake. The Court, if
it had had the power, would have punished the officer that recruited him
severely. He ought to be discharged; and the Court was informed that his
application for discharge, based upon an all-sufficient surgeon's
certificate, was forwarded to your head-quarters a month ago, and has
not since been heard from. Besides, this was not a picket station, but a
mere inside regimental camp guard."
The Colonel spoke rapidly, but with coolness;--all the while the
General's eyes, fairly glowing, were gazing down intently upon him.
"Colonel, if your manner was not respectful, I would think that you
intended insulting me by your d----d provoking coolness. Conscience!"
said the General, sneeringly, "conscience or no conscience, that man
must be duly sentenced. By G--d, I order it. You must reconvene the
Court without delay. It is well seen it is not a detail of Regulars.
Conscience wouldn't trouble them when a d----d miscreant was upon trial.
A boy of seventeen! Seventeen or thirty-seven! By G--d! he is a soldier
in the Army of the United States, and must be tried and punished as a
soldier. An idiot! What need you care about the brains of a soldier? If
he has the army cap on his head, that's all you need require. Plea of
insanity, indeed! We want no lawyer's tricks here. And as to that
discharge, if it is detained at my head-quarters, it is because it was
not properly folded or endorsed--may be will not fit neatly in the
pigeon-hole. Colonel," continued the General, moderating his tone
somewhat, "I must animadvert--by G--d, I must animadvert severely upon
that Record."
"General," quietly interrupted the Colonel, "you will publish your
animadversion, I trust, so that it can be read at dress parades, and the
Division have the benefit of it."
"There, Colonel," said the General, twitching his moustache violently,
"there it is again. You appear perfectly courteous--but that remark is
cool contempt. I want you to understand," his tones louder, and
gesticulations violent, "that you must take my strictures, tell the
court that they must impose the sentence I direct, and leave conscience
to me, and no d----d plea of insanity about it."
"General," observed the Colonel, rising, "I am the counsel of the
prisoner as well as of the United States. I cannot and will not injure
my own conscience, wrong the prisoner, or humiliate the Government by
insisting upon a death penalty."
"Read my strictures to the court, and do your duty, sir, or I'll
court-martial the whole d----d establishment. Go and re-assemble your
court forthwith."
As he said this he handed a couple of closely written sheets of large
sized letter-paper, tied with the inevitable red-tape, to the Colonel.
The Colonel bowed himself out, and the chair in front of the
pigeon-holes of the camp desk was again occupied by a living embodiment
of red-tape.
The court was forthwith notified. It immediately met. The strictures
were read, and in case of many sentences, especially towards the close,
from necessity re-read by the Judge Advocate. After considerable
laughter over the document, and some little indignation at the
unwarranted dictation of "their commanding General," of which title the
General had taken especial pains to remind them at least every third
sentence, the court decided not to change the sentence, and directed the
Judge Advocate to embody their reasons for the character of the
sentence in his report. The reasons, much the same as those stated to
the General by the Judge Advocate, were reduced to writing, and duly
forwarded, with the record signed and attested, to their "commanding
General." That record, like some other court-martial records of the
Division, has not since been heard of as far as the Judge Advocate or
any member of the court is informed. The poor boy a few days afterwards
entered a hospital, not again to rejoin his regiment. His application
for discharge has not been heard of. With no prospect of being fit for
active service--dying by inches in fact,--he is compelled at Government
expense to follow the regiment in an ambulance from camp to camp, and on
all its tedious marches.
The profanity in the foregoing chapter has doubtless disgusted the
reader quite as much as its utterance did the Judge Advocate. And yet
hundreds of the Division who have heard the General on hundreds of other
occasions, the writer feels confident will certify that it is rather a
mild mood of the General's that has been described. The habit is
disgusting at all times. Many able Generals are addicted to the habit;
but they are able in spite of it. That their influence would be
increased without it, cannot be denied. It has been well said to be
"neither brave, polite, nor wise." But now when the hopes of the nation
centre in the righteousness of their cause, and thousands of prayers
continually ascend for its furtherance from Christians in and out of
uniform, how utterly contemptible! how outrageously wicked! for an
officer of elevated position, to profane the Name under which those
prayers are uttered, and upon which the nation relies as its "bulwark,"
"its tower of strength," a very "present help in this its time of
trouble."