LOST AS SOON AS FOUND.
Janet's life at this time was a very quiet one; but the long years she
had spent in France had been so tame and colourless, so wanting in
home pleasures and endearments, that, by contrast, her days at Dupley
Walls were full of variety and of that sweet charm which springs from
a knowledge that you are at once appreciated and loved.
Janet's love for Captain George was as yet a timid callow fledgling
that could do nothing but flutter in the nest where it was born. Very
pretty to look at, but not to be looked at too often, for fear lest
its hiding-place should be found out and some rude hand should take it
unawares. Her love for Sister Agnes was of a different texture, and
made up the real quiet happiness of her life. She felt like a plant
that has been lifted out of the cold corner in which it has found the
elements of a stunted growth and set to bask in a flood of gracious
sunshine. In such cases the result is not difficult to foretell. The
plant grows more and more beautiful under the sweet influence that has
been brought to bear upon it, and repays the sunshine with its most
fragrant blossoms. In such like was Janet's young life nourished and
enriched by the love that existed between her and Sister Agnes. Her
inner life developed itself unconsciously; her heart grew in wisdom,
and all the finer qualities of her nature began to unfold themselves
one by one as delicate leaves unfold themselves in the sun.
Janet was kept very closely to her duties by Lady Pollexfen. Still,
each day brought its little interregnums--odd hours, or even
half-hours, when she was not wanted by her task-mistress--when her
ladyship was sleeping, or lunching, or discussing private matters with
Mr. Madgin, or what not. By far the greater part of these stolen
moments were spent with Sister Agnes. More would have been so spent
had not the invalid given strict injunctions that a certain portion of
each day should be set apart by Janet for out-door exercise. Sister
Agnes was far too weak to accompany her. As the summer days went on
she gathered not strength but weakness, and more and more clearly she
began to discern the end that was coming so surely upon her. But as
yet this was a solemn secret known only to herself and to her doctor.
By no one else within Dupley Walls was it even suspected. Outwardly
there was no change in her from day to day, or one so slight that
those who were in the habit of seeing her every few hours never
perceived it.
Her window had a pleasant outlook across the park. Her couch was
wheeled close up to it, and there she lay from early in the forenoon
till late in the afternoon, a pale spiritual-eyed lady, slowly dying,
although neither by word nor look was there any betrayal of that fact
to those about her. Janet, we may be sure, had no suspicion of it.
Never a morning came but her first inquiry was as to whether Sister
Agnes felt any better.
"A little better this morning, I think, dear," Sister Agnes would
smilingly say. "Or if not stronger, at least no weaker than I was
yesterday." And for the time being she would feel that her statement
was true. Later on in the day some small portion of vitality would
seem to fade out of her which the freshness and strength of the
following morning could not wholly replace. But Janet hoped with the
hopefulness of youth that when the hot languorous days of summer
should give place to the chastened heats of autumn health and strength
would come back to Sister Agnes; hoped it devoutly, although she knew
that should such be the case she herself would no longer be needed by
Lady Pollexfen, but that she should have to go out into the world and
fight for her daily bread with such small skill as there might be in
her. Meanwhile she waited on Sister Agnes, and ministered to her
simple needs as much as lay in her power to do so. To gather a fresh
bouquet every morning for the room of her she loved so dearly was one
of Janet's pleasantest occupations. Then there was always some new and
interesting book to read aloud, with frequent interludes of music and
conversation. Now and then an odd hour or two would be devoted to the
science of the needle. Happy days!--days such as Janet, if she were to
live to be a hundred years old, could never forget.
Now that she had become more accustomed to Lady Pollexfen and her
peculiar ways, the duties of her position ceased to press so heavily
upon Janet. She found, to her surprise, that Lady Pollexfen's often
positively cruel speeches no longer wounded her feelings so deeply as
they did at first. The dislike and fear with which she had formerly
regarded the strange old woman began to give place to a gentler
feeling--to one of profound pity, and in this very pity she found an
armour of proof against all the slights and contumely with which she
was treated. One thing must be said in favour of Lady Pollexfen.
However capricious she might be in her own treatment of Janet, the
servants were given to understand that in all things Miss Holme was to
be regarded as a young gentlewoman, and not as one of themselves.
Sometimes her ladyship would be overcome by a fit of graciousness,
which, however, never lasted more than a day or two at a time; but
while it did last Janet felt that her life was a very pleasant one.
Such occasions were exceptional. Lady Pollexfen's normal mood was one
of mingled harshness and suspicion, just rubbed over with a sort of
cynical _laissez faire_-ism that to a girl of Janet's disposition was
peculiarly distasteful. Janet never answered her taunts and bitter
speeches, but now and then a flash of scorn from her beautiful eyes,
or a sudden rush of colour to her cheek, showed that the barbed words
had struck home. Janet's icy meekness had often the effect of
irritating her ladyship far more than any angry retort would have
done. At the latter she would merely have laughed, but Janet's
demeanour seemed suggestive of a fine though hidden contempt, and
betrayed an indifference to her taunts that robbed her of half her
pleasure in the utterance of them. As a consequence, there being no
real faults to lay hold of, she sometimes accused Janet of those
faults from which she was most free.
"Who and what are you, Miss Holme," she one day asked, in her scornful
way, "that you should give yourself the airs of a _grande dame_ when
in my presence? Judging from your demeanour, you and not I might be
the mistress of Dupley Walls. Pride ill becomes a dependent like
you--a mere nobody--a person who has eaten the bread of charity from
the day of her birth. If you had even the excuse of good looks! But
that is quite out of the question. If you are in any way remarkable,
it is for an incurable _gaucherie_, and for a stolidity of intellect
that would not discredit a ploughboy."
It was only the teaching and example of Sister Agnes that kept Janet
on such occasions from breaking into open rebellion, and bidding
farewell for ever to Dupley Walls. But the gentle counsels of the sick
woman prevailed, and by degrees these bitter speeches lost much of
their sting.
Sometimes, when her mood was more than ordinarily spiteful, her
ladyship would touch Janet's feelings in a different way. It was part
of Janet's duties to assist Lady Pollexfen with the use of her arm as
the latter walked from room to room, or on the terrace outside. As the
two were walking staidly along, the old lady would sometimes pinch
Janet's arm viciously between her thumb and finger. The first time
this happened, Janet started and gave utterance to a little shriek.
"What is the matter, child?" said her ladyship, stopping suddenly in
her walk. "Have you seen a mouse, or what has frightened you? Pray try
to keep your nerves under better control."
After that first time, Janet bore the infliction in stoical silence,
but her arm was seldom without two or three blue and black finger
marks as evidences of the petty torture she had undergone. To Sister
Agnes she made no mention of this fresh mode of annoyance. The
knowledge of it would only have jarred the sick woman's feelings still
more, and would not have spared Janet the infliction.
Once every forenoon, between the hours of ten and twelve, Lady
Pollexfen marched in her slow and stately fashion, and leaning on
Janet's arm, from her own rooms on one side of the house to those of
Sister Agnes on the opposite side, there to make formal inquiry as to
the state of the latter's health. She never stayed longer than three
or four minutes at each visit, and she never sat down. She seemed to
regard these daily visits as a matter of duty, and as such she
conscientiously included them in each day's programme of things to be
done but she spent no more time over them than was absolutely
necessary. Sometimes Janet, on returning alone to the sick woman's
room, soon after one of these visits, would find Sister Agnes in
tears. Those were the only occasions on which her habitual serenity
seemed to be seriously disturbed. But at sight of Janet's loving face
her tears soon ceased to flow.
About this time Father Spiridion began to be seen more frequently at
Dupley Walls. His visits were to Sister Agnes. Janet had contracted
quite a liking for the kindly old man. He was a strange mixture of
shrewdness and benignity, of prejudice and out-of-the-way knowledge.
He never met Janet without a smile and a few words of pleasant
greeting. She was too old now to have sweetmeats given her, so he gave
her his blessing instead. Now, as of old, one of her greatest treats
was to hear him play the grand old organ in the gallery.
Slowly and almost imperceptibly Sister Agnes faded from day to day,
and those most about her suspected nothing. But at daybreak one
morning there was a ringing of bells, and Dr. Graile was sent for in
hot haste, and by-and-by it was reported through the house that Sister
Agnes had become suddenly worse, and that her life was in danger.
Janet was like one distracted. She was forbidden the room, and three
whole days and nights passed away before she saw again the face of her
she so dearly loved. She besieged the doctor and the nurse with
questions, but from neither of those functionaries could anything
beyond a grave shake of the head be elicited. How she got through her
routine of duties with Lady Pollexfen she could never afterwards
remember. Happily during those few days her ladyship was less exacting
than common--more silent and subdued, and given to long fits of
absorbing self-communion.
On the fourth morning a message came to Janet that she was wanted in
Sister Agnes's room. She went tremblingly. As she put her hand on the
door it was opened from the inside, and Lady Pollexfen came out. Janet
had never seen such an expression on her face before. It was set and
colourless, and full of a deep frowning trouble. The trouble sprang
from her heart: the frown was a visible sign of her intense will--of
her unsparing determination to trample that trouble under foot and put
it away from her for ever. Her eyes were fixed straight before her,
but seemed to see nothing. Her tall thin figure looked as upright and
rigid as if east in bronze. She swept slowly past Janet without
appearing to have seen her.
Janet passed forward into the little sitting-room. She saw with an
aching heart that this morning the sofa was without its occupant.
After a word of warning from the nurse, she was allowed to enter the
bedroom: then the door was closed behind her, and she and Sister Agnes
were left alone.
Janet could not repress the low cry that sprang to her lips at the
first glimpse of the changed face before her. On it there now rested
the unmistakable seal of death. Janet flung herself on her knees by
the side of the bed in an agony of grief, and pressed to her lips the
worn white hand that was extended to greet her.
"My poor darling--my poor Janet!" was all that Sister Agnes could
murmur. There were no tears in her eyes, but on her lips a smile of
heavenly contentment.
Mindful of the caution that had been given her, Janet, after a few
minutes, contrived to subdue in some measure the outward signs of the
grief that was rending her heart.
"Come nearer," whispered Sister Agnes; "let me clasp you in my arms;
let me feel for a little while that you are all my own. I have
something to tell you, and not much time to tell it in. Kiss me,
darling, and then listen to what I have to say without interrupting
me."
When Janet had nestled to the side of the sick woman, and they had
kissed each other fondly, Sister Agnes spoke again. Her words were low
but clear; every syllable fell distinctly on her listener's ears.
Occasionally she had to pause for breath, but Janet never spoke a word
till she had done.
"It is a strange confession, dear Janet, that I am about to make," she
began. "What I have now to tell you I bound myself by a solemn oath
many years ago never to reveal till my dying day. That day has come at
last. A few short hours will now end all. I have taken counsel with
Father Spiridion, from whom I have no secrets. He has given me leave
to speak. To-day is my last day on earth, and my oath is no longer
binding. I could not have died happy had I carried my secret with me
to the grave. But before I go any further, you must give me your
sacred word never to reveal to Lady Pollexfen, nor indeed to any one
else, what I am about to tell you, without having first obtained the
sanction of Father Spiridion and Major Strickland to your taking such
a step. Later on you will understand fully my reasons for asking for
such a promise."
Sister Agnes paused, as if waiting for a reply. But Janet could not
speak. A long, lingering pressure of the arms was her only answer. But
it was an answer that satisfied the dying woman. She pressed her lips
fondly to the tear-stained, face that was nestling on her shoulder,
and then went on with her narration.
"Dearest, the time has now come for me to lift from off your life the
weight of that mystery which has lain upon it ever since you were
little more than a lisping child,--since you first began to feel,
think, and understand, and to wonder why you were unlike other
children in having no mother nor home of your own. The secret of your
birth shall be to you a secret no longer. All these years, darling,
you have not been without a mother's love, though you yourself might
know it not. Janet, my darling! my daughter! it is your mother whose
arms are round you now. Hush, sweet one! do not speak. My little
strength will hardly serve to carry me to the end. Yes, dear one, I am
your mother, and Lady Pollexfen is your grandmother; I am her
ladyship's youngest and only living child. Why all these things have
been kept from you for so long a time, why you have lived
unacknowledged under the roof that should have held you as its
greatest treasure, will be duly revealed to you after my death.
Attached to this silver chain is a tiny key that will open a box which
will be given to you by Father Spiridion. Inside that box you will
find a paper written by me, which will tell you everything relating to
your birth and history that it is needful for you to know. The good
father and Major Strickland will be your counsellors; put yourself and
your cause implicitly into their hands, and leave the rest to a Higher
Power. Sweet one, I have now told you all that it is needful for you
to know while I am still with you--all that my strength will allow me
to say. We can be together but a brief while longer; let us during
that time forget everything save that we are mother and child."
"Oh, mamma, mamma!" sobbed Janet, "are we brought together after all
these years only to part again in so short a time?"
"Even so, dearest. And why should we grieve that such is the case? Our
parting is only for a time. No conviction was ever more deeply
impressed upon me than that is. As I stand now, earthly troubles and
sorrows have no power to touch me. Even the knowledge that I am about
to separate from my Janet cannot quench the solemn joy that fills my
soul. I am so close to eternity that a few years seem to me but as one
day. And when that brief, troubled day shall be at an end, I pray that
my daughter and I may meet again in that heavenly rest into which all
those shall enter who have guided their footsteps aright."
But Janet could not be consoled.
Later on in the day Sister Agnes sent for her again, and mother and
daughter spent more than an hour together in sacred communion. In the
dusk of evening Lady Pollexfen went again to her sick daughter's room.
What passed at that last interview was known to themselves alone. Lady
Pollexfen never again saw her daughter alive. Then Father Spiridion
administered the last offices of his church to the dying woman. About
nine o'clock the doctor drove up in his gig. But the time when he
could be of service was gone by. At last mother and daughter were left
alone together, and alone they remained all through the dark hours. At
daybreak Father Spiridion glided into the room. The fast-sinking woman
opened her eyes and smiled.
"Play the _Jubilate_ for me," she whispered, "and open wide the
casement."
The deep voice of the organ, exultant, yearning, solemn, thrilled
through the room; and on its wings, through the faint grey of the
autumn morning, the soul of Sister Agnes was borne away.
"Forget not that we shall meet again," were her last words.