"An tears of blood for me, friend, thou hast shed * Suffer me sup them,
by thy head and eyes!"
Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health,
and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them),
and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and
ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them,
kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one
thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this
cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in
the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh
sphere among the Houris[FN#157] of Heaven. They ceased not doing after
this fashion until the wine played tricks in their heads and worsted
their wits; and, when the drink got the better of them, the portress
stood up and doffed her clothes till she was mother naked. However, she
let down her hair about her body by way of shift, and throwing herself
into the basin disported herself and dived like a duck and swam up and
down, and took water in her mouth, and spurted it all over the Porter,
and washed her limbs, and between her breasts, and inside her thighs
and all around her navel. Then she came up out of the cistern and
throwing herself on the Porter's lap said, "O my lord, O my love, what
callest thou this article?" pointing to her slit, her solution of
continuity. "I call that thy cleft," quoth the Porter, and she
rejoined, Wah! wah, art thou not ashamed to use such a word?" and she
caught him by the collar and soundly cuffed him. Said he again, Thy
womb, thy vulva;" and she struck him a second slap crying, "O fie, O
fie, this is another ugly word; is there no shame in thee?" Quoth he,
"Thy coynte;" and she cried, O thou! art wholly destitute of modesty?"
and thumped him and bashed him. Then cried the Porter, "Thy
clitoris,"[FN#158] whereat the eldest lady came down upon him with a
yet sorer beating, and said, "No;" and he said, " 'Tis so," and the
Porter went on calling the same commodity by sundry other names, but
whatever he said they beat him more and more till his neck ached and
swelled with the blows he had gotten; and on this wise they made him a
butt and a laughing stock. At last he turned upon them asking, And what
do you women call this article?" Whereto the damsel made answer, "The
basil of the bridges."[FN#159] Cried the Porter, "Thank Allah for my
safety: aid me and be thou propitious, O basil of the bridges!" They
passed round the cup and tossed off the bowl again, when the second
lady stood up; and, stripping off all her clothes, cast herself into
the cistern and did as the first had done; then she came out of the
water and throwing her naked form on the Porter's lap pointed to her
machine and said, "O light of mine eyes, do tell me what is the name of
this concern?" He replied as before, "Thy slit;" and she rejoined,
"Hath such term no shame for thee?" and cuffed him and buffeted him
till the saloon rang with the blows. Then quoth she, "O fie! O fie! how
canst thou say this without blushing?" He suggested, "The basil of the
bridges;" but she would not have it and she said, "No! no!" and struck
him and slapped him on the back of the neck. Then he began calling out
all the names he knew, "Thy slit, thy womb, thy coynte, thy clitoris;"
and the girls kept on saying, "No! no!" So he said, "I stick to the
basil of the bridges;" and all the three laughed till they fell on
their backs and laid slaps on his neck and said, "No! no! that's not
its proper name." Thereupon he cried, "O my sisters, what is its name?"
and they replied, "What sayest thou to the husked sesame seed?" Then
the cateress donned her clothes and they fell again to carousing, but
the Porter kept moaning, "Oh! and Oh!" for his neck and shoulders, and
the cup passed merrily round and round again for a full hour. After
that time the eldest and handsomest lady stood up and stripped off her
garments, whereupon the Porter took his neck in hand, and rubbed and
shampoo'd it, saying, "My neck and shoulders are on the way of
Allah!"[FN#160] Then she threw herself into the basin, and swam and
dived, sported and washed; and the Porter looked at her naked figure as
though she had been a slice of the moon[FN#161] and at her face with
the sheen of Luna when at full, or like the dawn when it brighteneth,
and he noted her noble stature and shape, and those glorious forms that
quivered as she went; for she was naked as the Lord made her. Then he
cried "Alack! Alack!"and began to address her, versifying in these
couplets:—
"If I liken thy shape to the bough when green * My likeness errs and I
sore mistake it;
For the bough is fairest when clad the most * And thou art fairest when
mother naked."
When the lady heard his verses she came up out of the basin and,
seating herself upon his lap and knees, pointed to her genitory and
said, "O my lordling, what be the name of this?" Quoth he, "The basil
of the bridges;" but she said, "Bah, bah!" Quoth he, "The husked
sesame;" quoth she, "Pooh, pooh!" Then said he, "Thy womb;" and she
cried, "Fie, Fie! art thou not ashamed of thyself?" and cuffed him on
the nape of the neck. And whatever name he gave declaring " 'Tis so,"
she beat him and cried "No! no!" till at last he said, "O my sisters,
and what is its name?" She replied, "It is entitled the Khan[FN#162] of
Abu Mansur;" whereupon the Porter replied, "Ha! ha! O Allah be praised
for safe deliverance! O Khan of Abu Mansur!" Then she came forth and
dressed and the cup went round a full hour. At last the Porter rose up,
and stripping off all his clothes, jumped into the tank and swam about
and washed under his bearded chin and armpits, even as they had done.
Then he came out and threw himself into the first lady's lap and rested
his arms upon the lap of the portress, and reposed his legs in the lap
of the cateress and pointed to his prickle[FN#163] and said, "O my
mistresses, what is the name of this article?" All laughed at his words
till they fell on their backs, and one said, "Thy pintle!" But he
replied, "No!" and gave each one of them a bite by way of forfeit. Then
said they, "Thy pizzle!" but he cried "No," and gave each of them a
hug; And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her
permitted say.
When it was the Tenth Night,
Quoth her sister Dunyazad, "Finish for us thy story;" and she answered,
"With joy and goodly gree." It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that
the damsels stinted not saying to the Porter "Thy prickle, thy pintle,
thy pizzle," and he ceased not kissing and biting and hugging until his
heart was satisfied, and they laughed on till they could no more. At
last one said, "O our brother, what, then, is it called?" Quoth he,
"Know ye not?" Quoth they, "No!" "Its veritable name," said he, "is
mule Burst all, which browseth on the basil of the bridges, and
muncheth the husked sesame, and nighteth in the Khan of Abu Mansur."
Then laughed they till they fell on their backs, and returned to their
carousel, and ceased not to be after this fashion till night began to
fall. Thereupon said they to the Porter, “Bismillah,[FN#164] O our
master, up and on with those sorry old shoes of thine and turn thy face
and show us the breadth of thy shoulders!” Said he, "By Allah, to part
with my soul would be easier for me than departing from you: come let
us join night to day, and tomorrow morning we will each wend our own
way." "My life on you," said the procuratrix, "suffer him to tarry with
us, that we may laugh at him: we may live out our lives and never meet
with his like, for surely he is a right merry rogue and a
witty."[FN#165] So they said, "Thou must not remain with us this night
save on condition that thou submit to our commands, and that whatso
thou seest, thou ask no questions there anent, nor enquire of its
cause." "All right," rejoined he, and they said, "Go read the writing
over the door." So he rose and went to the entrance and there found
written in letters of gold wash; WHOSO SPEAKETH OF WHAT CONCERNETH HIM
NOT, SHALL HEAR WHAT PLEASETH HIM NOT![FN#166] The Porter said, Be ye
witnesses against me that I will not speak on whatso concerneth me
not." Then the cateress arose, and set food before them and they ate;
after which they changed their drinking-place for another, and she
lighted the lamps and candles and burned ambergris and aloes wood, and
set on fresh fruit and the wine service, when they fell to carousing
and talking of their lovers. And they ceased not to eat and drink and
chat, nibbling dry fruits and laughing and playing tricks for the space
of a full hour when lo! a knock was heard at the gate. The knocking in
no wise disturbed the seance, but one of them rose and went to see what
it was and presently returned, saying, "Truly our pleasure for this
night is to be perfect." "How is that?" asked they; and she answered,
"At the gate be three Persian Kalandars[FN#167] with their beards and
heads and eyebrows shaven; and all three blind of the left eye—which is
surely a strange chance. They are foreigners from Roum-land with the
mark of travel plain upon them; they have just entered Baghdad, this
being their first visit to our city; and the cause of their knocking at
our door is simply because they cannot find a lodging. Indeed one of
them said to me:—Haply the owner of this mansion will let us have the
key of his stable or some old out house wherein we may pass this night;
for evening had surprised them and, being strangers in the land, they
knew none who would give them shelter. And, O my sisters, each of them
is a figure o' fun after his own fashion; and if we let them in we
shall have matter to make sport of." She gave not over persuading them
till they said to her, "Let them in, and make thou the usual condition
with them that they speak not of what concerneth them not, lest they
hear what pleaseth them not." So she rejoiced and going to the door
presently returned with the three monoculars whose beards and
mustachios were clean shaven.[FN#168] They salam'd and stood afar off
by way of respect; but the three ladies rose up to them and welcomed
them and wished them joy of their safe arrival and made them sit down.
The Kalandars looked at the room and saw that it was a pleasant place,
clean swept and garnished with flowers; and the lamps were burning and
the smoke of perfumes was spireing in air; and beside the dessert and
fruits and wine, there were three fair girls who might be maidens; so
they exclaimed with one voice, "By Allah, 'tis good!" Then they turned
to the Porter and saw that he was a merry faced wight, albeit he was by
no means sober and was sore after his slappings. So they thought that
he was one of themselves and said, "A mendicant like us! whether Arab
or foreigner."[FN#169] But when the Porter heard these words, he rose
up, and fixing his eyes fiercely upon them, said, "Sit ye here without
exceeding in talk! Have you not read what is writ over the door? surely
it befitteth not fellows who come to us like paupers to wag your
tongues at us." "We crave thy pardon, O Fakír,"[FN#170] rejoined they,
"and our heads are between thy hands." The ladies laughed consumedly at
the squabble; and, making peace between the Kalandars and the Porter,
seated the new guests before meat and they ate. Then they sat together,
and the portress served them with drink; and, as the cup went round
merrily, quoth the Porter to the askers, "And you, O brothers mine,
have ye no story or rare adventure to amuse us withal?" Now the warmth
of wine having mounted to their heads they called for musical
instruments; and the portress brought them a tambourine of Mosul, and a
lute of Irák, and a Persian harp; and each mendicant took one and tuned
it; this the tambourine and those the lute and the harp, and struck up
a merry tune while the ladies sang so lustily that there was a great
noise.[FN#171] And whilst they were carrying on, behold, some one
knocked at the gate, and the portress went to see what was the matter
there. Now the cause of that knocking, O King (quoth Shahrazad) was
this, the Caliph, Harun al-Rashid, had gone forth from the palace, as
was his wont now and then, to solace himself in the city that night,
and to see and hear what new thing was stirring; he was in merchant's
gear, and he was attended by Ja'afar, his Wazir, and by Masrur his
Sworder of Vengeance.[FN#172] As they walked about the city, their way
led them towards the house of the three ladies; where they heard the
loud noise of musical instruments and singing and merriment; so quoth
the Caliph to Ja'afar, "I long to enter this house and hear those songs
and see who sing them." Quoth Ja'afar, "O Prince of the Faithful; these
folk are surely drunken with wine, and I fear some mischief betide us
if we get amongst them." "There is no help but that I go in there,"
replied the Caliph, "and I desire thee to contrive some pretext for our
appearing among them." Ja'afar replied, "I hear and I obey;"[FN#173]
and knocked at the door, whereupon the portress came out and opened.
Then Ja'afar came forward and kissing the ground before her said, "O my
lady, we be merchants from Tiberias town: we arrived at Baghdad ten
days ago; and, alighting at the merchants' caravanserai, we sold all
our merchandise. Now a certain trader invited us to an entertainment
this night; so we went to his house and he set food before us and we
ate: then we sat at wine and wassail with him for an hour or so when he
gave us leave to depart; and we went out from him in the shadow of the
night and, being strangers, we could not find our way back to our Khan.
So haply of your kindness and courtesy you will suffer us to tarry with
you this night, and Heaven will reward you!"[FN#174] The portress
looked upon them and seeing them dressed like merchants and men of
grave looks and solid, she returned to her sisters and repeated to them
Ja'afar's story; and they took compassion upon the strangers and said
to her, "Let them enter." She opened the door to them, when said they
to her, "Have we thy leave to come in?" "Come in," quoth she; and the
Caliph entered followed by Ja'afar and Masrur; and when the girls saw
them they stood up to them in respect and made them sit down and looked
to their wants, saying, "Welcome, and well come and good cheer to the
guests, but with one condition!" "What is that?" asked they, and one of
the ladies answered, "Speak not of what concerneth you not, lest ye
hear what pleaseth you not." "Even so," said they; and sat down to
their wine and drank deep. Presently the Caliph looked on the three
Kalandars and, seeing them each and every blind of the left eye,
wondered at the sight; then he gazed upon the girls and he was startled
and he marvelled with exceeding marvel at their beauty and loveliness.
They continued to carouse and to converse and said to the Caliph,
"Drink!" but he replied, "I am vowed to Pilgrimage;"[FN#175] and drew
back from the wine. Thereupon the portress rose and spreading before
him a table cloth worked with gold, set thereon a porcelain bowl into
which she poured willow flower water with a lump of snow and a spoonful
of sugar candy. The Caliph thanked her and said in himself,"By Allah, I
will recompense her tomorrow for the kind deed she hath done." The
others again addressed themselves to conversing and carousing; and,
when the wine gat the better of them, the eldest lady who ruled the
house rose and making obeisance to them took the cateress by the hand,
and said, "Rise, O my sister and let us do what is our devoir." Both
answered "Even so!" Then the portress stood up and proceeded to remove
the table service and the remnants of the banquet; and renewed the
pastiles and cleared the middle of the saloon. Then she made the
Kalandars sit upon a sofa at the side of the estrade, and seated the
Caliph and Ja'afar and Masrur on the other side of the saloon; after
which she called the Porter, and said, "How scanty is thy courtesy! now
thou art no stranger; nay, thou art one of the household." So he stood
up and, tightening his waist cloth, asked, "What would ye I do?" and
she answered, "Stand in thy place." Then the procuratrix rose and set
in the midst of the saloon a low chair and, opening a closet, cried to
the Porter, "Come help me." So he went to help her and saw two black
bitches with chains round their necks; and she said to him, "Take hold
of them;" and he took them and led them into the middle of the saloon.
Then the lady of the house arose and tucked up her sleeves above her
wrists and, seizing a scourge, said to the Porter, "Bring forward one
of the bitches." He brought her forward, dragging her by the chain,
while the bitch wept, and shook her head at the lady who, however, came
down upon her with blows on the sconce; and the bitch howled and the
lady ceased not beating her till her forearm failed her. Then, casting
the scourge from her hand, she pressed the bitch to her bosom and,
wiping away her tears with her hands, kissed her head. Then she said to
the Porter, "Take her away and bring the second;" and, when he brought
her, she did with her as she had done with the first. Now the heart of
the Caliph, was touched at these cruel doings; his chest straitened and
he lost all patience in his desire to know why the two bitches were so
beaten. He threw a wink at Ja'afar wishing him to ask, but; the
Minister turning towards him said by signs, "Be silent!" Then quoth the
portress to the mistress of the house, "O my lady, arise and go to thy
place that I in turn may do my devoir."[FN#176] She answered, "Even
so"; and, taking her seat upon the couch of juniper wood, pargetted
with gold and silver, said to the portress and cateress, "Now do ye
what ye have to do." Thereupon the portress sat upon a low seat by the
couch side; but the procuratrix, entering a closet, brought out of it a
bag of satin with green fringes and two tassels of gold. She stood up
before the lady of the house and shaking the bag drew out from it a
lute which she tuned by tightening its pegs; and when it was in perfect
order, she began to sing these quatrains:—
"Ye are the wish, the aim of me *And when, O Love, thy sight I
see[FN#177]
The heavenly mansion openeth;[FN#178] * But Hell I see when lost thy
sight.
From thee comes madness; nor the less * Comes highest joy, comes
ecstasy:
Nor in my love for thee I fear * Or shame and blame, or hate and spite.
When Love was throned within my heart * I rent the veil of modesty;
And stints not Love to rend that veil * Garring disgrace on grace to
alight;
The robe of sickness then I donned * But rent to rags was secrecy:
Wherefore my love and longing heart * Proclaim your high supremest
might;
The tear drop railing adown my cheek * Telleth my tale of ignomy:
And all the hid was seen by all * And all my riddle ree'd aright.
Heal then my malady, for thou * Art malady and remedy!
But she whose cure is in thy hand * Shall ne'er be free of bane and
blight;
Burn me those eyne that radiance rain * Slay me the swords of phantasy;
How many hath the sword of Love * Laid low, their high degree despite?
Yet will I never cease to pine * Nor to oblivion will I flee.
Love is my health, my faith, my joy * Public and private, wrong or
right.
O happy eyes that sight thy charms * That gaze upon thee at their gree!
Yea, of my purest wish and will * The slave of Love I'll aye be hight."
When the damsel heard this elegy in quatrains she cried out "Alas!
Alas!" and rent her raiment, and fell to the ground fainting; and the
Caliph saw scars of the palm rod[FN#179] on her back and welts of the
whip; and marvelled with exceeding wonder. Then the portress arose and
sprinkled water on her and brought her a fresh and very fine dress and
put it on her. But when the company beheld these doings their minds
were troubled, for they had no inkling of the case nor knew the story
thereof; so the Caliph said to Ja'afar, "Didst thou not see the scars
upon the damsel's body? I cannot keep silence or be at rest till I
learn the truth of her condition and the story of this other maiden and
the secret of the two black bitches." But Ja'afar answered, "O our
lord, they made it a condition with us that we speak not of what
concerneth us not, lest we come to hear what pleaseth us not." Then
said the portress "By Allah, O my sister, come to me and complete this
service for me." Replied the procuratrix, "With joy and goodly gree;"
so she took the lute; and leaned it against her breasts and swept the
strings with her finger tips, and began singing:—
"Give back mine eyes their sleep long ravished * And say me whither be
my reason fled:
I learnt that lending to thy love a place * Sleep to mine eyelids
mortal foe was made.
They said, "We held thee righteous, who waylaid * Thy soul?" "Go ask
his glorious eyes," I said.
I pardon all my blood he pleased to spill * Owning his troubles drove
him blood to shed.
On my mind's mirror sun like sheen he cast * Whose keen reflection fire
in vitals bred
Waters of Life let Allah waste at will * Suffice my wage those lips of
dewy red:
An thou address my love thou'lt find a cause * For plaint and tears or
ruth or lustihed.
In water pure his form shall greet your eyne * When fails the bowl nor
need ye drink of wine.[FN#180]"