During the early stages of her convalescence, Beryl, though perfectly
rational, asked no questions, made no reference to her gloomy
surroundings and maintained a calm, but mournful taciturnity, very
puzzling to Mrs. Singleton, who ascribed it at first to mental
prostration, which rendered her comparatively obtuse; but ere long, a
different solution presented itself, and she marvelled at the silence
with which a desperate battle was fought. With returning consciousness,
the prisoner had grasped the grievous burden of her fate, unflinchingly
lifted and bound it upon her shoulders; and though she reeled and bent
under it, made no moan, indulged no regret, uttered no invective.
One cold dismal day, when not a rift was visible in the leaden sky, and
a slanting gray veil of sleety rain darkened the air and pelted the
dumb, shivering earth, Beryl sat on the side of her cot, with her feet
resting on the round of a chair, and her hands clasped at the back of
her head. Her eyes remarkably large from the bluish circles illness had
worn beneath them, were fixed in a strained, unwinking, far-away gaze
upon the window, where black railing showed the outside world as
through some grim St. Lawrence's gridiron.
From time to time the warden's wife glanced from her sewing toward the
motionless figure, reluctant to obtrude upon her revery, yet equally
loath to leave her a prey to melancholy musing. After a while, she saw
the black lashes quiver, and fall upon the waxen cheeks, then, as she
watched, great tears glittered, rolled slowly, dripped softly, but
there was no sigh, no sound of sobs. Leaning closer, she laid her arm
across the girl's knee.
"What is it, dearie? Tell me."
There was no immediate reply; when Beryl spoke, her voice was calm, low
and measured, as in one where all the springs of youth, hope, and
energy are irreparably broken.
"Every Gethsemane has its strengthening Angels. The agony of the Garden
brought them to Christ. I thank God, mine did not fail me. If they had
not come, I think I could never have borne this last misery that earth
can inflict upon me. My mother is dead."
"Why distress yourself with sad forebodings? Weakness makes you
despondent, but you must try to hope for the best; and I dare say in a
few days, you will have good news from your mother."
"I shook hands with Hope, and in her place sits the only companion who
will abide with me during the darkness that is coming on--Patience,
pale-browed, meek-eyed, sad-lipped Patience. If I can only keep my hold
upon her skirts, till the end. To me, no good news can ever come. As
long as mother lived, I had an incentive to struggle; now I am alone,
and they who thirst for my blood are welcome to take it speedily. I
know my mother is dead; I have seen her."
"Wake up, child. Your brain is weak yet and full of queer delirious
visions, and when you doze, realities and dreams are all jumbled
together. You have a deal too much sense to harbor any crazy spiritual
crankiness. Take your wine, and lie down. You have sat up too long, and
tired yourself."
"No. I have wanted to tell you for several days, because you have been
so good, and I have heard you praying here at night that God would be
merciful to me; but I waited until I had strength to be calm. I have
lain here day after day, and night after night, face to face with
desolation and despair, and now I have grown accustomed to the horror.
I know that in this world there is no escape, no help, no hope; so--the
worst is over. When you consent to fate, and stretch out your arms to
meet death, there is no more terror, only waiting, weary waiting. I am
not superstitious, and unfortunately I am not one of the victims of
dementia, whose spectral woes are born of disordered brains. I am sadly
sane; and what I am about to tell you is no figment of feverish fancy.
I do not know how long I have been sick, but one night great peace and
ease came suddenly upon me. I swung in some soft tender arms, close to
the gates of Release, and the iron bars melted away, and my soul was
borne toward the wonderful light; but suddenly a shock, a strange
thrill ran through me, and the bars rose again, and the light faded.
Then all at once my father and my mother stood beside me, bent over me.
Father said: 'Courage, my daughter, courage! Bear your cross a little
longer,' My mother wept, and said, 'My good little girl. So faithful,
so true. I died in peace, trusting your promise. For my sake can you
endure till the end?' They faded away; and sorrow sat down once more,
clutching my heart; and death, the Angel who keeps the key of the Gate
of Release, turned his back upon me. I had almost escaped; I was close
to the other world, and I was conscious. I saw my mother's spirit; it
was no delirious fancy. I know that she is dead. Even in the world of
the released, she grieves over the awful consequences of my obedience
to her wishes. Mortal agony of body and soul brings us so near to the
borderland, that we have glimpses; and those we love, lean across the
boundary line and compassionate us. So my Gethsemane called down the
one strengthening Angel of all the heavenly hosts, who had most power
to comfort my heart, and gird me for my fate, my father, my noble
father. God, in pity, sent him to exhort me to bear my cross bravely."
The low solemn voice ceased, and in the silence that followed, only the
dull patter of the rain, and the persistent purring of a kitten curled
up on the cot were audible. Mrs. Singleton finished the buttonhole in
Dick's apron, and threaded her needle.
"If it comforts you at all to believe that, I have no right to say
anything."
"You think, however, that I am the victim of some hallucination?"
"Not even that. I think you had a very vivid dream, and being
exhausted, you mistook a feverish vision for a real apparition. I can't
believe your mother is dead, because if such were the case, Dyce would
have returned at once, and told us."
"Dyce has a kind heart, and shrinks from bringing me the sad news; for
she knows my cup was already full. I know that my mother is dead. Time
will show you that I make no mistake. The veil was lifted, and I saw
beyond."
"Maybe so; may be not. I am stubborn in my opinions, and I never could
think it possible for flesh to commune with spirits. Don't let us talk
about anything that disturbs you, until you regain your strength. Why
will you not try a little of this port wine? Miss Gordon brought it
yesterday, and insisted I should give it to you, three times a day. It
is very old and mellow. Look at things practically. God kept you alive
for some wise purpose, and since you are obliged to face trouble, is it
not better to arm yourself with all the physical vigor possible? Drink
this, and lie down."
As Beryl mechanically drained the glass and handed it back, Mrs.
Singleton added:
"I believe I told you, Miss Gordon is Mr. Dunbar's sweetheart. Their
engagement is no secret, and he is a lucky man; for she is as good as
she is pretty, and as sweet as she is rich. She has shown such a tender
interest in you, and manifests so much sympathy, that I am sure she
will influence him in your favor, and I feel so encouraged about your
future."
A shadowy smile crossed the girl's wan face,
"Invest no hope in my future; for escape is as impossible for me, as
for that innocent victim foreordained to entangle his horns in the
thicket on Mount Moriah. He could have fled from the sacrificial fire,
and from Abraham's uplifted knife, back to dewy green pastures
poppy-starred, back to some cool dell where Syrian oleanders flushed
the shade, as easily as I can defy these walls, loosen the chain of
fate, elude my awful doom."
"It is because you are not yet yourself, that you take such a
despairing view of matters. After a while, things will look very
different, and you are too plucky to surrender your life without a
brave fight. A great change has come over Mr. Dunbar, and there is no
telling what he cannot do, when he sets to work. If ever a lawyer's
heart has been gnawed by remorse, it is his. He and Miss Gordon
together can pull you out of the bog, and I believe they will."
"Mr. Dunbar's professional reputation is more precious in his sight
than a poor girl's life; moreover, even if he desired to undo his work,
he could not. I am beyond human succor. Fate nails me to a cross, but
God consents; so I make no struggle, for behind fate stands God--and my
father."
Wearily she leaned back on her pillows, and turned her face to the
wall. Mrs. Singleton drew the blankets over her, folded her own shawl
about the shoulders, and smoothing away the hair, kissed her on the
temple; then stole into the adjoining room, where her children slept.
Before the fire that leaped and crackled in the wide chimney, and
leaning forward to rest her turbaned head against the mantelpiece,
while she spread her hands toward the blaze, stood a much muffled
figure.
"Dyce!"
Mrs. Singleton had left the door ajar, and the old woman turned and
pointed to it, laying one finger on her lips; but the warning came too
late.
"Hush! I don't want her to know I am here. Your husband told me she was
sitting up, and in her right mind, but too weak to stand any more
trouble. I wish I could run away, and never see her again, for when I
go in there, I feel like I was carrying a knife to cut the heart out of
a fawn, what the hounds had barely left life in. I can't bear the
thought of having to tell her--"
Dyce covered her face with her shawl, to stifle her sobs, and her large
frame shook. Mrs. Singleton whispered:
"Tell me quick. What is it."
"Miss Ellie is dead. I got there three days after she was buried."
The warden's wife sank into a chair, and drew the weeping negro into
one beside her.
"Do you know exactly what time she died?"
"Yes--I had it all put down in black and white. She died on Tuesday
night, just as the clock struck two; and the hospital nurse says--Lord,
amercy, Miss Susan! are you going to faint? You have turned ashy!"
As Mrs. Singleton's thoughts recurred to the fact that it was at that
hour that Beryl lay in the stupor of the crisis, from which she awoke
perfectly conscious, and recalled the dream that the sick girl held as
a vision, she felt a vague but bewildering dread seize her faculties,
in defiance of cool reason, and scoffing scepticism.
"Go on, Dyce. I felt a little sick. Tell me--"
She paused and listened to an unusual and inexplicable noise issuing
from the next room; the harsh sound of something scraping the bare
floor.
"You must pick your time to break this misery to that poor young thing.
I can't do it. I would run a mile sooner than face her with the news,
that her ma is dead; and I have grieved and cried, till I feel like my
brains had been put in a pot and biled. The Lord knows His bizness, of
course; yes, of course He knows the best to do; but 'pears to me, His
mercy hid its face behind His wrath, when He saw fit to let that poor
innercent young creetur in there get well, after her ma was laid in the
grave. It will be a harder heart than mine what can stand by, and tell
her she is motherless."
"There is no need to tell her. She knows it."
"How? Did she get the letter the Doctor said he wrote?"
"No. She thinks her mother--"
The noise explained itself. Too feeble to walk alone, Beryl had pushed
a chair before her, until she reached the door, and now stood grasping
it, swaying to and fro, as she endeavored to steady herself. One hand
held at her throat the black shawl, whose loosened folds fell like a
mourning mantle to her feet, the other clutched the door, against the
edge of which she leaned for support.
"Dyce, I have known for some days that I have no mother in this world.
I have seen her. Your kind heart dreads giving me pain, but nothing can
hurt me now. I cannot suffer any more, because I am bruised and beaten
to numbness. I want to see you alone; I want to know everything."
At sight of her, the old woman darted forward and caught the tall,
wasted, tottering form in her strong arms. Lifting her as though she
had been a child, she bore her back to her small bleak room, laid her
softly on her cot, then knelt down, and burst into a fit of passionate
crying.
As if to shut out some torturing vision, Beryl clasped her hands over
her eyes, and when she spoke, her voice was very unsteady:
"Did you see mother alive?"
"Oh, honey, I was too late! I was three days too late to see her at
all. When I got to New York, and found the Doctor's house, he was not
at home; had just gone to Boston a half hour before I rung the bell.
His folks couldn't tell me nothin', so I had to wait two days. When I
give him your note, he looked dreadful cut up, and tole me Miss Ellie
had all the care and 'tention in the world, but nothin' couldn't save
her. He said she didn't suffer much, but was 'lirious all the time,
until the day before she died, when all of a sudden her mind cleared.
Then she axed for you, honey--God bless you, my poor lamb! I hate to
harrify your heart. The Doctor comforted her all he could, and tole her
bizness of importance had done kept you South. Miss Ellie axed how long
she could live; he said only a few hours. She begged him to prop her
up, so she could write a few words. He says he held the paper for her,
and she wrote a little, and rested; and then she wrote a little mere
and fell back speechless. He pat the piece of paper in a invellop and
sealed it, and axed her if she wished it given to her daughter Beryl.
She couldn't talk then, but she looked at him and nodded her head. That
was about four o'clock in the evening of Tuesday. She had a sort of
spasm, and went to sleep. At two o'clock, she woke up in Heaven. He
said he felt so sorry for you--dear lamb! He wouldn't let them burry
her where most was hurried that died in the hospital. He had her laid
away in his own lot in some graveyard, where his childun was burried,
'till he could hear from you. He tole me, she was tenderly handled, and
everything was done as you would have wanted it; and he cut off some of
the beautiful hair--and--"
Dyce smothered her sobs in the bedclothes, but Beryl lay like a stone
image.
"Oh, honey! It jest splits my heart in two, to tell you all this--"
"Go on, Dyce."
"The doctor gin me a note to the nuss at the hospital, what 'tended the
ward Miss Ellie was in, and I got all her clothes, and packed 'em in a
box and brought 'em home. She told me pretty much what the doctor had
said, only she was shore your ma spoke jest before she died, and called
twice--'Ignace! Ignace!' She said she was beautiful as a angel and her
hair was a wonder to all who saw her, it was so long and so lovely. She
tole me the doctor hissef put a big bunch of white carnations and
tuberoses in her hand, after they put her in the coffin, and she looked
like a queen. The doctor wrote you a letter 'splainin' everything, and
sent it to the postmaster here. He seemed dreadfull grieved and
'stonished when I tole him how I had left you, and said if he could
help you, he would be very glad to do it. I tole him we would pay his
bill, as soon as this here trial bizness was over; and he answered:
'Tut--tut; bill indeed! That poor unfortunate girl need never worry
over any bill of mine. I did all I could for her mother, but the best
of us fail sometimes. Tell that poor child to come and see me, as soon
as she gets out of the clutches of those fire-eating devils down
South.' Honey, I couldn't be satisfied without seeing for myself, where
they had laid my dear young mistiss. I got 'rections from the doctor,
and I spent good part of a day huntin' the cemetery, and at last a man
in a uniform showed me Doctor Grantlin's lot. Oh, my lamb! That was the
first and only comfort I had, when I stood in front of that grand
lovely marble potico--with great angels kneeling on the four corners,
and knew my dear young mistiss was resting in such a beautiful place. I
felt so proud that ole mistiss' chile was among the best people,
sleeping with flowers in her hands, in that white marble house! I
wanted to be shore there warn't no mistake, and the keeper of the
graveyard tole me a lady had been put 'temporary' in the vault, four
days before. I had bought a bunch of violets from a flower shop, but I
could not get nearer than the door, where some brass rods was stretched
like a kind of a net; so I laid my little bunch down on the marble
steps, close as I could push it agin the rod; and though I couldn't see
my dear young mistiss, maybe--up in heaven--she will know her poor ole
mammy did not forgit her, and--"
The old woman cried bitterly, and one thin hand, white as a snowflake,
fell upon her bowed head, and softly stroked her black wrinkled face.
After some minutes, when the paroxysm of weeping had spent itself, Dyce
took the hand, kissed it reverently, and pressed into it a package.
"The doctor tole me to put that into your hands. He said he knew it
would be very precious to you, but he felt shore he could trust me to
bring it safe. Now, honey, I know you want to be by yourself, when you
read your ma's last words. I will go and set in yonder by the fire,
till you call me. My heart aches and swells fit to bust, and I can't
stan' no more misery jest now, sech as this."
For some moments, Beryl lay motionless, then the intolerable agony
clutched her throat with an aching sense of suffocation, and she sat
up, with nerveless hands lying on the package in her lap. She was
prepared for, expectant of the worst, but the details added keener
stings to suffering that had benumbed her. At last, with a shuddering
sigh, she broke the seal, and took from folds of tissue paper, a long
thick tress of the beautiful black hair. Shaking it out of its satin
coil, she held it up, then wrapped it smoothly over her hand, and laid
it caressingly against her cheek.
Prison walls melted away; she stood again in the New York attic, and
combed, and brushed, and braided those raven locks, and saw the wan
face of the beloved invalid, and the jasmine and violets she had pinned
at her throat.
What had become of the proud, high-spirited ambitious girl, who laughed
at adverse fortune, and forgot poverty in lofty aspirations? How long
ago it seemed, since she kissed the dear faded cheek, and knelt for her
mother's farewell benediction. Was it the same world? Was she the same
Beryl; was the eternal and unchanging God over all, as of yore? She had
shattered and ruined the sparkling crystal goblet of her young life,
scattering in the dust the golden wine of happy hope, in the effort to
serve and comfort that loved sufferer, who, languishing on a hospital
cot, had died among strangers; had been shrouded by hirelings. That any
other hand than hers had touched her sacred dead, seemed a profanation;
and at the thought of the last rites rendered, the loyal child shivered
as though some polluting grasp had been laid upon herself. Out of the
envelope rolled a broad hoop of reddish gold, her mother's wedding
ring; and in zigzag lines across a sheet of paper was written the last
message:
"My dear, good little girl, so faithful, so true, my legacy of love is
your mother's blessing. You must be comforted to know I am dying in
peace, because I trust in your last promise--"
Then a blot, some unintelligible marks, and a space. Lower still,
scarcely legible characters were scrawled:
"Tell my darling--to wear my ring as a holy--"
In death as in life, the last word, and the deepest feeling were not
for her; the sacred souvenir was left for the hand that had so often
stabbed the idolatrous heart, now stilled forever.
In all ages the ninety and nine that go not astray, never feel the
caressing touch which the yearning Shepherd lays on the obstinate
wanderer, who would not pasture in peace; and from the immemorial dawn
of inchoate civilization, prodigals have possessed the open sesame to
parental hearts that seemed barred against the more dutiful. By what
perverted organon of ethics has it come to pass in sociology, that the
badge of favoritism is rarely the guerdon of merit?
To the orphaned, forsaken, disgraced captive, sitting amid the sombre
ruins of her life, drinking the bitter lees of the fatal cup a mother's
hand had forced to her reluctant lips, there seemed nothing strange in
the injustice meted out; for had not the second place in maternal love
always been hers? As the great gray eyes darkening behind their tears,
like deep lakes under coming rain, read and re-read the blurred lines,
the frozen mouth trembled, and Beryl kissed the hair, folded it away in
the letter, and pinned both close to her heart. Staggering to her feet,
she held up the ring, and said in a broken, half audible voice:
"When I am dead, your darling shall have it; until then lend it to your
little girl, as a strengthening amulet. The sight of it will hold me
firm, will girdle my soul with fortitude, as it girdles my finger; will
set a yet holier seal to the compact whereby I pledged my life, that
you might die in peace. If, in the last hour, you had known all my
peril, all that my promise entails, would you have released me? Would
you have died content knowing that your idol was guarded and safe,
behind the cold shield of your little girl's polluted body? The blood
in my veins flowed from yours; I slept on your heart, I was the last
baby whose lips fed at your bosom. Mother! Mother, if you had known
all, could you have seen the load of guilt and shame and woe laid on
your innocent child, and bought the life of your first-born, by the
sacrifice of a scapegoat? Dear mother, my mother, would you shelter
him, and leave your baby to die?"
Slipping the ring on her finger, she kissed it twice. The hot flood of
tears overflowed, and she fell on her knees beside the cot, clasping
her hands above her bowed head.
"Alone in my desolation! Oh, father! keep close to my soul, and pray
that I may have strength to bear my burden, even to the end. My God! My
God! sustain me now. Help me to be patient, and when the sacrifice is
finished, accept it for Christ's sake, and grant that the soul of my
brother may be ransomed, because I die for his sins."