"The hour which might have been, yet might not be.
Which man's and woman's heart conceived and bore.
Yet whereof life was barren, on what shore
Bides it the breaking of Time's weary sea?"
MARIE had only been back in London two days when she realized that,
as far as Chris was concerned, she need expect nothing more than
the casual affection which he had always bestowed upon her.
He was just the Chris she had always known--selfish and
irresponsible and wholly charming.
Sometimes she despised herself because, no matter how indifferent
he might be to her, her love in no way lessened. She felt that it
would be much more for her happiness and much more sensible if she
could grow as indifferent to him as he was to her.
Time after time she told herself that she would not care, that she
would not let him hurt her, but it was useless. The first cold
glance, the first small act of neglect, and the old wound ached
afresh.
Her greatest fear was that Miss Chester would know the real state
of things. When she was present Marie always exerted every nerve to
appear bright and happy; she went out of her way to talk to Chris.
She was determined that the old lady should believe they had had a
thoroughly good time and were perfectly happy.
She did not understand that eyes that appear woefully blind can
often see the clearest. Miss Chester had long ago discovered for
herself that this marriage, like many others she had seen during
her life, was turning out a failure.
She was too wise to let either of them know of her discovery, but
she shed many tears over it in secret and lay awake night after
night wondering what she could do to help and put things right, but
realizing that she could do absolutely nothing.
Interference would make things worse. She understood thoroughly the
different temperaments with which she had to contend; she knew just
how proud Marie was, just how obstinate Chris could be. She could
only wait and hope with a trembling heart.
Chris seemed to have drifted back to his bachelor days; he came and
went as he chose, and he said no more about looking for a house
wherein he and Marie might make their home.
Miss Chester spoke of it once to Marie.
"My dear, don't you think you should be looking about for a house
of your own? I love you to be with me, but I am sure that Chris
must want his own home--it's only natural."
"I think Chris is quite happy, Aunt Madge," Marie answered, in the
too quiet voice in which she always spoke to Miss Chester.
"Quite happy! But what about you?" the old lady asked indignantly.
"Every wife wants her own home; it's only natural, and there's
plenty of money for you to have a delightful home."
"Money again!" Marie thought wearily. What great store everyone
seemed to set by it!
Chris had opened a banking account for her, and told her to draw
what she wanted and amuse herself; but Marie had not yet learnt the
value of money, and beyond spending a few pounds on clothes and
odds and ends she had not touched it.
He had given her a diamond engagement ring and another beautiful
ring when they were married. One afternoon when they were lunching
alone. Miss Chester being absent, he said to Marie suddenly:
"Wouldn't you like a pearl necklace or something?" The vagueness of
the question made her smile; there was something so boyish about
it, so very like the Chris she had known years ago.
"I should if you think I ought to have one," she answered.
"I don't know about 'ought to,'" he said, dubiously. "But other
women have trinkets and things, and pearls would suit you, you're
so dark! We'll go out this afternoon and look at some, shall we?"
She flushed with pleasure; it was so seldom that Chris suggested
taking her anywhere. She ran upstairs to dress, feeling almost
happy; she was so easily influenced by Chris--a kind word or
thought from him kept her content for days, just as a cross word or
an act of indifference carried her down to the depths of despair.
It was a sunny afternoon, and a heavy shower of rain overnight had
washed the smoky face of London clean and left it with a wonderful
touch of brightness.
"Are we going in the car?" Marie asked, and was glad when Chris
said that he would rather walk if she did not mind.
They set off together happily enough. It was on occasions like this
that Marie tried to cheat herself into the belief that Chris did
care for her a little after all, and that it was only his awkward
self-consciousness that prevented him from letting her know of it--
a happy illusion while it lasted!
It was after they had bought the necklace--a charming double row of
beautiful pearls--and were having tea that Chris said suddenly:
"Marie Celeste, why don't you go about more and enjoy yourself?"
She looked up with startled eyes.
"Go about!" she echoed quietly. "Do you mean by myself?"
He did not seem to hear the underlying imputation, and answered
quite naturally: "No, can't you make friends or ask some people to
stay with you? You must have friends."
The color rushed to her face.
"I had some friends at school," she answered, "but not many. I
don't think I was very popular. There's Dorothy Webber---"
"Well, why not ask her to stay with you?"
There was a little silence.
"I don't think I want her," Marie said slowly. Dorothy Webber and
Mrs. Heriot had always somehow gone together in her mind; they were
both essentially men's women--very gay and companionable--and
though she would not have admitted it for the world, Marie did not
want Chris to meet Dorothy Webber.
"Oh, well, if you don't want her, of course that alters things," he
said with a shrug. "But it seems a pity not to have a better time,
Marie Celeste! Most women with your money would be setting the
Thames on fire."
"Would they? What would they do?"
He looked nonplussed.
"Well, they'd go to theatres and dances, and play cards, and things
like that," he explained vaguely. "I don't know much about women,
but I do know that not many of them stay at home as much as you
do."
She sat silent for a moment, then she said: "You mean that it would
please you if--if I was more like other women?"
He laughed apologetically. "Well, I should feel happier about you,"
he admitted awkwardly. "It's not natural for a girl of your age to
stick at home so much. Time enough in another thirty years."
"Yes." Marie remembered with a little ache the kindly warning which
Feathers had several times tried to give her.
"Chris wants a woman who can be a pal to him--to go in for things
that he likes--and you could, if you chose to try!" He had said
just those words to her many times, and though in her heart she had
always known that the first part of them was true, she felt herself
utterly incapable of following his advice.
If she had loved Chris less it would have been far easier for her,
but as it was, she was always fearful of annoying him, or of
wearying him with her attempts to be what he wanted.
"There's no need to stay in town all the autumn, either," Chris
went on, after a moment. "Why not go down to the country, or to
somewhere you've never been? There must be heaps of places you know
nothing about, Marie Celeste."
She laughed at that.
"Why, I've never been anywhere, except to school in France, and to
Brighton or Bournemouth for summer holidays."
Chris lit a cigarette.
"If you could get a friend to go with you, there's no reason why
you shouldn't go to Wales or Ireland," he said, his eyes bent on
his task.
Marie stared at him; she could feel the color receding from her
cheeks. So he did not mean to take her himself!
She became conscious that she had been sitting there dumbly for
many minutes; she roused herself with an effort.
"Perhaps I will--later on," she said.
The pearl necklace of which she had been so proud a moment ago felt
like a leaden weight on her throat. She wondered hopelessly what he
was going to say next, and once again the little streak of
happiness that had touched her heart faded and died away.
And then all at once she seemed to understand; perhaps the steady
way in which he kept his eyes averted from her told her a good
deal, or perhaps little Marie Celeste was growing wise, for she
leaned towards him and said rather breathlessly trying to smile:
"You are very anxious to dispose of me! Why don't you find a friend
and go away for the autumn too?"
She waited in an agony for his reply, and it seemed a lifetime till
it came.
"Well, Aston Knight said something about it when I saw him last
night. You remember Aston Knight?"
Marie nodded; she remembered him, as she remembered everything else
to do with her fateful wedding. He had been best man because
Feathers had refused.
"What did he say?" she asked with dry lips.
"Oh, nothing!" Chris spoke as if it were a matter of no
consequence. "We haven't arranged anything, but he asked me to run
up to St. Andrews with him later on for some golf. You don't care
for golf, I know, and I shouldn't care to go unless you were having
a good time somewhere, too . . ."
She did not care for golf. It was clever of him to put it that way,
she thought, as she answered bravely:
"Well, why don't you go? You would enjoy it."
He looked at her for the first time, and there was a vague sort of
discomfort in his handsome eyes.
"You're sure you don't mind?"
"Mind!" Marie almost laughed. What difference would it make if she
told him that she hated the idea of his going away from her more
than anything in the world. "Of course I don't mind; I should
certainly arrange to go. I thought we agreed that we were each to
go our own way?"
"I know we did, but I thought . . . well, if you are quite sure you
don't mind."
"Quite sure." There was a little pause. "Perhaps Mr. Dakers will
go, too," she hazarded.
"Yes, probably, I should think. I heard from him this morning."
"And is he still away?"
"Yes; he asked if we had made any plans for the autumn."
She noticed the little pronoun, and her heart warmed; she knew that
Feathers at least--with all his contempt for women and marriage--
would not leave her out of a scheme of things that concerned Chris.
She looked at her husband, and her throat ached with tears, which
she had kept pent up in her heart for so long now.
She was sure that Chris could always tell when she had been crying,
and she was sure that it made him a little colder to her, a little
less considerate.
She loved him so much! Even the little line between his brows,
which was the result of his habit of frowning, was beautiful to
her; she still thought him the handsomest man in the world.
She would have loved to go to St. Andrews with him; she knew Chris
had been before for golf many times, and the very name conjured up
visions of his old tweed coat and the thick low-heeled shoes he
always wore when he played, and she wished with all her heart that
she had the courage to ask him to take her.
She had never been to Scotland, but the very mention of it seemed
to speak of wide stretches of moorland and purple heather and the
cool fresh mountain air.
She moved restlessly, and Chris looked up.
"Shall we go?"
"Yes, I am ready."
They went out into the street Marie knew now why he had brought her
out this afternoon, why he had suggested that pearl necklace; it
was a kind of offering in exchange for his freedom for the next few
weeks.
She supposed that most women would have acted differently; would
have refused to be left at home--would have cried and made a scene;
but the heart of Marie Celeste felt like a well from which all the
tears have been drawn.
Let him go! What use to try and keep him an unwilling prisoner?
She passed a sleepless night turning things over in her tired mind,
trying to find a way out of the entanglement which seemed to grow
with every passing day.
Surely there must be some way out that was not too unhappy! Surely
there must be women in the world sufficiently clever to do what
hitherto she had failed to do!
In the end she decided to write to Dorothy Webber. After all, they
had been good friends, and it would be pleasant to see her again.
She wrote the following morning, and asked Dorothy to come to
London. "Chris is going away," she wrote. "So I would love to have
you for company. Shall we go to Wales or Ireland for a little
trip?"
She asked the question, parrot-like, in obedience to her husband's
suggestion, not in the very least because she wished to leave
London, or to visit any place. Wales or Ireland might have been
Timbuctoo or Honolulu for all she cared.
She told Miss Chester what she had done.
"I knew you would not mind, dear," she added.
Miss Chester was pleased, and said so.
"I have often thought how well Chris and Dorothy would get on
together," she said innocently. "They are very much alike in their
love of sport."
Marie bit her lip.
"Chris is going away to Scotland," she said, "golfing with Aston
Knight and Mr. Dakers."
Miss Chester dropped her knitting.
"Then, my dear child, pray go with him! Mountain air is just what
you want to put some color into those pale cheeks. If it is for my
sake that you are staying I beg of you to go; I will speak to Chris
myself."
Marie laughed nervously.
"I don't want to go--I hate long railway journeys. You know I do. I
would much rather stay here. Auntie, it's really the truth!"
Miss Chester took a good deal of persuading, but finally gave in.
"I don't like the idea of husband and wife being separated when
there is no need for it," she said in a troubled voice, but Marie
only laughed as she bent and kissed her.
"You need not worry about that," she said. "Think how pleased we
shall be to see him when he comes home."
She waited anxiously for Dorothy's reply to her letter, which came
two days later.
"I should have loved to come," so she wrote, "but only the day
before I got your letter I accepted another invitation, but if you
will ask me again later on, Marie, I'll be there like a bird."
Marie's first feeling was one of relief that Chris would not meet
her, after all, but the next moment she was despising herself for
the thought. How could she be so petty and jealous? And, besides,
it would have been less lonely--Dorothy was always good company.
She told Chris of Dorothy's letter, but he seemed unimpressed.
"Well, I should ask her later on," he said casually.
"Yes, I will. Have you fixed anything up yet?"
"Yes--at least, Knight is doing all the arranging. Feathers is
coming along, and another man, and that boy Atkins wanted to butt
in, but I shall choke him off. He's such a kid, and besides"--he
looked at her with his little frown--"I've not forgotten that he
nearly drowned you."
"How absurd!" But the pleased color flew to her cheeks. Perhaps he
had cared, after all, when he so nearly lost her.
"And--when are you going?" she asked hesitatingly.
Chris yawned.
"At the end of the week, I think--Friday."
Friday again! A little shiver of apprehension swept through Marie's
heart.